Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 25, 2014, 02:46:36 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 643505
  • Total Topics: 48963
  • Online Today: 174
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 3
Guests: 158
Total: 161

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: I dont understand why I feel like I do  (Read 1806 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline rrsgirl

  • Member
  • Posts: 24
I dont understand why I feel like I do
« on: November 18, 2010, 11:22:42 AM »
If anyone remembers my boyfriend was diagnosed in May. Even though we had unprotected sex for 5 years, I am negative.  He was very sick  for a long time before diagnosis and started on meds basically right away. My problem, and I feel terrible that I feel this way, is that now that he is  very healthy, I am terribly depressed. He is happy and doesn't worry about things, but I worry all the time, and especially when we're not together, I think about alot of things that kind of get me mad., like how did he get hiv in the first place? He doesn't ever want to talk about it, and tends to sugarcoat., but I wonder because he wasn't sick at all until 3 years after we were going out., then it took 2 years to find out what was wrong.  I don't feel like doing anything, the things that used to make me happy don't anymore. My house is a mess and I just want to sleep all the time, except for the times that I'm working  (I have two jobs) or doing things with my kids (I have 5 children from a previous marriage, 2 still at home.) I still love him very much, but I try to avoid sex with him, because even though we use condoms, I have these thoughts that I'm going to get infected., and I just started feeling like that...all summer we had alot of sex (always protected.)  I need to go and get tested again, but I can't even bring myself to do that. I'm writing this because I wonder if anyone else who is neg and  has a positive partner ever felt this way., I don't understand because when he was so sick I didn't feel like this, but now that  he's healthier I do? I guess I just wanted to write this out, because there is no one I can talk to about this, no one know he's hiv pos, I used to be able to talk to his mom about things because she knew, but she died in Sept.

Offline TabooPrincess

  • Member
  • Posts: 279
Re: I dont understand why I feel like I do
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2010, 03:01:27 PM »
It sounds like you went into coping mode when you first found out he was sick.  Now that he is ok there's time for you to really think about what happened.  Hiv can bring many questions with it.  I'm one of the 'lucky' ones who knows who infected me and exactly when, many people don't and rack their brains with questions such as when and who?

What you need to decide is if you trust this man un-conditionally - I mean, do you trust him enough to accept that he seroconverted before he met you.  It sounds like you are unsure when it may have been.  But you need to let go of that if you're going to stay together.  The relationship is going to be hard enough now with hiv added to the mix but if the trust has gone then it's going to be very very hard to maintain a happy life together.

I know it's not the same because I'm pos but my significant other never wants to talk about it either - I had so many questions after I was infected that I wanted and needed him to answer about where this came from but he couldn't/wouldn't.  I found release instead from here and from a counsellor.  Perhaps you could try the same?

I hope you can take some time out and regroup, you've been through a ridiculously stressful time and you should be proud of yourself for coping.  It's ok to freak out about it all now that there's the opportunity.

Hugs and keep talking  :)
09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I dont understand why I feel like I do
« Reply #2 on: November 19, 2010, 06:20:48 AM »
but I wonder because he wasn't sick at all until 3 years after we were going out., then it took 2 years to find out what was wrong.

You know, most people don't get sick right away after initial infection. It normally takes years. The fact that he was very sick and had to go on meds right away after diagnosis points to the fact that he was more than likely already poz when you got together five years ago. And chances are good that he has no idea where he got it from. Many people don't.

I agree with Taboo that maybe you should look into counselling. Your local ASO may be able to provide this for you at low or no cost. Men often won't talk about their health. I know mine won't.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.