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Author Topic: Babies!  (Read 1979 times)

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Offline WhereIsTheArk

  • Member
  • Posts: 19
Babies!
« on: November 15, 2010, 12:37:44 AM »
I want to know if anyone can relate to my situation being that since I was diagnosed I've had this internal passion growing within myself to have a child. I have this expanding anxiety that my time is running out.

I want to pass my torch to the next generation before I'm gone. Say what you will, "it's not a death sentence anymore, blah blah blah", because I don't know how long I have, NOBODY DOES! I want to accomplish this before I'm 25 because I want to experience them growing up and having kids themselves. Also, I want my parents to still be around when I have kids, they're getting old.

Also, If anyone has any information on sperm washing and artificial insemination costs and the realistic expectations I should have when it comes to the success of me actually finding a willing candidate to have my baby, since I'm poz.

If there's some community out there on the internet that has services that help poz individuals in their desires to procreate. I haven't found any.. :(

Thank you
« Last Edit: November 15, 2010, 06:48:03 AM by WhereIsTheArk »

Offline eric48

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,205
  • @HIVPharmaCure & tinyurl.com/HIVPharmaCure
Re: Babies!
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2010, 05:46:51 PM »
Kids are great ! trust me on that one...

I do not have any advise to your situation but I would certainly enourage you to pursue the issue: they are really worth the effort !

Cheers

Eric
NVP/ABC/3TC/... UD; CD4 > 1000; CD4/CD8 ~ 2.0   safety stock : 3 months (2013: FOTO= 5d. ON 2d. OFF ; 2014: NCT02157311 = 4d. ON, 3d. OFF)

Offline odyssey

  • Member
  • Posts: 767
  • One Crazy Mofo!
Re: Babies!
« Reply #2 on: November 17, 2010, 02:35:02 PM »
Okay, this may come across as critical, but that is not my intention, I am merely trying to get you to look at the reality of your life situation as you have presented it to us in your various posts. You have said that you are not able to take your medicines as prescribed because you have HIV related dementia. If you are not able to be responsible enough to take care of yourself, what makes you think you would be able to properly care for a baby?

And also, if you aren't able to take your medicines properly, what makes you think you'll even be around to care for a baby until they are grown? If you don't comply with your medication protocols you are likely to end up with resistances and eventually will run out of treatment options and may get AIDS and die. Not a very pleasant idea, and one that may leave your child fatherless. Just some things to think about!

odyssey
01/09/09- diagnosed HIV+
01/16/09   CD4-425    22%  VL- 32,415
11/09- started Reyetaz/Norvir/Truvada
03/10- stopped R/N/T
10/18/11   CD4- 328   20%  VL- 84,000
10/25/11   CD4- 386   22%
10/28/11- start Truvada/Reyetaz/Norvir
12/30/11  CD4- 523  29%
03/08/12  CD4- 503  31%  VL 57
07/02/12  CD4- 897  43%
08/31/12  CD4- 745  39%
12/27/12  CD4- 884  40%
03/28/13  CD4- 819  39%
07/19/13  CD4- 739  40%
10/17/13  CD4- 535  36%
01/16/14  CD4- 743  43%

02/14- switched from R/N/T to Tivicay/Epzicom because of CKD 3 suspected from tenofovir.

03/14- switched back to R/N/T due to severe nausea and inability to eat on T/E.
 
04/01/14 CD4- 898  42%   VL-

Offline WhereIsTheArk

  • Member
  • Posts: 19
Re: Babies!
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2010, 12:24:19 AM »
You're right. I've given it a lot of thought, I wouldn't want to burden a child with the fact that his father has HIV. The ridicule from other kids and parents, the shame. It's was just a fantasy of mine, because I'm so lonely now since being diagnosed. I just wanted to have a meaning for my life since I don't have none anymore. I feel death really near as well, and I don't want to impose that pain on anybody. I'm already a burden and embarrassment to my entire family, and all of my friends. I wouldn't want to add another person to that list. I've caused enough misery to others in this lifetime. I hope to assist in relieving everyone's suffering soon enough to get that heavy weight off their shoulders. It's the most I can do. I hate my life. Thank you for your insight. It's much appreciated.
« Last Edit: November 18, 2010, 12:26:19 AM by WhereIsTheArk »

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,088
Re: Babies!
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2010, 04:56:56 AM »
Where, you really need to get some professional help.  And stop thinking that you're the worst of the worst, and believing that you're going to die soon, because of having the virus.  What makes you more apt to die than all the scores on here who have lived with HIV for much, much longer than you have?  You obviously do want some type of communication with people, or you wouldn't be on this wonderful site. 

I'm not trying to be a bitch.  But, you've got to get your mental health issues under control.  You think you're a burden to your family, how do you think they're going to feel if you end your life, or purposely let it go downhill?  You owe it to yourself to live your life, accept that you have HIV, and try to move on.  As I've said, there are a lot of people on here who have been in a much darker place when it comes to being infected, and have battled with the virus for a long time.  And yet they've persevered, and continue to grace us with their presence, and ongoing wisdom.  A lot of us went through feeling depressed in the earlier days of diagnosis, so you feeling blue is nothing unique.  You need to realize you can move past this feeling, and pick yourself up.  You could get in contact with your nearest ASO (Aids service organization), and ask about a counselor who's worked with people who are HIV+.  Or your doctor may know.  It's a place to start.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 25,363
Re: Babies!
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2010, 08:47:09 AM »
Where, starting with this link on our site http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/Pregnancy_4900.shtml, there is lots of information available about how HIV+ parents can safely have an HIV negative baby. This is a problem about which there has been very significant progress made if and when you decide to have a child. Here is another site which offers information: http://i-base.info/guides/pregnancy

Right now it sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed about your positive status. Getting some professional help to talk through your thoughts and feelings can make a real difference even when everything seems dark and discouraging. If you have impulses to act in a suicidal manner then you ought to get yourself to the nearest hospital emergency room and tell them what's happening. We can't properly address that kind of need in this setting.

What we can tell you is that as dark and as hopeless as you may feel, experience has taught us that if you hold on, keep breathing and begin taking steps to get help that things really do get better.

Keep us posted on how things are going.

« Last Edit: November 18, 2010, 08:55:12 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline odyssey

  • Member
  • Posts: 767
  • One Crazy Mofo!
Re: Babies!
« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2010, 01:09:51 PM »
You're right. I've given it a lot of thought, I wouldn't want to burden a child with the fact that his father has HIV. The ridicule from other kids and parents, the shame. It's was just a fantasy of mine, because I'm so lonely now since being diagnosed. I just wanted to have a meaning for my life since I don't have none anymore. I feel death really near as well, and I don't want to impose that pain on anybody. I'm already a burden and embarrassment to my entire family, and all of my friends. I wouldn't want to add another person to that list. I've caused enough misery to others in this lifetime. I hope to assist in relieving everyone's suffering soon enough to get that heavy weight off their shoulders. It's the most I can do. I hate my life. Thank you for your insight. It's much appreciated.

I never meant to imply that you should never have a baby. If that is what you took out of what I said, I'm sorry for being unclear. I was simply saying that at this point in your life, you probably aren't ready to be a parent. You first need to get your own life in order a bit more before you bring another one into this world. But yes, I think you could become a father once you are compliant with your medications and not wanting to die.

Trust me, I've been depressed before too and felt like I was a burden on everyone as well. The fact is, when you honestly talk to people, they'll tell you that even though you are going through hard times, they could never imagine living without you. I would suggest you seek counseling to discuss your feelings about your own self worth, and in addition a therapist might be able to come up with ways to help you be med compliant and prepare for the day when you're ready to become a dad!

odyssey
01/09/09- diagnosed HIV+
01/16/09   CD4-425    22%  VL- 32,415
11/09- started Reyetaz/Norvir/Truvada
03/10- stopped R/N/T
10/18/11   CD4- 328   20%  VL- 84,000
10/25/11   CD4- 386   22%
10/28/11- start Truvada/Reyetaz/Norvir
12/30/11  CD4- 523  29%
03/08/12  CD4- 503  31%  VL 57
07/02/12  CD4- 897  43%
08/31/12  CD4- 745  39%
12/27/12  CD4- 884  40%
03/28/13  CD4- 819  39%
07/19/13  CD4- 739  40%
10/17/13  CD4- 535  36%
01/16/14  CD4- 743  43%

02/14- switched from R/N/T to Tivicay/Epzicom because of CKD 3 suspected from tenofovir.

03/14- switched back to R/N/T due to severe nausea and inability to eat on T/E.
 
04/01/14 CD4- 898  42%   VL-

nychope1

  • Guest
Re: Babies!
« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2010, 01:19:12 PM »
You're right. I've given it a lot of thought, I wouldn't want to burden a child with the fact that his father has HIV. The ridicule from other kids and parents, the shame. It's was just a fantasy of mine, because I'm so lonely now since being diagnosed. I just wanted to have a meaning for my life since I don't have none anymore. I feel death really near as well, and I don't want to impose that pain on anybody. I'm already a burden and embarrassment to my entire family, and all of my friends. I wouldn't want to add another person to that list. I've caused enough misery to others in this lifetime. I hope to assist in relieving everyone's suffering soon enough to get that heavy weight off their shoulders. It's the most I can do. I hate my life. Thank you for your insight. It's much appreciated.

Okay Ark... I am going to give you and all of this the benefit of the doubt and throw my opinion in the ring;

So, I think this is all good for you. You are putting things in order now.
1- You're not going to go on a 40 day water fast.
2- You're going to put off being a father for now.
(Many people don't have kids til there late twenties, early thirties and if you follow through with bullet number 3 below you'll be around to hang with your grand kids.)
3- You are going to talk to your doc and get your meds in order and take them as directed.

I also want to add, if you were merely an HIV negative gay man, or single straight man for that matter,  you would still have all those stigma's, you mentioned, as a new father, if that is what you wanted to accentuate. What were the things you lived for prior to being diagnosed? They still exist. Would you still feel the same if you were diagnosed with another manageable chronic health issue? That is what HIV is. Being HIV positive has very little to do with it frankly. Take your meds, keep yourself healthy and get on with it. As the other folks here have gracefully chimed in, find a pro to talk to. You'll be surprised. One thing at a time buddy. One day at a time.
« Last Edit: November 18, 2010, 01:41:27 PM by nychope1 »

Offline Delby

  • Member
  • Posts: 120
Re: Babies!
« Reply #8 on: November 19, 2010, 07:20:11 AM »
please read my story: http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=34512.0 

Its about sperm washing and having a baby. I have a beautiful healthy little 8 week year old baby.

I was suicidal when I was diagnosed. I researched suicide and methods of doing away with myself, day in and day out. I became obsessed. I never thought I would get married to a neg girl and have a baby. I am 32 now and when i was diagnosed at 28, i thought my life was over.

Do not give up hope. You are extremely young and you have your life ahead of you. If i had gone ahead and killed myself, i would of missed out on marriage, birth, a beautiful little boy. Life is full of special moments and it is far too premature to write the last chapter of your life. You have only just begun. Sure there are days when I want to give up. But i'm sure there are a few million others in the world with so many other diseases that think the same. Don't waste your life. It's a gift. Get on with living.


Offline franfrog

  • Member
  • Posts: 238
Re: Babies!
« Reply #9 on: November 30, 2010, 01:58:25 PM »
Such great in site all around.  I can sort of relate as I am a female not a male.  i was diagnosed 5 years ago and have 2 children who are negative.  I was married 3 years before finding out my diagnosis and as I was content with my 2 children I started to warm up to the idea of giving my husband(who is negative) a child of his own, even though he has taken on my 2 as his own.  I then found out my diagnosis and thought it would be impossible.  I also needed to get my own head on straight and deal with my issues and depression and so forth. 
Well we found out 8 months ago that I was pregnant which was a surprise.  We are careful with sex and were shocked to find this out.  As it happened at a great time since I had just changed my meds and also started to really get my head on straight and realize that I can live with this and I am not a burdon. 

I think it is not a thought you should disregard completely.  I do however think you need to work on yourself to be able to be a parent.   It is always possible and once you find you I can bet you will find someone to love you.
7/05 diagnosis cd4- 52 vl -?
08/05 cd4-299 vl-1900
10/05 cd4-249 vl-349
12/05 cd4-349 vl-52
03/06 cd4-454 vl-<50
06/06 cd4-508 vl-<50

 


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