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Author Topic: 21 first gay sexual experience...  (Read 4883 times)

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Offline optionstrader

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21 first gay sexual experience...
« on: November 12, 2010, 01:51:40 AM »
So I had sex with a female (protected) and jacked off with 2 guys.  After like 6 months of doing these things I was negative.  However recently,  on my birthday, I received a blow job from someone who is let's say very high risk in my opinion for being positive and I jacked him off.  I asked him if he get's STD tests due to his activities and he says yes.  He is sort of a friend of mine and we still keep in touch.

  I know the usual responses here is 'oral sex doesn't pose a risk'.  But then you are just calling a lot of other people liars.  I don't feel like receiving a blow job puts you at a whole lot of risk but I do think giving one can put you at risk...But we are talking about receiving one here.

I guess the biggest problem is I have a hard time living life without a chronic annoyance (and an annoyance that will bring problems in finding relationships which I already have problems in that department).  I already have suffered from depression and suicidal tendencies and other problems for most of my life.  Only in the past year I have been feeling A LOT better (I had dangerously low b12 levels due to being anorexic for months and then being a strict vegan).  Anyway...I don't think I would want to live a life with HIV.  I know it isn't a death sentence but I'd just rather not I think...that is why I have always been very safe and participated in 'very low risk' activities because I know the repercussions.  But on my birthday it was a sort of slip up.  A 1 minute blow job.  And I am uneasy thinking that I'll be the lottery winner when it comes to this.  And the fact is I am not mentally willing to live a life as being positive because I am not always stable enough to live a life as negative.

Thanks...

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2010, 01:59:20 AM »
What you might think about something doesn't make it so.

The fact is receiving an unprotected blow job is not a risk for HIV transmission. The scientific evidence in this regard is simply overwhelming. Nothing you've described here is a risk for HIV transmission and you do not need to be tested.

At this point I'd suggest you take the time to read our Welcome Thread and follow the links to our lessons on HIV transmission.

The other stuff you raise about being anorexic/vegan/not emotionally stable/sexuality issues are outside of the scope of this forum and we are not able to assist you with such things. I encourage you to seek the help of a mental health professional in those areas.

MtD

Offline optionstrader

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2010, 02:07:57 AM »
What you might think about something doesn't make it so.

The fact is receiving an unprotected blow job is not a risk for HIV transmission. The scientific evidence in this regard is simply overwhelming. Nothing you've described here is a risk for HIV transmission and you do not need to be tested.

At this point I'd suggest you take the time to read our Welcome Thread and follow the links to our lessons on HIV transmission.

The other stuff you raise about being anorexic/vegan/not emotionally stable/sexuality issues are outside of the scope of this forum and we are not able to assist you with such things. I encourage you to seek the help of a mental health professional in those areas.

MtD

I am sure you are right.  I wouldn't be worried if I didn't know about the sheer number of people this guy slept with.  Even though I am sure I didn't become positive due to that, I think I may ask him to get an STD test with me so he doesn't think I am crazy or anything.  Just so I can see what he may have.  My penis was scrunched up and sore after he gave me the blow job (which I didn't cum).  So he could have had something else other than HIV or I could have been reacting to his saliva.  In any case I need to get this phobia and fear of contracting HIV under control.  It isn't dying or taking meds it is being FORCED to deal with a condition due to my own actions that I am scared of.  So I'll have to figure out a way to get him to take an STD test with me without demanding him to because I need peace of mind.

People don't like to be around people like that :(

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2010, 02:19:12 AM »
I am sure you are right.  I wouldn't be worried if I didn't know about the sheer number of people this guy slept with.  Even though I am sure I didn't become positive due to that, I think I may ask him to get an STD test with me so he doesn't think I am crazy or anything.  Just so I can see what he may have.  My penis was scrunched up and sore after he gave me the blow job (which I didn't cum).  So he could have had something else other than HIV or I could have been reacting to his saliva.  In any case I need to get this phobia and fear of contracting HIV under control.  It isn't dying or taking meds it is being FORCED to deal with a condition due to my own actions that I am scared of.  So I'll have to figure out a way to get him to take an STD test with me without demanding him to because I need peace of mind.

People don't like to be around people like that :(

Look, him getting tested isn't going to do you any good. Whilst you were not at risk of HIV from receiving a blowjob, other STDs such as chlamydia and gonorrhoea can be transmitted via unprotected oral sex.

So you might want to get yourself tested for those. Part of being a sexually active adult is taking responsibility for your own actions.

You also make presumptions about promiscuity which do not necessarily bear a correlation to HIV risk.

In any event, this is not an HIV situation. You should seek help for your other issues elsewhere. As I mentioned above we are not able to provide you with that sort of support.

MtD

Offline optionstrader

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #4 on: November 12, 2010, 02:30:56 AM »
Look, him getting tested isn't going to do you any good. Whilst you were not at risk of HIV from receiving a blowjob, other STDs such as chlamydia and gonorrhoea can be transmitted via unprotected oral sex.

So you might want to get yourself tested for those. Part of being a sexually active adult is taking responsibility for your own actions.

You also make presumptions about promiscuity which do not necessarily bear a correlation to HIV risk.

In any event, this is not an HIV situation. You should seek help for your other issues elsewhere. As I mentioned above we are not able to provide you with that sort of support.

MtD

He has bottomed for like 200 people.  That makes me uneasy especially since he (black) does it mostly with other black men and black gay men are more likely to have HIV than whites.  Most people get blow jobs or give blow jobs and don't think about stds.  I think about it too much.  Besides syphilis and HIV won't show up for 3 months (it has only been 2 weeks) so it doesn't make a lot of sense to get tested right now unless it is a cover.  I don't have any symptoms of other stds.  Whatever I need to talk to that bastard he shouldn't have sucked my dick since I drank a bottle of wine and we were lying together and I asked him if he wanted a hand job.  He should have said NO since I was drunk.  This is why I don't get intoxicated around other people usually.  That and I cry lol...Well I used to.  Ugh this is so tedious.  Sometimes I care sometimes I don't care.  I am so tired.  Being gay isn't easy it is much easier being straight.  Finding a relationship at my age, good luck.  I can't even get horny unless I feel passion.  I didn't even get hard while being blown that is why it was only 1 minute.  I hate being emotionally based when this world is physically based it makes things much harder.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #5 on: November 12, 2010, 03:50:32 AM »
He has bottomed for like 200 people.  That makes me uneasy especially since he (black) does it mostly with other black men and black gay men are more likely to have HIV than whites.  Most people get blow jobs or give blow jobs and don't think about stds.  I think about it too much.  Besides syphilis and HIV won't show up for 3 months (it has only been 2 weeks) so it doesn't make a lot of sense to get tested right now unless it is a cover.  I don't have any symptoms of other stds.  Whatever I need to talk to that bastard he shouldn't have sucked my dick since I drank a bottle of wine and we were lying together and I asked him if he wanted a hand job.  He should have said NO since I was drunk.  This is why I don't get intoxicated around other people usually.  That and I cry lol...Well I used to.  Ugh this is so tedious.  Sometimes I care sometimes I don't care.  I am so tired.  Being gay isn't easy it is much easier being straight.  Finding a relationship at my age, good luck.  I can't even get horny unless I feel passion.  I didn't even get hard while being blown that is why it was only 1 minute.  I hate being emotionally based when this world is physically based it makes things much harder.

Ok now you've gone from being just another Worried Well to being a racist Worried Well. >:(

Let me tell you buddy, we don't put up with that sort of shit around here.

It doesn't matter what colour he is. It doesn't matter who he's fucked. He can have taken it from the entire Pacific Fleet. It wouldn't matter if he's HIV positive. Getting a blowjob, protected or otherwise, is not a risk for HIV transmission

Take your non HIV related issues somewhere else.

MtD

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #6 on: November 12, 2010, 03:56:36 AM »
You are correct. It is tedious. I implore you to discuss these feelings and perceptions with a trained counselor.

Blaming someone else for your own actions is also disturbing. If the gentleman raped you, report him to the authorities. As far as the race correlation is concerned, I don't even know where to start. I suggest that you take personal responsibility for your actions, and your attractions (which apparently include at least one black man).

You do not get HIV from receiving oral sex. In fifteen-plus years since I was infected, I have had no fewer than five long term relationships. At no time did my partners seroconvert, despite my sometimes having a very high viral load. I performed oral sex on them countless times without incident (other than the anticipated).

Not one, but three long-term studies have been done with sero-discordant couples (where one partner is positive and one is negative) covering over twenty years and hundreds of thousands of sexual incidents. These couples were followed based on their stated admission that they used condoms for vaginal and anal intercourse, but not for oral sex. There were zero infections reported through those activities, despite a wide variety of viral load and medication adherence.

You simply feel guilty for letting a man, a black man, fellate you. This is an issue which is beyond the scope of the forum. It is not an HIV incident.



"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline optionstrader

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #7 on: November 12, 2010, 01:51:32 PM »
Ok now you've gone from being just another Worried Well to being a racist Worried Well. >:(

Let me tell you buddy, we don't put up with that sort of shit around here.

It doesn't matter what colour he is. It doesn't matter who he's fucked. He can have taken it from the entire Pacific Fleet. It wouldn't matter if he's HIV positive. Getting a blowjob, protected or otherwise, is not a risk for HIV transmission

Take your non HIV related issues somewhere else.

MtD

I didn't say anything racist stop being so sensitive and whiny.  I just mentioned a fact.  Just because you don't like the fact being mentioned doesn't mean the person saying it is racist  ;)

Offline optionstrader

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #8 on: November 12, 2010, 01:53:29 PM »
You are correct. It is tedious. I implore you to discuss these feelings and perceptions with a trained counselor.

Blaming someone else for your own actions is also disturbing. If the gentleman raped you, report him to the authorities. As far as the race correlation is concerned, I don't even know where to start. I suggest that you take personal responsibility for your actions, and your attractions (which apparently include at least one black man).

You do not get HIV from receiving oral sex. In fifteen-plus years since I was infected, I have had no fewer than five long term relationships. At no time did my partners seroconvert, despite my sometimes having a very high viral load. I performed oral sex on them countless times without incident (other than the anticipated).

Not one, but three long-term studies have been done with sero-discordant couples (where one partner is positive and one is negative) covering over twenty years and hundreds of thousands of sexual incidents. These couples were followed based on their stated admission that they used condoms for vaginal and anal intercourse, but not for oral sex. There were zero infections reported through those activities, despite a wide variety of viral load and medication adherence.

You simply feel guilty for letting a man, a black man, fellate you. This is an issue which is beyond the scope of the forum. It is not an HIV incident.





Thanks for your input.  But I am not feeling guilty for letting a black man suck me off.  Where do you get this stuff?  Maybe you are the reincarnation of Sigmund Freud?

Offline Ann

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #9 on: November 12, 2010, 02:13:59 PM »
Opt,

Actually, you did come across as being racist when YOU brought race into it. Hiv is a virus that doesn't discriminate and neither should you if you want to remain hiv negative.

It's not WHO you do, it's HOW you do it. Make sure you get those three letters - O, H and W - in the right order. It doesn't matter if a person is white, black, green or purple. It doesn't matter where a person lives or what they do for a living. What matters is WHAT you do with the person and HOW you do it. If you're having anal or vaginal intercourse, you need to make sure the insertive partner is wearing a condom.

Not one person has EVER been infected through getting a blowjob. Why would they when saliva is NOT infectious? Not only that, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

And don't even bother with any whatiffs about blood in the mouth. Unless you're in the habit of punching a person repeatedly in the mouth before they blow you, there couldn't possibly be enough blood present to worry about.

Here's what you need to know in order to remain hiv negative:

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together.

To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

ALTHOUGH YOU DO NOT NEED TO TEST OVER BEING BLOWN, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results.

Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

And by the way, if you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.



Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #10 on: November 12, 2010, 02:14:20 PM »
OK, Option.

You raised an issue, you got some responses. You seem to be unaware of some of the implicitly racists aspects of your comments.

Let's not have anymore snapping back and forth.

I will also point out to you that relying on asking someone about  their HIV status is besides the point. You ought never to do anything sexually that puts you at risk, specifically unprotected vaginal or anal intercourse. You're the one who is responsible for taking care of yourself. And HIV is not about race or anything other than the specific acts in which you take part. There are unsafe acts and that's what it's about, not race, ethnicity or whatever else on which you may make assumptions.

Andy Velez

Offline David Evans

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #11 on: November 12, 2010, 02:29:41 PM »
OptionsTrader,

While you are correct that African American men in many big cities have HIV infection rates higher than Caucasian men, your sex partner's race has absolutely nothing to do with his infectiousness and bringing it up in this posting doesn't really pass the smell test for me. I'm not going to call you racist, or your comment racist, but it is biased and somewhat ignorant. Here's why: race has absolutely nothing to do with infection. Risk is related to behavior and biology. Given that, I'm not sure how his race was relevant or what you hoped to communicate by mentioning it?

As both long-time Forums members have said here: your stated behavior puts you at ZERO risk of infection. If you didn't read up on this before posting in the forums you should have. If you did read up on it, and persisted in being worried, then that's not something we can do anything about. I'm not going to analyze your situation, but I can say this from 20 years of experience in dealing with folks around their sexual risk behavior - if your worries persist despite all evidence to the contrary, then there's usually something else going on for you psychologically and emotionally that should probably be addressed face-to-face with a counselor in your geographic area.

What I will say, given the information you have posted, is that you seem to be trying to figure out your sexuality. At best this is confusing and a little scary. At worst, it can be agonizing. Believe me. It does get better. Your pessimism about finding a good partner is understandable, but it's just not true. Many of us build great relationships. It takes work, but it takes work for straight couples too. In fact, my mother-in-law (yes I'm actually one of those 18,000 gay folks who got married in California) says that my relationship with my partner is probably the healthiest and happiest of any couples she knows - gay or straight.

If you can come to terms with who you are, own it, and not be ashamed of it or scared of it, then you'll be a lot happier and you'll probably feel better about the sex you have. If you can focus on that, and use condoms consistently in the meantime, you should be just fine.

David
Moderator

Offline optionstrader

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #12 on: November 12, 2010, 03:21:38 PM »
I am sure you guys are right about not being HIV+ from this incident.  I am going to get tested anyway in 3 months because I was planning on getting a CBC done for a check up and why not do an STD panel as well.  If I am positive it would ONLY be from this incident unless I have other experiences later (which I won't because I don't feel like fooling around with people I don't like).  I don't even want to jack off with others.  It is boring.  Maybe I have a sexual disorder but I get really bored in the midst of 'passion'.  It is passionless for me.  So like I said, this is the only sexual experience I have had since getting my test back that was negative and I only jacked off with 2 guys and had protected sex with a girl.  So I will let you guys know in 3 months what the test result is.  Not that it matters because it won't affect you but if it is positive at least you will not go around saying receiving oral isn't a risk...Then again with HIV everyone will just assume that I am lying and that I was having a lot of unsafe fun.  Which I wasn't at all.  Unsafe or fun.  It isn't fun I'd rather watch porn   :D

Online RapidRod

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #13 on: November 12, 2010, 03:28:19 PM »
Make sure you come back and tell us about your negative result and how much time you wasted.

Offline optionstrader

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #14 on: November 12, 2010, 03:34:58 PM »
Make sure you come back and tell us about your negative result and how much time you wasted.

I will absolutely come back and say I am negative if I am.  They really should make tests that you don't have to wait so long it is dumb.  Unless you do that CD4 and viral load test I guess that would show up faster than the window period.  That is what they should be using all the time.  Especially for porn people.

Online RapidRod

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #15 on: November 12, 2010, 03:39:20 PM »
I have one every four months and it says "undetectable" so would you take that as not having HIV?

Offline optionstrader

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #16 on: November 12, 2010, 03:49:57 PM »
I have one every four months and it says "undetectable" so would you take that as not having HIV?

Yes because at the beginning of infection you usually aren't undetectable and if you aren't on meds you usually aren't undetectable.  That would take 2-3 weeks instead of the months that you can be TOTALLY sure you aren't +.

Online RapidRod

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #17 on: November 12, 2010, 03:54:53 PM »
That is what you get for thinking because you are incorrect.

Offline optionstrader

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #18 on: November 12, 2010, 04:04:36 PM »
That is what you get for thinking because you are incorrect.

Incorrect about what?  That you aren't usually undetectable when first infected or you aren't usually undetectable without meds?  Which part am I not correct?

Online RapidRod

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #19 on: November 12, 2010, 04:15:26 PM »
Incorrect about what?  That you aren't usually undetectable when first infected or you aren't usually undetectable without meds?  Which part am I not correct?
Both. That is the reason PCR-DNA tests are approved for monitoring and not diagnostic use.

Offline optionstrader

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #20 on: November 12, 2010, 04:20:04 PM »
Both. That is the reason PCR-DNA tests are approved for monitoring and not diagnostic use.

Why do they say the person is most infective when they first get infected?  I thought your viral load was highest at that time...

Online RapidRod

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #21 on: November 12, 2010, 04:24:06 PM »
Why do they say the person is most infective when they first get infected?  I thought your viral load was highest at that time...
False since of security.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: 21 first gay sexual experience...
« Reply #22 on: November 13, 2010, 08:06:05 AM »
OK, I am going to call a halt on this back and forth stuff. The truth is that whether you believe it or not, getting a blowjob is not a risk for transmission, no matter how active the guy is who did you.

So you have a waiting period until you get tested. If that was your only risk I have no doubt you're going to test negative. Meantime you need to focus on other things in your life. It will make the waiting time much easier. Don't bother saying you're too worried to do that. I can tell you that response is not going to fly. As far as I am concerned your getting tested is strictly for your peace of mind and not because you had a genuine risk.

Since this was your first gay experience I daresay you may have some thoughts and feelings about it which are contributing to your undue anxiety about the experience. If that is so you might find it worthwhile to talk with a therapist or other professional to sort things out. We can't help you with that in this setting.
 
We've done what we can do for you here. If you continue to come back here with more what ifs and buts about this non-risk incident, you are going to find yourself getting a 28 day Time Out from the site. Consider yourself warned.
« Last Edit: November 13, 2010, 08:11:19 AM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

 


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