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Author Topic: New Magnetic dating....  (Read 963 times)

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Offline Florida69

  • Member
  • Posts: 428
New Magnetic dating....
« on: November 15, 2010, 12:28:08 PM »
I have met a great guy, and think I am ready to ask the forum members here for some advice.  You all have been so helpful in so many situations since I found out I was positive almost 5 years ago, and it appears that another stage is unraveling.  I am taking Epzicom, Sustiva, a cholesterol med, and triglyceride med.  My CD-4 is 750, my VL is undetectable has been since I started taking meds to treat the virus.  When I found out I was positive, many members gave me some really great advice regarding my then closeted boyfriend and our relationship and for that I will always be grateful.  I have been officially single almost a year, and I have been no angel, however latex has been a consistent and I have met some nice guys, some drug addicts, alcoholics and of course I made some good friends and found a couple of regular buds. Back in April I met a really wonderful man (I could gush about him for hours) we had one date, and things never really took off, because I think part of it was that I was limiting myself. In all honesty I don’t think either of us knew what we wanted. The middle of September he hit me up again and we got together, we have only been dating for about 6 weeks now, the chemistry is amazing and he is negative.  For the first few months I only focused on positive guys, as I felt like that would be what I wanted someone who understood what I was going through, but limiting yourself is really not the best approach to finding love, because trust I found everything under the sun, but there was not a potential for someone that I could love.  Our issues are no different than any other magnetic couple.  He is awesome, did a lot of research, had some great questions about HIV and I have been happy to answer his questions to the best of my ability. Of course he found the body to help him answer some of his questions and some of the answers were not very informative.  I suggested that he come here, as I feel confident that my aidsmeds friends would be a great source and that the information he receives from you guys would most helpful and up to date.

Now I have some questions, because to be honest infecting him gives me anxiety.  He likes to perform fellatio on me; I feel better about it and think that I should be wearing a condom, and have suggested flavored ones to make it a little more fun for him.  I do know the chances of him catching HIV from this is rare, but I choose to be cautious.  I just don’t want to take the chance that precum will infect him.  He has great teeth and gums, but should I be feeling anxiety about this? 

Not everything is about penetration, I have never been with anyone that could be so attentive and help me reach an orgasm without getting to that point.  We will always use condoms for penetration, whether he is the inserting partner or if I am.  He was in a long term relationship for 14 years and never used a condom, now in order for this to work for us; we need to find a condom that will be the most pleasurable for us.  At this point my favorite is the Trojan ultra thin, do you guys have any ideas of any better ones that we should try out to get the most enjoyment?

He asked about getting my doctor for a prescription regarding PEP, are these easily obtained or is there anything that I should know before asking my doctor for this prescription? 

I hope to hear from you guys, any positive advice or suggestions would be appreciated as I am sure he will be reading this post.

Thanks in advance.  D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline MarcoPoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 396
Re: New Magnetic dating....
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2010, 02:54:27 PM »
Congratulations!

I'll give you some advice, but please--just my opinion--you're mileage may vary:

I've been in a sero-discordant relationship for 19 years and my partner is still HIV negative.  We do not use condoms or other latex barriers for oral sex.  BUT--I have to admit that sometimes I get a little freaked out still and feel like I'm the "Dick of Death".  This is only a mental/emotional thing and has really nothing to do with HIV transmission facts.  The "Dick of Death" sydrome hits me at really ridiculous times too.  I freak when getting a massage sometimes; I freak when I notice someone flirting with me.  I've been so sure of my complete and total acceptance of my HIV diagnosis--but once in awhile--wham--it hits me.

Nothing that a bit-o-threapy can't help, eh?

So--relax.  If you choose to use condoms for oral sex--good for you.  I've always thought that flavored condoms and dental dams tasted terrible.  If you choose not to use condoms for oral sex--godd for you as well.  I think one thing I'd be sure of at this point:  Be very honest and open with each other about STDs and STD risks--as well as what agreements you may have regarding partners outside this relationship.

Just my 2 bits.

Offline Florida69

  • Member
  • Posts: 428
Re: New Magnetic dating....
« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2010, 03:02:02 PM »
Marco, thank you so much for your response.  I really appreciate the reassurance. So far we have been very honest with each other, I hope that it continues...  D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,486
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: New Magnetic dating....
« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2010, 03:57:21 PM »
I highly doubt any doctor is going to prescribe Pre Exposure P if you are following safer sex guidelines, whether this is with condoms for oral sex, or no condoms for oral sex. 

You might as well ask your doctor however, since he/she is the doc, and your lover asked you to ask about it.

What you could do is decide what would constitute a risky sex act and also establish where he could get Post-exposure P.  So then if the risky act ever came up, he could just get the professsional opinion and response rather quickly.

“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Florida69

  • Member
  • Posts: 428
Re: New Magnetic dating....
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2010, 04:34:45 PM »
I highly doubt any doctor is going to prescribe Pre Exposure P if you are following safer sex guidelines, whether this is with condoms for oral sex, or no condoms for oral sex. 

You might as well ask your doctor however, since he/she is the doc, and your lover asked you to ask about it.

What you could do is decide what would constitute a risky sex act and also establish where he could get Post-exposure P.  So then if the risky act ever came up, he could just get the professsional opinion and response rather quickly.

Thank you for your response, the PEP has nothing to do with oral sex, so you are clear he asked regarding the breaking of a condom if I were the insertive partner.  The oral sex issue is my own anxiety, not his I have read the research regarding oral sex and we have also talked about his oral health to ensure that any risk is small.  I had planned on talking to my doctor about PEP when I see her again.  She and I had this conversation many years ago, and I trust my doctor, we have great communication.  Thanks again. D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: New Magnetic dating....
« Reply #5 on: November 16, 2010, 07:32:45 AM »
Florida, the only time PEP would really be warranted is the scenario you mention - if you're the insertive partner when a condom breaks. Even then, it would really only be if cum was also involved. With your undetectable VL, some might even consider PEP to be overkill for a one-off condom break but I understand that you may want to feel "better safe than sorry".

It is my understanding that usually when PEP is offered to couples "just in case", only a few days worth of pills are provided. This is so the meds can be started right away, but also ensures that a doctor must be consulted before the course of PEP is continued. This is so baseline testing can be performed and so the person taking the meds can be briefed on what to expect and also to monitor any side-effects that may have already occurred in the first few days. It is also to make sure that PEP is actually indicated for what happened.

If you're making sure condoms are being used correctly, chances are good you'll never need the PEP. Two of the most important things are making sure to expel any air in the tip of the condom (by pinching the tip as you put it on and checking to make sure there is no air bubble) and using plenty of lube - water based only if you are using latex condoms. Lack of lube is one of the biggest causes of condom breakage during anal intercourse.

Good luck - and enjoy.
« Last Edit: November 16, 2010, 07:49:54 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Florida69

  • Member
  • Posts: 428
Re: New Magnetic dating....
« Reply #6 on: November 16, 2010, 09:09:12 AM »
Thanks Ann, thank you for the information and I do agree with you.  When my doctor and I had the conversation about PEP many years ago, we actually talked about the proper use of condoms.  I guess I have more anxiety than he does.  I think I expected exactly what you described for the PEP, as it will only be for a couple of days to until we can get in to see the doctor. Thanks for the well wishes, will keep you posted.  Just trying to find the condom that we like the best, it is fun finding the right one. D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

 


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