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Author Topic: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!  (Read 11003 times)

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Offline Matty the Damned

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So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« on: October 22, 2010, 06:16:51 AM »
'sup Motherfuckers!

Earlier this evening I was taking a stroll through the In Memoriam forum and it occurred to me that the only way one can truly be loved (in this place or anywhere else) is to die.

Axiomatic or otherwise I think we can all agree that AIDS takes the best and leaves the rest, which set me to thinking, who amongst us has prepared their funeral arrangements?

Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years.

AMIRITE?

My family is pressuring me to make a choice, do I go into the Ancestral Burial Ground when I pop my clogs or should I hold out and be scattered across duck poo lake if a slightly hip cousin can spare the time?

Moreover should I object to a religious ceremony (given that I'm a frightful atheist) or should I simply accept that funerals are for the Living and not the Dead and let my ghastly Catholic family have a Mass in my honour?

I am being very serious about this. If any of you stupid cunts dearly beloved poz bretheren doubts my seriousness I am happy to post an inline picture of an actual dead person (or failing that Glenn Beck in the nude) to underline the point.

MtD

Offline hope_for_a_cure

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2010, 06:45:57 AM »
When I was in the hospital back in March I clarified my wishes to my family.  I thought death was eminent within days at that point so I updated my last will and testament, created a POA (Power of Attorney), wrote the death notice that would be printed in the local paper, as well as started to give some personal belongings away.  The odd thing that I found out about myself was that I was ok with the 'end being near'.

Quite frankly, I am still ok with the though of leaving this earth before I reach my 70s or 80s.  Its nothing I would ever facilitate but have no issues about moving on.  As I once stated (maybe on here or maybe somewhere else)... to the dismay of some, and to the joy of others.... I did NOT die.  It was interesting seeing how others treated me when the outcome was nebulous. 

I will be buried at Magnolia Cemetery right here in cakalakie! 


Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2010, 06:58:54 AM »
When I was in the hospital back in March I clarified my wishes to my family.  I thought death was eminent within days at that point so I updated my last will and testament, created a POA (Power of Attorney), wrote the death notice that would be printed in the local paper, as well as started to give some personal belongings away.  The odd thing that I found out about myself was that I was ok with the 'end being near'.

Quite frankly, I am still ok with the though of leaving this earth before I reach my 70s or 80s.  Its nothing I would ever facilitate but have no issues about moving on.  As I once stated (maybe on here or maybe somewhere else)... to the dismay of some, and to the joy of others.... I did NOT die.  It was interesting seeing how others treated me when the outcome was nebulous. 

I will be buried at Magnolia Cemetery right here in cakalakie! 


Thank you for response.

Like you, I only live to annoy other people. Are magnolias poisonous? I hope not. I have a stir fry thing happening right now that says they are edible! :)

By the way, lilacs don't taste as pretty as they smell. :(

MtD

Offline hope_for_a_cure

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2010, 07:03:49 AM »
Just stay away from Oleander.  That flower is deadly if eaten!  It will be interesting to see what others say about this.  Magnolia blossoms smell like freshly cut lemons.  The family pot (I mean plot) has been there for years so there is a spot for me there already.  The only thing I will need is a hole and a foot stone! 

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2010, 07:16:34 AM »
Just stay away from Oleander.  That flower is deadly if eaten!  It will be interesting to see what others say about this.  Magnolia blossoms smell like freshly cut lemons.  The family pot (I mean plot) has been there for years so there is a spot for me there already.  The only thing I will need is a hole and a foot stone! 

Deadly? I am very glad I didn't eat it then! Not for myself, of course, but for the literally dozens of people who read this forum on a monthly basis. I don't know if I could live knowing I deprived them of their periodic dose of Matty,

Heavy circumstances indeed!

MtD

Offline Snowangel

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2010, 07:31:11 AM »
My only wish is that I be cremated.  I have never been religious and neither is m family so who knows what kind of a service I would have. 
I'd like to be able to hold out until my kids are grown but we all know that might not be an option.


Have you tried dandelions?

Snow
Of all the things you wear, your expression is the most important

The heaviest thing you can carry is a grudge..

One thing you can give and still keep...is your word.

One thing you can't recycle is wasted time.

Offline emeraldize

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2010, 07:41:42 AM »
Perhaps, in part, because I was raised next to a cemetery, my family and I have always been quite open about post mortem wishes. Long before dx, I finished a will (which gets updated periodically), have the box which was made by my namesake grandmother whom I never met (who woodburned her name inside it) into which my cremains will go, carry a medical directive in my wallet at all times and chose some nice piano music on CD should anyone opt to have a little memorial gathering and gave that to my executrix older sis. As far as the repository, we have a family plop plot in the same aforementioned cemetery where I used to jump the headstones as a youngster pretending (with others doing the same mind you) to be a horse in a steeplechase. Fitting I should end up where I spent many hours watching funerals, looking at burials wreaths and sashes with sympathy notes, touching and reading old headstones, lying atop the cool granite of bed-style headstones in summer and passing along the lore of the triplets' graves that you could not step on lest something bad happen.

It is often said of Americans that we avoid the topic of death and I think that is true for many as witnessed by how many folks die without wills in place. Our family does talk about it, not too often, but often enough that we know we all prefer cremation, have wills and directives, and wish to ease the burden of decisionmaking as much as possible while alive.

« Last Edit: October 22, 2010, 07:43:44 AM by emeraldize »

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2010, 07:46:57 AM »
My only wish is that I be cremated.  I have never been religious and neither is m family so who knows what kind of a service I would have. 
I'd like to be able to hold out until my kids are grown but we all know that might not be an option.

I think cremation is a fine idea. But that is only because I'm rather fond of pork. I am reliably informed that human meat cooks remarkably like pork.

Except for that whole "scrabbling around in the back of the truck thing whilst I'm trying to get a clear shot at the side of your head oh fuck it I've now shot myself in the foot no I DON'T need and ambulance I hope I can't see bone! Oh dear god it is BONE or maybe just that cheap saucer nanna said we could use to collect the fluids."

In that respect humans are very much not like pork.
Quote
Have you tried dandelions?

Snow

No, but if they keep still I may well try them. :)

MtD

Offline texas_stud

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2010, 08:12:50 AM »
[quote
Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years.
/quote]

13 years???? i thoght that if you start poppin pills youre life is long like anybody elses. my doctor and the nice people on this website have been tellin me lies? :'( :'( :'(

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2010, 08:32:20 AM »
[quote
Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years.
/quote]

13 years???? i thoght that if you start poppin pills youre life is long like anybody elses. my doctor and the nice people on this website have been tellin me lies? :'( :'( :'(

Nope, you're gonna die. But if you pray to Mary MacFillet you may get the burger of your choice.

Now I know that doesn't alleviate the whole dying thing, but if you can find a natty kilt you still might make a beautiful corpse.

And isn't that what it's all about?

MtD

Offline Jeff G

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2010, 08:38:50 AM »
Hi stud ... I'm way past my expiration 26 poz years here so don't fret or start chiseling too much information on the old tomestone yet .

I need to make a will but will not pay for my own funeral . I want to burden my family one more time because I'm still pissed about not getting that trampoline when I was 12 .

Offline Joe K

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #11 on: October 22, 2010, 08:40:22 AM »
Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years.

I have a real problem then, as I am now over 13 years LATE for my checkout.

I am being very serious about this. If any of you stupid cunts dearly beloved poz bretheren doubts my seriousness I am happy to post an inline picture of an actual dead person (or failing that Glenn Beck in the nude) to underline the point.

For you Matty, I would suggest possibly a Viking funeral or that you be cremated and made into kitty litter.
Furthermore, I doubt your seriousness and I double, double dare you to post a picture of Glenn Beck in the nude.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2010, 08:51:05 AM »
I have a real problem then, as I am now over 13 years LATE for my checkout.

That's only coz you're too mean for Heaven and the Devil won't have you, Joe.

Quote
For you Matty, I would suggest possibly a Viking funeral or that you be cremated and made into kitty litter.
Furthermore, I doubt your seriousness and I double, double dare you to post a picture of Glenn Beck in the nude.

Two things here:

We've done the "I dare you to post nasty pictars Matty" thing and it made you ill. Are you sure want to do that again? :)

It is timely that you post about kitty litter. Cats are horrible creatures. Even they know it That's why they can't stand their own poo.

They bury it. And look ashamed that they had a poo in the first place. That's pretty bad.

I hope you don't bury your poo Joe. I've never seen you as a cat. I think if you were an animal, you'd be an otter. :)

MtD

Offline HowYouDoin

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #13 on: October 22, 2010, 08:52:55 AM »
"Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years."

Matty I use to think you were funny and I hope you aren't serious about saying I have 9 years left to live.



Offline Jeff G

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #14 on: October 22, 2010, 08:56:27 AM »
When my friends go to the doctor I always tell them if you get bad news can I have all your stuff .

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #15 on: October 22, 2010, 09:02:45 AM »
Matty I use to think you were funny and I hope you aren't serious about saying I have 9 years left to live.

Who's laughing? What you think HIV is pretend? The clock is ticking kid. Your clock. They tell you that HIV is a "chronic manageable illness" but it will still kill you dead as a three day old knish it will.

Treat every day as though it's your last!

MtD

Offline john33

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #16 on: October 22, 2010, 09:06:24 AM »
our clocks started ticking the moment we were born!!

personally I'm thinking of getting mummified, although still continuing my efforts to preserve myself in alcohol I think I might need the help of a hunky egyptian ;)

Offline Joe K

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #17 on: October 22, 2010, 09:08:09 AM »
That's only coz you're too mean for Heaven and the Devil won't have you, Joe.

Close but no. I have a lifetime subscription to Sirius Radio and until that expires, I am not going anywhere.

We've done the "I dare you to post nasty pictars Matty" thing and it made you ill. Are you sure want to do that again? :)

Oh I'm sorry, I thought that picture you showed of the disease-eaten penis WAS Glenn Beck's and I just wanted to see the entire picture.


Offline camille07

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #18 on: October 22, 2010, 09:28:05 AM »
Matty- When your mustard seed sized heart finally quits, there's no time for a burial for you.  Satan's sidekicks will grab your shrinking arse so fast, with their spindly limbs, and drag you to your final resting with Glenn Beck. ;)

DNR, will prepared etc. Pine box for me made by the local thugs residing in our state prison.  No glitz no glamour, satin or sateen.  A few words by the pastor and call it a day. 

Then off to somewhere, not sure about this part quite yet.  I don't want a marker or grave.  So maybe cremation. 
I think cremation is a fine idea. But that is only because I'm rather fond of pork. I am reliably informed that human meat cooks remarkably like pork.

In that respect humans are very much not like pork.
No, but if they keep still I may well try them. :)

MtD

 I like pork too

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #19 on: October 22, 2010, 09:34:18 AM »
I am about as ready as one can be. My wife died in 1999, and I got the stone engraved with my name on it, with my birth year . All my family has to do is to engrave the year of my death. And spread my ashes on top of her. Pretty much idiot pro0f.

I got the "Double dutch " special at the time. (Two for the price of one, so they said.) So it's all paid for. Hell Matty, you bring up a valid point here. I'm guessing Tim didn't think he was going when he did. I urge everyone to get ready. It is something we all need to do.

All I have to do is die now. But I hope that is a few years off, with any luck!

Happy Halloween everyone!
Positive since 1985

Offline Joe K

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #20 on: October 22, 2010, 09:42:05 AM »
Matty- When your mustard seed sized heart finally quits, there's no time for a burial for you.

Mustard seed sized heart? When did it get so big?  ;D

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #21 on: October 22, 2010, 09:57:45 AM »
I'm leaving everything to my partner, including  a large life insurance policy. That will be plenty of money for him to do what he will  with my corpse. Funerals and such are for the living, so he can do whatever makes him feel best. I imagine, since he is Catholic, it will be that kind of ceremony. It won't matter to me obviously because I'll be dead.

I really wanted to donate my body for science, it is what my father's family does, but I looked into it and no one in NC seems to want it because of the HIV. As I have mentioned before, becoming a plasticized corpse is like the being the rock star of death, but I think HIV excludes me from the too.


Online Miss Philicia

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #22 on: October 22, 2010, 10:02:45 AM »
My only wish when I die is that someone take my dried up corpse and drag it around these here parts.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Dachshund

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #23 on: October 22, 2010, 10:05:12 AM »
My only wish when I die is that someone take my dried up corpse and drag it around these here parts.

We've already done that. :P

Offline PeteNYNJ

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #24 on: October 22, 2010, 10:07:30 AM »
Oh Matty, you do love to stir shit up and I love you for it ;)  Prepare for many posts about "when am I going to die, Matty says 13 years". 

I'll die when I die, until then I am going to live :)

BTW, Matty, were you hitting the sauce when you started this post :) 

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #25 on: October 22, 2010, 10:09:36 AM »
Matty- When your mustard seed sized heart finally quits, there's no time for a burial for you.  Satan's sidekicks will grab your shrinking arse so fast, with their spindly limbs, and drag you to your final resting with Glenn Beck. ;)

This is an appalling attack on my character and if I was a prescription grade cry baby like certain people around here I'd be all offended by this.

But I'm not so thin skinned. :)

It just so happens that my heart is considerably larger than a mustard seed, but substantially smaller than a carroway seed. And that's just the way that Wumpy's god made me. So, nyah. :P

Quote
DNR, will prepared etc. Pine box for me made by the local thugs residing in our state prison.  No glitz no glamour, satin or sateen.  A few words by the pastor and call it a day. 

Pine eh? It seems that some folks have acquired a taste for luxuries. Matty the Damned will be shoved in a bag and stuck in a hole.

In that sense death will be much like boarding school. :)

Quote
Then off to somewhere, not sure about this part quite yet.  I don't want a marker or grave.  So maybe cremation. 

Bad for carbon emissions that. Why do you hate the earth, Cammers?

Quote
I like pork too

It's a devilish thing is it not? I think Judaism would be oodles more popular if they'd just Get The Fuck Over It and Acknowledge Bacon as Totally Delishus as every other civilised culture has done.

Here is a pictar of some bacon I prepared earlier:


MtD

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #26 on: October 22, 2010, 10:22:00 AM »



   I want my wife to throw my rotten corpse in the backyard.  We have animals back there that sometimes make me run back in the house at night...  I know they will be happy to have finally caught me.  So in death I want to be eaten by a wild whore boar.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #27 on: October 22, 2010, 10:30:51 AM »


   I want my wife to throw my rotten corpse in the backyard.  We have animals back there that sometimes make me run back in the house at night...  I know they will be happy to have finally caught me.  So in death I want to be eaten by a wild whore boar.

I don't think you have to worry about the animals "back there" so much as glorious cornucopia of creation that dwells in your dreads.

Let's face it, the moment your heart chokes on that last bong those nits will strip you to the bone.

Which is handy, you have a goodly proportioned skull - fine cheek bones for a start. I look forward to enjoying a pina colada mixed in your cranium!

Here is one I prepared earlier:


I think the steely glint in his eye describes you to a tee. :)

MtD

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #28 on: October 22, 2010, 10:39:01 AM »
Dang... Barely one decade left to enjoy this maahvelous world.  I guess I'll quit my job, move down to Brazil, and spent what's left of my pointless existence procuring hustlers and mood enhancing substances.

As to what happens to my body once I croak?  I couldn't care less.  My family can dump my fat, AIDS ridden ass in the Miami river and spend the money that would have gone towards a casket or incineration on remodeling my momma's kitchen.  

Oh, and bacon. Yuss, such a delicacy.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #29 on: October 22, 2010, 10:39:08 AM »


  And look at that tongue..... all to scale and everything!!!
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #30 on: October 22, 2010, 10:56:14 AM »
Thus far this thread has been instructive.

I intend to be an enormous pain in the ass when I die. No, seriously. We're talking five star cuntishness.

I want an honour guard of Worried Wells in pussy beer soaked g-strings standing rampant whilst a couple of the coffin dodgers from the Long Term Survivors Forum hum the theme to Futurama in 6 part harmony.

After which Andy Velez will recite, in Yiddish, the name of every WW banned from this Forum.

I've not worked out the rest of the 7 hour ceremony but rest assured it will involve Skeeter doing odd things with a cheese grater and a sumptuous banquet of tripe and paint thinner.

Kilts will not be permitted. I'm sorry Joe, for the first time since 1978 you will be expected to wear trousers,

On your head will be fine. :)

MtD
(Who will get back to y'all with rest of this at a later date)


Online RapidRod

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #31 on: October 22, 2010, 10:58:31 AM »
Mine has been done for many yearsí way before contracting HIV. Won't be cremated, I don't need a pre-burn. 

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #32 on: October 22, 2010, 10:59:10 AM »
For me?  Chopped up and chum the waters is what I say.  

Offline emeraldize

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #33 on: October 22, 2010, 12:31:11 PM »
I think if you were an animal, you'd be an otter. :)

Joe is lucky.

Offline denb45

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #34 on: October 22, 2010, 12:33:14 PM »
Cremated now that's the ticket......humm let me see 4 hours @ 1800 Degrees, then you put the Cremated remain into an Urn, it's done deal, sounds like a plan too me  ;D
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline denb45

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #35 on: October 22, 2010, 12:36:30 PM »
I have a real problem then, as I am now over 13 years LATE for my checkout.

For you Matty, I would suggest possibly a Viking funeral or that you be cremated and made into kitty litter.
Furthermore, I doubt your seriousness and I double, double dare you to post a picture of Glenn Beck in the nude.


Joe, I got you beat by 16 yrs. 1994 was my yr. to die of AIDS, but that never happened, so here I be  :D
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline denb45

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #36 on: October 22, 2010, 12:44:49 PM »
For me?  Chopped up and chum the waters is what I say.  

Sharkie, I like that one better, your the man  ;)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Jeff G

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #37 on: October 22, 2010, 01:42:19 PM »
Speaking of cremation ... I just had to go pick up half of my dad the other day , his girlfriend who was in possesion of the other half but she is getting married and her new hubby didn't like half of dad on the mantle so he was evicted last week .

I think she kinda wanted me to take the plastic bag containing half dad and leave the beautiful urn behind she had purchased but I wasn't having it . The urn can only hold half dad and I already have my half dad in a matching urn , so naturally I want that other urn to balance my mantle .

I told her straight up I was taking that urn and not some go bag . I have a new car and I'm not going to ash my new floor mats .

Offline denb45

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #38 on: October 22, 2010, 02:59:48 PM »
Speaking of cremation ... I just had to go pick up half of my dad the other day , his girlfriend who was in possesion of the other half but she is getting married and her new hubby didn't like half of dad on the mantle so he was evicted last week .

I think she kinda wanted me to take the plastic bag containing half dad and leave the beautiful urn behind she had purchased but I wasn't having it . The urn can only hold half dad and I already have my half dad in a matching urn , so naturally I want that other urn to balance my mantle .

I told her straight up I was taking that urn and not some go bag . I have a new car and I'm not going to ash my new floor mats .

Good for J, I guess you told her...LOL  at least she now knows how you feel about it, nothing wrong with that  ;)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Online RapidRod

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #39 on: October 22, 2010, 03:20:25 PM »
Cremated now that's the ticket......humm let me see 4 hours @ 1800 Degrees, then you put the Cremated remain into an Urn, it's done deal, sounds like a plan too me  ;D
You forgot the pulverizer.

Offline denb45

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #40 on: October 22, 2010, 04:07:25 PM »
You forgot the pulverizer.

Yes, for those extra chunky chunks that didn't decenter-grate during the burning process  ;D
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline AaronbytheC

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #41 on: October 22, 2010, 05:36:28 PM »
I spent most of my youth and college years behind a ski boat for competitive water skiing.  I told my husband when it's my time and after I'm cremated I want to be slowly pour into the water as the boat runs a steady 36 mph down a slalom course... 
It will be my last "Perfect Pass"!   ;D

I don't buy the whole 13 years...  We'll never make it!  We're already planning our "end of the world party" for 2012.  Let's just hope it's more exciting than our "Y2K" blowout in Mexico was!   :P

As far as the will goes, I've had one in place since I left for college 20 years ago!  (You never know when your number will come up, with or without HIV!)  Every couple of years I review it and make changes as needed...  Like cutting my sister out after the cold bitch voted yes on Prop 8...  But that's another story!  hehehe
04/2012 CD4 721 / 29% / VL UD
02/2011 UNDETECTABLE!
12/2010 CD4 587 / 24% / VL 210
11/2010 Started Atripla
10/2010 CD4 420 / 18% / VL 13,500
09/2010 CD4 541 / 17% / VL 10,500
08/2010 CD4 498 / 18% / VL Not Taken
07/2010 CD4 307 / 18% / VL 9,500
06/2010 Confirmed Poz
03/2010 Infected
06/2009 Neg

Granny60

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #42 on: October 22, 2010, 09:18:43 PM »
[quote
Science be fucked, my inner bastard reckons that HIV is still a death sentence, no matter how chipper Assurbanipal or that Canadian fella Killfoile pretends to be. If you get it you should expect to check out of the Hotel Goodtimes within the next 13 years.
/quote]

13 years???? I thought that if you start poppin pills youre life is long like anybody elses. my doctor and the nice people on this website have been tellin me lies? :'( :'( :'(

13 years isn't even a good dress rehearsal.  I know people that have had HIV well over 20 years and have only been on meds 5 or less.  You will outlive all of us Stud!   ;D  We pinpointed my infection date to 19 years ago.

Offline HowYouDoin

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #43 on: October 22, 2010, 09:54:34 PM »
"Who's laughing? What you think HIV is pretend? The clock is ticking kid. Your clock. They tell you that HIV is a "chronic manageable illness" but it will still kill you dead as a three day old knish it will.
Treat every day as though it's your last!"


WHY is Matty allowed to say things that are inappropriate in the Living with HIV forum? I get he has s sense of humor but   he is stating his opinion as if it were a fact.  This is not nice.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #44 on: October 22, 2010, 10:12:00 PM »
"Who's laughing? What you think HIV is pretend? The clock is ticking kid. Your clock. They tell you that HIV is a "chronic manageable illness" but it will still kill you dead as a three day old knish it will.
Treat every day as though it's your last!"


WHY is Matty allowed to say things that are inappropriate in the Living with HIV forum? I get he has s sense of humor but   he is stating his opinion as if it were a fact.  This is not nice.

What he was saying in his own thread was filled with dark humor and sarcasm through and through , I find it rather odd that anyone could see it any other way than it was , a playful thread . That's just my opinion not a fact  ;) .

Offline denb45

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #45 on: October 22, 2010, 10:29:32 PM »
What he was saying in his own thread was filled with dark humor and sarcasm through and through , I find it rather odd that anyone could see it any other way than it was , a playful thread . That's just my opinion not a fact  ;) .

I get his humor, but others don't, hey matty, you make me smile when I feel down  :D
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline wolfter

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #46 on: October 22, 2010, 10:39:47 PM »
Christ sakes, I've been complaining lately about my bloating and such.  Now I realize I don't look too bad for someone who's been dead for over 7 years.    ;D

I certainly hope everybody realized this post for what it was.  I found it amusing within my own inner twisted grey matter.
productivity breeds content

Granny60

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #47 on: October 22, 2010, 11:03:17 PM »
Matty, those of us who have been lurking here for years understand this thread is your own version of sarcastic humor, but you need to find a way to distinguish your off planet humor with fact so you don't freak out some of the newbies here that take whatever they read as literal fact.  I am sorry to say that you shook up a couple of people,  people that  don't need to be shaken up right now.  Maybe we need a separate Matty's Rat's Ass Pucker Hole  thread forum so people are able to separate fact from fiction.  ::)
« Last Edit: October 23, 2010, 11:11:29 AM by Granny60 »

Offline hope_for_a_cure

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #48 on: October 22, 2010, 11:04:51 PM »
Dont be hating on Matty too much now HYD.  I would venture to guess that he was voted 'most wittiest' in his graduating high school class.
« Last Edit: October 22, 2010, 11:06:40 PM by hope_for_a_cure »

Offline Oceanbeach

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Re: So You're Dead Now? Entertain Us!
« Reply #49 on: October 22, 2010, 11:58:14 PM »
Well, I received an email last year from the Hurl side of the family and Dad's "little doll" a 360 pound version of an old woman stuffed tightly into a tube top, who more than casually resembled Petunia Pig at the beach has by email informed me... "Dear Michael,  On behalf of the entire Hurl family, I am writing you to let you know, we the entire family has been long embarrassed socially because you are gay.  You deserve to die alone and in pain. blah, blah, blah"  Apparently, it is up to me or the State of California to make such plans and I have been thinking...

For nearly 5 years now an HIV doc has been saying, "you will not die of HIV/AIDS and can expect to live to 86 years of age, die in your bed from a heart attack."  With this in mind... Who do I want to be my medical provider as I age with AIDS, the lovely little family clinic down the road where everyone is kind and nice and they do have some ID doc specialists or... The UCSF positive clinic where they may be more bureaucratic but have a 125 year tradition of turning out the best doctors and have the best technologies, I choose USCF.  So.I am prepared and do I want to be fed to the sharks or torched.  Holy Shit, I just love the torch songs:

"Gay man be wise, keep you mouth shut,
Don't advertise your man
Your best ole gay friend, he might be a high-brow
Changes clothes, three times a day,

What do you think he's doin that for
While you are so far away?

Well he's lovin your man and in your own damn bed
Call the doctor, investigate your hear
Gay man be wise, keep your mouth shut don't advertise your man, don't be a fool,
No don't advertise your man"

Seems appropriate I should have a stone somewhere that reads, "It isn't easy being me, I do it well"
But then we have to take a look at Cavalini, Italian artist in the Dadaist movement from the 1970's.  My friend Ron who was the Entertainment Editor of our local newspaper picked up thousands of Cavalini bumper stickers which displayed the year Cavalini was born and the year he expected to die.  Ron covered a 1965 Dodge Date convertible in those stickers for the parade, the Polyesternation Fashion Show and the big kick-off of the first, "My Art Belongs to Dada" festival in Ukiah.  I was honored to meet Cavalini but he spoke no English and had a translator.  My friend Ron said to expect a food fight and wear crazy glasses at the dinner but Dana Crumb was the caterer.

You may remember Dana Crumb, she was the wife of R. Crumb (ZAP Comics) and the Big Brother and the Holding Company record cover.  In today's light and if you see Dana Crumb, the thought occurs, "What does diddy- wa- ditty mean?"  "If you don't know by now, don't mess with it!"

Dad's "little doll" bought a grave site about 25 years ago when mom died on Christmas Eve, her intent was to use the site to bury the ashes of up to 6 individuals and mom has been in our brothers wife's closet for 25 years now with the shoes...  Dad of course remarried within 3 day of mom's funeral, his remains were entombed with the new wife' first husband a dead Sonoma County Deputy.

Auntie died about 5 years ago in a Novato rest home, she was in her 90's, had alzheimers.  Her ashes are with the shoes also.  One of her daughter dies about 10 years ago and her children intended to have the pilot who flew their fathers ashes Ruth Ranch in Trinity County but the truck driver son keep their mom's ashes in his truck, the original pilot died and that big 18 wheeler goin down the track, means your true lovin daddy ain't comin back, I'm movin on (back up vocals) He's movin on"

So, planning a death or the service of the death is a difficult matter, the Hurl's put the FUN in dysfunctional but the Choof's are a wilder lot... On the Choof side, we had a Baptist minister as a grandfather and a high-priestess of her coven for a grandmother and with a Catholic BF, how does a person plan for this?   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

 


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