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Author Topic: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.  (Read 3766 times)

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Offline anonme

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Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« on: September 23, 2010, 08:47:03 PM »
Hello.

I had an unprotected (I know, stupid) MSM encounter about 3 weeks ago right after breaking up with my boyfriend. Right after the incident, I realized how much my boyfriend truly meant to me (lesson learned?) and went back to him, telling him that I had said encounter in the few days we were broken up (I hurt him pretty badly with this....). I wanted to rebuild our relationship on honesty.

 3 Days after this encounter I experienced night sweats, chills and light headedness. As those symptoms began to subside, I began feeling stomach cramps and experiencing diarrhea (5 days). After this, I started feeling quite dizzy, losing some feeling in my legs and arms and experiencing EXTREME fatigue, as well as a strange sense of confusion. (6-7 days). My boyfriend (who I had been talking to and rebuilding with wanted to "reconnect" and wanted to have sex. I was feeling a little better, but insisted we use a condom - I hadnt been tested for anything since my previous encounter. So we did.) My dizziness and irritability continued after this, and a sore throat with swollen tonsils began to develop. The lymph nodes in my neck also ballooned (painful to touch) and my tongue began to swell, and I experienced the "just burnt my tongue" feeling across the front of my tongue for a few days.

Got a call from my boyfriend. Gave him gonorrhea. I almost collapsed. He was treated and I began to think to myself "holy shit, did the condom break?".... I checked it after we had sex and it didnt seem like it did. And if I had gonorrhea, why wasnt i having "typical" symptoms? Pharyngeal (throat) Gonorrhea perhaps? I went to get the (giant) shot to treat the gonnorhea and noticed a very quick reduction in the swelling of my throat nodes. Coincidence? Is it even possible to give someone gonorrhea through the throat?

Anyways, my tonsils are slowly subsiding and my tongue is doing a little better. However, Im TERRIFIED that all of these symptoms (from day 3 to about day 12) are indicative of an HIV infection. And not only that, but im TERRIFIED that I infected my boyfriend. I might consider suicide if that were the case. I couldnt live with myself. I got tested at 14 days and it was negative. But i know that this isnt reliable.

Im so scared. I am so, so scared. Help?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2010, 08:49:27 PM »
It would be helpful if you could explain what sort of "unprotected MSM encounter" you had.

MtD

Offline anonme

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2010, 09:00:31 PM »
Receptive anal. The most dangerous kind. I didnt type it out because it scares me to.

Offline Ann

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2010, 09:12:07 PM »
anon,

It is totally possible to get gonorrhea orally. It's also totally possible to transmit gonorrhea orally. Oral gonorrhea is on the rise in MSM and it often has no symptoms, whether you have it orally or elsewhere.

It's also totally possible that you also contracted hiv from having unprotected receptive anal intercourse.

The earliest you can test for a more reliable result is six weeks as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point.

Your symptoms could be from the gonorrhea. They could also be just about anything. Neither symptoms nor the lack of symptoms will ever tell you a single thing about your hiv status. Only testing at the appropriate time will. Please do not keep coming back here with a litany of your symptoms - we do not discuss symptoms here. If you feel unwell, see a doctor.

Good luck with your testing.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline anonme

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #4 on: September 23, 2010, 09:57:53 PM »
Hm. Im guessing its not very often that you get a "likely" case like mine around here, huh?

I'm preparing myself for a positive diagnosis. I used to terrified that I had HIV, but not I'm more terrified about perhaps passing it to my boyfriend.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #5 on: September 23, 2010, 10:02:36 PM »
Hm. Im guessing its not very often that you get a "likely" case like mine around here, huh?

I'm preparing myself for a positive diagnosis. I used to terrified that I had HIV, but not I'm more terrified about perhaps passing it to my boyfriend.

You're getting way ahead of yourself. The likelihood of you testing positive following a single session of unprotected anal sex (yes even receptive) is not huge.

It's still a risk and you need to be tested but let's keep things in their proper perspective, shall we?

Of course if you have a history of unprotected anal or vaginal sex and this is the first time you're getting tested, that's a bit different.

In any event this is all speculation. You need to be tested (and you should take note of Ann's advice regarding how to do it) and that's all there is to it.

MtD

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #6 on: September 23, 2010, 11:31:15 PM »
I have nothing to add to Matty or Ann's commentary, but I absolutely agree. Please, regardless of the outcome of this event, wearing a condom protects against HIV and dramatically reduces the spread of other STDs as well.

We all have lapses in judgment. We all slip. It happens. The fact that you felt compelled to come here, post here, tells me that this is not something you want to become a habit. I applaud your resolve, and hope this works out well for you.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline anonme

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #7 on: September 24, 2010, 09:06:57 PM »
And if i were positive and my boyfriend did (god forbid) end up positive... what could happen to me, legally? i dont know if i could ever forgive myself....

Offline Ann

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #8 on: September 24, 2010, 09:24:31 PM »
anon,

You said you've been using condoms with your bf since you got back together. How is he going to end up poz?  There are plenty poz/neg partnerships where condoms keep the neg partner neg.


Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline anonme

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #9 on: September 24, 2010, 09:27:29 PM »
the one time we did have sex, we used a condom for penetration. unprotected oral. the scary thing is... that he caught gonorrhea despite the condom. I checked the condom after and it didnt seem broken, maybe a little thinner around some parts, but not torn..... Could he have caught it from the oral....? This is what scares me the most.

Offline Ann

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #10 on: September 24, 2010, 09:31:28 PM »
anon,

I've already told you he could have caught gonorrhea from the oral. In fact, as you used a condom for anal, it's pretty much a sure thing he got it from the oral.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline anonme

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  • Posts: 11
Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #11 on: September 24, 2010, 09:38:28 PM »
Thank you for the reassurance. I'm just a bundle of nerves and anxiety right now. Im not really sure how to deal with all of this. And until I get tested at 6 weeks.... its probably going to stay that way. Ugh.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #12 on: September 24, 2010, 10:25:59 PM »
You have to really work on doing something that may sound ridiculously impossible to you: work on focusing your attention on other aspects of your life. Don't bother saying you are too upset to dot hat because I can tell you that response will not fly here.

By doing that the waiting time will pass way more easily than you may imagine is possible. And if you test negative at 6 weeks then the strong likelihood after a single incident is that you will continue to test negative at 13 weeks.

Now, get busy with other things.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline anonme

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #13 on: October 15, 2010, 02:30:04 PM »
Just got back from my sort-of six week test (42 days).

Oraquick swab tested negative!

While I don't want to sound annoying, is this pretty conclusive? What are the chances of this changing in 1.5 months? Is the swab less acurate than the blood prick? I also swabbed my upper AND lower gum (dumb question, I know), but would this mess with the results?

Im hoping this is warrants a sigh of relief?

Sorry if this is annoying.   :(

I promise this is it!

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #14 on: October 15, 2010, 02:51:01 PM »
A negative at 6 weeks is very encouraging. The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All but the very smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after an exposure.

You need to test at 13 weeks for a conclusive negative result. At this point I expect that result to be negative again.
Andy Velez

Offline anonme

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #15 on: October 15, 2010, 04:33:36 PM »
Thank you, that's very encouraging! I've read that in people with normal immune function, most should test positive within 6 weeks.

Lets hope im part of that, shall we?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #16 on: October 15, 2010, 04:45:05 PM »
Thank you, that's very encouraging! I've read that in people with normal immune function, most should test positive within 6 weeks.

Lets hope im part of that, shall we?

You almost certainly will be.

MtD

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #17 on: October 15, 2010, 05:19:01 PM »
And I will repeat that I expect you to continue to test negative.

You need to make a real effort to focus on other matters in your life while you are waiting to re-test. And please don't say you are too worried to do that because I can tell you that's not a response that will fly here. The waiting time will pass much more easily than you may imagine if you do that.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline anonme

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #18 on: November 05, 2010, 12:12:32 AM »
Quick, somewhat annoying question. Suppose I had been coinfected with acute HCV at the time of exposure. I've read cases of healthcare workers not seroconverting until almost 9 months post exposure in these cases. Now, if I was indeed coinfected, what are the chances this would delay seroconversion? Just curious is all....

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #19 on: November 05, 2010, 12:48:00 AM »
Zero.

Offline anonme

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #20 on: November 05, 2010, 12:55:17 AM »
i really should stop reading all of these 'case studies'.

Offline anonme

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #21 on: December 14, 2010, 03:03:12 AM »
hey (again!)

hopefully this will be my final post here, as i'm sure there are other members more deserving of your time and attention.

i just tested negative at 13 weeks! (hooray-worthy i hope!) so, as i understand it, this is conclusive? i was told to come back in 3 more months "just to be sure" - is this just a caveat? also, nothing except extreme circumstances (chemo/autoimmune disorders/etc) would push this past 3 months, right? and well, i would know if i had anything like that, correct?

agh! i should just be happy with this (and i am!). i just dont want to become a "worried well" so-to-speak. thank you all again for your help over these past few weeks! im going to be smarter about my decisions from now on (and have been recently - no condom - no sex!). thank you again!!!

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #22 on: December 14, 2010, 03:16:57 AM »
   Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline Ann

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Re: Anxious. Terrified. Scared.
« Reply #23 on: December 14, 2010, 04:12:00 AM »
anon,

You said on October 15 that you just had your six week test, so your thirteen weeks was up on December 3rd. If you "just tested", then you're over thirteen weeks.

You are conclusively hiv negative and you do not need further testing, despite what you were told at the testing center. YOU DO NOT HAVE HIV.

Do not attempt to use this forum to question your conclusive negative result because if you do, you will quickly be given that time out Rodney warned you about above.

Make sure you use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse in future and you'll stay hiv negative.

It really is that simple.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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