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Author Topic: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?  (Read 6014 times)

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Offline poz1970

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  • Posts: 480
depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« on: September 17, 2010, 11:17:48 AM »
Howdy,

What do you guys/gals do for depression and loneliness... I'm having some problems lately, and my various 'happy' websites don't seem to be helping anymore, and there's only so many cuddles my kitteh will put up with..

I feel that I'm slowly, but surely losing my mind... spending more time crying, or getting very stoned, and sleep all day..

How do you deal with your mental health issues? Because I'm really beginning to need help

J
"The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to  heterosexuals. That doesn`t mean that God doesn`t love heterosexuals. It`s just that they need more supervision." -- Lynn Lavne

Offline Jeff G

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Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2010, 11:29:54 AM »
Hi J , I have dealt with my fair share of depression in my day so I can relate to how you may be feeling and the isolation it can bring .

It pretty much goes without saying that you should talk to your doctor about a plan to deal with your depression . In the mean time some things that have helped me in the past may also help you .

When I was depressed I found that avoiding recreational drugs and keeping a normal routine helped me to cope . I got up everyday wether I felt like it or not and took a shower and went for a walk . I have often found that lending a helping hand to a friend or total stranger in need took me outside myself and helped me not to focus on myself in a way that was obsessive .

Please talk to your physician and let us know how you are doing .     

Offline poz1970

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  • Posts: 480
Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2010, 12:37:46 PM »
I probably should have mentioned the boredom too....

My friend has convinced me to start playing World of Warcraft again..  so downloading all 8gig of that at the moment...

I think what really gets to me is that I have no friends to talk to this stuff about.. the whole "im going to die alone", "no one cares" feelings that flash through the head while hysterically crying, etc...

All the positive people I know here in Adelaide, are after sex, not conversation.. and after years of working on the scene, and now being a hermit.. it makes my life (or lack of one), feel very very empty


J

"The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to  heterosexuals. That doesn`t mean that God doesn`t love heterosexuals. It`s just that they need more supervision." -- Lynn Lavne

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2010, 12:50:17 PM »
I probably should have mentioned the boredom too....

My friend has convinced me to start playing World of Warcraft again..  so downloading all 8gig of that at the moment...

I think what really gets to me is that I have no friends to talk to this stuff about.. the whole "im going to die alone", "no one cares" feelings that flash through the head while hysterically crying, etc...

All the positive people I know here in Adelaide, are after sex, not conversation.. and after years of working on the scene, and now being a hermit.. it makes my life (or lack of one), feel very very empty


J



Time to see a therapist man.  If you need someone to talk to they're fantastic for it.  They listen and give reasonable unbiased nonjudgmental advice about any given situation.  How long have you been diagnosed that you feel like you are this down about it?  It took me a while but I bounced back.  Don't get mired in your status or your feelings will become a self fulfilling prophecy.  Who wants to go out with the morose/morbid guy who sits in his house and plays WoW all day.  I say this as a former WoW player myself.  It's time to change things up a bit because what you're doing right now is apparently not working.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2010, 12:54:42 PM »
It's important to cultivate poz non-sex friends IMO.  It gets you out of the house and going to things like the movies, museums and other cultural events where you have a mutual interest.  I've lately been enjoying the company of a man about 20 year older than me in this respect -- it's like dating without the hassle of sex.  I know him through the support group I go to and we both have arts backgrounds so there's always stuff to see/do together and actually have interesting conversation, etc.

But yes, going by your opening post methinks some steady therapy sessions are advisable.  I do this too and have for almost a decade.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline roy100

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  • Posts: 123
Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #5 on: September 18, 2010, 12:45:49 PM »
You need to talk to a psychiatrist to make sure if you need behavioral change, or start an antidepressant.

Actually Aids itself can lead to Depression because of brain infections, or execs of virus in your blood makes you weak, and therefor depress.

I am taking an AD ( antidepressant) called Remeron , or its generic Mirtazapine, it increases your appetite.

Some people don't like this AD, but to me it worked wonders , literally pulled me  out of my death bed.
It  makes you feel up, and I had no side effect from it, it only made my hungry , and recuperated from the waste syndrome , which was a blessing.

I am slowly getting of the AD , my PR DR tells me not to do it, as I would have 30 % chances of falling back in depression, but my Aids Dr says i am a lot stronger and with less virus, I might be able to get rid of the AD, he told me to take half a pill.

Just to be sure I am lowering my dosage to 3/4 of a pill, for a month, and then I will go to half  pill.

It makes a huge difference, and this particular AD has no sex side effect.
I am actually dating new people.

Good Luck
Diagnosed 18Th March 2010
March 30Th VL +100,000 CD4 46
CD8T  575 CD8 %60.6
On Truvada and Kaletra. . Remeron 15mg  and150 mg  wellbutrin xl for depression. Clonazepan 2 mg to sleep. Omeprazole 20  once a day.
July 17 2010 Vl 362 CD4 155, 6.4 %
CD8T suppressors 1482 CD8% 61.1
 Nov 16 2010: V l 937 CD4 188,10%
CD8T Suppresors 997 CD8%55.8
August 15th 2011 Vl UD, less than 40.
CD4:543(26.7%) CD8:887 (43.6 %) Ratio .61
Jan 14th,2012 ,less than 40.
CD4:478 (24.4%) CD8: 962 (49.1%) Ratio.50
June 2012 CD4 599, CD8 856 UD
Oct 2013 CD 702, CD 843 UD Ratio:.87

Offline OneTampa

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  • "Butterflies are free."
Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #6 on: September 18, 2010, 06:24:26 PM »
There is some good advice here.  Please take it.

Also Poz, you made the first step to help yourself because you have the presence of mind to recognize your less than desirable situation and what appears to be a desire to improve it.

Take care.
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaíto frito."

Offline joyluckclub

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Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #7 on: September 21, 2010, 07:19:31 PM »
It is not much.

Take a walk.  Ride your bike.  Find some music you like.  Join a support group if you can find one in your community.

It takes some time to come out of the fog.

You'll be on my mind.
"Honey, be who you is"  Madea.........

Offline GNYC09

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Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #8 on: September 21, 2010, 07:41:51 PM »
strippers fo' sure.

and I second the motion to see a therapist or join a group therapy session.  also, interact more with folks, maybe join a Meetup.com group?  it can be a nice distraction.

good luck!

Juiceit

  • Guest
Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #9 on: September 22, 2010, 03:55:43 PM »
HI Poz:

I have been on every antidepressant known to man and nothing worked for any length of time...I also tried "light therapy" it kinda worked but I became "wired" and depressed at the same time..no luck there!
     Then something happened:  I was referred for electroconvulsive therapy  (yeah I know all about the Jack Nichelson film  (One Flew over the "coocoo's" nest) but the advances are notable.

I had a series 10 ten sessions---today I am still the same guy with AIDS but the therapy turned the volume and magnification of my negative thoughts  down,  WAY DOWN. 

Perhaps you should do a bit of research and talk to a mental health therapist and do some exploring.

"Take what you like and leave the rest behind!"

I wish you the best on OUR road to recovery=--u are NOT alone.
Jay




Offline william1953

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  • Posts: 3
Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #10 on: September 22, 2010, 04:37:54 PM »
I'm very sympathetic to your plight, mate. I was first diagnosed with depression in 1990, coincidentally with my diagnosis of HIV poz. My job at the airport was extremely stressful, and I took Prozac for a few years. When I first started on antidepressants, it was amazing how the "lights" got brighter, and I was able to get off the couch where I had been spending my weekends. I got into long-distance cycling for several years, until my diarrhea became too difficult to deal with on the roads and trails. I had to switch to Zoloft after the Prozac stopped working, and then to Effexor. I left my job in 1996 because of declining health, and of course the stress and anxiety lessened, but my mother moved in with me and I ended up taking care of her for her last five years. The Effexor worked great for 7 years until I decided to ask my psychiatrist to switch me to something that might help restore my libido, and also wouldn't leave me feeling somewhat emotionally numb. I started taking Wellbutrin, but then I got anxiety attacks, which it turned out can happen, so the doctor added Luvox. My clinic got a new psychiatrist who is trying to get me on antidepressants with the least side effects, and she also wants me off of my nightly Ambien and Ativan. Like the poster above, I started on Remeron in August, and it's been amazingly wonderful. At first I was groggy all the time so I cut the pill in half and you take it at bedtime anyway, so I didn't need as much sleep aids. I dildn't know that my depression had been creeping back, because after two weeks on Remeron I felt like working on my house and yard again, and I've really fixed it up a lot and given 2 barbeque potluck parties in one month.

I'm exhausted now and resting up for the next projects, and I'm actually seeking out the company of my friends and answering the phone again. Some depression is situational, like from grief, divorce, loss of a job, or moving, but mine is probably inherited, as my mother showed all the signs of depression in her middle age and beyond, and my brother and sisters have all taken antidepressants. I'm totally a fan of getting outside, socializing, and exercising, but often we need a push from medication, and whether we need to stick with it is up to our doctors and our own brain chemistry. I also have a counselor for talk therapy, and he told me not to worry about taking meds long-term for depression, as it's an illness just like AIDS, and I've been taking them daily for fifteen years and I'm still alive and kicking. Best of luck to you. Haha- sorry this is such a long post.

PS- if you want to research antidepressants, you'll find actual user reviews on crazymeds.com !
Tested positive in 1990- CD4 count 600
Started HIV meds 1995- CD4 count 200
Until 1999- CD4 count 100
In 2000- CD4 dropped to 25
May 2007- CD4 <5 viral load 20K
June 2007- CD4 25 viral load undetectable
December 2007- CD4 200+ viral load still undetectable
September 2010- CD4 260+ viral load still undetectable

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #11 on: September 22, 2010, 06:36:58 PM »
I battle anxious depression. I've been anxious since a year before my seroconversion, when I found myself with a future in another country, and having lost a fair amount of my social circle through an ugly break up. In fact I had a breakdown.
Then my seroconversion on top. 

Just wanted to say the 3 things that helped me, sustained me are:  1) therapy, 2) drugs from the psychiatrist to deal with anxiety, and drugs for depression, and 3) WORK.   Friends and sports help as well but really less, somehow. 

I am a teacher and I get a lot of positive return of energy from young people.  Young people are just great, so optimistic and enthusiastic.  Even the problems some have can seem quaint and charming, from my aged perspective, that's kind of reassuring to me sometimes - shows me not to take for granted the wisdom of middle age!

So I suggest you get some thereapy, get some good drugs, and please get out there and have contact with people who have energy to share. 
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Fondoo

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Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #12 on: September 23, 2010, 11:37:24 PM »
  hang in there bro
    I use free talks by Buddhist monks from the internet. Between inspired talks and some meditation practice I feel I at least have better tools. Sometimes I try to see sadness as normal and healthy but my resistance to my sadness as the real issue to be worked on
  Namaste

Offline heartforyou

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Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #13 on: September 26, 2010, 01:49:33 PM »
Fondoo,

resistance to my sadness as the real issue

I just returned from India and seeing the Dalai Lama in his temple.
That is exactely what it is. I am going through some phase of depression right now cuased by a lost jobopportunity just two days ago.I lost my old job  3 weeks ago.

It is the resistance against sadness.. as it means feeling the pain and accepting it. Buddha, this is so difficult.

Om mani padme hum....I pray to Chenrezig, the embodiment of compassion

Namaste

Hermie
« Last Edit: September 26, 2010, 02:50:02 PM by heartforyou »
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Fondoo

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Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #14 on: September 26, 2010, 05:58:05 PM »
wow heartforyou my first reaction to your post was "Holy Sh*t" But we can switch that too holy cow! for the kiddies.Thank you for posting I'm in a world of hurt over not seeing my 5 year old (custody issues) So no better time to practice
     I gotta run but one of my favorite monks to listen too when I am down is Ajan Brahm (Brahmawastu) This dudes voice is so darn happy it can realy sooth my mind

Offline heartforyou

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  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #15 on: September 27, 2010, 03:49:33 AM »
Lol.

Holy cows.. exactly.. they were running all over the streets.
Thanks for the link ..started to listen and sounds really great. An idea for poz1970 maybe.. could help a bit.

 namaste

Hermie
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline BusyDame

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Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #16 on: September 27, 2010, 05:09:37 AM »
Friends and sports help as well but really less, somehow. 

I am a teacher and I get a lot of positive return of energy from young people.  Young people are just great, so optimistic and enthusiastic.   

What I have picked up is that almost everyone is not having it easy, it is actually possible that even negative people have the same issues. I don't know whether I have lost my people skills or just
Being in a fulltime job has helped me a lot, but much more being a single parent has kept in that job because I have to meet there needs, even when I have to drug myself there. I guess this is an example of the positive energy mecch is talking about.
If you can't find someone on earth to love you at least love yourself dearly.

Offline koderkev

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Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #17 on: October 20, 2010, 03:56:56 AM »
Like some of the others here, I also recommend a good therapist. They get you out of the house, and into their office. Then you have someone to talk to, who's motivated to help you feel better. I've been seeing my current therapist for about two years, and I would not have gotten through the death of my second husband without her.

Other things that you can do, are get out and take a walk. I know someone else has already suggested this. My variation on it, is to go walking in a store. I love shopping, and I can get motivated to go walking around the store shopping much easier than I can get motivated to go walk around my apartment complex.

Get yourself out more often even if it's just to pick up the dollar cheeseburger at McDonald's. When you do get out find little ways of rewarding yourself–pick up a soda, buy a candy bar, etc.

The fact that you recognize that you have a problem is the first step in fixing it. But you're going to need some help. Good luck! :-)
I distrust morning people largely because I suspect them of getting together one morning and setting up the rules of civilization while the rest of us slept.

Offline Theyer

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  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: depression and loneliness, how to deal with it?
« Reply #18 on: October 20, 2010, 07:47:27 AM »
Hello,

Hopefully you have started to deal with it posting this post. From personal experience therapy is good, some form off routine , exercise, and this one took me an age to accept knocking off the wacky backy,

Take care and let us all know how its going

theyer
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

 


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