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Author Topic: media induced issues  (Read 1879 times)

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Offline wiwada

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  • Posts: 18
media induced issues
« on: August 23, 2010, 03:23:46 PM »
How do you deal with comments on HIV from friends (they donít know about me)? We have this non disclosure case  making the media rounds right now and itís making me nervous. Itís the guilty vs innocent thing, I think. Can you really be totally innocent or guilty in a case like this?  Back to the commenting friends, this case came up in a discussion and it was clear that at least some thought of this as some sort of  premeditated murder .Itís just that I havenít had sex since my diagnosis  and Iím already overly anxious about it . The disclosure thing is not an issue  right now because my boyfriend is the only person who knows about my status but I still feel like I should make him sign something .

Offline tednlou2

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Re: media induced issues
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2010, 06:30:57 PM »
I joked in a previous thread about these legal issues that HIVers should use cell phone video to document the disclosure.  It does seem silly, but I suppose if you ended up arrested, it wouldn't seem too silly.  These HIV cases do seem to pop up more frequently now.  Someone could consent and if they became infected want some kind of revenge.  Or, you could disclose after a night of drinking/partying and that person claim you never disclosed. 

I know there was recently an Indiana man arrested after several women came forward to say he didn't disclose and from what I know he has admitted to not disclosing.  However, I believe there have been cases where just one person claimed the HIVer didn't disclose and he was prosecuted.  It does seem a bit extreme to video the disclosure, but if I were dating and having sex I would really consider doing that. 

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2010, 07:12:28 PM »
How do you deal with comments on HIV from friends (they donít know about me)? We have this non disclosure case  making the media rounds right now and itís making me nervous. Itís the guilty vs innocent thing, I think. Can you really be totally innocent or guilty in a case like this?  Back to the commenting friends, this case came up in a discussion and it was clear that at least some thought of this as some sort of  premeditated murder .Itís just that I havenít had sex since my diagnosis  and Iím already overly anxious about it . The disclosure thing is not an issue  right now because my boyfriend is the only person who knows about my status but I still feel like I should make him sign something .

Wow, thats a compact paragraph with many questions and issues?

1)  Friends who make ignorant comments - you could educate them, talking in the abstract and not personally.  Or you could let it slide, and say nothing. Or you could disclose AND educate them.

2) If you have a boyfriend, why aren't you having sex? This seems like something to talk about with him, and maybe with a couples therapist?

3) About the legal aspects of transmission - I am not sure this forum can guess if your fear of criminal charges from a transmission is reasonable or far fetched. This might depend on where you live, what country and what state if the US.  That said, your fear of being personally responsible for a transmission MAY be involved in your lack of a sex life as much as your fear of being criminally responsible for a transmission.  But there should never be much risk of transmission if you and your partner have safe sex. There are many many sero-discordant couples who have sex and never transmit the virus in the couple.  

There is a lot of fear in your post that overshadows from one worrisome issue to another and I think you need to work on getting each issue resolved, separately, so as not to feel overwhelmed generally.


ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Hellraiser

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  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2010, 07:54:11 PM »
I was at work the other day and I said "I'm positive" in response to someone asking me if I was sure, to which someone piped up with "HIV positive!".  I had a minor heart attack right then and there until I realized he was just quoting the South Park episode where cartman keeps saying he's "HIV positive".  It's something that comes up constantly I just am now sensitive to it where as before I didn't even notice.  You deal with it by realizing they have no reason to think you are hiv+ unless you tell them.

Offline GSOgymrat

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  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2010, 07:58:28 PM »
I was at work the other day and I said "I'm positive" in response to someone asking me if I was sure, to which someone piped up with "HIV positive!".  I had a minor heart attack right then and there until I realized he was just quoting the South Park episode where cartman keeps saying he's "HIV positive".

LOL! :D

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,885
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2010, 11:40:05 PM »
I was at work the other day and I said "I'm positive" in response to someone asking me if I was sure, to which someone piped up with "HIV positive!".  I had a minor heart attack right then and there until I realized he was just quoting the South Park episode where cartman keeps saying he's "HIV positive".  It's something that comes up constantly I just am now sensitive to it where as before I didn't even notice.  You deal with it by realizing they have no reason to think you are hiv+ unless you tell them.

I've been using that line with my partner lately in an attempt to come to terms with my status I suppose.  "I'm not just postive, I'm HIV positive."  Eric Cartman used that line in the episode where he gets HIV, gives it to Kyle, and they go meet Magic Johnson to see why he is so healthy---in case some don't get the reference. 

I watch many animated shows like Southpark, Family Guy, The Simpsons, and American Dad.  The Southpark episode was actually a good episode in terms of HIV and funding.  I love Family Guy, but I still don't know how to feel about all their AIDS jokes and the song, "You've Got AIDS."  Many HIV groups complained about that one.  That song is one of those things that I laughed at initially, but don't find so much humor in now.

Offline wiwada

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  • Posts: 18
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2010, 11:27:52 AM »
Quote
2) If you have a boyfriend, why aren't you having sex? This seems like something to talk about with him, and maybe with a couples therapist?


because sex and HIV are connected for me and that kills my mood the moment it get's into naked territory. My boyfriend joked I should just keep the clothes on because everything is fine as long as I'm not naked

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #7 on: August 24, 2010, 12:05:57 PM »
because sex and HIV are connected for me and that kills my mood the moment it get's into naked territory. My boyfriend joked I should just keep the clothes on because everything is fine as long as I'm not naked

You're boyfriend is willing to adapt to you being HIV+.  So it's your turn to take steps to adapt to a sex life with HIV.  I guess you know that a sexless relationship is not going in a good direction.  He's just "joking" about keeping your clothes on, but if I were in your shoes, I'd thank my stars I had a bf who still wants it, and keep my clothes on, for the time being, and fuck.  And I'd find someone to talk to toward getting comfortable with my status.  Maybe each time you fuck, clothed, you take off another piece of clothing. Like strip poker, or wading gently into a cold lake before you really start to swim.   Eventually you will be naked!
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Online bocker3

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  • Posts: 3,386
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #8 on: August 24, 2010, 10:17:25 PM »
but if I were in your shoes, I'd thank my stars I had a bf who still wants it, and keep my clothes on, for the time being, and fuck.  And I'd find someone to talk to toward getting comfortable with my status.  

How clever -- now why didn't he think of simply being thankful and fucking.....  Do you really think it is that easy? ::)

Wiwada-
Me thinks Mecch got it backwards -- perhaps talking with someone about getting comfortable with your status is priority one.  The earlier advice about talking with your bf and, perhaps, some couples counseling is excellent advice.  My partner is negative and I still have some anxiety about sex with him...  we don't have it as much as either would like, but we are having it more than we did 5 years ago when i was first diagnosed (it was 5 yrs ago today, in fact!!  how did that slip my mind?).  It's not easy -- but it can get better, you just need to give yourself time and the help you need to come to terms with all this.

Hugs,
Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
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Offline jcelvis

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  • Posts: 77
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #9 on: August 25, 2010, 01:31:08 AM »
The whole problem I have with this, and the case in which this topic is referring to is the german pop singer Nadja, is the guy accusing her of spreading the disease didn't get test for 3 years.


He slept with her in 2004 and didn't get tested until 2007. I mean come on that's ridiculous. For 3 years this guys was probably fucking other people, but Nadja is getting prosecuted for knowing her status. Yet this man is was most likely far more infectious over those 3 years then she was. He accuses this woman of "pre-meditated murder" to disguise the fact that he led and engaged in risky behavior.

You know we are all human and make mistakes, especially when it comes to physical desire, we like instinct overtake logic. Sad thing, even though she was forced because of pregnancy, she knew her status and was getting treatment. He was letting this virus spread for 3 years.

Change the way you view the world, and the world around you changes.

Offline Hellraiser

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  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #10 on: August 25, 2010, 07:34:46 AM »
The whole problem I have with this, and the case in which this topic is referring to is the german pop singer Nadja, is the guy accusing her of spreading the disease didn't get test for 3 years.


He slept with her in 2004 and didn't get tested until 2007. I mean come on that's ridiculous. For 3 years this guys was probably fucking other people, but Nadja is getting prosecuted for knowing her status. Yet this man is was most likely far more infectious over those 3 years then she was. He accuses this woman of "pre-meditated murder" to disguise the fact that he led and engaged in risky behavior.

You know we are all human and make mistakes, especially when it comes to physical desire, we like instinct overtake logic. Sad thing, even though she was forced because of pregnancy, she knew her status and was getting treatment. He was letting this virus spread for 3 years.



Heterosexual guys don't think they'll become infected with HIV from unprotected sex, it frankly isn't on their radar.  I don't blame him for not getting tested after a one off unprotected encounter, but who is to say that she is the one who infected him in those three years.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #11 on: August 25, 2010, 07:35:50 AM »
He accuses this woman of "pre-meditated murder" to disguise the fact that he led and engaged in risky behavior.

Regardless of what this guy is "accusing" her of, that's not what she's been charged with.

Quote


"I am so sorry," Ms Benaissa told the court. However, she denied deliberately infecting anyone.

She faces a charge of grievous bodily harm for allegedly infecting one man.

She has also been charged with attempted bodily harm for allegedly having sex with two other men who were not infected.


The charges carry a prison sentence ranging from six months to 10 years.

"When I was arrested I realised that the way that I had dealt with the illness had been wrong... I made a big mistake," said Ms Benaissa, in a statement read to the court by her lawyer.

"No way did I want my partner to be infected."

She claimed she had been told by doctors that the risk of passing on the virus was "practically zero".

She also feared that admitting her infection "would probably have meant the end for No Angels", her lawyer, Oliver Wallasch, told the court.
source

Sounds to me like this is a classic case of someone not being given correct information and/or adequate support.
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline wiwada

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  • Posts: 18
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #12 on: August 25, 2010, 04:41:26 PM »
Iím still really nervous and I see the letters H I V  everywhere ( a bit like back when I was working on getting my drivers license and saw my driving instructor everywhere) but weeks ago a was jumpy about sitting on the same  couch  now weíre at least back to sharing a bed. And I really need the contact . Sometimes I feel like I'm depending too much on him or put too much on him . First I wanted to get rid of him and thought he was nuts for not leaving , now I'm scared to let him leave even for work because I'm afraid something might happen to him

Offline Hellraiser

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  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: media induced issues
« Reply #13 on: August 25, 2010, 05:38:40 PM »
Iím still really nervous and I see the letters H I V  everywhere ( a bit like back when I was working on getting my drivers license and saw my driving instructor everywhere) but weeks ago a was jumpy about sitting on the same  couch  now weíre at least back to sharing a bed. And I really need the contact . Sometimes I feel like I'm depending too much on him or put too much on him . First I wanted to get rid of him and thought he was nuts for not leaving , now I'm scared to let him leave even for work because I'm afraid something might happen to him

This is really confusing, you were jumpy about sitting on the couch with your driving instructor, but now you're back to sharing a bed?

 


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