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Author Topic: Facing Your Mortality  (Read 4744 times)

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Offline MoltenStorm

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  • Posts: 477
  • Poz & Fabulous
Facing Your Mortality
« on: April 21, 2007, 06:39:01 PM »
I know. I know. A bit morbid are we?

Moffie's post sparked the thought wheels. How did you deal with facing your own mortality?
"Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful nor conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful. Love takes no pleasure in other people's sins, but delights in the truth. It is always ready to excuse, to trust, to hope, and to endure whatever comes." - 1 Corinthians 13:4-7, adaptation in A Walk To Remember

CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 7 Nov 2006
CD4: 555 / 29% / Undetectable - 5 Feb 2007

Offline puertorico2006

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  • Posts: 957
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #1 on: April 21, 2007, 06:44:57 PM »
I think that people that are diagnosed now days go through the initial stage of "oh im going to die young" and have mortalitiy issues....

but then you start reading and learning that being HIV+ today isnt the same as it was years ago if you have access to and can afford adequate treatment.

So in my case i think i face the same issues with mortality that any other human being faces positive or negative... Sure i worry about getting sick and stuff but death from hiv doesnt cross my mind much.......We all die eventually and that is one of the aspects of life that is difficult to deal with but once you realize it is inevitable all you can do is enjoy each day as if it is your last

-josh
(who thinks more about superficial things so he doesnt have to think much about mortality)
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline cflas

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  • Posts: 40
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #2 on: April 21, 2007, 07:53:54 PM »
I agree with PuertoRico...For me, when I was first diagnosed, I firgured I wouldn't last the weekend.  Then, I thought I'd be happy just to make it through the summer.  But I had the most incredible physician who specialty is HIV and I stopped thinking about dieing.

I can remember saying, very Gloria Swanson, "HIV is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up!" So much for that kind of drama.

Now, for me I realize that some people have breast cancer, some people have Parkinson's disease, and some people have ALS. I have HIV. I choose to live with it.
   chris



Offline bimazek

  • Member
  • Posts: 781
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #3 on: April 21, 2007, 08:15:48 PM »
"HIV is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up!"

sadly i am still in that phase, been less than 10 months
i do not think i will ever get over denial and the "HIV is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up!"

but i am still alive and still going on

so who knows

in my intellect i read we can live 20 30 40 years

in my fears and emotions i have 2, 3 to 4 years to live

why... i do not know


Offline StrongGuy

  • Member
  • Posts: 492
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #4 on: April 21, 2007, 09:36:08 PM »
We're all going to die and there's nothing wrong with thinking about it. We'd be naive not to.

My view is I take my meds, I listen to my doctor I'm vigilant all the time and as long as I'm trucking along and my numbers are good there's no need to live in fear of teh unknown.

My cousin who's 10 years older than me just died of a sudden heart attack two months ago. Another friend has cancer. Death is part of life.

Lot of people I know here in NYC living full lives with HIV - longer than I have - planning retirement, shares on Fire Island (ughh..) and the normal day to day..

I plan to do the same until my number is up.

"Get your medical advice from Doctors or medical professionals who you trust and know your history."

"Beware of the fortune teller doom and gloomers who seek to bring you down and are only looking for company, purpose and validation - not your best physical/mental interests."

"You know you all are saying that this is incurable. When the real thing you should be saying is it's not curable at the present time' because as we know, the great strides we've made in medicine." - Elizabeth Edwards

Offline milker

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  • Protected phone sex
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #5 on: April 21, 2007, 09:42:51 PM »
I think of HIV but death is not on my checklist at all. At least not yet. It never comes to my mind, and I'm glad about that. My concerns right now are more about side effects, chronic illnesses, feeling like shit, but not death.

Milker.
mid-dec: stupid ass
mid-jan: seroconversion
mid-feb: poz
mar 07: cd4 432 (35%) vl 54000
may 07: cd4 399 (28%) vl 27760
jul 07: cd4 403 (26%) vl 99241
oct 07: cd4 353 (24%) vl 29993
jan 08: cd4 332 (26%) vl 33308
mar 08: cd4 392 (23%) vl 75548
jun 08: cd4 325 (27%) vl 45880
oct 08: cd4 197 (20%) vl 154000 <== aids diagnosis
nov 2 08 start Atripla
nov 30 08: cd4 478 (23%) vl 1880 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
feb 19 09: cd4 398 (24%) vl 430 getting there!
apr 23 09: cd4 604 (29%) vl 50 woohoo :D :D
jul 30 09: cd4 512 (29%) vl undetectable :D :D
may 27 10: cd4 655 (32%) vl undetectable :D :D

Now accepting applications from blowjob ninjas™

Offline Grendel

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2007, 12:10:35 AM »
"HIV is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up!"

sadly i am still in that phase, been less than 10 months
i do not think i will ever get over denial and the "HIV is the last thing I think about before I go to sleep and the first thing I think about when I wake up!"

but i am still alive and still going on

so who knows

in my intellect i read we can live 20 30 40 years

in my fears and emotions i have 2, 3 to 4 years to live

why... i do not know



It'll get better. I was the same way the first year or so. Then I'd have days where it would hit me "Hey, cool, I haven't thought about HIV for like, 20 minutes...except now I'm thinking about it again...dammit...stop thinking about it..."

Now (11 years after being diagnosed) I really only occassionally think about it. Mostly when I hear someone make some stupid comment, or see something on TV. Or like today, when I'm starting a new med. Then I think about it a lot, anticipating a whole new round of side effects that I have to adjust to or get past for a few weeks.

And then it's back to normal. Then it's just my every 3 months doctor visit (which I confess I've stretched to 5 or 6 months more than one time) that I give it much thought at all.

Or if I get sick, which doesn't happen often. But if I'm not feeling better within a couple days, the doubts do start to creep into the back of my mind, lol. So OK, maybe I do still think about it a lot. But the obsession with it is gone.

Life goes on. Eventually something will kill me. Whether it's HIV or a bus, I intend to live as happily as I can until then, and worrying fruitlessly over HIV or death is not a way to be happy.

Offline randym431

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,115
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #7 on: April 22, 2007, 05:25:39 AM »
Just caught this post on the forum.
Just tonight my first partner (1978-1986) died out in San Diego. He was 58. But, he did not die of hiv, he died of a bad heart from childhood. He had won (pretty much) over the hiv, having been on meds since 1995. His labs were great. Cd4 was 900 (from 85 in 1995) and had always stayed undetectable since on meds over the years. He walked 5 miles a day and had a good life, even though he did take disability back in 1995.

But his bad heart became a problem (bad valves) some 7 years ago, so he had surgery back then to replace the valves.
They used animal heart valves that last a span of 7 - 15 years. Then one needs them replaced again.
His started failing about 6 months ago, but they told him he could wait a year until he had to have them replaced, again. He was doing fine until last two weeks ago when he had a harder time getting his breath than usual.

He went to the doctor and his lungs filed with fluid from the bad valves not working fully, and he went down hill pretty fast.
They could not get him well enough to have the surgery to fix the valves. He knew his time had come and he was very much in peace and accepted it all during the last few days. Its like the body knows when its time to stop fighting.
I talked about him, and his great labs many times in other posts here. And even though we might think its the hiv that will get us, thats not always the case. You never know.
I was so glad to have had a last talk with him last Friday, even though he was so weak he could only whisper on the phone.
I told him I loved him and he replied the same. We always stayed close as friends after we spilt in 1986.
I'll miss our long phone calls we had every month. And when I became hiv+, he kept me sane and was the only close one I knew that I could talk to that knew what I was going thru. His family are farmers and very religious and never did talk or understand his being gay.
But they always treated me as a member and like their in-law.
My only advice to people on mortality is to treat others with respect. Try not to hold a grudge or be picky over something that once happened. Because when you time does come, and when you might least expect it, at least you can have some inner peace with those you knew, family and friends.

Offline Central79

  • Member
  • Posts: 527
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #8 on: April 22, 2007, 07:43:10 AM »
It's interesting reading these posts and looking at the transition people make from thinking about HIV every waking minute, to it being the last thing you think of at night and the first thing you think of in the morning, to being something you rarely think of, unless you're reminded.

I'm not too worried about mortality. I remember reading some philosopher, who said fear of death is illogical because "where death is, I am not. And where I am, death is not" - namely, you're not concious to worry about it!

The stuff that scares me is disability - not being able to look after myself and having to rely financially on other people. I also worry about my looks. I don't want to be marked out as having this disease by a drug side-effect, or prevented from supporting myself. That stuff always scared me before the HIV, as part of getting older, but the HIV has heightened it.

M.
Diagnosed January 2006
26/1/06 - 860 (22%), VL > 500,000
24/4/06 - 820 (24.6%), VL 158,000
13/7/06 - 840 (22%), VL 268,000
1/11/06 - 680 (21%), VL 93,100
29/1/07 - 1,020 (27.5%), VL 46,500
15/5/07 - 1,140 (22.8%), VL not done.
13/10/07 - 759 (23.2%), VL 170,000
6/11/07 - 630 (25%), VL 19,324
14/1/08 - 650 (21%), VL 16,192
15/4/08 - 590 (21%), VL 40, 832

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #9 on: April 22, 2007, 11:19:32 AM »
How did you deal with facing your own mortality?

I have given my death some thought, especially since my diagnosis, but I won’t try to deal with my mortality till the end of my days, simply because no one can predict exactly how they will die. Death is as natural as birth to me. I only hope I’m of sound enough mind to surrender to death with some semblance of dignity when the time comes.

No one can control the inevitable. Death is inevitable for every living person and thing. I accept that. I’m alive now and now is all anyone gets.  I won’t squander one minute on “what ifs” or live in fear of a perfectly natural event farther down the road.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline gemini20

  • Member
  • Posts: 262
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #10 on: April 22, 2007, 11:45:57 AM »
In the early years of my diagnosis I was one of those people who was convinced that I was going to get sick and die within a short period of time - how wrong I was!

However to address my 'impending' mortality I decided to take control and get organised for the event. By chance I read an article about some pensioners who had bought their coffins in advance and were using them as pieces of furniture. So I phoned the company and bought my own coffin - just a regular rectangular box because I don't like the traditional shape. It's made from recycled timber and was the cheapest box on offer (I am very tight with money!).

I have painted it bright colours and it has been residing in my front room for over a decade now and is a very handy storage facility for my vinyl record collection. With the lid on it makes a useful window seat and general dumping ground for coats, bags, books and anything else I care to leave on top of it!

Being a spiritualist I have no fear of death but the process to get there does give me food for thought on occasion.

The sooner I realised and accepted that I would die one day, the easier it was to get on with living and enjoying my life.

Emma



Diagnosed 11th September 1991
Current CD4 count 484 (26%); viral load undetectable (December 2011).
Restarting boosted Prezista 08/04/11

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2007, 12:42:23 PM »
I just want to breeze into the finish line without tripping to awfully much...

Offline zeb

  • Member
  • Posts: 172
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #12 on: April 22, 2007, 01:48:33 PM »
My doc says: the chance newly diagnosed will get aids is almost zero. That only happens to people who don't have treatment care.

At first I thought: I don't buy it. But I spoke with some folks who are treated by him. I start to believe it more and more.

Yes I'll die some day. Probably not of hiv.

Zeb

Offline DavidinCA92284

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #13 on: April 22, 2007, 03:45:25 PM »
well...sorry but I disagree with the last comment about the Doc saying that most newly infected folks won't get AIDS.   AIDS is a defined situation based upon low T-Cells and other problems.  The fact that there are treatments to keep virual loads down, doesn't eliminate the fact that treatments can fail over time.  In fact, the jury is out on just what kind of long-term side-effects there really will be from taking all these toxic pills.  Therefore, I will never say that I won't die from AIDS or having HIV.  And, I won't lie and pretend that I don't thinik about having HIV everytime I take my meds, or anytime I have a pain somewhere on my body that wasn't there yesterday.   And, I certainly think about death and dieing . . . not because of AIDS, but because my spirit needs a good home when all is said and done.

Offline Iggy

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  • Posts: 2,435
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #14 on: April 22, 2007, 05:03:25 PM »
Quote
How did you deal with facing your own mortality?

Personally it wasn't my demise that had me so depressed for so long so much as my living that did.

This may sound really morbid or sick to some but it wasn't a fear of death - it was the fear of having to live with pain and growing older and having my body fail me; to thirst and ache for life and be unable to fully participate in it - that to me is so much worse and unbearable than death.

It wasn't too long ago that I was facing my own mortality...and frankly I welcomed it.  Life seemed to have other plans for me however so I guess I will have to deal with your question at some point in the future when the event arrives - until then I think I'll just do what I can to not forget exactly how much I have going for me vs. what I think I have already lost or fear I will one day.

Offline Jeffreyj

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  • Posts: 1,403
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #15 on: April 22, 2007, 10:44:18 PM »
I welcome my last day.

Welcoming it sure takes allot less energy being scared of it and running away from it.

Just something I learned along the way being poz since '84.



Positive since 1985

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #16 on: April 23, 2007, 03:53:59 AM »
Welcoming it sure takes allot less energy being scared of it and running away from it.

I agree, Jeffrey!

It's much less exhausting to surrender to things we can't do anything about. I use that principle in many other areas of my life as well.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #17 on: April 23, 2007, 09:17:18 AM »
From the moment we pop out of our mama's womb there is only one certainty and that is we will die one day.  I didn't worry about it that day (that I know of.... :)) and I don't worry about it now.

Woods
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Central79

  • Member
  • Posts: 527
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #18 on: April 23, 2007, 09:23:47 AM »
This may sound really morbid or sick to some but it wasn't a fear of death - it was the fear of having to live with pain and growing older and having my body fail me; to thirst and ache for life and be unable to fully participate in it - that to me is so much worse and unbearable than death.

I totally relate to this Iggy.

I remember when I was first diagnosed I watched my DVD collection of "Six Feet Under" over and over. It doesn't sound like something that should help, but it did - every episode starts with somebody getting killed in some totally random way, often very young and it just helped me get used to the idea of life being temporary and very fragile - which I'd known intellectually before diagnosis, but only really felt afterwards.

M.
Diagnosed January 2006
26/1/06 - 860 (22%), VL > 500,000
24/4/06 - 820 (24.6%), VL 158,000
13/7/06 - 840 (22%), VL 268,000
1/11/06 - 680 (21%), VL 93,100
29/1/07 - 1,020 (27.5%), VL 46,500
15/5/07 - 1,140 (22.8%), VL not done.
13/10/07 - 759 (23.2%), VL 170,000
6/11/07 - 630 (25%), VL 19,324
14/1/08 - 650 (21%), VL 16,192
15/4/08 - 590 (21%), VL 40, 832

Offline LoboDog

  • Member
  • Posts: 78
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #19 on: August 04, 2010, 09:45:07 PM »
Having been through Aids and comming back... Is one considered to not have aids after having been diagnosed??? At any rate I went through a plethera of emotions and realizations. The following are the 2 biggest.

1. In the greater scheme of things I am insignificant. I am one of 6.7 billion people currently alive. I'm a smaller percentage of the number of humans that have ever walked the face of the earth. After I am gone I will have been a microscopic blip in the course of humanity.

2. Not being religious I came to the realization that we are just a mass of chemicals, a very complex computer. Our life drive subroutine says pain and dying is bad. Once I realized that i am just a bunch of chemicals it took away alot of my fear. It also took away a lot of joy. I wish I could accept religion because of the meaning that it brings to people. I guess that is not my lot in life.

Now that I'm healthy again I don't think about death much. I fear the long agony of being sick, of endless digestive issues, of being a burden on the people that I care about. I remember friends going through the painful death in the 90's and just don't want to go through that. I can handle going into the great void, I just fear the prolonged drama of getting there.

I also don't want to be a corporate slave until the very end. It has caused me to be more creative and to only do things that I want to do. I used to only be arogant, now I'm arogant and selfish with my time.

Offline Defarge

  • Member
  • Posts: 24
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #20 on: August 04, 2010, 11:51:31 PM »
In the early years of my diagnosis I was one of those people who was convinced that I was going to get sick and die within a short period of time - how wrong I was!

However to address my 'impending' mortality I decided to take control and get organised for the event. By chance I read an article about some pensioners who had bought their coffins in advance and were using them as pieces of furniture. So I phoned the company and bought my own coffin - just a regular rectangular box because I don't like the traditional shape. It's made from recycled timber and was the cheapest box on offer (I am very tight with money!).

I have painted it bright colours and it has been residing in my front room for over a decade now and is a very handy storage facility for my vinyl record collection. With the lid on it makes a useful window seat and general dumping ground for coats, bags, books and anything else I care to leave on top of it!

Being a spiritualist I have no fear of death but the process to get there does give me food for thought on occasion.

The sooner I realised and accepted that I would die one day, the easier it was to get on with living and enjoying my life.

Emma





love (1) [How I wish we had the 'love' buttons as they do on Ravelry.]

For me, when I was first diagnosed back in Feb, the realisation that I was going to die one day slapped me in the face. The image of me sick with AIDS being nursed by a weeping mother filled me with fear. I'm grateful that I have some long-term sobriety under my belt (though I'm far from being a poster child), as that really helped me to process everything, especially the whole "one day at a time". 6 months later, I'm still dealing with the fall-out, but I'm not worried about dying...I'm more worried about what the imminent future holds as my partner & I are divorcing...today, the HIV is just  something else to deal with, in addition to new jobs, places to live, cooking, laundry, laughting, loving...

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #21 on: August 04, 2010, 11:58:08 PM »



    I wish someone would quote something I said 3 years ago.  That would be like so awesome...
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Granny60

  • Guest
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #22 on: August 05, 2010, 12:11:47 AM »
I think the stigma of  HIV/AIDS is  a big player in peoples fear of dying. The next biggest player, is that many of us were so very very ill at the time of diagnosis that death was a real possibility.  I can truly say that after having AIDS and then cancer, I was completely at rest without fear of dying. I did my best to treat people right and have no feelings that I have to live long enough to right a bunch of wrongs.  Live your life so you don't feel like you have to make amends to anyone and you won't have any fear of dying.

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,770
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #23 on: August 05, 2010, 12:51:50 AM »
Probably since I was a teenager, I would think about death.  It is just so hard to imagine not being here.  I enjoy the sunrise, family and friends, and looking forward to something new for xmas or going on vacation.  I guess if you live to be a healthy 90 year old, then maybe you'd be ready to go anyway.  I worry about something happening and suddenly dying.  That is it.  Lights out.  When I see young soldiers on the news who died, I think what were their last moments like.  They won't get to live their lives for another 60 years. 

When Moffie died (who I didn't really know much), it caused me to have a panic attack.  Sorry to sound all drama queen.  When someone here died, it made me think about death even more than usual.  When I read someone is down to their last or next to last regimen, I wonder what they are feeling.  Do they feel hopeful that everything will be okay?  What is that feeling like? 

I know when my body starts to no longer be able to keep this virus in check and I have to go on meds, it will be difficult.  I'm so thankful to have the meds that so many others didn't have.  But, it will seem like this is it.  I will now die without these meds.  If they quit working for whatever reason, I will die.  I wonder whether none of them will work on me for some reason.  I don't know if that even happens unless you have resistance to all of them.  Tonight, I have what I think is a canker sore on my bottom gum.  My mind immediately goes to cancer even though my dentist just checked me for oral cancer last week.  But, that is the mind for ya. 

I think about death too much.  I'm working on that to try to live a happy life instead of living in fear.  It is a work in progress. 

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #24 on: August 05, 2010, 12:53:23 AM »
Fuck me, more thread necromancy.

MtD

Offline tednlou2

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Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #25 on: August 05, 2010, 12:55:24 AM »
Oh, I thought this was interesting and good to hear.  This is a Q&A with Dr. McGowan from thebody.  He says his oldest patient is now 88.  I would like to know how long that person has been infected.  They also talk about the thymus not working after 50 and what that means for producing CD4 cells.  I had no idea what the thymus does.  

http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/Meds/Current/Q209993.html

Offline TC

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  • Posts: 16
Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #26 on: August 05, 2010, 03:07:18 AM »
When I was diagnosed back in the 90's I had a VL in excess of 120,000 I really don't remember what it was - it may even have been 300,000.  

I had lost way to many friends and some of them when extremely quickly - the fastest died within 4 weeks of being diagnosed. For me the diagnosis was not a surprise, even though I thought I had been careful, I reckoned that I had probably been + for many years before.

I went out and read just about all that I could on the condition.  I went through the gamet of emotions, but not too high or too low.  But perhaps because I have been in and out of hospital for surgery since I was a child, I had seen people gain and people loose the will to live.  I chose to live and to make something of my life. I chose to be positive about being HIV+ and to grab a hold of live in a positive way and to stop being a victim.  I am sure that this has a big impact on how we progress and how the virus takes ahold. For me it is about having a positive mental Attitude.

I took up photography I regularly enter National & International Photo Competitions and generally get some of my work accepted and have collected a number of awards including a clutch of medals.  I am not saying that you should all take up photography, but to have something that takes you out of yourself and the feeling of negitivity.  I am also a committee member of a Regional Photo Federation and give talsk and act as a judge in Photo Competitions, it is a way of giving back something.

Plan ahead and make those plans a reality.  Since my diagnosis I have travelled to so many countries and all for my photography including: Ecuador including the Galapagos, Costa Rica, Thailand, Laos, Cambodia, France, Isle de la ReUnion, Germany, Holland, Luxembourg, Switzerland, Czech Republic, Slovakia, Slovenia, Poland, Romania, Iceland, Turkey & Kenya.  There are probably more - I just can't remember them at the moment.

I push myself but at the same time I listen to my body: if I am tired and need a rest I lie down and do so.  But I refuse to let this thing pull me down.  I always set plans into motion for a trip in the future - my next one is in October - albeit only here in the UK, but it is going to be 5 days of stunning photo opportunities.

It is my intention to hang around until I am at least in my 80's and possible longer just to twart others.

As to how or why such a strategy should work you may be intersted in reading two books by Bruce Upton PhD: 1) The Biology of Belief & 2) Spontaneous Evolution.

Now although my CD4 count is low, my VL is undetectable - yes I get tired and am fast asleep at 11 am, and most days need a nap part way through the day, but I still plow on and get things done and strive for life.  What I steadfastly refuse to do is to lie back and let life happen to me - I grab a hold of it whilst also listening to my body.  I don't burn the candel at both ends, beside I have long ago tired of the bars - I am after all 54 now.

The choice I beleive is to a great extent yours. Either let life happen to you or take a grip of it.  This coming weekend I am off to a re-union with others I served in the Army with back in 1971 - yes for those doing the calculations I was just under 16 when I joined up.  I know that I look a lot better than a goodly number if not all of them, and they will have no idea that I take meds to keep me alive.

For me it is important that I keep a positive mental attitude and always have something to look forward to.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2010, 07:18:32 AM by TC »

Offline mecch

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Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #27 on: August 05, 2010, 06:56:18 AM »
I wrote a Will.
I went on HAART and don't think about mortality anymore.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #28 on: August 05, 2010, 10:56:31 AM »
When I got the news, my ass hole dr. told me i was going to die, there is not cure.
i thought to myself, "I don't feel like im going to die". I guess I was in denial, but that's what I believed at the time.

Son of a bitch if I wasn't right! Go figure.
Positive since 1985

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #29 on: August 05, 2010, 12:14:42 PM »
Sometimes I wish it was possible to lock old threads like this (3years...come on) , especially when there are members who are no longer here.


Online leatherman

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Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #30 on: August 05, 2010, 12:23:16 PM »
I wish someone would quote something I said 3 years ago.  That would be like so awesome...

their was just so much material back they're of yours to quote frum, buddy  :-* ;D
Hand tossed... by Pizza Hut
mmm pizza hut. <drool>
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #31 on: August 05, 2010, 12:25:20 PM »
I was wrong ignore this post.
« Last Edit: August 05, 2010, 12:31:10 PM by Hellraiser »

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #32 on: August 05, 2010, 12:29:28 PM »
Sometimes I wish it was possible to lock old threads like this (3years...come on) , especially when there are members who are no longer here.


Amen.  I don't understand why people dig things up from 2007 instead of starting a new topic of their own.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline mecch

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Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #33 on: August 05, 2010, 04:17:26 PM »
Maybe only because they are new to online discussion forums and don't understand the general rules.
Or, they don't notice details such as dates.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Facing Your Mortality
« Reply #34 on: August 05, 2010, 04:57:57 PM »
Amen.  I don't understand why people dig things up from 2007 instead of starting a new topic of their own.

Indeed. Zombie threads should be sniped with extreme prejudice.

MtD

 


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