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Author Topic: My First brush with Stigma  (Read 2599 times)

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Offline Ravhyn

  • Member
  • Posts: 260
  • Nerd Alert
My First brush with Stigma
« on: July 12, 2010, 04:30:48 PM »
I know it was bound to happen, I guess I just didn't expect it to hurt so much. 

(Just for reference this is a response to me selling stuff on a yardsale site.  and for my protection and their's I am removing the email addresses)

 <info@bookoo.com>Add to Contacts
To:


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

===============================================
Yay!  This is a message from a user on the wildly fun Fort Campbell bookoo. 
Note the notes at the bottom of this note.  Noted?  User message:
===============================================

don't you think you should tell these people you got aids don't they have the right to know before they buy somethin from trash like you.

Link to item:


Title:In-laws are coming make me an offer
Price:


=============================================
IMPORTANT NOTES
=============================================

1. Make sure you reply to the SENDERS email address and NOT "info@bookoo.com"

2. Over 99.99324% of our users rock.  However, because Fort Campbell bookoo is so addictive, we get an occasional scammer.  Here are some tips to stay safe:



3. Have fun!

=============================================

SELLERNOTE:3922604
April 2006 - Sero-Conversion
December 2009 - Diagnosed
Jan 2010- VL 3,800 CD4 152
Summer 2010 VL UD, CD4 over 200
September 2010 VL UD, CD4 324
March 2011 VL UD, CD4 477
May 2011 VL UD, 338

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #1 on: July 12, 2010, 04:33:40 PM »
Ugh. That sucks.

How did your HIV status get caught up in an exchange about a garage sale?

MtD

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,704
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #2 on: July 12, 2010, 04:42:10 PM »
HA!  Pot calling the kettle black. How "trashy" is that hater! 
Its reminds me of the sanctimony on e-bay ---  "comes from a smoke-free home"
So I guess you have to add now "comes from an AIDS-free home"
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #3 on: July 12, 2010, 04:46:28 PM »


   Ravhyn,

     I agree with Matty, this sucks.  Just remember sweety, there are still a lot of ignorant people out there that believe HIV is a form of punishment for some sort of immoral behavior, they don't deserve your time- time being wasted by emotion on said comment or time trying to educate them, try not to let this get you down.

    
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Ravhyn

  • Member
  • Posts: 260
  • Nerd Alert
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #4 on: July 12, 2010, 04:54:16 PM »
The yardsale site, is connected to the forum I went unto when I first came out. 

I knew it was coming, at one point.  and thought I was ready for it.  and ty Mecch for making me smile =)

Skeebo, I know I need to grow some thicker skin especially with being open.  I went to these ladies though, out of fear, sadness, grief..I was just a wreck.  the positive response in the beginning is what made me want to be open about my status.  I thought "hey, if these women can accept it then why can't the world?" but when the shinny novelty of "candy has aids" wore off. everything I posted, a snide comment was made about aids/hiv.  and then today this email. 

I don't regret being open I would do it again if I had a do over.  But I just wish emotionally I had been more prepared and better able to handle it and I think that's what hurt the most. 
April 2006 - Sero-Conversion
December 2009 - Diagnosed
Jan 2010- VL 3,800 CD4 152
Summer 2010 VL UD, CD4 over 200
September 2010 VL UD, CD4 324
March 2011 VL UD, CD4 477
May 2011 VL UD, 338

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #5 on: July 12, 2010, 04:56:58 PM »
Ah  that makes sense now.

You're never really ready for it. But it happens.

Be strong, kid. We've all been where you are. :-*

MtD

Offline Ravhyn

  • Member
  • Posts: 260
  • Nerd Alert
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #6 on: July 12, 2010, 05:07:29 PM »
my hats off to you guys being able to handle it. But I think, It's kinda made me realize I need to toughen up. (grow some balls as my friends would say)  and if anything, it only makes me want to work harder on being an activist. If I can change one persons perspective on people with hiv/aids then I think I will be content. 
April 2006 - Sero-Conversion
December 2009 - Diagnosed
Jan 2010- VL 3,800 CD4 152
Summer 2010 VL UD, CD4 over 200
September 2010 VL UD, CD4 324
March 2011 VL UD, CD4 477
May 2011 VL UD, 338

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #7 on: July 12, 2010, 05:13:35 PM »
my hats off to you guys being able to handle it. But I think, It's kinda made me realize I need to toughen up. (grow some balls as my friends would say)  and if anything, it only makes me want to work harder on being an activist. If I can change one persons perspective on people with hiv/aids then I think I will be content. 

It's entirely understandable that you would find such a cruel and nasty comment to be hurtful.

It's only through experiences like these that one really toughens up. That's not to say people being asshats towards you is a good thing, but you do develop a thicker skin as time goes on.

MtD

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 9,945
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #8 on: July 12, 2010, 05:23:52 PM »
Ravhyn, I stll get the "how did you get it?" question from people who know my status.  I remember when I was first diagnosed years ago, people's perspective at that time was that if someone was female and HIV+, she must be a hooker, or slut.  Many people looked at me that way.  And Matty is right, you do get to the point of it not hurting you after awhile.

Even now, with all the info and education available, there are still many people in this conservative part of the country who are shocked to learn someone in the area has HIV.  Ah well, I stay clear of ignorant screws, and hang with people who honestly give a fuck.  Sorry it happened to you, though.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Joe K

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 3,665
  • 31 Years Poz
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #9 on: July 12, 2010, 07:28:28 PM »
Ravhyn,

While you may need to grow a thicker skin, you may also consider why this comment hurt you so much. I have learned that the only opinions that I care about, are those from people whom I respect, or those people who know me well. Any other opinion is based on speculation at best and many times words are only spoken to hurt someone else. I do not have time for unnecessary negative comments and I find that silence is almost always the proper response. Don't let the haters into your life and I'd block whoever sent you that message and be done with it and them.

Remember, no one can make you feel bad about yourself. While the words may hurt, you know the truth and never, ever, forget that.
« Last Edit: July 12, 2010, 07:31:07 PM by killfoile »

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #10 on: July 12, 2010, 07:31:44 PM »
I wish anybody had the balls to say something like that to my face.  Hiding behind the supposed anonymity of the internet makes people say things they would never say in person.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,704
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #11 on: July 13, 2010, 05:20:53 AM »
Ravhyn you are so obviously a class act I think this trashy hater is jealous of your integrity!  So twist her comment around as a sign that you are stirring things up in the minds of simple people and continue to live YOUR life and your HIV status the way it seems right to you.  
« Last Edit: July 13, 2010, 05:23:13 AM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline trinipoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
  • Just being me
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #12 on: July 14, 2010, 11:53:38 PM »
Sorry that it happen to you. Clearly that individual has nothing good going on in his/her life and has too much time on your hands.
I heard this from a TV show "haters make me famous". That my best defense against the dark arts (haterism)
O. Kayo
Surviving the medication, stress and stigma of HIV since 6th December 2006

Offline runnergal

  • Member
  • Posts: 28
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #13 on: July 15, 2010, 12:09:30 AM »
It saddens me that someone thought it was appropriate to treat you that way - but they are surely lonely and ugly inside - you are beautiful and proud - I am sure they envy that!

Offline mpositive

  • Member
  • Posts: 297
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #14 on: July 15, 2010, 10:33:12 AM »
Hang tight Ravhyn, I feel your pain.  You need to ignore the ignorance.... :)   I am learning that day by day myself :)

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #15 on: July 15, 2010, 11:10:51 AM »
have you responded yet?

maybe you should make it public...

let the others in that place know...since you are out and all. and respond accordingly...however you feel.

dunno, just a thought.

take care r,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,184
  • your ramblings bore Yamaguchi Kitteh
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #16 on: July 15, 2010, 12:12:37 PM »

While you may need to grow a thicker skin, you may also consider why this comment hurt you so much. I have learned that the only opinions that I care about, are those from people whom I respect, or those people who know me well. Any other opinion is based on speculation at best and many times words are only spoken to hurt someone else. I do not have time for unnecessary negative comments and I find that silence is almost always the proper response. Don't let the haters into your life and I'd block whoever sent you that message and be done with it and them.

Remember, no one can make you feel bad about yourself. While the words may hurt, you know the truth and never, ever, forget that.

Rav,

Killfoile's response is Golden. Very sage advice.

I can understand your shock, it's probably the first time you've been exposed to any sort of stigma. For us gays, the stigma of HIv is a little easier to take because in alot of cases we've already had to endure the stigma of being gay. So when the HIv stigma rears its ugly head we are able to let it roll off our shoulders. You too will get there. Dont let it get you down, let it empower you by realizing there are still alot of uneducated people in this world.

Hugs
will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline squaw

  • Member
  • Posts: 39
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #17 on: July 15, 2010, 02:46:59 PM »
Ravhyn,

I'm so sorry some troll had the audacity to say something like that to you.  As I always say "consider the source."  Obviously that person is miserable or they wouldn't be so hateful to others.

But something in your email jumped off the page at me.... FORT CAMPBELL.  OMG, do you live near Fort Campbell?  That is where we live, in Clarksville.  We should meet up sometime.  I'm old enough to be your mother, but I'm actually quite fun to be around.

Take care and don't waste a moment of your time worry about what those hateful bitches think.

Squaw

Offline pozniceguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,177
  • Niceguy Dallas
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #18 on: July 15, 2010, 05:30:55 PM »
Ravhyn,  hang in there.   this is just another version of the "bully" syndrome... the best defense is to ignore them " block"em on the Internet,  and get on with your life   Killfoile is right on they only have power over you if you let them....     silence really annoys them....   sorry you were done this way,  we have had others recently ( RAB)  who were accosted out of the blue by a neighbor...  so it happens.... 

next sale  hand out flyers supporting AIDS causes  make it part of your ad..... 

Nick
remember the good times...honor the past but don't live there
Le stelle la notte sono grandie luminose, nel cuore profondo del Texas

Offline OneTampa

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,203
  • "Butterflies are free."
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #19 on: July 15, 2010, 07:45:58 PM »
Rav,

Tip those cows in the field!

They are not worth the breadth it takes to Moo!

Take care.
"He is my oldest child. The shy and retiring one over there with the Haitian headdress serving pescaíto frito."

Offline SoSadTooBad

  • Member
  • Posts: 248
Re: My First brush with Stigma
« Reply #20 on: July 16, 2010, 08:35:59 PM »
Ravhyn, pay no mind to those bitter cunts.  You are here among friends and doin just fine. 

 


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