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Author Topic: Being Silent About Being Poz  (Read 5052 times)

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Offline tednlou2

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Being Silent About Being Poz
« on: July 09, 2010, 02:46:38 AM »
A young friend called me tonight.  He got an anonymous e-mail from someone telling him they know several people he has been with are likely to be poz.  They told him it would be a good idea for him to get tested.  Anyway, the person knew so many intimate details about his sex life.  He called me asking me if I was the one who sent it.  I told him it wasn't me. 

While he was saying he wasn't worried about it because he claims he doesn't get around, he was so obviously anxious.  He kept trying to tell me how he was tested for HIV, because he works in the medical field.  First, are HIV tests required to work in the medical field?  I know they require Hep vaccines.  He then said he took a test yesterday due to this person telling him to get tested. 

After he said if he is poz then he had to get it from his boyfriend, I finally couldn't take any more of his safe sex/no sex rant.  I told him I know of several people he has been with and didn't use condoms.  I told him I knew about a recent orgy he was in with several guys.  He cheated on his boyfriend so much that I felt guilty for not speaking up.  He also would frequent the glory holes at bookstores. 

Anyway, I told him he had several high risk encounters and I'm sure whoever sent him that was trying to look out for him.  He doesn't know I'm poz.  I think if I was open about my status, I would have more impact in telling him and others that HIV is real and does happen to people.  I think about myself at his age.  I didn't know friends who were poz.  If they were, they could hide it.  I do think when we don't have people we know who are poz, then we think HIV must happen to other people--prostititutes or people who are "whores".  He went on to say if he were poz he would have to kill himself, because his life would be over and it is "a disgusting disease."  I feel like such a coward for not speaking up and saying, "Well I have what you call a disgusting disease." 

So, I'm torn.  I feel like I'm not ready to disclose to friends, but I also feel like I could help him much more by telling him I am and that HIV is definitely a big reality.  If his test is negative this time, I think he will feel like he didn't get it from all the risky sex, so why change.  He is only 22 and like many of us at that age feels invulnerable. 

Offline Ann

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #1 on: July 09, 2010, 08:30:20 AM »
Well Ted, this is one of the fundamental reasons why I'm open about my status. It's the only way we're going to stop the stigma and ignorant misconceptions. It's the only way people are going to realise that yes, it could be them.

And you're right - if he tests negative this time he's going to think he's invulnerable and continue to practice unsafe sex. And sooner or later, he's going to have this "disgusting" virus.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #2 on: July 09, 2010, 08:34:44 AM »
I applaud you for confronting him on his hypocritical and high risk behaviors. If he was a  compassionate person I think disclosing would be helpful but by your description he sounds like a jerk who would use your disclosure against you. He's not worthy of your confidence, particularly since your have not disclosed to friends who would be supportive of you.

Offline hotpuppy

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #3 on: July 09, 2010, 10:56:25 AM »
Okay..... there are so many of what my coworker calls "kitty krunchies(tm)" in this sandbox.

First off to both of you:  You are Blanche!  You are!

Yes, he's a whore.  and I'm sorry darling, but you are in the closet at the least and being a hypocrit at the worst.

So now, into the meat of it.

Yours is easiest.
1. The only person you fool is yourself.  Sure you can pass for it... and yes, status is like asshole.  Not everyone needs to inspect yours.  That said, why hide it?  If jerko has a problem with it, it's Jerko's problem.  Do you really want or need friends who "like" you only for a perceived condition ?   
2. Be strategic.  There was definately a moment in this conversation where my response would have been along the lines of "I once thought the way you do.  Would you like to meet some poz guys who are just like you and me?"  That dances in the shadows.

Now, for HotSheets.

In the interest of full disclosure.... glory holes can be fun, the bathhouse is a blast, .... yea, been there done that... orgy too.

So, I'm not even gonna pretend to be on a perch or high-horse.  I'm a gutter pig just like the rest of them when it comes to sex. 

There are two ways for him to learn his lessons..... through the experiences of others or his own experiences.  He doesn't seem to be listening to you and he is getting around.  As the song goes... He'll be getting around the mountain when he gets it...... or something like that.  If he's lucky, he'll triip on something simple and curable, but with plenty of stigma like syphillis or gonorrhea.  Sometimes that teaches a lesson.  Sometimes it doesn't.

HIV isn't very picky though... and if he has enough unsafe sex he will catch it.

So that brings me to my third subject.

You and him.  So what will you feel like the first time you see him at the doctor's office?  When he goes, gee what are you doing here?  Dr. Stick-alot only treats HIV patients.  Hardly the moment to come clean about your status.  Like I said earlier, the only person your fooling for any length of time is yourself. 

As for the rest of the fools.... they all talk.  Just like your conversation, and the conversation he had with someone who probably topped him and was poz.  "Gee you ought to be careful.... hooking up for anonymous sex is dangerouns and you might wind up poz      ,    (note the pause and comma and pause) oh yea don't forget to get tested.... " 

I saw a shirt once that sums up the moment:  Parachute for sale.  Small Stain, Only used once, never opened.
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2010, 04:30:35 PM »
Teddles,

Her Annship has the ticket here. Until you're prepared to be open about your status with the people in your life, you're going to have to suffer the ignorance.

You want this kid to change his attitudes towards HIV? You need to ModelDesiredBehaviour.

MtD

Online Jeff G

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #5 on: July 09, 2010, 05:22:49 PM »
The first time someone asked me point blank if I had HIV I told the truth and said yes .

It was a client of mine who asked me the question and I lost that client and many more for my truthfulness . This was in Alabama in the 80's mind you . More than a few of the clients I lost have come back to apologise to me and told me they wish they had done things differently .

If I had it to do over I would do the same thing again . I am open about my status and no longer worry about losing something because of who I am . The people in my life have no problem with it and we all have learned a thing or two along the way .   

Offline Boze

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #6 on: July 09, 2010, 05:29:44 PM »
First of, what's a bookstore glory hole?

On the topic at hand - I am totally with you. I think it is somewhat of a moral dilemma - you could marginally benefit someone by telling them "This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!" with authority of speaking as an HIV+ individual. On the other hand - you risk all the obvious negative stuff that comes with disclosure.

I personally think that you owe an obligation to yourself first and foremost. Hence I would not disclose just to be an example for someone.

I think it's pretty arrogant of anybody here to tell you that you should disclose. The only statement that would pass my moral judgement would be "I disclosed and it worked for me. But you have your life to live  and should make the decision on your own circumstances that I am in no position to judge, living thousands of miles away and only encountering you on an internet message board"
==========
Aug08 - Seroconversion
Mar10 - Diagnosis; cd4 690 - VL 19,000
Apr10 - cd4 600
May10 - VL 4,500
Jun10 - started Atripla ; VL 113
Jul 10 - UD vl, CD4 590
Aug 10 - UD, CD4 810, 52%
Nov 10 - UD, CD4 980

Offline BlueMoon

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #7 on: July 09, 2010, 05:31:56 PM »
Louisville has bookstore action?
...................VL.....CD4.....%
-----------------------------------------
08/10-- ......<40.....290.....42
05/10-- ......<48.....290.....46
02/10-- ......<48.....481.....44
10/09-- ......<48.....277.....46
07/09-- ......<48.....300.....38
05/09-- ........51.....449.....39
03/09-- Added Isentress
02/09-- ........65.....299.....34
11/08-- ........62.....242.....40
08/08-- ........66.....212.....29
05/08-- ......202.....217.....27
03/08-- ....5210.....187.....21
02/08-- Began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
12/07-- 273,000.....157.....22
11/07-- 229,000.....209.....22
10/07-- Diagnosis

It's a complex world.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #8 on: July 09, 2010, 05:34:44 PM »
First of, what's a bookstore glory hole?

Oh surely you remember! Those holes in the wall in dirty bookstores you stick your dick through so that other men may suck it. How the memory fades with age, eh Bozey?

Heh "Bozey". That's got potential. :)

MtD


Offline Boze

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #9 on: July 09, 2010, 05:41:45 PM »
Oh surely you remember! Those holes in the wall in dirty bookstores you stick your dick through so that other men may suck it. How the memory fades with age, eh Bozey?

Heh "Bozey". That's got potential. :)

MtD


Fuk, you guys have it easy! Women only do it in porn films. Sometimes I do envy thee.

Bozey is cool, don't see why not.
==========
Aug08 - Seroconversion
Mar10 - Diagnosis; cd4 690 - VL 19,000
Apr10 - cd4 600
May10 - VL 4,500
Jun10 - started Atripla ; VL 113
Jul 10 - UD vl, CD4 590
Aug 10 - UD, CD4 810, 52%
Nov 10 - UD, CD4 980

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #10 on: July 09, 2010, 05:43:21 PM »
Bozey is cool, don't see why not.

All will be revealed in the goodness of time. ;)

MtD

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #11 on: July 09, 2010, 06:06:00 PM »
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline BT65

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #12 on: July 09, 2010, 06:24:30 PM »
Fuk, you guys have it easy! Women only do it in porn films.

You really haven't been around much, have you.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #13 on: July 09, 2010, 06:30:37 PM »
You really haven't been around much, have you.

I dunno Sister B. I think Bozey probably gets around more than he lets on. :)

MtD

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #14 on: July 09, 2010, 06:40:31 PM »
Indeed
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Boze

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #15 on: July 09, 2010, 06:42:24 PM »
You just have to take my word. Think about it - why would I create an anonymous online identity and then lie about own experience?


I read up on it - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glory_hole_(sexual_slang) - so the bookstores are adult. I didn't get that - thought it was normal bookstores at first.
==========
Aug08 - Seroconversion
Mar10 - Diagnosis; cd4 690 - VL 19,000
Apr10 - cd4 600
May10 - VL 4,500
Jun10 - started Atripla ; VL 113
Jul 10 - UD vl, CD4 590
Aug 10 - UD, CD4 810, 52%
Nov 10 - UD, CD4 980

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #16 on: July 09, 2010, 06:45:36 PM »
You just have to take my word. Think about it - why would I create an anonymous online identity and then lie about own experience?


I read up on it - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glory_hole_(sexual_slang) - so the bookstores are adult. I didn't get that - thought it was normal bookstores at first.

I can see the vice squad bust.

"Seriously officer, I really did think it was a normal bookstore. At first. Why would I give you a false name and then lie about it?"

MtD

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #17 on: July 09, 2010, 06:47:01 PM »
methinks she does protest too much

Offline BT65

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #18 on: July 09, 2010, 06:50:24 PM »
I dunno Sister B. I think Bozey probably gets around more than he lets on. :)

MtD

Thinking about it, I'm sure you're right.  I believe I met someone with that name just the other day at the bookstore by my apartment. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #19 on: July 09, 2010, 06:54:19 PM »
I knew this thread was going fixate on the glory hole as soon as I read the OP. ;D

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #20 on: July 09, 2010, 08:46:17 PM »
You just have to take my word. Think about it - why would I create an anonymous online identity and then lie about own experience?

Don't worry Bozeman I believe you!
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #21 on: July 09, 2010, 08:48:38 PM »
Don't worry Bozeman I believe you!

One of Us! One of Us!

MtD

Offline hotpuppy

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #22 on: July 10, 2010, 02:17:52 AM »
ROFL.

Loving it......

Bozey, there are playspaces for str8 folks too...... sorry i don't know where any are, but trust me they exist....
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Offline tednlou2

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #23 on: July 11, 2010, 01:43:04 AM »
Thanks for the responses.  I've been thinking a lot about this issue.  On the one hand, I think what purpose would it serve to tell people.  On the other hand, I think it would help people realize HIV does happen.  Plus, when family and friends know someone poz, they would be more likely to support things like increases in HIV funding.  It is like the gay issue in a way.  When family and friends know someone gay, they usually develop a better understanding--if they are decent people.  I know many don't get that kind of response and support, unfortunately.

I'll figure it out and what is best I suppose.  You guys are a big help.  I would hate to see him show up at the HIV clinic and wonder if I could have provided an example.  I hope if he really did get tested like he said, it is negative.  Like him, I wonder who sent him the email.  He still thinks it was someone trying to start trouble.  I tend to believe the person was sincere.   

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #24 on: July 11, 2010, 07:52:44 AM »
Do what you are comfortable in doing.  It is stressful to "out" yourself but it is also stress to "in" yourself.  The only thing is when you "out" yourself you know where you stand with people and they know where they stand with you. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

ďNeither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #25 on: July 11, 2010, 07:57:56 AM »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

ďNeither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #26 on: July 11, 2010, 10:50:24 AM »
If the Shirt Fits

http://www.poz.com/articles/HIV_Shirt_ATFGC_2503_18628.shtml

Back in Asheville in the 80's I wore one of those "No One Knows I'm Gay" shirts on campus and didn't think it would be a big deal... Wrong! People laughed, applauded, gave me nasty looks, instructors commented on it in front of the class... Two days later someone posted "God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve" flyers all over the place. I couldn't believe one person wearing a shirt could create such a stir.

Inspired by Annie Lennox wearing the "HIV Positive" shirt I thought about buying one and wearing it around town. The problem is my partner would have a complete conniption fit. I don't have HIV, WE have HIV and although I'm willing to put myself out there he definitely is not. We have talked about this and acknowledges I can do what I feel I need to but that I need to consider that my actions directly affect him. He is a private person,   private about a lot of things, and I don't think my desire to wear a shirt is worth the consequences. 

Has anyone on here worn the "HIV Positive" shirt? I would love to know what kind of reactions you got.

Offline Ann

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #27 on: July 11, 2010, 11:07:21 AM »

Has anyone on here worn the "HIV Positive" shirt? I would love to know what kind of reactions you got.

I'll have to buy one and try it, although it might be somewhat of a non-event for me as most already know my status. Anyone know where one might be purchased? I could probably have one made up at a local shop that does custom Ts.

Makes me think - it would be like wearing one's HAART on one's sleeve. :D
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Ravhyn

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #28 on: July 11, 2010, 11:14:35 AM »
I haven't worn the shirt but I'm planning on getting it. and I've talked my teammates (family and friends) into getting shirts when the aids walk comes. Except theres will say like "my daughter is hiv positive"  or my "sister is hiv positive."  

But I would wear mine out everywhere, I'm very open about my status.  its caused me too lose friends, but much like some of you they came back after they realized that I'm still me.  Something, I've just noticed though is that women do seem to be more open about being positive.  

I'll never forget my friend looking at me and saying "I dont care if your hiv positive, as long as you don't become a zombie and try to eat me and my family then I will be here beside you" and I've learned when your open about your status..people can surprise you, the ones you think will run first seem to be the ones who shrug there shoulders and go " and..? so what.."  
April 2006 - Sero-Conversion
December 2009 - Diagnosed
Jan 2010- VL 3,800 CD4 152
Summer 2010 VL UD, CD4 over 200
September 2010 VL UD, CD4 324
March 2011 VL UD, CD4 477
May 2011 VL UD, 338

Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #29 on: July 11, 2010, 11:16:58 AM »
I'll have to buy one and try it, although it might be somewhat of a non-event for me as most already know my status. Anyone know where one might be purchased? I could probably have one made up at a local shop that does custom Ts.

Makes me think - it would be like wearing one's HAART on one's sleeve. :D
They have some advertised on this site:
http://www.supporttees.com/aids_hiv.html
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #30 on: July 11, 2010, 11:21:23 AM »
I prefer my "I Have Anal Warts" t-shirt.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #31 on: July 11, 2010, 11:22:35 AM »
I prefer my "I Have Anal Warts" t-shirt.

Wouldn't yours read "I had my anal warts removed by a laser"?

Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #32 on: July 11, 2010, 11:23:24 AM »
I prefer my "I Have Anal Warts" t-shirt.

I wonder if they have that saying on a pair of daisy dukes?  ;D
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #33 on: July 11, 2010, 11:23:59 AM »
Wouldn't yours read "I had my anal warts removed by a laser"?

No, because they were cut out and stitched up.  The laser was for the anal dysplasia that appeared five years after the initial warts.

Have you had an anoscope up your filthy truck stop pooper yet, bottomboy?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #34 on: July 11, 2010, 11:26:48 AM »
No, because they were cut out and stitched up.  The laser was for the anal dysplasia that appeared five years after the initial warts.

Have you had an anoscope up your filthy truck stop pooper yet, bottomboy?

You make it sound so romantic, and no I haven't.  I'm a virgin.

Offline Ann

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #35 on: July 11, 2010, 11:40:00 AM »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #36 on: July 11, 2010, 11:42:25 AM »
I wonder if they have that saying on a pair of daisy dukes?  ;D

First round is on me!
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #37 on: July 11, 2010, 11:49:23 AM »
Makes me think - it would be like wearing one's HAART on one's sleeve. :D

Good one! :D

Offline gemini20

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #38 on: July 11, 2010, 01:16:03 PM »
I'll have to buy one and try it, although it might be somewhat of a non-event for me as most already know my status. Anyone know where one might be purchased?

Here's the link to Annie Lennox's official website which sells the t-shirts for her SING campaign.
http://annielennox.officialmerchshop.com/product_details.aspx?item_guid=d3d4cb28-b0be-4141-9e97-2f34e0065378

I have already bought one but weirdly for someone who is so open about being positive and who will feature in the global campaign with the Body Shop/UNAIDS later this year, I have yet to wear it in public.

I mentioned it to a friend and he said it was because I wasn't that narcissistic!

I'll probably save it to wear for a Worlds AIDS Day event later in the year.

Emma





Diagnosed 11th September 1991
Current CD4 count 484 (26%); viral load undetectable (December 2011).
Restarting boosted Prezista 08/04/11

Offline veritas

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #39 on: July 11, 2010, 01:28:19 PM »

Speaking of T-shirts, I was in P-town for the fourth, this guy had a t-shirt that stated:

 " I'm 80% straight! For the next week, I'm the remaining 20%."


v

Offline Ann

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #40 on: July 12, 2010, 10:21:51 AM »
Thanks, Emma!
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #41 on: July 12, 2010, 11:35:00 AM »
"Anyway, I told him he had several high risk encounters and I'm sure whoever sent him that was trying to look out for him.  He doesn't know I'm poz. I think if I was open about my status, I would have more impact in telling him and others that HIV is real and does happen to people.  I think about myself at his age.  I didn't know friends who were poz.  If they were, they could hide it.  I do think when we don't have people we know who are poz, then we think HIV must happen to other people--prostititutes or people who are "whores".  He went on to say if he were poz he would have to kill himself, because his life would be over and it is "a disgusting disease." I feel like such a coward for not speaking up and saying, "Well I have what you call a disgusting disease."

TednLou,

Since you've opened this up, I'd like to share a couple of observations and experiences.

You will not know what a grip stigma has on you until you talk with this young man or another like him.
You apparently have no difficulty bringing up his behavior which may come off sounding judgmental to him.

It is possible you could be the prevention message bearer he needs! And yes, if you saw him in a doc's office, your stomach would turn. So, you must ask yourself at which end of this equation would you prefer to be upset---helping him to prevent or listening to him confirm a diagnosis.

I've come out to many people, but the most gratifying feedback was one woman, who hadn't had a relationship in many years, when faced with a new beau came to me asking advice about condoms and lubes after I'd shared my story and status. And, a gay male, also entering a new relationship after his partner had been dead for many years (murdered) who said "because you shared your story I am making sure this is a totally safe sex encounter." They're still together.  Both instances made me glad I shared my status because they genuinely took the message to heart and acted on it.

I encourage you to try it. It doesn't mean you have to take out a billboard. I share it when I think it might make a difference---sometimes that's one-on-one and sometimes it's a room full of college students. If I can prevent one person from getting this, then that, to me, is worth it.

Em

Offline Boze

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #42 on: July 12, 2010, 02:09:51 PM »


I encourage you to try it. It doesn't mean you have to take out a billboard. I share it when I think it might make a difference---sometimes that's one-on-one and sometimes it's a room full of college students. If I can prevent one person from getting this, then that, to me, is worth it.

Em

Bear in mind that if he reveals to someone in his social circle it may mean that everybody they both know finds out. Just like you can't be a little bit pregnant - you can't keep a secret (especially as salacious as this) from spreading.
==========
Aug08 - Seroconversion
Mar10 - Diagnosis; cd4 690 - VL 19,000
Apr10 - cd4 600
May10 - VL 4,500
Jun10 - started Atripla ; VL 113
Jul 10 - UD vl, CD4 590
Aug 10 - UD, CD4 810, 52%
Nov 10 - UD, CD4 980

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #43 on: July 12, 2010, 03:03:35 PM »
Hi Boze,

Fully aware of that. In my opinion, sharing the information is what takes the salacious nature of it away; alleviates the self-reported feeling of cowardess; puts the fear where it belongs and adds to the lessening of stigma. Again, in my opinion.

Em

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #44 on: July 12, 2010, 06:43:49 PM »
I prefer my "I Have Anal Warts" t-shirt.
My first ROFL for the day.  Thanks
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

ďNeither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #45 on: July 12, 2010, 06:49:54 PM »
Virgin on the ridiculous. :D


Thanks, Phil!
Those are neat.  I gotta get me one.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

ďNeither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #46 on: July 12, 2010, 06:52:31 PM »
Those are neat.  I gotta get me one.
I meant the Tees.  I like the "Positive" shirt. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

ďNeither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline phildinftlaudy

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Re: Being Silent About Being Poz
« Reply #47 on: July 12, 2010, 08:21:49 PM »
I meant the Tees.  I like the "Positive" shirt. 
Yeah, I have to get the "Does this T-Shirt make me look HIV Positive?" shirt
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

 


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