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Author Topic: Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...  (Read 3806 times)

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Offline MAKOMAN

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  • Posts: 16
Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...
« on: June 30, 2010, 05:00:47 PM »
I just started my norvir/reyataz/truvada 6mos ago...my vl undetectable  cd4 380  as of april....I have been sober from tina for 6mos...but this past week relasped and did not take my hiv meds for 1 week , I resumed them 2 nights ago and I am suffering severe naseau..should I continue...I am so depressed I am also worried if it is safe to take my Dr's prescribed ambien cr (it was the only way I could sleep before my tina relaspe...I suffer from bipolar mania/depression.....I seroconverted about 1 year ago

I am  reposting here (originally posted under medications/interactions)as my issue seems mental health related now due to the severe deppression I am feeling -what I have done to myself including wasting the little money I had saved ..I now can feel what I have read about how the hiv/hiv meds amplify the affects of tina..such as feeling insane,intense depression,etc....the problem is I cant talk to my Drs about this relapse as I have recentlly(under their suggestion)have applied for SS Disability due to my Bi-polar mania/depression cycling as well as my hiv/hepc neuropathy propblems...as you can be rejected for SS disability if they find out you used drugs...I am at wits end....I did just make an appointment with my hiv  doc at local health department(advised them that I want to have them check out what seems to be an infected ingrown fingernail, and a sores on inside of mouth and tongue.)..I am just going to tell Doc that I cycled thru   a severe mania .and now cycling through a severe depression....which is true...but I am not going to tell him of my relapse....

4/15/10  CD4-461  VL<75
2/18/10  CD4-485  VL <75
12/02/09 CD4-650  VL  70
08/24/09 CD4-631  VL <48
06/24/09  CD4-317  VL 104
3/2009 BEGAN REYATAZ/TRUVADA/NORVIR
02/06/09 CD4-355  VL 168,930
12/2008 TEST POS

Offline mecch

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  • Posts: 11,163
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2010, 05:16:22 PM »
Well don't add more complications - I think you are doing the right thing protecting your possible income sources and not blabbing about a one week relapse. 
Are you working now?  What's going to happen this weekend?  More temptation? 
I guess you need to reach out to people you can trust to talk about the addiction.
I can't imagine restarting HAART at this moment when you are all messed up after last week is very easy on the system - how bad is the nausea?  Seems like if you can stay calm and try to stick it out for a few more days, and see if the HIV doc can help sort out the drugs you need going forward.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline MAKOMAN

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  • Posts: 16
Re: Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2010, 07:12:04 PM »
I did restart my haart meds 4 days ago...my nausea pretty bad...including an increased neuropathy  and mental fog.I am collecting a small unemployment check ..a have a little bit of money left in bank-not enough to get my own place(I did before my relapse,just 1 week ago)///I am way too beat up physically(skin infection, mouth sores, split tongue, etc)as well as mentally debased, depressed....to even entertain the thought of using more meth right now ...I did/do know on some level tina will kill me..I guess she has in some way taken over a part of my mind..I know I will never be able to exorcise her completely from my soul..In this way I guess I feel I have lost a part of my mind..and feel terribly odd about just saying that (especially in this public forum,except maybe somehow it will help someone else  by preventing that person from ever trying her...especially if you have some depression issues etc..but hey, that's one of the reasons I started using tina tina -self medicating my issues away.....but in all honesty there you have it....Tina will let me build my life up and then I self destruct...the bipolar thing is a recent diagnosis but looking back years ago into my life it has been with me for years misdiagnosed as depression.....
4/15/10  CD4-461  VL<75
2/18/10  CD4-485  VL <75
12/02/09 CD4-650  VL  70
08/24/09 CD4-631  VL <48
06/24/09  CD4-317  VL 104
3/2009 BEGAN REYATAZ/TRUVADA/NORVIR
02/06/09 CD4-355  VL 168,930
12/2008 TEST POS

Online BT65

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  • Vegas baby!
Re: Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...
« Reply #3 on: July 01, 2010, 07:14:48 AM »
Mako, don't beat yourself up too bad.  Relapse is, unfortunately, a very real part of recovery sometimes.  I can definitely speak to this, being I'm a recovering addict myself.  Do you go to NA meetings?  I strongly recommend you start, if you're not going now.  And be honest, especially about your relapse, because people in the meetings can suggest things to help you stay clean.  I also suggest finding a sponsor at the meetings.  (S)he can also help, especially if you get in a tight spot.  Though we're not responsible for being addicts, we are responsible for our recovery.  Please start taking responsibility and reach out and get some help.  No one understands us like other addicts do.

About your bipolar disorder and depression, do you see a psychiatrist?  I would also strongly recommend seeing one.  A regular MD can prescribe meds, but isn't as experienced as a psychiatrist, who also goes to medical school longer to study and specialize in these types of things.  It sounds like you need medication to help you get this under control, especially with the cycling going on. 

I would also suggest seeing a therapist.  Your ID doc should be able to help you get into one who has seen HIV+ folks for awhile.  Or, if you haven't yet, you may want to contact your nearest ASO (Aids Service Organization), which can also help you find a good therapist, help you through the process of applying for disability, and they may even have a support group, which would also be helpful.

Please take it easy, and let us know how you're doing.
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline MAKOMAN

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
Re: Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...
« Reply #4 on: July 02, 2010, 04:14:18 PM »
Yes I am seeing an advanced nurse practitioner and he is giving me Topamax for my bipo and welbutrin xr for my depression, as far as the NA thing ...I have gone to hundreds and hundreds of meetings never made any great personal connections with anyone at any gay meetings much less ever found a sponsor of any length of time or depth..and I tried to work the program calling the sponsor everyday etc...I can stay clean on my own 6 months -1 year, but tina is kinda like the alien monster just waiting inside your soul, till you are well enough to zap you again...I know the success rate of completely kicking tina is 10%...So I guess my best survival tactic is to get my shit together get my own place build up my health,mental health,financial, get a combat strategy in place and stop pretending she is not going to show up in my life again, because when she catches me off guard is when I get really stupid,sloppy, and wasteful!.....What do you think? Is this a pragmatic approach? Or another example of me losing my mind??

(I am reposting part of this from my other post since it is more to mental health issue)
4/15/10  CD4-461  VL<75
2/18/10  CD4-485  VL <75
12/02/09 CD4-650  VL  70
08/24/09 CD4-631  VL <48
06/24/09  CD4-317  VL 104
3/2009 BEGAN REYATAZ/TRUVADA/NORVIR
02/06/09 CD4-355  VL 168,930
12/2008 TEST POS

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,163
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...
« Reply #5 on: July 03, 2010, 08:42:33 AM »
I don't know - thats a meritous plan, but it seems like dealing with the day you wake up to is most important. Taking the HAART everyday and sticking to it.  Getting the bipolar swings into some controllable and liveable pattern so you can live, be healthy, and enjoy some parts of each day.  This could start today.

Is that figure of 10% for beating meth addiction correct??? Where did you get that figure?
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Online BT65

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  • Vegas baby!
Re: Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...
« Reply #6 on: July 03, 2010, 09:31:11 PM »
Most drugs are like the "alien monster" when trying to stay clean on one's own.  There may be some reservations you're having about getting to know others, and that's why you don't like the meetings.  Or maybe you should go to other meetings.  NA and AA have worked for millions of people, who have years and years of recovery.  But, if you think you can do it on your own, go ahead.  Your situation is not unique, much as you don't want to hear that.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline WillyWump

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  • Posts: 7,079
  • I live for the applause
Re: Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...
« Reply #7 on: July 03, 2010, 11:59:23 PM »
Yes I am seeing an advanced nurse practitioner and he is giving me Topamax for my bipo and welbutrin xr for my depression,

Makeo,

I hate to keep keying on the BiPo, but I think you need to be seeing someone other than an N.P. for Bipo treatment. As BT says, it would behoove you to get into a psychiatrist or someone else who is trained to address Bipo and who sees Bipo everyday. People who are Bipolar have an inate urge to self medicate, especailly if the Bipo meds are not working. The chance of Relapse to Tina, coke, etc... is very high in Bipo patients where the condition is uncontrolled. Sometimes it takes awhile to find the right combination/dosage of meds to adequately treat the condition. Sometime it only takes a tweaking of the currents meds dosage, that's why it's better to be dealing with someone who is highly experienced with treating BiPo. Don't underestimate the dangers of BiPolar, it can seriously impinge on the ability to adhere to HAART, and can wreak havoc on someone who is trying to "get clean".

Btw, you mentioned you were having "brain fog" issues, Topamax is notorious for creating memory issues. Not only that, but I think Topomax is used as an off label treatment for Bipo and is stll undergoing studies for the true efficay in treating Bipo. I'm going to say it... I think you need a med change. Dont' be afraid to go back to something you've already tried (Lamicatl, seroquel), but try them in differing doses....see a good Psych or specialist for help with this. Please , please do this ")

I'm really concerned about your propensity for relapse. HAve you considered an inpatient rehab? I know you indicated money was an issue, but would your parents be willing to foot the bill to try to get you clean? Is there any insurance available? I think the silver bullet may be getting adequately treated for BiPo and entereing a rehab facility (at the same time).

Jsut something to consider.

I'm thinking about you and pulling for you!

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline MAKOMAN

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
Re: Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...
« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2010, 01:38:19 PM »
Unfortunately I have no insurance and my parents have just enough to get by on their SS retirement as I mentioned before they have been gracious enough to let me live with them the past  7 months..I want to work, God how I want to work ,I have a degree, years of experience working as a night auditor for hotels but now between the side effects of the haart meds and the bipo meds especially the issues with neuropothy,nausea,and gastric disturbances I just cant work for a normal 6-8 hour shift. My nurse practitioner(who works directly under a Psychiatrist that has been granted to me via Ryan White funding)otherwise I would have no access at all to mental health help.My NP has advised that I should try to get SS disability which I have applied and will know by July 22 of a decision, otherwise I have no Idea what i am going to do I can not expect my parents to support me for much longer and although I am still receiving a small unemployment check that is due to run out in a couple of weeks . I have found out from calling around they is no more funding in my area for people with HIV housing assistance...just like was said in that movie "I am just so sick and tired of being sick and tired" ....Maybe larger metroplotan areas have better housing assistance funding for people with hiv(at least for a few months till I can get my self together)does anyone know about any programs in Florida for instance??
4/15/10  CD4-461  VL<75
2/18/10  CD4-485  VL <75
12/02/09 CD4-650  VL  70
08/24/09 CD4-631  VL <48
06/24/09  CD4-317  VL 104
3/2009 BEGAN REYATAZ/TRUVADA/NORVIR
02/06/09 CD4-355  VL 168,930
12/2008 TEST POS

Offline phildinftlaudy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,959
  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2010, 07:02:51 PM »
Hi Makoman --
I can only speak to Fort Lauderdale and Miami Dade Florida - the two most populated and two highest funded areas in regards to HIV/AIDS services:

HOPWA (Housing Opportunities for People With AIDS) - there is  a waitlist in both areas.  Broward County (which covers Fort Lauderdale) put 300 people on the wait list last June (I am #280) - they had over 1,500 applicants..... they are only placing around 80 a year.  Miami-Dade onlly takes people who have an actual diagnosis of AIDS (they don't accept HIV positive only) - they have a significant waitlist

ADAP (the AIDS Drug Assistance Program) - just imiplemented a waitlist

So, unfortunately, things aren't going well here.  There are a lot of other Ryan White funded services available -- but not in the two services areas above.
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,079
  • I live for the applause
Re: Relapsed on Tina and severe depression...
« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2010, 08:47:13 PM »
You might check out HOPWA, Housing for People with AIDS.

Perhaps they have a national search database.

http://hud.gov/offices/cpd/aidshousing/programs/index.cfm

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

 


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