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i know this disclosure thing has been discussed over and over and over but i broke up with my boyfriend a few weeks back. so there's this ex of mine who wants to come back in my life.  so with my most recent ex it was easier for me to tell him coz he was someone totally new and if he could not handle it then i'd just move on. so this guy who wants to come back we had a relationship (of sorts) and i think i may find it impossible to tell him i have HIV.  i am almost definite that i will be unable to tell him. so i'm thinking if i just keep quiet and dont tell him and if we do get to have sex i know he'll be so careful as he always has been .  i just dont think i bring myself to tell him or anyone that i know. its easier to disclose to strangers coz u've never seen them before and u might never see them again, but with someone who i've known before... its embarrassing and i dont think i'll be able to handle a negative reaction, so i'm thinking why risk it? 

btw, i think i got piles and i think they're a bit worse than shingles when it comes to discomfort, the only good thing is noone can see them, i just hope i'm walking properly..

The only issue with that is that some states consider it a crime to not disclose to sexual partners even if a condom is used and even if the virus is not transmitted. Charges such as reckless endangerment, attempted murder, and voluntary manslaughter are not what one wants to have on his record or conscience. It is ultimately your decision, but it would be more respectful of him to tell him before anything sexual happens. You don't have to tell him right off the bat, but if things start to turn sexual, wouldn't you want to know if you were in his shoes?

Just my $1.50. :) Best of luck either way.

How much can you love and respect someone with whom you base your relationship on a lie of omission? How much can  you love and respect yourself?

It baffles me that anyone expects to construct a reality on a framework of fiction. Please be true to your heart, and to your soul. Disclose.

I think being that he is your ex and you already know each other to a degree, + having in mind to revamp your relationship, it would be sensible to be honest with him before going into any kind of sexual activity. Saving it for another time (especially after having sex with him) might fireback on you.

hope all goes well,


Tendai,  I think you knew the right answer before you even posted.  We have just confirmed it for you.


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