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Author Topic: dating  (Read 906 times)

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Offline Forevergreen

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
dating
« on: June 09, 2010, 02:50:58 PM »
are any of you guys/gals frustrated with dating and having HIV?  :-\

it's so much work and stressful. i cant even really enjoy the first date because in the back of my mind i'm worrying about disclosing my status. thinking about when i should do it? what will his reaction be? i automatically put up a wall so that i wont be too disappointed if he rejects me.

my experience is that a lot of negative guys say that they're okay with it, then a day or two later we have the "talk" about how they've thought about it and cant handle dating a hiv poz person. i totally understand this, but dating is hard enough and this makes it so stressful. i've tried seeking out other poz guys, but its a limited pool of guys and i'm not usually interested in dating any of them.

when do you guys feel like its the best time to disclose? how do you deal with this?

Offline dhivpol

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: dating
« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2010, 03:42:53 PM »
With me, before going out on a "first date" I make plans to go out for coffee, something small. For me it has been easier, well so to say, tell them before you make the plans to go out for dinner, etc. I told the person I am with currently "By the way, are you opposed to seeing someone with HIV?" I am 21 and he is 19, but we're both well educated in HIV/AIDS. And if the person you are talking to isn't, take it easy and tell them about it.


More than likely, as long as your honest about your status, most people will be fine with it.

Good luck and email me anytime if you wanna chat about life etc.
Live, Love, and be Happy.

Offline dixieman

  • Member
  • Posts: 889
Re: dating
« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2010, 03:59:08 PM »
Well for me I am just upfront about it... thats why I have an ad on poz-personals but, I've found people on poz as with other sites are just a bunch of players... saying one thing but, doing another?  its like they have not grown or can be honest with themselves? figure? so I'm at the point I really could care less? WHY? because, I was in a great relationship with another pozzie but, he would not go to a doctor? take his meds? always stated I would out-live him? etc??? so I had enough and told him to just move on! and thats been 5 years ago... so since then I 've only gone on a few dates and then its like Why bother? their not as theyve stated and I just don't have the time to deal with a problem? especially if their the problem? so if it happens Great! and if not I'll just be fine by myself... lifes just too short to deal with alot of negative people... its just a difficult situation... I just make the best of it!!!

Offline Forevergreen

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: dating
« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2010, 05:10:58 PM »
dhivpol, i'm not opposed to dating another poz guy at all. in fact, it'd be easier, but the guys i've met that are open about their status are not appealing to me. i'm either not physically attracted to them or they're party boys. i'm sure there are attractive, great poz guys out there, but they're generally not open about their status and hard to find.

dixieman, i totally understand how you feel. you're right, you shouldn't let someone else's issues become your problem, but i refuse to give up just because its hard. i've realized that if i dont put myself out there, then it's not realistic for me to expect it to fall in my lap. people have the natural ability to sense when others are emotionally available. if you have a dont give a shit attitude, most people pick up on that and tend to remain distant.

Offline Jeff G

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 11,361
  • How am I doing Beren ?
Re: dating
« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2010, 05:41:34 PM »
Hi Foreever , It seems you have closed your mind to dating other poz guys even though you say you are not opposed to it  , whats up with that ?

I'm not trying to be disrespectful of your choices I'm just trying to understand your post .
« Last Edit: June 09, 2010, 05:43:29 PM by jg1962 »

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: dating
« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2010, 05:53:39 PM »
I'm sure glad I didn't give a shit whether or not dates were + or - , because otherwise I wouldn't have had the joy of my 22year marriage to the most beautiful man on the planet.   If a man who is HIV- isn't attracted to you because of the virus, you probably shouldn't waste your time on him, because if he really cared about you, he would be glad to date.  Same for an HIV+ man also.  Dating has nothing to do with HIV in my book.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Forevergreen

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: dating
« Reply #6 on: June 09, 2010, 07:28:30 PM »
Hi Foreever , It seems you have closed your mind to dating other poz guys even though you say you are not opposed to it  , whats up with that ?

I'm not trying to be disrespectful of your choices I'm just trying to understand your post .

I dont have a problem dating someone poz, in fact it'd prefer it. the problem is that i'm not interested in any the poz guys i know and its not easy finding new poz friends. dating on the internet has proven to be sketchy and most guys arent open about their status in public. including myself.

Offline Forevergreen

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: dating
« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2010, 07:33:00 PM »
I'm sure glad I didn't give a shit whether or not dates were + or - , because otherwise I wouldn't have had the joy of my 22year marriage to the most beautiful man on the planet.   If a man who is HIV- isn't attracted to you because of the virus, you probably shouldn't waste your time on him, because if he really cared about you, he would be glad to date.  Same for an HIV+ man also.  Dating has nothing to do with HIV in my book.
i

you're right moffie65, but that doesn't make the rejection any easier. you're so lucky that you found somebody that accepts you for who you are and you've been together for 22 years. not everyone has been so fortunate

 


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