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Author Topic: Did I throw it all away?  (Read 8100 times)

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Offline Dabbas

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Did I throw it all away?
« on: May 20, 2010, 03:39:42 PM »
thank you everyone for taking the time to read this and for the site just being available to us, to inform us and to allow us to talk about our experiences as sometimes you have nobody else to talk to as is my case.

I am married and over the course of the last 6 months got to know this girl as I'd see her every morning before work. She had given me her business card 2 months ago as she was involved in something I had an interest in. We texted on occasion and this became something more frequent and eventually of a sexual nature. I haven't been overly happy in my marriage so ultimately we decided maybe we spend the day together after spending numerous times getting to know each other outside of work.

when that day came we had sex many times, unprotected for all kinds of amounts of time ranging from a few minutes to much longer. over the course of the next couple of weeks we continued to text and talk and it seemed like both of us had invested more than we thought we would have and had become involved 'emotionally'. suddenly she decided to stop it given my situation and her long time 'fear of commitment'. I understood and we continued to talk/text and see one another each morning.

She grew distant on a personal level between us and I thought I understood why until almost 3 weeks after our encounter. I began to feel some itching/burning sensations near the opening of my urethra but no discharge. a few days had gone by and the feeling persisted from time to time but this time and only if I milked it I could see some clear sticky discharge. I knew that this was chlamydia most likely as I had it before.

Of course after this I began to wonder what else she may have hid from me despite telling me she was clean. I briefly looked at HIV symptoms but thought nothing of it (what are the chances right?). At three weeks in I began to develop muscle aches, for a few minutes at a time, only once or twice over the course of the last 4 days. In that same period I noticed a funny tingling sensation across my back shoulder to shoulder and up to the base of my neck as well as some shoulder joint aches but again, these would occur once or twice in 4 days. I never had a fever, I haven't felt overly tired except I think from the exhaustion of thinking about the possibilities. I have had no profound sweating at night, no weight loss.

I have had an itchy throat for a few days that now seems to have gone away and a tightness in my chest (anxiety?) I had a brief headache but it could have been from the stress of all this. Oh, and some semi loose stools the last week.

I realize that some of these symptoms were exhibited after reading on HIV symptoms and the mind is a truly powerful thing which may play a factor in all this. I also realize that each individual exhibits various symptoms and some none at all but I i just wanted to ask if perhaps someone who had been exposed and was diagnosed as HIV + if perhaps they shared the same mild symptoms or perhaps the symptoms wouldn't come and go like mine do but instead be constant?

I know that ultimately an HIV test will answer all of my questions but I had to come here to talk, discuss as I have nobody except that girl and she is adament about being clean. This all wouldn't be a concern for me if it weren't for her reaction to all this when I had told her how I was feeling as she wasn't concerned mjuch for her health and also she on several occasions had mentioned a time she kept counting away from.... 6 months, 3 weeks, 6 days...

I had asked her about her keeping track of whatever she was and she told me it was the day she broke up with someone she cared about a lot. I found this for several reasons one being it was coming from a commitment phobe and also to keep track in that much detail I feel it would have had to been a far more significant event in her life....perhaps the time she had sex and contracted HIV? I would be fine if it weren't for that... that really scares me to think about.

two more questions, I've never really felt around for my lymph nodes but where is the easiest place to check and what should I be feeling out for? If I am fighting something what should my lymph nodes feel like? Also, as its about the 4 weeks mark would it be a good idea to get tested for some peace of mind? I read typically a large percentage of people develop detectable antibodies around this time. I still plan on getting tested again at 12 also but was curious if I should now?

thanks you all for listening and for sharing your thoughts and suggestions.

thank you!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #1 on: May 20, 2010, 05:08:20 PM »
You need to leave your lymph nodes alone. By squeezing them and otherwise bothering them you can create a problem where none exists at the moment.

The bottom line in all of this is that you have had unprotected intercourse and that means you need to get tested. HIV is significantly more difficult to transmit from female to male than the other way round. But lower risk is not the same as no risk, so you need to get tested for a hopefully final negative result at 13 weeks after the last unprotected incident.

The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All but a very small number who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks after an exposure. So if you test negative at 6 weeks the likelihood is that you will continue to test negative.

As far as symptoms are concerned, neither their presence nor their absence will ever really tell you anything accurately about your HIV status. Only an HIV test at the proper time can give you that answer. If you have troublesome symptoms, discuss them with your doctor. There is nothing HIV specific about any you are reporting.

If you are having intercourse with your wife you will need to use condoms until you test negative at 13 weeks.

Good luck.
Andy Velez

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #2 on: May 20, 2010, 05:56:18 PM »
thanks for getting back, I figured this would be the response I'd get! My chlamydia tests should be back today or tomorrow so I'm expecting a phone call from the doctor on those but I figure I'll go get my first HIV test done on the 24th of this month, giving myself 28 days since exposure which according to you would be a good indicator albeit not completely conclusive say on my status. I'll have another taken I think at 12 as that would give me closure then.

thanks for listening

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #3 on: May 20, 2010, 06:02:23 PM »
Dabbas,

I'm hiv positive and I'm clean too, I bathe daily. Using the word "clean" to describe someone's sexual health is rude and offensive. Please don't do it again and please learn from this.

As Andy told you, you need to test.

You also need to wise up and start using condoms outside your marriage - and until you get conclusive test results for hiv and all the other STIs as well, you need to use condoms with your wife also.

You simply cannot rely on someone's word that they are not infected with any STIs. Often times people don't even know and sometimes people lie. Many STIs have no noticeable symptoms - and it's very common for someone to not have symptoms of chlamydia, for example.

Like I said, wise up.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #4 on: May 20, 2010, 06:48:42 PM »
Yes of course, I'll be safe from now on. I didn't mean to be rude by using the term clean but I had asked her about her status and shes 'clean' of std's she said...but she did also look like she bathed often!

my apologies if I've offended

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #5 on: May 20, 2010, 09:31:33 PM »
btw, if I'm fighting off an infection should my lymph nodes be sensitive to touch? and will the lymph nodes in my neck be swollen or just the ones near the site of the infection in the groin area?

thanks!

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #6 on: May 20, 2010, 09:35:37 PM »
Dabbas,

We're not going to discuss your symptoms. Lymph nodes swell for all sorts of reasons, including being prodded too much.

If you're prodding your nodes to check for swelling - stop it.

As Ann and Andy have told you only testing at 13 weeks will tell you if you've been infected or not.

MtD

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #7 on: May 21, 2010, 10:44:59 AM »
ok thanks. I do have herpes also, would it be safe to assume that with a new HIV infection I'd have an outbreak since my body's immune system is compromised initially and trying to fight off the infection?

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #8 on: May 21, 2010, 10:51:34 AM »
Dabbas,

No, it's not "safe" to assume anything when it comes to either acute or chronic hiv infection. Many people go years and years without a single symptom, while other become ill within weeks.

As you've been told, neither symptoms nor the lack of symptoms will EVER tell you a single thing about your hiv status. ONLY testing, at the appropriate time, will.

If you insist on going on and on about your symptoms or lack of them, you'll be given a time out while you wait to test. So knock it off, ok? Thanks.

ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #9 on: May 21, 2010, 11:02:26 AM »
Ann, please. I'm just trying to understand this whole thing. I came here to ask some questions and to get opinions. I don't need you to treat me like 3 year old and give me time outs because I want to discuss a question I had in a public forum.

and without a doubt I will get tested, in 4 days it will be approximately 4 weeks post exposure so hopefully that should give me a pretty good idea although (and before you reiterate this to me or threaten a timeout) getting tested again at 12 weeks will definitely happen to conclusively determine yay or nay

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #10 on: May 21, 2010, 11:09:47 AM »
Dabbas,

We recommend not testing before six weeks, as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this time. While a six week negative is highly unlikely to change, there is more a chance of a four week negative changing.

So be kind to yourself and wait until six weeks.

I mentioned being timed out because you have been told several times now that symptoms or the lack of them are meaningless when it comes to diagnosing hiv. Yet you continue to come back with more symptom questions. We're not going to play that game with you or anyone else in this forum.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #11 on: May 21, 2010, 11:29:07 AM »
I do realize that is why I would get a time out lol, but as you can imagine I'm very frightened and paying attention to my body more than ever which is both a positive and negative. I'm not sure of your situation when you first discovered you had HIV (I'm assuming based on memory you do?) but I'm pretty sure if you had an inkling you were quite worried also.

I don't plan on coming here every day and asking about the tingle I had in the morning in my arm for a minute or the cough I had in the afternoon or how sleepy I felt etc as I've explained all of my situation in my first rather long post to prevent that but I think a question about how my immune system may or may not react during acute infection is fair.

I know I can't go on 'symptoms' as I've actually been down this road before and tested negative years and years and years ago so I understand but now I have someone in my life so the stake is much greater and asking questions other than ' I have a sore throat,  am I infected' or 'I had a bout of tiredness last week, I know I'm infected...am I infected?' i think is fair, especially if its a legitimate medical discussion on the bodies reaction other than 'cold symptoms'

my two cents. I did something stupid and came here to ask...

either way I'll be getting tested accordingly and will try not posting too much unless its in regards to my test results but on occasion I may have a question  :)

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #12 on: May 21, 2010, 11:39:33 AM »

I'm not sure of your situation when you first discovered you had HIV (I'm assuming based on memory you do?) but I'm pretty sure if you had an inkling you were quite worried also.


No, with hindsight (and testing of my partners) I knew I had hiv for a good four years before I was tested - and I only tested because my local heath department got in touch. (I'd been named as a partner by someone who tested poz.)

During that time, for example, I never had a single outbreak of herpes, despite having it. I never had swollen lymph glands.

And no, I didn't worry that much when I was diagnosed either. As I said, I realised I'd had it for some time and never had a problem. Why should I suddenly start having them, just because I now knew?

You know, one of the very legitimate reasons we refuse to focus on symptoms is this: Quite often, when people are newly infected, they feel just fine. If we put any emphasis on symptoms at all, people who are NOT experiencing symptoms, despite having a very real risk, might decide to not get tested.

We're trying to stop on-going infections here, not encourage them.

Try to keep productively busy while you wait to test. Stress can do a number on your body and create all sorts of symptoms that on the surface might seem to be hiv related, but are down to stress and stress alone.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #13 on: May 21, 2010, 11:56:33 AM »
I totally understand, and thank you for saying what you did it puts everything in perspective. I'll be keeping myself busy trying not to focus on it but as you can imagine it can be hard. I may test soon and again before the 13 week mark not only for peace of mind but also to take appropriate steps towards treatment as soon as possible.

I live in Canada so all the tests, treatments etc are covered by my medical benefits package :)

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #14 on: May 23, 2010, 09:59:58 AM »
Well my chlamydia, gonnorhea and syphilis teats all came back negative... Which is bittersweet. I still on occasion have tingling at the tip of my penis which I think is from my Herpes infection but the only reason why I could imagine it would do this is if my health was compromised and my immune system is fighting something else.

I've never had an outbreak since my initial infection for HSV and thst was 10 years ago nearly. I'm normally a very healthy individual. Ugh, the wait on testing is killin me but I think I'll test beginning of this week as it'll be the 30 day mark at that point

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #15 on: May 23, 2010, 11:21:10 AM »
Dabbas,

THE BIGGEST cause of recurrent herpes outbreaks is STRESS, whether a person is hiv negative or hiv positive. That includes mental stress and not just physical stress. Just because you never had trouble with your herpes before doesn't mean you can't now. You're ten years older and that can also be a factor in how well your body keeps herpes repressed. Add stress into that and ... the results are predictable. You're gonna get an outbreak.

I predict the result of your 30 day hiv test will ease your mind (I expect it to be neg) - for all of maybe one or two days. It would be far better to wait for six weeks when the result will be all but conclusive. But, you gotta do what you gotta do. Just be forewarned that many places will put a stop to compulsive testing - and if you test at four weeks, they may not allow you to test until your three month window is up.

If you want to keep the herpes at bay, I suggest you chill out, get productively busy, and stop fretting about hiv every waking minute. Easier said than done, sure, but it is possible to do. For a start, stop reading about hiv on the internet and that includes coming here.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #16 on: May 23, 2010, 12:19:39 PM »
I think it'll be alright, any symtpoms related to HIV possibly started appearing the day I got my blood drawn for chlamydia etc so I was under a lot of stress thinking about the possibilities as the reality sunk in that day...

It may be HIV or just coincidence that the symptoms started appearing right around the time that the gravity of the situation really sunk in andstarted causing me to stress out...

I'll take the 4 week which I'm hoping will be ok and then again one later and of course at 13 weeks. Thanks for listening

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #17 on: May 23, 2010, 01:00:30 PM »
Dabbas,

I hope you're aware that syphilis shares a three month testing window with hiv. Just letting you know.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #18 on: May 23, 2010, 01:13:20 PM »
Good to know! Thanks

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #19 on: May 23, 2010, 11:17:51 PM »
But there is usually a sore where the virus enters the body... And there aren't  any

I think I have HIV, my leg was tingly and numb this morning and I keep getting tingling on my neck and over my shoulders and what feels like over my brain....

I've been trying to find my lymph nodes I my groin area and can't.... I'm guessing that's a good sign and despite the poking and prodding that area is not sensitive so I guess that's ok.

Dear god I've screwed up royally

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #20 on: May 24, 2010, 03:22:05 AM »
Dabbas,

The sores - called chancres - that accompany primary syphilis are painless. Being painless, they often go unnoticed if they aren't on a part of the body where they are easily seen. It's not uncommon for chancres to not be seen.

Feeling tingly is not a sign of hiv infection. More likely than not, in your case, it's down to stress and nerves. Stress can really do a number on the body.

I meant what I said when I warned you about being given a time out if you insist on continuing to go on and on about symptoms. So stop it.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #21 on: May 27, 2010, 08:11:53 AM »
HI again. I have to write here because I have nobody to talk to, I just need to get things off my chest.

I have a really bad feeling about this whole situation. The thing that keeps replaying in my mind is the day the girl (who I still see on a daily basis and claims she is STD free) keeps track of...apparently its the last time she had sex with the guy she cared about before he passed away in an accident or something. kind of a strange thing to keep track of I think.

I also feel like a murderer. my wife had a day where she vomited and had diarrhea and then was fine later that day with no problems since except a few days later she mentioned her throat felt funny and nothing since. I can't help but think I had something to do with it.

I've been worried sick the last few days anytime my wife says she feels funny or sneezes or anything. anyways, I had to get it outside of my head.

Today is 4 weeks and 1 day past possible exposure. I am going to go to an STD clinic and have a round of tests done. From what I have read and what Andy says most people will seroconvert 22 days after exposure. I know its not conclusive and I'll get further testing done at the 6 week mark but could a negative at this point give me reassurance? I'm not sure how sensitive these tests are to detecting antibodies but its been 31 days now and pretty much all symptoms have gone away etc.

thanks again for listening, please don't time out me... Its important to have an outlet during these times for some of us. I know my risk is real as that girl and I had sex about 4 times spanning a couple of minutes to 10 minutes that day. Not to undermine anyone else but it simply wasn't just a blowjob or a situation where a condom didn't break but I was still feeling sick. I feel it that sadly it was a real legitimate risk and broke down yesterday for the first time about all of this.


thanks again for listening and any comments you may have :)

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #22 on: May 27, 2010, 09:13:48 AM »
Dabbas,

If you think a woman keeping track of the date when something happened with a person they love(d) is odd, then you just don't know women very well. It's something we do. You men don't understand the concept and that's why you tend to forget birthdays and anniversaries.

So your wife ate something dodgy, threw up and then her throat hurt. My throat hurts after puking too. What she experienced is not hiv specific. It's food poisoning specific.

Feelings aren't facts. The facts here are that you are highly unlikely to end up positive over your extramarital activities. It's a possibility, but a fairly remote one.

Remember when I told you to get productively busy and stay off hiv internet sites while you wait to test? Do it.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #23 on: May 27, 2010, 12:23:04 PM »
Thanks Ann, what you said about men not being able to remember annivrsaries etc made me laugh! It's true I guess my wife remembers all kinds of dates. I think given the context of the situation and it's possibilities and 'symptoms' I started thinking back to everything and maybe started to connect dots that didn't exist?

My wife didn't have the sore throat rght after though, she threw up on the Saturday and started saying her throat felt funny the following Monday. I can't help now but to think the worse everytime she coughs or sneezes.

I do feel better about all this and am less anxious about getting the test done today. Only 4 or so more hours before I go and will talk to the people there about all this. Thanking for listening And easing my mind... I guess her vomitting and having diarrhea very suddenly then feeling better later that night and the next day woukd probably be related to food poisoning....

If I have anymore questions I'll ask or if I need to talk I'll come back but I've been trying to keep myself busy with work and my boy etc so really I haven't spent to much time researching HIV etc and it's helped I think

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #24 on: May 27, 2010, 09:20:46 PM »
I tried to go to the STD clinic today but td nurses were a some conference so I went into a walk in clinic and got sent for some blood work for HIV. While at the STD clinic they wanted me to come back as she asked me if there was a significant legitimate concern for me being here and due to my unprotected encounter I've madean appointment for this following Thursday to tu some more tests.

So I'll have a test done at 4 weeks, again at 5. It wasn't my intention to get two done but the lady at the clinic suggested strongly I talk to a nurse there because of my incident. Will there be still a need to test again at 6 weeks if my 4 week and 5 week tests return negative? Or is it still a good idea to get tested at 6?

On a good note the doctor at the medical clinic said we'll call you when your negative HIV tests comes back...
He didn't examine me but I did explain some of the symptoms I had so it made me feel better to hear that even though a positive result may be Looming down the road...

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #25 on: May 27, 2010, 09:35:59 PM »
Why so many tests? I can't imagine they will assuage your fears.

Wait until week 6, get a test, then test again at week 12. In the meantime, distract yourself.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

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Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #26 on: May 27, 2010, 09:56:32 PM »
It was never my intention to get so many tests, I was fine with a 4 week and 6 week but when I went to the drop in STD clinic today I didn't expect them to be away....

Considering I took half a day off work to consult with someone and get blood work done I felt I may as well get something done. I'm in Canada and all testing etc is free and covered with our plans up here so I figure if I am positive, the sooner I learn that the sooner I can begin to make myself better.

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #27 on: May 28, 2010, 06:40:31 AM »
Dabbas,

So call the clinic, cancel your five week test and reschedule for six weeks. Simple, eh?

Testing may be "free", but somebody is paying for it. Why are you wasting your country's medical resources? Think about it.

You don't have to wait for a positive result to start taking better care of yourself. Do it now, whether you're poz or neg.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #28 on: May 29, 2010, 08:25:12 AM »
I am so scared. I am beginning to feel like I've seroconverted. I just have a bad feeling. My brief muscle aches, headaches have gone away as well as the weird tingles I'd get over my back or neck and head. my  lymph nodes under my jaw are swollen i think and I have loose stools still. I feel fine otherwise but look like shit as I've got dark circles under my eyes and my face feels and looks flushed.

I talked to this girl and I'm beginning to think more and more like she has infected me...

From keeping track of an 'important' date, to now telling me she's moving to another province and after the initial sex how she doesn't want more, she's afraid of commitment and needs her space and wants to be left alone. All of this is scary to hear considering my body the last couple of weeks and how it's changed.

my wife had that sudden vomit and diarrhea attack a week and a half after I may have exposed her to it then is fine. A couple of days after that she mentions her throat feels funny and then is fine. It just seems too coincidental. I can live with HIV, whether my wife accepts me in my life or not. I have been reading on this website and it seems like everyone can live a fulfilling and happy life with HIV but I just don't know how I'd live with myself if I've infected someone else, regardless if I loved them or not.... it's a horrible possibility and I don't know how some people go ahead and risk someone else's life like that. It's murder.

I have not done anything with my wife since my 'symptoms' and only pray to god that if I am infected that the one time we did have intercourse before I knew any better she dodged a bullet.

anyhow, thanks for listening..I needed to vent...I've been pretty good at keeping my mind off of all this but it still naturally crosses my mind. I get my 4 week 1 day test result back this week sometime from wednesday to Friday so I'm keeping my fingers crossed all is ok as I've heard Andy mention most people Seroconvert at 22 days. I'm hoping that if it is Negative that it would be a good sign.

Either way, I'm already beginning to appreciate things in life more. taking more time with my family and son. Not stressing out about the person who cut me off on the road...all the little things we shouldn't worry about in life anyhow because there are much bigger and worse things others are dealing with.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #29 on: May 29, 2010, 08:32:11 AM »
Fortunately feeling aren't facts. And the odds still remain in your favor that you will ultimately test negative.

All the rest is conjecture and guessing. Get busy with other things while you are waiting to take your 6 week test. And don't bother saying you're too worried to do that because I can tell you that response will not fly here. Just do it.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #30 on: May 29, 2010, 08:34:37 AM »
Dabbas,

If you do end up hiv positive because of your extramarital activities, SHE did not infect you, YOU infected yourself. Why do I say this? Because it is YOUR responsibility to protect your own health by wearing a condom. You didn't bother to wear one, so you are responsible for what happens as a result.

You're still going on about meaningless symptoms. I WILL give you that time out I warned you about if you don't cease and desist. Nothing you report is remotely like the illness that sometimes  accompanies seroconversion. So knock it off.

Even if this woman IS hiv positive, you were unlikely to become infected from a few incidents of unprotected vaginal intercourse. I was with a negative man for eighteen months before I was diagnosed. We never used condoms during that time. We were together for a total of eight years and he's still negative to this day. Hiv is much more difficult to transmit from a woman to a man (although it's not impossible).

Stop focusing on symptoms and get on with your life while you wait for your recent results and while you wait for your conclusive result. Keep coming back here with your woes about symptoms and I will give you that time out.

Seriously.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #31 on: May 29, 2010, 10:28:08 AM »
Thank you Andy. I appreciate what you said. It's hard not to think the worse.

So I'm guessing my wife. Sudden vomitting and diarrhea then being ok the next day and having a funny feeling in her throat a few days later has nothing to do with all this? I'm just so worried about her now and not so much me anymore...

Sorry Ann for m posting but this is a public forum and I need to ask, talk, vent. I'm hoping thst if I do come out positive and ask questions, or discuss m fears on this forum I won't be banned?


Again thank you Andy for your thoughts. I'll be waiting for my 4 week results this week sometime, you said if it's negative it's a pretty good sign? 

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #32 on: May 29, 2010, 10:39:56 AM »

So I'm guessing my wife. Sudden vomitting and diarrhea then being ok the next day and having a funny feeling in her throat a few days later has nothing to do with all this? I'm just so worried about her now and not so much me anymore...



Nothing you report is remotely like the illness that sometimes  accompanies seroconversion. So knock it off.



Sorry Ann for m posting but this is a public forum and I need to ask, talk, vent. I'm hoping thst if I do come out positive and ask questions, or discuss m fears on this forum I won't be banned?


A time out isn't a permanent ban, and you'd know that if you bothered to read the Welcome thread before posting like you're supposed to.


The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #33 on: May 29, 2010, 10:50:43 AM »
Ok thank you. I'm just worried

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #34 on: June 03, 2010, 10:54:15 PM »
Ann, why does it take the body several weeks to start showing signs of an infection? I would figure if the body detected a foreign virus or bacteria it would start fighting it immediately?

Also, if I had become infected and had sex with someone a week after how infectious would I be? does the virus replicate at such an incredible rate? I would imagine it wouldn't considering some people go many many years before any signs appear that would get them to test.

Also, you mentioned you had unprotected sex with your partner for quite sometime before knowing your status and he did not become infected. Is this because your bodys response to the virus was strong and you kept it at bay naturally so the viral load was low or?

please get back, I'm trying to educate myself a little :)

thanks!

Offline Ann

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #35 on: June 04, 2010, 02:13:11 AM »
Dabbas,

Most pathogens take a bit of time before they cause symptoms. That doesn't mean the body isn't immediately trying to fight it off. In the case of a window period for antibody testing, it simply takes time for enough antibodies to be produced to be detected on tests. It doesn't mean the body didn't almost immediately start producing them.

A person can be infectious for hiv within a week or two of becoming infected. The virus will replicate at varying rates from person to person. Everyone's body deals with this virus a little differently.

Hiv is more difficult to transmit from a woman to a man. It had nothing to do with how my body handles hiv.

You're going to feel pretty silly that you spent so much time and energy fretting about this when you get your conclusive result back. Your four week result was, no doubt, negative and I don't expect that to change.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #36 on: June 04, 2010, 08:01:16 AM »
thanks for the info. I'm still a little scared as I've noticed my lymph nodes not as swollen or bumpy but they were never tender...

who knows.

I haven't heard from the doctor and it's been a little over a week now since my test so I'm hoping no news is good news! Either way its a great opportunity to educate myself and from what I've read and learned from all this is that its not a 'gay' disease or one that should have the stigma attached to it that it does. The doctor I went to told me I would be surprised at who is HIV positive and that I wouldn't even guess if I were to see them.

It's not quite over yet but I've learned a lot from this experience and its opened my eyes to HIV, all the stigmas that come along with it, and has made me more compassionate for the people who are living with it regardless of their sexual preference or history its something nobody deserves to live with. I'm hoping one day we can all beat this :)

what has made it al that much more incredible is coming to this site and hearing people such as yourself and Andy who are HIV+ and have the outlook on life you do. It's a scary reality to be faced with initially but you show us it shouldn't define you or your life. thanks for that!

I think today I will call my doctor to see if the results came in to double check!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #37 on: June 04, 2010, 08:11:22 AM »
OK, and be sure to keep your hands off of your lymph nodes. They are very sensitive to being squeezed, prodded and otherwise bothered. Discuss them with your doctor if they continue to be swollen.
Andy Velez

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #38 on: June 05, 2010, 08:06:16 AM »
Andy, to be honest with you I had a huge anxiety attack over all this. I am so worried naturally especially now thst I've noticed thst my groin is definitely not was swollen or not swollen at all!


I had a question though, typically if people show signs of infection those signs or symptoms will continue over a course of a week or so as I've read many places? My wifes sudden diarrhea and vomitting then felony fine the next and then having a funny feeling in her throat for a day would probably be a sign of something else?

Also, as far as night sweats go... Are they considerable when one has them? I've noticed even now I'll sweat around my neck and head (the side laying on the pillow) it's not anything significant where I'm drenched but I'd definitely like to know what defines night sweats?

Thanks again! 

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #39 on: June 05, 2010, 08:24:28 AM »
It seems as if telling you that symptoms or the lack of them don't mean anything in terms of knowing HIV status just doesn't penetrate your thinking ...or non-thinking.

You are busily misinterpreting everything through a mindset that assumes you are infected when you have no sound basis in HIV science for that assumption.

Nor are any so-called symptoms you are describing in any way HIV specific.

Listen, you are right on the edge of getting a Time Out. You need to put some of that energy you are wasting on all of this unnecessary drama into more productive efforts in your life.

Last warning before you get a Time Out. And ultimately I still expect you to come out of this ok.
Andy Velez

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #40 on: June 05, 2010, 08:34:00 AM »
Sorry, it's just overwhelming at times. For the most part I can keep my mind busy with work but on occasion I'll get really anxious. Doesn't help I suffer from anxiety anyhow.

I just don't have anyone to turn to at this point and it seems like I was at a genuine risk and everything coincided as far as 'symptoms' go with my possible exposure. I guess asking these questions in a way would offer peace of mind.

Andy, you give great professional advice so ghats why I ask. I'll try not to come back on here again but as you can imagine it's an overwhelming possibility to wrap your head around sometimes.

Cheers

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #41 on: June 06, 2010, 04:09:00 PM »
Hi, me again. This site didn't have a testing section so I've had to come back to my post.

Does anyone know how long it takes to conduct a typical ELISA test to do? If it's positive it gets confirmed by a western blot correct? How long do those tests take to get done?

Thank you!

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #42 on: June 06, 2010, 04:21:39 PM »
Hi, me again. This site didn't have a testing section so I've had to come back to my post.

Does anyone know how long it takes to conduct a typical ELISA test to do? If it's positive it gets confirmed by a western blot correct? How long do those tests take to get done?

Thank you!

What do you mean we don't have a testing section? If you had read our frigging Welcome Thread as you're supposed to you'd have noticed the Testing Lesson.

Yes a positive ELISA must be confirmed with a Western Blot test.

You were promised a Time Out if you continued with this rubbish. I have flagged your most recent post for Moderator review.

MtD

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #43 on: June 06, 2010, 07:29:05 PM »
Hey chill out! I didn't read it and figured there'd be a seperate section... It's just a legitimate question not a worried well freak out! I know theyare confirmed with western blot tests but my question was how long do each of these tests take before confirming a reactive or non reactive outcome?

I guess you can't ask ANYTHING if you've been warned? Even if it's a legitimate question and not a symptom freak out?

Thanks for flagging me!

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #44 on: June 06, 2010, 07:31:13 PM »
Hey chill out! I didn't read it and figured there'd be a seperate section... It's just a legitimate question not a worried well freak out! I know theyare confirmed with western blot tests but my question was how long do each of these tests take before confirming a reactive or non reactive outcome?

I guess you can't ask ANYTHING if you've been warned? Even if it's a legitimate question and not a symptom freak out?

Thanks for flagging me!

You're more than welcome.

MtD

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #45 on: June 06, 2010, 08:17:21 PM »
I read through those lessons and it still didn't answer my question of how long does each test take to show a reactive or non reactive result?

If you could answer me thst before banning me that'd be great... I'll probably find out my status in the month I'm banned so I won't have anyone to go to and your just tested positive section is great!

Why are you such a jerk matty? I asked a legitimate question.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #46 on: June 06, 2010, 08:24:58 PM »
Never mind about calling Matty a jerk.

You have so taken advantage of and abused use of this site that you are not one to be complaining. And being anxious is not an excuse for that behavior.

The time it takes to get a result depends on where you have it done. If you have a quick result test you can get it in 20 minutes or an hour. Other sites take as long as 2 weeks depending on their procedures and workload. We can't answer your question so discuss it wherever you are having your test done.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You aren't going to test positive is my guess. Behave yourself. You are a hair's breath away from getting a Time Out. 
« Last Edit: June 06, 2010, 09:02:29 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Dabbas

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #47 on: June 06, 2010, 10:57:04 PM »
thank you for answering my question, thats all I wanted to know. I know now that there is no point discussing symptoms etc and I have to wait on test results hence why I've stopped posting other than to ask what I thought was a legitimate question.

In my defence I don't think I did anything wrong..I was warned and did not ask about symptoms or posted any freakouts. I had a legitimate question and like many others I'm guilty of not reading the intro...

For a site like this to be here to inform and educate people as well as act as a support system to some degree I find mattys comments on numerous posts to be innapropriate and unprofessional especially when people have legitimate concerns. It's a scary reality for some.

So i accepted your warning about posting about symptoms, freak outs etc and simply asked a question to educate myself and anyone else who may read it. Aside from that I wasn't on planning to post anything until I got the results of my tests back as at this point there is nothing more I can do except wait.

Thank you Andy though for youe professional response to my question, it's appreciated. talk to you next time when I hopefully get my negative result!

Offline stupidd

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #48 on: June 07, 2010, 12:54:18 AM »
I agree with dabbas, for some people the worry is very overwhelming and no matter what you tell them/us our thoughts are overwhelmed with worry...matty is completely out of line...i know when i am worried i will ask the same question over and over...hiv infection is a very seriouse worry...this site is here for people to become informed and to ask questions..no matter how many times or how "stupid" it may seem to you guys..i know you have been here a long time, but if you are getting sick of answering these questions maybe it is time to find something else to do..just my opinion..

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Did I throw it all away?
« Reply #49 on: June 07, 2010, 01:00:21 AM »
I agree with dabbas, for some people the worry is very overwhelming and no matter what you tell them/us our thoughts are overwhelmed with worry...matty is completely out of line...i know when i am worried i will ask the same question over and over...hiv infection is a very seriouse worry...this site is here for people to become informed and to ask questions..no matter how many times or how "stupid" it may seem to you guys..i know you have been here a long time, but if you are getting sick of answering these questions maybe it is time to find something else to do..just my opinion..

You are required to stay in your own thread. Do not post in other people's threads. If you have an issue about something raise it in your own thread or PM one of the Moderators.

It's all explained in the Welcome Thread.

MtD

 


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