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Author Topic: stressing  (Read 2772 times)

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Offline vernon

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stressing
« on: May 10, 2010, 02:43:26 AM »
I'm a 28 year old guy. I have been married for 5 years when I'd turned 23 .I recently had sex with 2  a sex workers wanting to experience other women. both occasions I used a condom.on both occasions the condom was on firmly when I was done. a week later that was on the 09-03-2010 I started panicking so I you to test and the test came back negative.I was still not comfortable or happy with the test results . I then noticed a rash on the tip of my private part . it wasn't itchy or hurting . that maybe me sick with worry. I waited for a week . the rash went away. I still was so scared. on the 28-04-2010which if I'm correct is 6 weeks after my first test and about 7 or 8 weeks after possible exposure,I went for another hiv test. it came back negative on the 30-04-2010. that made me relax somewhat. I have a bad habit of pulling hair from my armpits. I have been doing this forever. on wednesday the 5th  while I was busy pulling hair I noticed it was a bit itchy I scratched without thinking twice about it. later that night it swelled . the following day I was sure its a boil problem is it was too deep inside.after searching the net I found out its a lymph node. I then found out it could be either cancer or aids. well now I'm so afraid. I started paying attention to my body and noticed that I had two sores in my mouth that looked like pimples that bust. well the sores have healed but the swelling under my arm is still there. I admit I did mess with it a little hoping that I could bust it.
I know I used a condom but after sex is it possible that the lady's body fluid could have been on my abdomen or thighs in such a way that when I put my private part back in my pants it could have come in contact with her body fluid left on me?

I know this probably sounds ridiculous ,but is it possible I could have been infected that way?I'm so afraid

Offline RapidRod

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2010, 02:54:59 AM »
You didn't have an exposure you had protected sex so whatever is going on with you has nothing to do with HIV.

Offline vernon

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2010, 03:06:00 AM »
I wish I could feel at ease by your response but is it not possible that her vaginal fluid were on my abdomen or pubic hair and is it not possible that after sex I could have touched this with my exposed penis?I haven't had a swelling in my armpit in almost ten years why has this happened now after sex with a sex worker?what of the rash on the tip of my penis?I know its long gone but still that worries me... being tested on 09-03-2010 and again on the 28-04-2010 is that sufficient enough to say I'm out of the woods?I don't sleep around and this is killing me. could it be my mind is messing with me?but what  of the lymph node?should I be seeing more symptoms other than a swollen lymph node and a rash?by now after approximately 8 weeks of exposure ?

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2010, 03:35:46 AM »
HIV is transmitted under VERY specific circumstances. The mechanism by which HIV latches onto cells is a fragile series of specifically shaped spike-like apparatus, which thrive outside the body about as well as a snowflake on a tongue. This is why HIV is transmitted almost exclusively through penetrative anal and/or vaginal sex. That, and sharing needles.

I get the impression that you feel very guilty about having sexual partners outside your marriage. But please realize that HIV is not a punishment for transgressions. Trust me, you are punishing yourself plenty. You might, at some point, wish to get yourself (and your wife) checked out for other STDs, as other pathogens like chlamydia and syphilis are FAR more robust than HIV. I suppose that HIV is the bogeyman in our society, much like syphilis was a century ago.

But you were NOT at risk for HIV. You were, however, at risk for these other pathogens. And though they are absolutely curable, they can also wreak amazing damage in persons who are not treated, especially females. And in men, there are often no symptoms, or such slight symptoms that they are confused for other things.

What I am telling you is that testing YOURSELF for HIV over and over is not going to make things right. Testing yourself AND YOUR WIFE for the other STDs that might accompany the acts you describe is the noblest, the honorable, the loving thing to do. It is also, I imagine, the most difficult since it would involve disclosure of your infidelities.

HIV is not your problem here.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline vernon

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #4 on: May 10, 2010, 03:45:20 AM »
thank you so much I will never again engage in such activity ever ... just hope its nothing to worry about... should I have another problem i will ask... I'm so relieved... its one thing to be infected its another to infect someone else I could never live with that knowledge

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #5 on: May 10, 2010, 04:11:38 AM »
I understand what you mean about infecting someone else. But please try to understand. There are things that sometimes dwarf our ability to comprehend. There are moments of great heroism and great cowardice in each and every one of us. Please do not think for a moment that you cannot survive whatever mistakes you have made, or will make.

There are those on this site who live with the same terrible knowledge that you mention, who carry that great burden on their shoulders. Some of the best of us have used that weight as momentum for change, for making ourselves better people, and for making the world a place in which HIV is not a judgment, not a punishment, not a crime. And there are people who have been so victimized that they cannot see themselves as anything but. They do to others what they feel has been done to them, and so perpetuate their status as victim.

What i would seriously like you to take away from this experience is that people get HIV from a myriad of reasons. Many from making the simple mistake of trusting someone with their sexual health. Maybe trusting the right person, at the wrong time. Or trusting the wrong person for all of the right reasons.

We are not all wretched, damaged people. And we are all not saints, or villains, or predators, or victims. The strongest among us, the REAL survivors, are those who manage terrible burdens and walk the earth, hopefully leaving in our wake a smattering of hope for those who follow us. And those gifted with the intellect, try and teach in forums such as this, to strip away the stigma and the mystique, and expose HIV for what it truly is; a virus with no agenda save it's own procreation.

HIV is far simpler to understand than the people who have it, and the people who are afraid of it. I have every faith that you will act out of love and respect, for yourself and your wife, as the result of this unfortunate time. And please remember to be grateful that, of all the burdens you carry, HIV is not one of them.

« Last Edit: May 10, 2010, 04:13:37 AM by jkinatl2 »
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline vernon

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #6 on: May 10, 2010, 04:26:08 AM »
thank you for those comforting words... I have tested negative in 6 weeks and you assure me that I have nought to worry about that I should put this behind me and focus on my life. I will do exactly that. I will make sure I never have to stress about this ever again...thank you again for making me feel at ease I could not sleep hopefully now I'll stop checking myself for  every little imperfection...

one last question:from what I've recounted for you do you still maintain that I am not infected?I just have to hear/read it one more time so I can make it through today

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #7 on: May 10, 2010, 04:30:26 AM »
I do indeed maintain that you are not infected with HIV from the activities you describe.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline vernon

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #8 on: May 10, 2010, 04:40:15 AM »
thank you!!you will never know how much this means to me I feel so much better ... was feeling sick now I'm ok got my energy back think I'm a bit of a hypochondriac...

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #9 on: May 10, 2010, 07:35:57 AM »
Just to add to what JK has already said to you, the ONLY confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are actual vaginal and anal intercourse.

Nothing you are worrying about put you at risk for transmission. Take a breath and get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline vernon

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #10 on: May 10, 2010, 07:42:18 AM »
so contact with vaginal fluid that could have been on my abdomen thighs or pubic hair is nothing to worry about?not that this happened I'm just asking in the slight chance that it did do I have anything to worry about?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #11 on: May 10, 2010, 07:46:13 AM »
Vernon, you've already had that question answered. And the answer is no, absolutely no risk.

Give it up and get on with your life. If you continue to return here about this non-risk you are very quickly going to find yourself getting a 28 day Time Out from the site.

Andy Velez

Offline vernon

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #12 on: May 10, 2010, 08:11:01 AM »
thanksthanks a million it is hell having to stres I certainly wouldn't wanna die of aids,its horrible way to go. thank you I'm now happy I feel so much better. I expect the swelling under my left armpit will go away now...

I'm gonna go on and buy me some tinkies to celebrate  :)

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #13 on: May 10, 2010, 08:30:41 AM »
If the swelling persists you should discuss it with your doctor to find out what the cause might be. It certainly is not HIV.

 
Andy Velez

Offline vernon

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #14 on: May 13, 2010, 02:37:38 AM »
ok so yesterday I found out that the swelling under my armpit is an abscess... this morning I popped it and a lotta muck came out. but why am I so tired and feel dizzy? is this normal?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: I'm freaking out
« Reply #15 on: May 13, 2010, 04:44:56 AM »
ok so yesterday I found out that the swelling under my armpit is an abscess... this morning I popped it and a lotta muck came out. but why am I so tired and feel dizzy? is this normal?
   Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Offline vernon

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stressing
« Reply #16 on: July 04, 2010, 12:30:44 PM »
Ok I had sex with a sex worker. Used a condom ... didn't really ejaculate cause I was nervous. Condom never broke I stopped cause I kept getting soft. This happened 6 or 7 days ago. I got a huge pimple two days ago on my left cheek. It started out small I made a mistake of busting it and IT got big . So I pressed it hard trying to get rid of it. I noticed tonight after pressing it and taking a bath I felt my lymph node just slightly swollen under my left ear. Could this have been caused by the pain from busting the pimple or should I be worried?

Offline Ann

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Re: stressing
« Reply #17 on: July 04, 2010, 12:38:19 PM »
Vernon,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.





You've already been told - repeatedly - that protected intercourse is just that, protected, and is not a risk for hiv infection.

If you're worried about your pimples or lymph nodes, see a doctor. Whatever is going on has nothing to do with hiv as you did not have a risk.

If you insist on using this forum to go on and on about your NO RISK incident or your pimples or nodes, you WILL be given that time out you were previously warned about.

PLEASE CONSIDER YOURSELF WARNED!!!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline vernon

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Re: stressing
« Reply #18 on: July 04, 2010, 12:47:07 PM »
Could you atleast tell me if pain could cause a lymph node to swell ... even if that pain is from a pimple ... I won't ask again after this

Offline RapidRod

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Re: stressing
« Reply #19 on: July 04, 2010, 12:56:28 PM »
If you have a concern see your doctor it has nothing to do with HIV.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: stressing
« Reply #20 on: July 04, 2010, 01:25:54 PM »
We can't diagnose what is causing the swelling or the pain in your lymph node. I can tell that you need to avoid squeezing or otherwise bothering your lymph nodes as they are very sensitive to the touch. You can create a bigger problem by bothering them. You need to discuss the symptom(s) with your doctor and get a proper diagnosis.

We can't do that in this setting. What we can tell you is there is no reason in HIV science to think it has anything to do wtih HIV because you haven't had a risk for transmission, no matter what your fears may tell you to the contrary.

If you continue to return over this non-risk event you are going to get the Time Out that Ann has warned you about. 
 
Andy Velez

 


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