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Author Topic: Advice and opinions needed please  (Read 1302 times)

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Offline mpositive

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  • Posts: 298
Advice and opinions needed please
« on: May 07, 2010, 08:57:43 PM »
Ok, so here is the story.  My sister has been trying to set me up with her friends.  Her intentions are amazing and I love her for it.  Truth is, I would be all over it, as some of her friends are both beautiful and sweethearts.  However, my sister is unaware of my status.  She is currently pregnant and due a 3 or 4 months.
I keep playing it off, telling her I am not looking to meet anyone right now and yadda yadda.  I want to tell her about my situation, but, not sure it is a good idea to do so while she is pregnant.  I know she will be devastated and it will impact her greatly.  Very concerned and unsure of how to go about this.
Anyhow, I figured this was the best place to get some feedback.  Too bad too, cause one her friends is this really drod dead gorgeous woman, super down to earth and a few years ago, I would have been all over her.
Thanks  :)

Offline Hellraiser

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  • Posts: 4,143
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Advice and opinions needed please
« Reply #1 on: May 07, 2010, 09:05:18 PM »
Why not go on the dates and not tell the sister?

Offline WillyWump

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  • Posts: 7,277
Re: Advice and opinions needed please
« Reply #2 on: May 07, 2010, 09:11:30 PM »
The below is just my opinion, and I'm sure others will be along to offer potentially better advice. However,

Your sis sounds like a great person, and probably could be a great asset in your dating arsenal. I totally get the "not wanting to upset her" while shes preganant. If it were me I would continue to give your sister the "yada yada yada", maybe tell her you are already seeing someone, etc...whatever works.

Then after the baby is born and when it feels right you can disclose to her (seems like you are already open to disclosing to her), and I bet at that point your sis will embrace it and understand your situation and dilemna regarding her friends. Who knows, maybe she actually has a friend who is poz. and if not she willl be able to keep her "antennas" up for a nice girl who is.

In the meantime keep your eyes open for a suitable match, you never know.  I can understand how it might be difficult for a poz str8 guy to find a poz girl, or maybe even a neg girl who is open to dating. I dont know what to tell you about that, but again, perhaps a poz str8 guy will be along to offer more sage advice.

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
11-6-14 CD4- 871, UD
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline leatherman

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  • Posts: 6,325
  • Google and HIV meds are Your Friends
Re: Advice and opinions needed please
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2010, 09:28:13 PM »
I would have been all over her.
some thoughts from me as questions for you to consider:
can't you just "date" for a while these people your sister wants to set you up with, or do you immediately have to have sex and so need to disclose? You can't infect anyone from just having dinner, kissing or going to the movies, so can't you just date and enjoy some good times with nice people? Or are you sero-sorting and looking to only date poz women so all these potential dates your sister would set you up with are now out of the running? Or are you having personal negative thoughts and believe somehow being positive rules out you dating or falling in love?

As to the underlying issue of your disclosure which seems to be the root of your dating issue -
although it's your choice, you're how old and haven't disclosed to your family? Would your sister be as totally devastated and be impacted greatly if you had diabetes or cancer instead, or it is more feasible with your family members to aide and abet the stigma against pozzies by continuing to hide this important health issue that you have to deal with?

I understand that different people have different ideas about who and when to disclose to; but this seems to be a major stumbling block in you being able to deal with your sister and her concerns for you, and for you to be able to date. Hopefully, if you can figure out the answers to some of these questions you'll know better whether you even want to date, who (status-wise) that you want to date, and how much you plan and how much you need to continue hiding from your family about your health.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,707
Re: Advice and opinions needed please
« Reply #4 on: May 08, 2010, 12:24:42 AM »
Ok, so here is the story.  My sister has been trying to set me up with her friends.  Her intentions are amazing and I love her for it.  Truth is, I would be all over it, as some of her friends are both beautiful and sweethearts.  However, my sister is unaware of my status.  She is currently pregnant and due a 3 or 4 months.
I keep playing it off, telling her I am not looking to meet anyone right now and yadda yadda.  I want to tell her about my situation, but, not sure it is a good idea to do so while she is pregnant.  I know she will be devastated and it will impact her greatly.  Very concerned and unsure of how to go about this.
Anyhow, I figured this was the best place to get some feedback.  Too bad too, cause one her friends is this really drod dead gorgeous woman, super down to earth and a few years ago, I would have been all over her.
Thanks  :)

  You could do what Willy said, but me thinks the question is: are you comfortable disclosing your status to someone you are sexually interested in?  If you are, then date them, and if you're not, then leave them be....or you can disclose on your 5th wedding anniversary... whatever.   Seriously though, you are going to have to cross this bridge at sometime, so whats your gameplan?  Do you intend on dating only positive women in the future or what??  I'm asking because I am curious, you really don't share much about yourself for us to really help figure out what you want or need to hear.   I read what you said above and it sounds more of an ego thing more  than anything else....  So what's the deal?  Are you wanting to date them?  Give more details about how you personally feel about this situation instead of giving us the drop dead gorgeous stuff...

  Skeebo
 
PS Don't forget, people get tired of fucking drop dead gorgeous people too..  go ask Pamela Anderson (the baywatch one) and Halle Berry if you dun wa believe me.

 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

 


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