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Author Topic: frustrated  (Read 2340 times)

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Offline phillomena

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
frustrated
« on: May 05, 2010, 10:55:50 AM »
hello ladies,
was married last year after 4yrs of long distance relation. early this year came to visit my husband and this is when my nightmares started.( we tested together after meeting. he is negative and he said there is no problem in his own words everyone deserves a second chance.)
some few days after my coming, there was this strange calls. my dear husband was having multiple affairs. he was all over the internet searching for friendship or even more. he is into pornography. am crushed. tried to talk to him all he could say was some time he is so lonely and the profile meant nothing it was just for fun.
 of course don't believe it though  i love him
 don't know what else to do and don't have anyone to talk to.....................please ladies , someone talk to me

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: frustrated
« Reply #1 on: May 05, 2010, 12:55:29 PM »
Wow, I am sorry you are feeling so frustrated. Let me get this right, you guys were in a 4 yr ltr before you moved to where he is. Then got married, riight? Then found out that he was or is still seeing other women? And what does he mean exactly that everyone deserves a second chance? Was he saying that in regards to you testing poz or about the affairs?

As far as the internet, he was on other dating sites? Myspace? He should have told you about being on other sites as well as him seeing other women if that was what he was doing. And when he comitted to you, he should've deleted all those dating accounts. As far as the porno goes, I guess that depends on the person. I am pretty open minded about porno but if that is not your thing then I can understand your being upset.

You say you love him so maybe you guys can work this out?
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Online BT65

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  • Posts: 9,847
  • Vegas baby!
Re: frustrated
« Reply #2 on: May 05, 2010, 01:22:08 PM »
Phillomena,

I'm so sorry this is happening.  What I suggest, if you want to save the relationship, is marriage counseling.  I truly believe, with the things that have happened after you two got married (you testing poz, his affairs), that a good marriage counselor is truly needed to help you all sort things out, work things through, and keep going.  Of course, this is if you still want to stay together.  And I would put it that way to him, tell him about the marriage counseling, and insist on it.  If he doesn't want to do it, then I would say that speaks to how much the marriage really means to him. 

Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline phillomena

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: frustrated
« Reply #3 on: May 07, 2010, 07:00:07 AM »
thank you queen, concerning the second chance he meant when i tested positive that he wont break up with me because of the virus and yes was dating him for four year we married last year and this year is when came to visit him in his country that's when found out.
      well.  want to work things out things with him but am afraid he will do it again when leave( am going back to my country middle of this month).
       ill ask him if we should see a counsellor before i leave. once again thank you all ladies

Offline TabooPrincess

  • Member
  • Posts: 279
Re: frustrated
« Reply #4 on: May 07, 2010, 11:33:10 AM »
This is a sad story :-( what country are you both in?  My partner did similar to me - I found out he'd been sleeping around and lying about everything (including that he was pos and so he knowingly infected me).  We're still together now and we've managed to find a way through it all.  I wouldn't say it was easy but we're getting there.  I hope you'll find some peace and some answers.  You deserve the best....we all do.
09/ 2008 - Seroconversion
11/2008 - Tested pos, cd4 640 vl 25400
12/2008 - cd4 794 vl 27798, 35%
03/2009 - cd4 844 vl 68846, 35%
06/2009 - cd4 476 vl 49151, 33% (pregnancy confirmed)
08/2009 - cd4 464 vl 54662, 32%
Started meds for pregnancy (Kaletra, AZT, Viread)
09/2009 - cd4 841 vl 3213, 42%
10/2009 - cd4 860 vl 1088, 41%
11/2009 - cd4 771 vl 563, 38%
12/2009 - cd4 885 vl 151 42%
Discontinued meds after baby born
02/2010 - cd4 841 vl 63781, 38%
05/2010 - cd4 1080 vl 113000, 39%
08/2010 - cd4 770 vl 109242
12/2010 - cd4 642 vl 111000, 34%
06/2011 - cd4 450 vl 222000, 33%
11/2011 - cd4 419 vl 212000, 24%
03/2012 - cd4 280 vl 118000, 26% (repeated Cd4 at 360)
05/2012 -cd4 360 vl 99,190
10/2012 Atripla, cd4 690, vl 80
12/2012 Darunavir, norvir, truvada, Cd4 680, vl u/d
07/2013 cd4 750,ud

Offline silently breaking down

  • member
  • Posts: 1
  • Thank you God for making me a present to the world
Re: frustrated
« Reply #5 on: May 12, 2010, 07:33:27 PM »
If your husband really loves you and wants to fix your marriage he needs to get rid of all his profiles on all dating sites, change his email so ppl from dating sites contact him, and be faithful to you.  Not to be harsh, but why did he married you if he is going to cheat on you with multiple partners? He should had stay alone if he wanted more than one woman.  I feel he is messing with your emotions and taking advantage of you like if its ok to do you wrong because you are still there for him. You need to be strong for yourself, and respect yourself more than you do. Have to give him boundaries not to cross or there be consequences and stick to it.  I had a 7 year relationship and in 2007 I finally said enough is enough and I put my foot down, and hes gone. Yes it is hard, and it hurts a lot but deep down I knew it was the right thing to do. Now I'm like if a partner of someone you in a relationship with doesnt give me respect I deserve, I do not get into it, leave it alone because if I don't protect myself no one will. So with you, you have to protect yourself.  Imagine giving your love and energy to someone that keeps hurting you in so disrespectful ways, you forgive, and then he still acts up or finds a better way to do his mess.  You the one who end up hurt, and emotionally and mentally depress and it can take a pull on your body and health.  I hope things turns out better for you if you stay in the marriage, but be strong and defend your rights as his wife and for yourself. 
peace and love (^_^)

Offline netta

  • Member
  • Posts: 396
Re: frustrated
« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2010, 05:44:15 PM »
I agree, you need to put your foot down.I am sorry his happened to you, but now you must decide what is best for you. I understand if you want to stay together and work things out, good luck. I was in long distance relationship and he moved  here,we got married, only 1 year later going through a divorce.Its  hard I know wanting someone in your life to love you, despite having this virus. .I am so happy now, because life goes on. I learned a lot I didn't know about him. I was also married 10 years ago to a man I was deeply in love with, he was not poz but excepted me as I was and I thought this was it! only to go through 7 years of heartache, finally free from him. He cheated the whole time!
Just Remember you deserve the best. You can always start over. You can live a long healthy life.
BTW do you know for sure his hiv status??? and what made you gey tested together??? just curious.
Blessings and prayers to you.
"to thine own self be true"

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: frustrated
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2010, 02:26:12 PM »
I assume that you guys have spoken about this situation, do you feel he has taken what you said seriously? Everyone has given good advice but only you know the details, we're going by what you are telling us. And is this a long distance marriage? Or are you just finalizing things there so you can move with him?

Bottomline, liike someone else mentioned, if he wants to stay married to you, he needs to drop all the dating sites. And he needs to drop whatever affairs he may have had going on. He should realize that you no longer trust him due to these things. Wishing you the best, I really am.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

 


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