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Author Topic: Legitimate fear  (Read 4703 times)

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Offline Younganddumb86

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Legitimate fear
« on: April 24, 2010, 11:35:09 AM »
I've been extremely nervous/anxious for the past month and really just need some reassurance...

Me and my partner had been together for some time and stop using condoms b/c we were both "negative".  He was tested on March 28 and tested positive.  This whole time we had no idea and now I am very frightened I may have gotten infected as well.  I was the insertive partner (top) every time we had sex.  Our last sexual encounter sans-condom was March 27 and I ejaculated inside of him. 

I learned of his HIV status April 5 (10 days), immediately after finding out I went into panic mode.  My lymph nodes immediately began to swell, i had night sweats, then got a severe sore throat, and got shortness of breath.  My symptom chart was as follows:

April 5 (10 days after): swollen lymph nodes, night sweats, sore throat, shortness of breath, extreme fatigue
April 6 (11 days): Rapid test done- non-reactive result
April 14 (18 days): HIV RNA test done- VR:undetectable
April 15-18 (19-22 days): Diarrhea, sharp pains on my left side, tingling in my hands and feet, still fatigued
April 20 (24 days): Rapid test done- non-reactive result

As you can see I am very anxious.  I am trying to prepare myself for a positive test result and have been reading as much information as possible.  I haven't really felt the same since finding out and haven't had the same amount of energy I once had.  The only thing I'm leaning on right now are my non-reactive results.  Given my symptoms, is it too soon to tell?

I'm just so hurt because I truly trusted him.  :'(

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #1 on: April 24, 2010, 01:32:16 PM »
I think this is a more appropriate Forum for you since your partner is HIV positive.

First of all, none of your symptoms are in any way HIV specific. Neither the presence of symptoms nor their absence will ever tell you anything accurately about your HIV status. Only an HIV test taken at the right time will give you a reliable result. You can test initially at 6 weeks after that last time you had unprotected anal intercourse. If you test negative at that point, then it is very likely you will continue to test negative.

As the insertive partner you were at significantly lower risk than you would have been as the receptive partner. So that is an important point in your favor with regard to hopefully testing negative.

Now you will need to use condoms everytime you have intercourse. No exceptions.

Your anxiety and upset are understandable. It's a big shock to get with the new reality of his status, wondering about your own and to deal with his having strayed. You need to keep talking together as simply, directly and as honestly as you can. That will help you guys to retain the intimacy in your relationship.

I can tell you. and I expect others here will join in as well, that many thousands of sero-discordant couples are having good lives together in every way, including sexually. On a physical level that just requires consistently using condoms. And on an emotional and personal level, it means talking with each other. That doesn't mean dumping emotionally, but it will include getting through all kinds of feelings together.

You're always welcome here to discuss things that are on your mind as you work through this. Your partner is still the guy you have cared about for a long time. Some important new things have been added into the mix. If you need it, get some professional help, perhaps together. Any AIDS service organization ought to be able to point you in the direction of getting that support.

Good luck with your test result. Keep us posted.

Cheers.  
« Last Edit: April 24, 2010, 01:34:01 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Younganddumb86

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #2 on: April 24, 2010, 01:55:35 PM »
Thank you so much for your words.

I've spoken with many other healthcare professionals as well, and they state that given my symptoms my HIV RNA levels should have been high.  I know the HIV RNA test normally yields false positives because of the sensitivity of the it, but have you ever known someone to actually get a false negative result from these tests? 

Also do u remember feeling fatigued all the time when you first acquired HIV?  I can't tell if this is just nerves/depression/or HIV itself.

Sorry to bother with my worries.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2010, 02:15:37 PM »
Your negative RNA at 18 days is definitely encouraging, especially when you consider the average time to seroconversion is 22 days.

As for your fatigue, that is just too common a symptom to interpret as a sign of HIV, especially considering the confluence of major issues coming down on you all at once.

And you're not being a bother. No apology is necessary.

How are you and your partner doing on a personal level?
Andy Velez

Offline Younganddumb86

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #4 on: April 24, 2010, 03:06:03 PM »
We're doing ok...

I'm 24, he's 30, and the initial scare really frightened me.  I think it was more of a validation for him because he gets sick a lot and knew he had engaged in promiscuous activity in the past.  The main issue I had was that all this surfaced right after he tested positive.  It really hurt me because, he had a feeling things would turn out this way and hadn't been tested in 3 years, but didn't let me in on this or allow me to make a decision on our relationship based off this information.  I wanna at least be there to support him through this but it's tough considering now I put myself unknowingly at risk.  I don't know if the relationship will continue, but I don't plan on completely turning my back on him once these results come.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #5 on: April 25, 2010, 09:56:04 AM »
Hmmmm. For now I would suggest you let the future take care of itself and work on staying present with yourself and with him.

I don't know the other circumstances of your life, but focusing on keeping them going will help so that you're not always thinking about this one thing.

While you want to be honest and open with him, you might give some thought to getting some support from a counselor or other professional. That kind of setting will allow you to say everything. That can help with sorting out what's appropriate to say to your guy and what is best kept in a professional but private setting. You have a right to all of your feelings whatever they maybe, but you want to act on only those which are in your best interest.

Meanwhile you are welcome to keep talking here as much as you like as you and your friend work you ways together and separately through this time.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline Younganddumb86

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #6 on: May 04, 2010, 08:54:47 PM »
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement and advice.  I have sought professional help to work through this and it truly is helping.  I have my mornings where I wake up and think "OMG this is it!" and panic but me and my therapist are now working through that.  My lab results will come in tomorrow......it truly is in the hands of God right now and I know no matter what the outcome I will be ok.  I'll update you tomorrow.

Offline Younganddumb86

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #7 on: May 12, 2010, 11:14:04 PM »
So my it's been about 1.5 weeks since they drew my blood for the p24 antigen test and I don't have the results yet.  It is kinda making me worry that indeed I'm reactive and they're just retesting the sample considering the lab quoted the test as only taking 4 days. In the mean time I did another rapid oral HIV 1/2 test (6.5 weeks) and the result was non-reactive; but my anxiety is still up a little bit.  I kinda still wake up every morning very groggy and fatigued and this has been going on since I found out my partners status.

Do most results change after 6.5 weeks u think? Gosh I'm so nervous...

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #8 on: May 13, 2010, 12:14:41 AM »
So my it's been about 1.5 weeks since they drew my blood for the p24 antigen test and I don't have the results yet.  It is kinda making me worry that indeed I'm reactive and they're just retesting the sample considering the lab quoted the test as only taking 4 days. In the mean time I did another rapid oral HIV 1/2 test (6.5 weeks) and the result was non-reactive; but my anxiety is still up a little bit.  I kinda still wake up every morning very groggy and fatigued and this has been going on since I found out my partners status.

Do most results change after 6.5 weeks u think? Gosh I'm so nervous...

Honestly, I think you're going to be fine.  I'd be shocked if after all those tests you came back positive.  Andy said it best though, whether or not that test comes back positive or negative what's done is done.  You're better off finding something else to put your energy into until you know for sure.

Edit: oh and I'm pretty sure a 6 week negative result is considered conclusive.  One of the more informed people can confirm or deny that.
« Last Edit: May 13, 2010, 12:16:40 AM by Hellraiser »

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #9 on: May 13, 2010, 09:17:56 PM »
Honestly, I think you're going to be fine.  I'd be shocked if after all those tests you came back positive.  Andy said it best though, whether or not that test comes back positive or negative what's done is done.  You're better off finding something else to put your energy into until you know for sure.

Edit: oh and I'm pretty sure a 6 week negative result is considered conclusive.  One of the more informed people can confirm or deny that.

Officially (in terms of the AIDSmeds position) only a negative result received at 13 weeks from the date of a suspected exposure can be considered conclusive.

That said a 6 weeks is the official window period in some places, including Massachusetts.

Looking back over this thread, I have to say that all the signs would point to a negative result should the OP test at 13 weeks.

Personally I would recommend the 13 week test.

MtD

Offline Younganddumb86

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #10 on: May 17, 2010, 07:16:44 PM »
I'm pretty sure I've got it now, I've started to notice small dark spots on my chest/back and have these weird headaches/dizzy spells :-( :-(...my question is how often do people test "VR:non-detectable" but then go forth and test positive in the coming weeks? Do u think it means I got a weak strain of the virus?

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #11 on: May 17, 2010, 07:23:16 PM »
I'm pretty sure I've got it now, I've started to notice small dark spots on my chest/back and have these weird headaches/dizzy spells :-( :-(...my question is how often do people test "VR:non-detectable" but then go forth and test positive in the coming weeks? Do u think it means I got a weak strain of the virus?

No I think it means you've got a galloping dose of anxiety.

I'm not aware of anyone who posted here testing positive for the same risk after testing negative at 6.5 weeks.

We don't discuss symptoms as they are not reliable indicators of HIV status. If you feel ill see your doctor.

MtD

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #12 on: May 17, 2010, 07:24:53 PM »
I'm pretty sure I've got it now, I've started to notice small dark spots on my chest/back and have these weird headaches/dizzy spells :-( :-(...my question is how often do people test "VR:non-detectable" but then go forth and test positive in the coming weeks? Do u think it means I got a weak strain of the virus?

KS is not a symptom you would develop within months of infection.  KS is something that comes from having a severely compromised immune system.

Offline Ann

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Re: Legitimate fear
« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2010, 07:38:24 PM »
Young,

Symptoms, or even the lack of symptoms, are meaningless when it comes to diagnosing hiv.

It would be highly unusual for you to get a negative RNA PCR at eighteen days and then go on to test positive.

It would also be highly unusual for a six and a half week rapid test to change. The vast majority of people will seroconvert and test positive on an antibody test by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days.

Honestly? I think you're getting yourself all worked up and micro-examining yourself. Knock it off. Stress will do all sorts of nasty things to your body and you're not helping your stress levels by constantly worrying about this.

I really do NOT expect you to get a positive result - provided of course you are consistent with your condom use from here on out. No more barebacking, ok?

Hang in there, you're going to be ok.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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