Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
July 22, 2014, 07:48:25 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 631420
  • Total Topics: 47801
  • Online Today: 222
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: confusing about having sex with a negative partner  (Read 2238 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline cpdh20

  • Member
  • Posts: 33
confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« on: April 18, 2010, 01:28:32 PM »
hi guys, i just got back from a 4th date with someone and we both like each other alot, i told him about my status and he took it pretty well, he told me he knows its going to be really hard but he believes both of us will work things out, we havent had sex yet, i guess i am a bit scared and nervous and i am so afraid i would infect him, i am gay and had diagnosed with hiv about 4 months ago so i am quite new to this, is there anyone in here who has been in a " mix" relationship? can you pls share your experiences with me? any advice?

Offline odyssey

  • Member
  • Posts: 765
  • One Crazy Mofo!
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #1 on: April 18, 2010, 02:42:38 PM »
I was in a relationship with a neg guy awhile back. We had sex quite a bit (which was a lot of fun, no doubt). I always insisted he wear a condom when he fucked me. If you want to top him, the same applies. In terms of oral sex, its fairly safe, just no brushing or flossing within two hours of the act, otherwise the gums can bleed/open up and let germs in. Swallowing is actually better than spitting, as its sitting in your mouth for less time. Hope this covers it!
01/09/09- diagnosed HIV+
01/16/09   CD4-425    22%  VL- 32,415
11/09- started Reyetaz/Norvir/Truvada
03/10- stopped R/N/T
10/18/11   CD4- 328   20%  VL- 84,000
10/25/11   CD4- 386   22%
10/28/11- start Truvada/Reyetaz/Norvir
12/30/11  CD4- 523  29%
03/08/12  CD4- 503  31%  VL 57
07/02/12  CD4- 897  43%
08/31/12  CD4- 745  39%
12/27/12  CD4- 884  40%
03/28/13  CD4- 819  39%
07/19/13  CD4- 739  40%
10/17/13  CD4- 535  36%
01/16/14  CD4- 743  43%

02/14- switched from R/N/T to Tivicay/Epzicom because of CKD 3 suspected from tenofovir.

03/14- switched back to R/N/T due to severe nausea and inability to eat on T/E.
 
04/01/14 CD4- 898  42%   VL-

Offline cpdh20

  • Member
  • Posts: 33
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #2 on: April 18, 2010, 02:51:22 PM »
thanks odyssey, another issue is he has very sensitive hands skin, his fingers often bleed when they get too dry, maybe he needs to wear gloves when he touch me? i mean my penis etc....

Offline BrotherDavid

  • Member
  • Posts: 44
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #3 on: April 18, 2010, 03:10:46 PM »
thanks odyssey, another issue is he has very sensitive hands skin, his fingers often bleed when they get too dry, maybe he needs to wear gloves when he touch me? i mean my penis etc....

Hey buddy,

Have you had a chance to read the "Am I infected" or "prevention" section of this site? It may give you some good sound accurate advice on transmission.

Have a good day,

David

Offline antibody

  • Member
  • Posts: 525
  • "every man thinks his burden is the heaviest"
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #4 on: April 18, 2010, 04:22:31 PM »
My partner is negative and we used condoms for the first few years. I have been undetectable for years now and he tops me bareback but if I am the top I were a condom. He has been testing for several years now and is always negative. We have been together in since 2003, I was also diagnosed 2 months before I met him so we actually went through all my medical issues together. He truly is my Mr. Wonderful.
Timbuk      <50/ 794  CD4 10/06 
                 <50/ 1096 CD4 3/07
                 <40/ 1854 CD4 4/09

Started Atripla  7/14/06
Switched to boosted Reyataz Truvada 3/28/07

*Ask me about Medical Marijuana and how it can help you!*

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,198
  • Ninja Please
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #5 on: April 18, 2010, 04:25:07 PM »
Hey buddy,

Have you had a chance to read the "Am I infected" or "prevention" section of this site? It may give you some good sound accurate advice on transmission.

Have a good day,

David

He can ask those questions here in Living With. Am I Infected? is not for HIV positive people.

MtD

Offline BrotherDavid

  • Member
  • Posts: 44
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #6 on: April 18, 2010, 04:41:14 PM »
He can ask those questions here in Living With. Am I Infected? is not for HIV positive people.

MtD

Understood, however he was asking questions such as should his partner wear gloves when touching him with dry hands. Which is why I suggested he READ  :) some of the information on how how HIV is transmitted so he does not get inaccurate information.

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,198
  • Ninja Please
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #7 on: April 18, 2010, 04:46:02 PM »
Understood, however he was asking questions such as should his partner wear gloves when touching him with dry hands. Which is why I suggested he READ  :) some of the information on how how HIV is transmitted so he does not get inaccurate information.

The information in AMI is not really tailored for HIV positive people. How about we just link Van to the lesson on HIV transmission?

:)

MtD

Offline BrotherDavid

  • Member
  • Posts: 44
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #8 on: April 18, 2010, 04:48:35 PM »
The information in AMI is not really tailored for HIV positive people. How about we just link Van to the lesson on HIV transmission?

:)

MtD

Gotcha. I was only a bit concerned because he had seemed to be already getting some inaccurate information. Thanks David

Offline Bucko

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,947
  • You need a shine, missy!
    • The Spin Cycle
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #9 on: April 18, 2010, 04:57:24 PM »
Mutual masturbation is one of the safest methods of safer sex practices. The gloves are unnecessary: period.
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #10 on: April 18, 2010, 05:23:38 PM »
Mutual masturbation is one of the safest methods of safer sex practices. The gloves are unnecessary: period.

Unless you're into fisting.  Calving gloves anyone?

Offline Bucko

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,947
  • You need a shine, missy!
    • The Spin Cycle
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #11 on: April 18, 2010, 06:07:43 PM »
I've been fisting for almost 30 years and have never worn gloves. Call me crazy.

//Edited to add: Fisting is a safer-sex practice from the standpoint of HIV.
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,209
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #12 on: April 18, 2010, 06:12:07 PM »
I have been in +/- relationships.   You did a hard thing, telling him. So i don't think you face too many hard things on an everyday basis.  Tell him he can talk about his concerns when he has them.  If he wants to be educated cool, if not, dont press it too much - just the basics.

- So you have safe sex everytime. Thats the advice.
- And you could quietly find out where he could get PEP if there ever is an accident.  
- If you are on HAART, you could explain your numbers that might make him feel better, or worse, depending on your numbers.
_ If you get a feeling that being with you is too "hard" for him, give it a college try but if it continues to be a problem then he's not for you.  
- Don't accept lack of sexual fulfillment based on ignorant fears he may have, by the way.
You are not tarnished goods and deserved a good guy like anyone else.
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Online Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 23,869
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #13 on: April 18, 2010, 06:31:06 PM »
Mutual masturbation is one of the safest methods of safer sex practices.

I don't think I've ever mutually masturbated in my entire life.  It's akin to picking your nose in public.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #14 on: April 18, 2010, 06:40:18 PM »
I don't think I've ever mutually masturbated in my entire life.  It's akin to picking your nose in public.

Honestly...If I have someone else there, jerking off isn't foremost in my mind.  Another thing I've never understood is oral sex with a condom.  I tried it once and only once.

Offline unclespongebob

  • Member
  • Posts: 36
  • im the on on the right in the red shirt
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #15 on: April 18, 2010, 07:00:02 PM »
i have been + for a year now and my partner is - we have sex all the time we just use condoms when we do , he has been there for me the whole time and he has been great
friends are gods way of apologizing to us for our familys. / a real friend os one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out. / everybody wants to ride with you in the limo,but what you need is sombody who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down./ one friend in a lifetimeis much; two are many; three are hardly possible.

Offline Bucko

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,947
  • You need a shine, missy!
    • The Spin Cycle
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #16 on: April 18, 2010, 07:07:33 PM »
Honestly...If I have someone else there, jerking off isn't foremost in my mind.  Another thing I've never understood is oral sex with a condom.  I tried it once and only once.

I don't think I've ever mutually masturbated in my entire life.  It's akin to picking your nose in public.

Ah! Those heady nights of dread and fear back in the 80s: don't miss 'em for a second aside from some of the music and some especially lovely Jean-Paul Gaultier espadrilles I bought at Otto in 1988.



Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,757
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #17 on: April 19, 2010, 12:09:37 AM »
My partner and I had tons of sex for 7 years before I knew my status.  He remained neg.  He never bottoms, so that may explain it--or just luck.  We know tops are at much less risk.  I've always wanted to ask on here how many people got it from being total tops.  I know it happens, but think it must be really rare unless the top has some STD that makes it easier for them to get infected.  There would be more risk if the bottom were to bleed from sex.

From seeing so many friends have one sex partner after another, I believe it is true that HIV is actually hard to transmit via sex.  With 30+ million infected, it obviously happens, so you should still take precautions-- but don't wear hazmat suits. 

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #18 on: April 19, 2010, 12:15:39 AM »
I think if you are bottoming without using a condom for a top with a really high viral load, it's equivalent to playing a really unbalance game of russian roulette.  In my mind this is the scenario in which most people get infected.

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,757
Re: confusing about having sex with a negative partner
« Reply #19 on: April 19, 2010, 12:47:05 AM »
I think if you are bottoming without using a condom for a top with a really high viral load, it's equivalent to playing a really unbalance game of russian roulette.  In my mind this is the scenario in which most people get infected.

Good point.  Since learning my status, we do use condoms--however, I don't really even like to bottom much anymore.  He does perform unprotected oral which does worry me since I'm not totally undectectable.  I know it is a very low risk, but I still don't want to infect anyone.  You hear some say it has never been documented, but other docs will say it does happen sometimes.  He has a habit of biting his lip while eating.  So I have to ask, "Have you bitten your lip lately?  How long ago did you brush your teeth?"  He insists on doing it.  At first, I wondered whether he was doing it to try to not make me feel so tainted and diseased.  He says he's studied the research and feels, like most, that oral is a very, very low risk.       

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.