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Author Topic: Things fall apart  (Read 2230 times)

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Offline 27years

  • Member
  • Posts: 145
  • What I did for love I will still do it for love
Things fall apart
« on: April 10, 2010, 04:15:02 PM »
It has been one thing after the other in my world.  If i am not dealing with family issues its work issues, if its not work and family its health. I do come to a point whereby i just want to lock myself inside my room and just cry but i realise after crying nothing will have changed.  Life has become a challenge and it seems like its a routine or something i have to put up with everyday.

I recently lost a really close relative of mine, she is someone i used to depend on for anything.  She went with me for my initial test, comforted me when I was low and she actually went with me for every hospital test i have been too and was never judgemental with me.  It feels like i have lost a part of me and its something i never expected.  She wasn't ill, it was sudden death which no one could explain.  I am finding it so difficult to move on with my own life, I miss her so much and i am loosing the courage to carry on.  My life is falling apart and each day is proving to be a struggle without her.  I have no one to confide in and she was the only person i could pick up the phone and vent my life frustrations any time.

I really don't know where to start to pick myself up, nothing really excites me about life and i just feel as if its just a daring adventure.  I feel so lost

Nobody dies a virgin life screws us all up

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,080
Re: Things fall apart
« Reply #1 on: April 10, 2010, 06:32:14 PM »
27, I'm so sorry for everything you're going through.  My mom died 3 years ago, and I felt the same way you do-lost, totally.  I talked to her 4-5 x a day; when I wasn't in school, we'd play Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy over the phone.  When I was at my lowest, she stood by me.  So, I definitely know how you feel.  Though she had lung cancer, so death was inevitable, it still hurt like hell.  But, things get better over time, that I can promise you.  Grief is a funny thing, people handle it differently.  I would suggest that if you're still feeling like locking yourself in your room and giving up, you need to get ahold of a good therapist.  Your ID doc may know one, or the nearest Aids Service Organization should be able to point you in the right direction.  Please do something for yourself, and get some help.  You're worth it, and you'll find it really helps.  Stay in touch, please, and let us know how you're doing.
  Luv,
Betty

{{27}} (a cyber hug)
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline netta

  • Member
  • Posts: 396
Re: Things fall apart
« Reply #2 on: April 10, 2010, 09:16:22 PM »
I am so sorry for your lose. You are allowed to grieve and feel this way, because this is part of life. Take time to be good to yourself and nurture yourself. take things slow, one day at a time, time heals all wounds. Pray to god and ask for strength, talk to him, he is always listening. Surround yourself with positive things. remember we are here for you. :-*
"to thine own self be true"

Offline emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,365
Re: Things fall apart
« Reply #3 on: April 11, 2010, 11:33:42 AM »
Hi 27

The advice Betty has offered you is good. Given what a powerful impact this person made on you, maybe some day, when you're ready, you can do the same for someone---passing along that non-judgemental attitude in the world of HIV is powerful therapy. You know it firsthand.  I assure you there's someone out there or in here who will benefit from what you've learned.

Em

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Things fall apart
« Reply #4 on: April 11, 2010, 12:52:59 PM »
Hi 27. You have my condolences on the loss of your friend. I know how it is to lose someone. My mother just passed last year. And I definitely know how it feels to be overwhelmed which sounds like what you are going through. Try to deal with things one thing at a time, one day at a time. That is what helps me when I get to feeling that way. And as Betty mentioned getting some professional help. I hope things will work out for you, keep us posted and Good Luck.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

 


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