Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
Newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr Instagram
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
December 19, 2014, 07:28:27 PM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
  • Total Members: 24258
  • Latest: ter353
Stats
  • Total Posts: 649931
  • Total Topics: 49607
  • Online Today: 190
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Dating Horror...I give up  (Read 11498 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline sexyzpiee

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
  • SUGAR & SPICE
Dating Horror...I give up
« on: May 13, 2008, 11:41:05 PM »
I meet this guy back in December, and we started off talking on the phone, we talked 4 about 3 months before we ever went on a date.(my choice). I decided 2 tell him that I was positive before we ever meet, so he already knew ahead of time, I thought that would give him time 2 decided if he wanted 2 continue with the friendship.  OK, here's  where the problem occurs.  This is May and its been 5 months, the conversation is great the chemistry is terrific.  So know we are becoming sexual, first kissing, then it progresses 2 touching. Granted we talked about this ahead of time, his comments were " That doesn't change the way I feel about u".  Why during the whole sex act he was feeling 4 the condom 2 make sure it was on ???.  what a turn off.   Have I seen him since NO>>> I GIVE UP!!!
$UG@R & $P!CE

Offline pink_beauty

  • Member
  • Posts: 27
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #1 on: May 13, 2008, 11:58:23 PM »
Oh man! What a jerk! I am so sorry that happened. I can't even imagine what I would have done in that situation. If he is like that, you are better off without him anyway! You wouldn't want that to happen every time.
6/2008: VL 400
4/7/08: CD4-537 VL-107,000
4/25/08: VL- 175,000
5/13/08: Started Atripla

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #2 on: May 14, 2008, 01:29:10 AM »
Maybe it's just me but maybe the guy was nervous. Even though he said it wouldn't change the way he feels about you, he just wanted to make sure. How would you have felt if he was putting his back all in it(sex) and then noticed the condom came off? I think old boy deserves a conversation at least but that's just me. If you'd rather walk away from a guy that you vibe with without trying to understand why he was doing what he was then that is your choice. Just saying....Give a brother a chance to explain at least. :-\
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

bleueyes

  • Guest
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #3 on: May 14, 2008, 01:37:24 AM »
This would make me upset. It is very much a reminder you don't need at that moment. You can think of it from his side, but listen to how you feel.

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #4 on: May 14, 2008, 01:42:58 AM »
This would make me upset. It is very much a reminder you don't need at that moment. You can think of it from his side, but listen to how you feel.

I guess it's just me then because I have come across so many men who don't even consider wearing a condom. I think it is refreshing that he cares enough to be cautious.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Dragonette

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,190
  • Spring symptoms
    • NotPerfectAtAll
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #5 on: May 14, 2008, 04:19:07 AM »
sorry, I think that guy was completly normal. It takes time to become used and more relaxed about having sex with a poz. Even if we know it's virtually harmless in our minds (and not everyone does mind you), psychologically its a big barrier. Back when i started having sex with my fiance he or I would be checking the condom every few minutes, it gave us a sense of security. One time the condom dropped, that was actually in our first time, and it's not a nice feeling to call the doctors, worry etc. Nowadays we hardly ever check it, so give it time and I am sure with time things will slide into the comfort zone, so to speak  ;). Besides which, I don't know about you but sex was always pretty awkward in the beginning even when I was neg. Besides which #2, he should be checking the condom even if you were of unknown status to avoid getting you pregnant or with another STD. OK maybe not that often  ;D. So hopefully you guys can put the condom incidence behind you, I don't know how long you stopped being in touch but hopefully you can still build something beautiful.
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

tendai

  • Guest
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #6 on: May 14, 2008, 04:40:31 AM »
i totally agree with Drag, he's just nervous.  give him a bit of time, hopefully he'll soon adjust mentally and relax.

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,092
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #7 on: May 14, 2008, 07:44:46 AM »
Sexy, I call it with Queen and Drag.  Think if it was the other way around (you were neg, he was poz).  I think what he did was a perfectly natural reaction.  It's easy for me to feel comfortable having protected sex with someone else without being nervous, but if I was the negative one, I'm sure I wouldn't be so relaxed. 

You might want to give him the benefit of the doubt.  He did take things to the next level with you at least.  Some guys won't even do that.  If you guys really get along well, I wouldn't write him off.  Just give him time.

For the record, since I tested poz, only one guy has wanted to use a condom; and yes, I've informed all my sex partners about me being poz. 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline wishful

  • Member
  • Posts: 342
  • I am pretty content nowadays..Life is gud..
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2008, 09:55:59 AM »
Maybe it was soooo good to him that he thought it came off..... ;D
Live life to the fullest...

Offline 27years

  • Member
  • Posts: 145
  • What I did for love I will still do it for love
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2008, 03:21:38 PM »
The fact that he did not run away from you or did not stay away from sex completely shows he has a thing for you somehow.  If he is negative he is bound to be nervous especially if you are his first encounter who is poz.  I have realised its us the poz who are well informed about the transmition and hiv things but the outside world doesn't know that much.  Think he needs encouragement and assurance that the condom wont break.  If it was the other way round for me I would definitely be checking the condom.  Its not that he is looking down upon you.  i think he has gone a long way to take that action.  Give him a chance please, my thoughts
Nobody dies a virgin life screws us all up

Offline sexyzpiee

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
  • SUGAR & SPICE
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #10 on: May 14, 2008, 07:57:16 PM »
Wait, ladies, and thank u for ur encouraging responses, but it's not me that's running he stopped talking 2 me.  I have tried 2 talk 2 him and Educate  this man, but right now he is running.  He said that we are like fire together, and he cant resist me when we are 2gether. maybe I got carried away, it had been 7 years for me and I admit I tried 2 kill the man, :o but damn don't stop talking 2 me just say girl u took me 2 far.  And he feels like the condom is not going 2 protect him fully, I don't know what else 2 say or do?



Very funny Wishful!!!!!! If it was that  good where is he???
« Last Edit: May 14, 2008, 09:08:12 PM by sexyzpiee »
$UG@R & $P!CE

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #11 on: May 14, 2008, 08:36:06 PM »
Ah, well glad you made things a bit clearer. Maybe he is just scared, I dunno. How long has it been since he has talked to you? If it hasn't been that long, give him a bit of time, maybe he is trying to process it all. If you feel you have waited long enough then all you can say is that you tried.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline sexyzpiee

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
  • SUGAR & SPICE
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #12 on: May 14, 2008, 09:05:09 PM »
Ok, Queen it has been a month now, how much time are we talking here. A month is long enough for me  get the message, if I'm wrong enlighten me, I'm new 2 this dating game of poz verses neg. Hell I'm just getting back into the dating game since i was diagnosed which was 5 years ago. HEELLLPPP!!!! :-[
$UG@R & $P!CE

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,092
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #13 on: May 14, 2008, 09:21:05 PM »
Sexy, if it has been a month since he's communicated, then I would say he tucked tail and ran.  I've been with a couple negative men, but they weren't concerned about becoming infected, to the point where they wouldn't wear condoms (but they were idiots anyway). 

I would say you're a lot better off than had it gone on further.  Some people just can't handle it.  I'm sorry you had to go through this, but trust, it's nothing new.  You'll be alright, really.
   Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #14 on: May 14, 2008, 11:58:28 PM »
Ok, Queen it has been a month now, how much time are we talking here. A month is long enough for me  get the message, if I'm wrong enlighten me, I'm new 2 this dating game of poz verses neg. Hell I'm just getting back into the dating game since i was diagnosed which was 5 years ago. HEELLLPPP!!!! :-[

LOL@Sexy....A month, well, I honestly would have written him off too. I was just asking, gf. And I am definitely the wrong one to enlighten you, my ass is single(well technically married but has been separated for about 7 years) and haven't had any ass since December, ok. I wish I could be lucky enough to find a man who would accept my poz status. So, it's a b.o.b. for me though nothing beats a good hard one...*snickers* But then I look at friends who seem to have such messed up relationships and thinks at times I am lucky to have my b.o.b. because he doesn't get his nut off and leaves me hanging, no nagging, and I can get mine and roll over. :D
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline sexyzpiee

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
  • SUGAR & SPICE
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #15 on: May 15, 2008, 05:40:33 PM »
Say That Queen, I have 3 myself  ;D.  And I agree, just thought I would give the dating scene another try. 2 hell with it, stick a fork in me, I'm done !!!!! Thanks girl ;)
$UG@R & $P!CE

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,092
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #16 on: May 15, 2008, 10:55:18 PM »
I've got one also.  Watching a little porn doesn't hurt either.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline wishful

  • Member
  • Posts: 342
  • I am pretty content nowadays..Life is gud..
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #17 on: May 16, 2008, 08:57:46 AM »
Sexy: dont worry too much about it..well try not to anyways..another one will come along...trust n believe..
Live life to the fullest...

Offline TreDai

  • Member
  • Posts: 52
  • Miss Ohio Plus America 2008
    • my website
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #18 on: May 16, 2008, 01:07:38 PM »
I guess it's just me then because I have come across so many men who don't even consider wearing a condom. I think it is refreshing that he cares enough to be cautious.


I agree with Queen and Drag, Give him some time to relax and adjust,It could work out in your favor.I see your side of it as well,i have been there along with all of the other women on here. Most men I meet dont care!! you found one who does that speaks volumes about his character.
"Our people die because of a lack of knowledge"
 Miss Ohio Plus America 2008

Offline MplsLady76

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #19 on: June 05, 2008, 11:52:09 AM »
I would have to agree with Queen. There are two ways to look at this. First, he is concerned not only for himself but for you as well. I respect each one of the men I have been with who take the time to put on a condom and make sure it stays on. Second, he freaked out. That will go away with time and education.

Reason why I know was because of my horror date. I explained to him I was POZ, but instead of being a ok reaction, he lied to me and flipped. After a while he read up on POZ about HIV and now he and I are cool.

So I would say this. Since it has been a month he may not come back, but don't let that stop you. There are plenty of men both POZ and NEG that are looking for a strong woman and in all honesty living POZ has made me even more strong. I can tell you are also very strong. ;D
**We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts we make the world. Speak or act with a pure mind, and Happiness will follow you, as your shadow, unshakable.**

Offline abbey

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #20 on: September 03, 2008, 11:25:51 AM »
hi girl friends, nice joining and and am so happy i could be part of this. in my opinion, i would rather say you take things easy. don't be too hard on him at the same time, don't just hang in their waiting for him. make friends as much as you could, some day, some one who appreciates you will come along. poz or not. 

best of luck

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,092
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #21 on: September 03, 2008, 09:36:05 PM »
Hey Abbey, welcome to the forums.  Please join us in the "ladies thread."  That's where we talk about daily stuff etc.  We'd love to have you. :)
  Luv,
Betty
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline Winiroo

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,082
  • Positive since 1991
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #22 on: September 03, 2008, 09:39:34 PM »
Hi Abbey. Here is a link to the thread where we are chit chatting right now.
If you are interested.
http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=22806.msg290049#msg290049

Offline paddy

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #23 on: July 04, 2009, 09:46:58 PM »
I really don't think he was wrong for checking for the condom...so that doesn't make him a jerk. He was most likely nervous. 

Offline SEXY50

  • Member
  • Posts: 5
Re: Dating Horror...I give up
« Reply #24 on: April 11, 2010, 12:02:53 AM »
HI LADY I AM IN THE SAME SHOE I NEW MY FRIEND FOR YEAR BUT I WAS MARRY SO WENT ME AND MY MAN BREAK UP I STAR BACK TALK TO MY FRIEND AGAIN AND I TOLD HIM I WAS POZ IT WAS NOT THE SAME BUT I UNDERSTAND I GUESS IT CRAZY BUT REAL BUT ONE DAY GOD WILL SEND ME SOMEONE MY MAN OF 24YEAR TRY TO GET ME BACK BUT ONGO I BEEN SINGLE FOR 3 YEAR NOW AND HE HURT ME VERY MUCH I DO NOT AS TO BE POZ SO DATE IS SO SO SO SO HARD FOR ME ONCE I SAID I AM POZ BUT IT OKAY BUT SOMETIME I WANT TO CALL HIM BUT I JUST SAID FU..IT  KEEP YOUR HEAD UP
LONELY.......BUT KEEP MY HEAD UP

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.