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Author Topic: At support group yesterday...  (Read 2505 times)

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Offline wimble

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At support group yesterday...
« on: March 30, 2010, 10:47:25 AM »
I have been going to support group for about two weeks now...Last night was the second time I attended. There was only 5 of us so the support leader decided we do a get to know exercise...who you are, how you were infected blah blah....
There was one gentleman's story that struck me with disbelief and I wasn't sure whether he was telling the truth about how and when he was infected...anyway it was definitely worth a listen...
The man claimed that it took over 12 months for him to seroconvert! He was a straight man who contracted the virus through insertive sex....he stated that he had ARS symptoms 6 weeks post exposure, headache, vomitting, fatigue diarrhea you know the usual....however his 3 and 6 month tests came back negative...he stated that he had no other sexual encounters since his initial exposure and after a year he tested positive!
His explanation or reason as to why he thought he took so long was the fact that at the time of his exposure he had chronic epididymitis that he had suffered with for a number of months affecting both testicles. He went on to say that he thought his seroconversion was delayed because there were so many antibodies fighting his chronic bacterial infection that there were not enough detectable HIV antibodies at the time 3 and 6 months....some argued that this was not possible, I however accepted it for what it was.

I just wanted to run it past you guys....do you think this is possible...To my knowledge only people receiving cancer treatment could possibly seroconvert late?? Would a chronic infection really affect seroconversion? I thought HIV antibodies were specific to the virus and have no connection with antibodies that fight other infections or viruses. Is this correct?
Peace

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #1 on: March 30, 2010, 10:53:33 AM »
No I don't believe him.  Anyone who thinks they are the exception to medical science always makes me laugh.  The human body reacts pretty much the same universally.  I think he's probably just rationalized how he got infected and when.  It doesn't really matter though as the outcome is still the same.

Offline Ann

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #2 on: March 30, 2010, 11:46:41 AM »
I don't believe it either. He probably either doesn't want to admit to some other risky sexual exposure or perhaps sharing drug injecting equipment, or he was under the influence of drink and/or drugs when he did something that put him at risk and doesn't remember. His antibody theory is crackers.

The only people who might  take a little longer than three months to test poz are those on chemo for cancer or anti-rejection drugs following organ transplant, or people who have been injecting street drugs EVERY day for YEARS. Even most of these people will test poz by three months and most definitely by six months.

The average time to seroconversion is only 22 days - and the vast majority will seroconvert and test poz by six WEEKS.

This guy is obviously in denial or a fog of hazy memory - but it would serve no real purpose to try to get him to admit otherwise. To be honest, I think asking people in an hiv support group to tell everyone how they got infected is pretty damn stupid and bound to be divisive. That's not what hiv support groups are about.

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline wimble

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #3 on: March 30, 2010, 12:02:30 PM »
Thanks guys, yeah I don't believe it either...i just wanted some opinions.
Thanks for another lesson there, Ann. I didn't see the benefit of telling strangers how I acquired the virus either...I opted not to expand and just said it was sexually transmitted in recent months....maybe the person in question caught caught in two minds and dug himself deeper into a whole, who knows.

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #4 on: March 30, 2010, 12:20:12 PM »
To be honest, I think asking people in an hiv support group to tell everyone how they got infected is pretty damn stupid and bound to be divisive. That's not what hiv support groups are about.



I agree.  I've been to tons of support groups and I don't think I've ever encountered this being asked.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Ann

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #5 on: March 30, 2010, 12:51:33 PM »
I agree.  I've been to tons of support groups and I don't think I've ever encountered this being asked.

Yeah. I have to wonder if the facilitator was hiv negative. They're usually the only people who would think of posing that question to a bunch of pozzies. I don't think I've ever been asked that question by a poz person who I didn't already have a close relationship with. And even then, it's not happened very often.
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online mecch

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #6 on: March 30, 2010, 12:54:54 PM »
Ask a stupid question you get a stupid answer.
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline wimble

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #7 on: March 30, 2010, 01:10:20 PM »
I didn't really think anything of the question initially, with it being my second time and all....i thought it was standard at support groups, obviously not. As far as I am aware the facilitator is negative because ironically enough he did not say how he was infected....when i see him again I'll ask why he asked.

Offline Ann

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #8 on: March 30, 2010, 01:36:05 PM »

....when i see him again I'll ask why he asked.


He'll probably say something like "because it's good to share" all the while thinking "because I'm a nosy fuck and want to make sure I don't do anything you guys have". Typical neg thinking - and yes, I've come across that thinking in far more negs than I haven't. A poz facilitator wouldn't have dreamt of asking that question in a support group setting, especially where the members didn't really know each other.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Joe K

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #9 on: March 30, 2010, 01:40:51 PM »
I'm sorry, but the fact the facilitator asked the question, should be enough to get a new one. I've been in support groups for decades with only poz moderators. I tried negative moderators and even with the proper training, they still have no clue what it is like to be poz. It's no different, from expecting a sober moderator to be successful with an alcoholics group; you have to have the "real" connection of the shared experience. His insensitivity is beyond the pale and he should find other work.

Offline Ann

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2010, 02:03:23 PM »
I've also found that neg people ask this question because they want to pigeon-hole us into groups like "promiscuous", "junkie" or "on the down-low". This makes them feel safe, superior even.


I'm sorry, but the fact the facilitator asked the question, should be enough to get a new one. .... His insensitivity is beyond the pale and he should find other work.


Spot on, Joe, I was thinking the same thing.

If I was asked this in a support group when I was newly diagnosed, like Wim, I probably would have thought nothing of it because even then, I had no problem with saying something like "uh, duh, unprotected intercourse a pozbod". However, I now fully realise that not everyone wants to share their infection details. Some might not know and many would feel very uncomfortable answering. Particularly people who are new to all this malarkey.

It's something that a person will share if they want to or feel like it but a facilitator has no business asking it as part of a "get to know" session. Doing so would probably make some feel as though they HAVE to give an explanation and account for themselves. What a good way to intimidate and push people away from a source of support.

The more I think about this, the madder I get. And you all thought I was mad as a hatter to begin with. Wait, it gets worse. Much worse.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline wimble

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2010, 03:51:40 PM »
I'm sorry, but the fact the facilitator asked the question, should be enough to get a new one.
Definitely, Joe. I wasn't planning on getting more support from this person anyway. Didn't find him very effective when relating to the group and as Ann, says he made the entire session a little intimidating and uncomfortable... I don't know if he was new to the support thing or what...I'm certainly not mad at him though, had I had the condition a few years (or was  Ann or yourself) it may be a different story!
The more I think about this, the madder I get. And you all thought I was mad as a hatter to begin with. Wait, it gets worse. Much worse.
Perhaps I am best keeping my experiences to myself for the sake of your sanity Ann, ha ha.

On another note, my experience of support groups thus far hasn't been great. Iv found that both times I came home feeling a little depressed about things...whereas before i went in I'd be fine...i don't know if other people can relate to this?

Its mainly this site that has helped me through things, so for that I want to thank everyone here, cheers :)

Offline Joe K

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #12 on: March 30, 2010, 05:11:47 PM »
One of the great things about support groups, is you get to meet others just like you. What I might suggest is that you use the group to make some poz friends and then maybe you won't need a group. Most of the groups I attended, we became so close, that we did things outside of group. I also encourage you to become proactive and contact whoever administers that group and explain the issue about the moderator. Certainly he made others uncomfortable and even if you never return to the group, do you want this guy to do this to someone else? Please take that extra step and try to get this guy replaced. You would not let someone drunk, drive a bus and negative moderators should never lead a HIV support group.

Offline weasel

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #13 on: March 30, 2010, 09:43:28 PM »
One of the great things about support groups, is you get to meet others just like you. What I might suggest is that you use the group to make some poz friends and then maybe you won't need a group. Most of the groups I attended, we became so close, that we did things outside of group. I also encourage you to become proactive and contact whoever administers that group and explain the issue about the moderator. Certainly he made others uncomfortable and even if you never return to the group, do you want this guy to do this to someone else? Please take that extra step and try to get this guy replaced. You would not let someone drunk, drive a bus and negative moderators should never lead a HIV support group.
                 This is a dangerous line of thought . At least here in Missouri ! Some of the Higher ups are HIV POZ
                 And still have little compassion for the rest of us !
                 I would be careful of  " rocking the boat " . Punishment will be harsh !
                 If the group don't fit find another .
                 Almost  EVERY group I have EVER been to a Moderator has asked ALL how they think they got HIV.
                 It is NOT a rare question .

                                                Just a thought .
                    OH ! Ya I am STILL being punished  :'(

                                                                            Weasel
" Live and let Live "

Offline blackwingbear

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #14 on: March 31, 2010, 03:38:39 AM »
This is a dangerous line of thought . At least here in Missouri ! Some of the Higher ups are HIV POZ
 And still have little compassion for the rest of us !
Almost  EVERY group I have EVER been to a Moderator has asked ALL how they think they got HIV.
It is NOT a rare question .
                                                                       

I recently found out there was a local support group - and found out this question was standard due to a "getting to know you" questionnaire the leader (who is poz) had me fill-out to sign-up.
It's all a sham. Politics is a big game, same as the media - and same as religion. The point is to distract & control. If we're looking at what they tell us is the "big issue", we're not looking at what they are doing. In time, there will be different causes and different minorities to pick-on. All in the name of keeping the system going, and the people distracted.

Offline Ann

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #15 on: April 01, 2010, 10:09:13 AM »

Perhaps I am best keeping my experiences to myself for the sake of your sanity Ann, ha ha.


hehehehe, no worries Wim, that particular horse (my sanity) bolted from the barn years ago. ;D  ;)


I recently found out there was a local support group - and found out this question was standard due to a "getting to know you" questionnaire the leader (who is poz) had me fill-out to sign-up.


Wow, how bizarre. Would they not permit you to join if you left that part blank? I don't get how some "powers that be" seem to think that intrusive questions are supportive.
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Cerrid

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #16 on: April 01, 2010, 12:21:41 PM »
"From a toilet seat" seems the only appropriate answer to this question.  :P
"Boredom is always counterrevolutionary. Always." (Guy Debord)

Offline David_CA

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #17 on: April 01, 2010, 12:45:29 PM »
"From a toilet seat" seems the only appropriate answer to this question.  :P
That's what my hubby says.  Then, when questioned, he elaborates that he sat down before the other guy stood up.
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Offline MarkB

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #18 on: April 02, 2010, 07:10:13 AM »
Where I live not only is there no support group there is no clinic either.

At the London hospital which I attend there is, apparently, an arrangement by which newly diagnosed people can be contacted by another patient at the same clinic for advice and support. So I put my name in the box. About six weeks later I got a phone call from a guy who began by saying that I was only entitled to three calls (I think it was), and that this was the first of them.

The conversation was bizarre, the high point of which was when he said that there were some people who believed that HIV could be cured by ...

("I'm not supposed to say this to you", he said, conspiratorially)

... Faith. "Many people think that Kabbalah is the answer. Had you though of trying it?"

I politely drew the conversation to a close.

 :D

Offline Theyer

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Re: At support group yesterday...
« Reply #19 on: April 07, 2010, 07:45:29 AM »
In Jan this year I attended one session off a support group that although advertised Hiv support group 3/4 off the way through the facilitator announced that Hiv was not the central reason we where meeting....
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

 


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