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Author Topic: Anxious if I'm OK or not?  (Read 2653 times)

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Offline whoops

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Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« on: August 24, 2006, 10:41:37 AM »
Hi Guys,

I'm from the UK.. I had a couple of encounters with a white UK female in May.
We had one brief (1 or 2 mins) encounter of (pretty gentle) anal sex - no blood appeared to be drawn. We also had one or two enounters of vaginal sex (again a few minutes only each time) - But all of these encounters were unprotected   :-[

She told me she was OK and that she had a full STD check including HIV before sex and also after it, but she did seem to tell lies about a few things and I'm wondering if what she said was true.

If she were not honest about her sexual health, what is the likely risk I have taken?

I had a full test HIV/SYPH/GONN/CHLAM 3 weeks and 2 days after the last exposure with her. 
The anal sex took place 3 weeks and 3 days before testing.

All tests returned negative, but I think they may be too soon to give much indication - what's your opinion?  I do not know which HIV test was used but the doctor/health adviser told me it was 'a very sensitive test'

I have had blood taken at 12 weeks and 2 days after the last exposure last Friday and will get my result tomorrow - of course I'm highly anxious today and am pretty scared incase of the worst... Please advise

Thank you

Whoops

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #1 on: August 24, 2006, 11:02:14 AM »
Whoops,

ANYTIME you have unprotected intercourse with ANYONE you are putting yourself in great risk. You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Your three week tests have cleared you of everything but hiv and syphilis, which both share a three month window period. The odds are in your favour of getting another negative hiv result tomorrow, but it is not guaranteed as you did have a risk and your first hiv test was done too early to be of much use. For future reference, hiv testing before six weeks is not recommended. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, but a negative result at that time must still be confirmed at the 12-13 week point.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for intercourse, every time, no exceptions and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline whoops

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Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #2 on: August 24, 2006, 11:22:30 AM »
Hi Ann,

Thanks for a very fast response, it's very kind and attentive of you.

Yes, I know it was VERY VERY foolish to not use a condom.  The only reason I did in this instance is because she said she had a full check up including HIV (and said she also had a 13 week HIV test), a few months after her last partner (because he was found out to be married) and said she had not had sex with anyone since - so I felt assured of being safe with her. Odds are she was telling the truth - as I think someone has to be really evil/psychotic to deliberately infect someone with HIV, and lie to the hilt to try to do it, doubly so.

The encounter wasn't casual, it was simply foolishly way too soon in a new relationship (later half of first week) that didn't work out.  I don't have sex only encounters with anybody, I'm a relationship-only kind of guy..

The original question is (hopefully) asked purely hypothetically, (incase she was lying and hiding HIV infection) - I just wanted to assess my risk for what we had done in that hypothetical instance.  Especially the risk of the brief anal encounter.

I did not describe any 'ARS symptoms' as I do not appear to have had any at all.
I did have a sore throat a 4 or 5 days after the last exposure with her but that's way too soon to have anything to do with HIV isn't it?  I did see a doc about that and he prescribed 5 days of antibio's but wasn't sure if it was viral or bacterial.. the sore throat went away within 4-5 days or so. 
I have felt OK since, apart from headaches caused by bouts of worry and stress about this possible risk taken.  Certainly haven't been aware of any fever or flu like symptoms of note.

Your further comments would be welcome - and thanks for the use a condom every time drill - if we all did that all the time, the world could probably banish HIV for ever.

Thanks for your advice and comment,

Whoops



Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #3 on: August 24, 2006, 11:29:10 AM »
Whoops,

The odd are in your favour as the insertive partner. But you did take a very serious risk - please, no repeat performances.

The thing is, true, sometimes people lie about their hiv status. But what happens more often - MUCH more often - is that people don't actually KNOW their accurate hiv status. They ASSUME that they are hiv negative. This is why, until you know for absolute certain, you MUST take the proper precautions and use condoms.

Please learn from this experience. This time you will probably be lucky - but you might not be next time. Don't let there be a next time.

And by the way, symptoms or the lack of symptoms means nothing when it comes to hiv infection. Only the appropriate test at the appropriate time will reliably inform you of your hiv status. You took the test at the appropriate time - 12 weeks. Hang in there and let us know how it turns out. I'm expecting a negative - you should too.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline whoops

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #4 on: August 24, 2006, 11:45:06 AM »
Hi Ann,

Be sure I will NEVER EVER make this mistake again - I'd rather give up sex and become celibate.  I will never forget the stress this 3 month episode of worry has given me, whether its was a zero risk (if shes telling me the truth) or a serious one if she has lied.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring exoneration/redemption for her and a negative result for me.
She already got her reassurance from me from the first test, as I called her and told her about it.
She said 'I could have told you that' and seemed offended I tested despite her telling me she was OK. She also said I was 'mad' to have a 13 week test as it was unnecessary and a waste of an appointment for someone who really needed it.  Her tone was a little defensive, but that hopefully was born out of being offended rather than her hiding any lies.

On the day we split (4 weeks after meeting), I said I regretted the sexual involment as we didn't last and she said "It didn't do any harm though, did it?"  On the few times I directly asked her about STD's she always said she was fine and there was no way I'd get anything from her. I hope that's reflected in my result tomorrow morning.
Thanks for your encouraging expectation of negative, please root for my good health. Thanks Ann

Whoops

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #5 on: August 24, 2006, 11:54:49 AM »
And remember for the future that YOU are the person who is responsible for protecting your health and not your partner.

It's great when you have a partner you can trust but as long as you consistently follow safer sex guidelines the status of your partner is irrelevant. As long as you follow those guidelines you can have as many sex partners as you like and HIV will still not be an issue. Including if you are with someone who is HIV+.

Good luck with your test.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline whoops

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Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #6 on: August 24, 2006, 11:58:51 AM »
Thank you Andy for your good wishes.

I'll do my best to come back with a negative!

Kind regards

Whoops

Offline whoops

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #7 on: August 24, 2006, 04:39:47 PM »
Hi Ann/Andy/guys..

Should find out my result in just 13 hours... what kind of odds do you think I'd be up against if she was lying about her HIV status?  Do you think it's better than 50/50?

An answer may help me sleep a bit better tonight.. I'm scared but know I have to face this 10.30 tomorrow morning..

Thanks for your replies,

Whoops

Offline fivecantonas

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Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #8 on: August 24, 2006, 04:43:43 PM »
Whoops:

I am no expert but after a ridiculous amount of research, (all anxiety driven) I would say you have a better chance of being struck by lightenting on your way to collect the test results...

Offline whoops

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #9 on: August 24, 2006, 05:16:22 PM »
Hi Fivecantonas,

I hope that is the case and there's no ligtning forecast for tomorrow...

I'd like some of the experts to speculate what they think are my odds, please..

Thanks

Whoops

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2006, 05:34:34 PM »
I shudder at the thought of anyone posting odds. There is NO mathematically sound, applicable science available that posits odds that mean anything in terms of HIV transmission. And when people post the "odds" from the single study of which I am aware, It takes me an hour to refute them.

Like Ann says, "how long is a pierce of string?" The variables in ANY single sexual act are so great that there is simply no way to calculate odds. On a VERY general level, we can state that HIV is much more difficult to transmit from receptive partner to the insertive one (in heterosexual terms, from female to male). And that your chances are statistically pretty good.

But who cares about statistics when YOU are the one who tests positive, right? Lightning's gotta hit someone, right?

Thing is, MOST people will seroconvert within six weeks. The 12-13 week test is considered definitive. What I suggest is that you not make yourself crazy with wondering about something you can't undo, and a process you can't speed up. The test at 13 weeks (three months) will be the only thing to break this tether between yourself and this incident.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline whoops

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #11 on: August 24, 2006, 05:44:47 PM »
Thanks jkinatl2 for the reply, it's both encouraging and also at the sane time  a very in my face reality check - I'll just get myself to bed tonight, hope I can sleep and look the result in the eye tomorrow...

Whoops

Offline whoops

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Re: Anxious if I'm OK or not?
« Reply #12 on: August 25, 2006, 04:24:03 PM »
Hi Guys,

I got my NEGATIVE results today for HIV and SYPH. I am so relieved!! 
Infact I was so relieved that I forgot to ask to see the HIV lab certificate for myself (like I did when I got the first test result after 3wks 2dys), but I'm sure the lady knows how to accurately report test results - I'm kicking myself a little about that as there's nothing like seeing it before your very eyes for your own TOTAL satisfaction.

Anybody out there who is worried and feels scared to take the test - PLEASE go do it - the peace of mind is enormous vs the not knowing, which is usually needless torment to one's mind.
So once again - GET TESTED!!  Oh and always use condoms as I will from now on!

Thank you to those who kindly commented on my scenario yesterday and for the kind and encouraging support given.  It was appreciated, thank you once again.

Whoops

 


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