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Author Topic: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV  (Read 3804 times)

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Offline MinorThreat

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The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« on: March 07, 2010, 08:55:17 AM »
We started "talking" to one another about a month ago, we've only been on about 2 dates but we have so much fun together. Yesterday out of no where he told me he was "sick", explaining that he was born with a disease, I paused and of course got a little nervous, then he finally told me he was born with HIV, I honestly didn't know how to react so I just put a sad face (this all happened via I/M) then he wrote "...." and I said "idk what to say, but that doesn't change anything" he then asked if I'd be awkward around him, I told him that I won't and that I'm just happy he was honest with me and we continued to talk about normal things as if that conversation never happened. He also made me promise not to tell anyone so I can't ask my family or friends for advice, plus I know some pretty judgmental people. So here I am, I stumbled on to this website after looking for information and how to look past his sickness. I am all sorts of confused as to what I should do, I've never even met someone with HIV and here I am seeing someone who is + , I want to ask him so many questions without sounding stupid or making him feel bad, I just would like to learn more and understand his status and the condition, I want to be safe and I don't want anything to change, this is something he had no control over so why should I punish him by calling it quits...I just need some advice...

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #1 on: March 07, 2010, 09:32:46 AM »
Feel free to ask us questions.  You may want to start out by going to the top of this website and reading the topcs labeled "All About HIV" and "Prevention" to begin educating yourself about the virus.  I want you to know that if you have safe sex with this person every time you have sex your chance of getting the virus is beyond tiny.  Please don't let the virus determine how you view him as it should be viewed in the same context as any other disease. 

Offline mecch

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #2 on: March 07, 2010, 09:49:32 AM »
Curious - you were having this conversation by instant messaging? On the computer or on the telephone?  Have you actually met this person face to face?  Anyway, its an interesting way to tell someone you have HIV - instant message!

I think you should ask questions here until you figure out how much your friend wants to talk about it or not. You haven't really asked a direct question so why don't you write out five specific questions to start and we can have a shot answering them.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #3 on: March 07, 2010, 10:02:43 AM »


     One of the positives, if you will, about having HIV is it has not affected his ability to want to be loved and to love someone else.  The great thing is you can have a meaniful lasting "normal" relationship with this guy and remain negative.

    So ask questions...  what would you like to know exactly?
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline MinorThreat

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #4 on: March 07, 2010, 10:06:08 AM »
Thank you Hellraiser, I read all about the preventions after reading your post, and I do not view him any differently :) .

Mecch, he told me he was born with HIV through AIM, but before that conversation we have been on dates so I do know him personally.

My only intention for writing this post was to see if it was a good idea to ask him about his treatment and stages, but after reading up on HIV i realized that I know very little about the virus and school doesn't go about teaching it very well!

So at this point I know about the basics because I've already read about what it is and does but I'd like to know more about the stages and medications and the possibilities on still being healthy and living a full life, even if he and I aren't together for a long period of time I'm really interested on knowing everything there is to know now... thank you for reading/helping!

Offline mecch

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #5 on: March 07, 2010, 11:17:42 AM »
See All ABOUT HIV and PREVENTION and TREATMENT in the menu above.

Most members of this forum have a different experience than being born with HIV - which is quite special but a few people here might be able to offer info and resources.

Try to ask a specific question about something.  

There are "stages" of HIV / AIDS but they are used by doctors and health agencies for statistics. A person's experience of HIV these days is pretty individual.

If its a country with good health care and the person has access to this good health care, a lot of people with HIV are healthy but its not a guaranteed experience.

Eventually you'll have to get your friends experience from himself but in a new relationship I would wait for some more signs that he really wants to go into the subject.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline MinorThreat

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #6 on: March 18, 2010, 10:44:47 PM »
Hello everyone, just wanted to do a quick update, I'm still unaware of any detail on his HIV status- as to numbers, medications (if any) or things of that nature, with that said, I am now his GF and very happy as well, I know it will take him time to tell me more about his condition but I know when he's ready he will, I'm a little scared about the sexual aspects of our relationship, but I suppose that's natural...I do have a question though, I've read about all the prevention but with these prevention tips what are the odds of contracting HIV?

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #7 on: March 18, 2010, 10:53:30 PM »
I've read about all the prevention but with these prevention tips what are the odds of contracting HIV?

You'll be fine.  Just make sure to always use protection during sexual intercourse and you will remain negative.

Best wishes on your relationship.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline mecch

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #8 on: March 18, 2010, 10:54:26 PM »
If you are having sex with him, you deserve at least a brief discussion of his numbers, in my opinion that is.
Do safe sex and there is no risk of transmission.
If you can get a brief discussion from him about his numbers, if he is undetectable, that might add an extra layer of relief off your mind, and his.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline MinorThreat

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #9 on: March 19, 2010, 08:49:40 AM »
Thank you for the quick responses...I really don't know how to approach him with these questions, do you have any tips on how to?

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #10 on: March 19, 2010, 09:15:46 AM »
I was in a sero-discordant relationship for years, and that entire time I had a viral load ~40,000.  We always used condoms, and I was always the bottom, and my partner never got infected nor was he in the least bit ever worried about getting infected.

Personally as long as you consistently use protection I don't see what use it is to know what his lab numbers are and/or what medications he takes, except to satisfy your own curiosity.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline mecch

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #11 on: March 19, 2010, 03:16:03 PM »
But she may be worried. And curiosity isn't out of line in an intimate relationship.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline mewithu

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Re: The guy I just started seeing told be he was born with HIV
« Reply #12 on: March 21, 2010, 07:27:48 AM »
Be srtong for him and you if you want it to last.  Jerry;)
1997 is when I found out, being deathly ill. I had to go to the hospital due to extreme headache and fever. I fell coma like,  two months later weighing 95 pounds and in extreme pain and awoke to knowledge of Pancreatis, Cryptococcal Meningitis, Thrush,Severe Diarea,  Wasting, PCP pneumonia. No eating, only through tpn. Very sick, I was lucky I had good insurance with the company I worked for. I was in the hospital for three months that time. 
(2010 Now doing OK cd4=210  VL= < 75)
I have become resistant to many nukes and non nukes, Now on Reyataz, , Combivir. Working well for me not too many side effects.  I have the wasting syndrome, Fatigue  . Hard to deal with but believe it or not I have been through worse. Three Pulmonary Embolism's in my life. 2012 520 t's <20 V load

 


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