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Author Topic: All factors point in one direction  (Read 2312 times)

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Offline Whathaveidone

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All factors point in one direction
« on: March 03, 2010, 02:20:18 PM »
Just wanted to kick off this thread with a thank you to all staff and volunteers on poz.com who provide the invaluable info, advice and support that they do.

I am a 20 year old, non-drug using, circumsized, white male university student in Canada. For the past few years I have been involved in a monogamous relationship with a beautiful girl from my hometown who I've known all my life and have always been good friends with (she attends university in a different city).

Living close to campus on a street peppered with frat and sorority houses, and living with 5 other single guys, I have been frequently under the pressure of hooking up with girls. For the years I've spent with my girlfriend, I've been adamant about staying loyal, despite the "I can't believe you didn't get with so and so, she thinks your cute, your girlfriend will never know" comments.

However, in December 09, under the influence of a copious amount of alcohol, I buckled.
After a night of partying, a few girls I know through my room mate came back to our house. One in particular came on to me and I made the worst decision of my life. Before I knew it, we were having unprotected sex (vaginal).

Why might you ask, would I do something as stupid as not wear protection? Both my girlfriend and I being tested, years of monogamous sex, and birth control, had eliminated our condom use, so my best guess is being ued to such a habit, I didn't think twice about it when having drunk sex with a new girl.

In the fifth week post-exposure I was hit with the worst flu I've ever had. Feeling very feverish and weak, bad night sweats, chills, weight loss, headaches, diahrea, mouth sores, the works (all which cleared up between 1 and 2 weeks). Cough and sore throat were not present, however, which worries me even more.

I recently went to get tested, and my results are available this week. However, I can only go pick them up, and I am back in my home city of Toronto for spring break until next week.

At first a few things had comforted me: That symptoms are never a reliable indicator, that a single male to female vaginal exposure is of lower risk (I know it is not no risk), and that when I became sick, it was on the tail end of the average (5th week) and that only the smallest amount of people seroconvert at this stage.

Also, during my sickness, while I did feel quite feverish, I did not register anything over 99.7, and averaged around 97-98, as well as I did not develop a rash.

So for a time, my mind was at ease, until yesterday morning when I was still sleeping, I missed multiple phone calls whos first three digits remained the same, but the last 4 did not. It seems as if someone was trying to reach me from multiple extensions from the same location. From that area code in that town, I cannot think of ANY one else who would be trying to reach me other than the clinic who said "they would only call if there was any abnormalities in your test results".

With those phone calls, I've completely lost my mind. I have not called back, and have assumed, if it is indeed the clinic, they will contact me again soon.

I know all the great people here, I've come to for support, cannot speculate on anything, but as it stands I am absolutely convinced I'm positive. Is there ANY possibilty I could have something more common, chlamydia etc and NOT hiv? With that phone call I'm certain I have something, but my strongest symptoms have only suggested hiv. (I did have tingling/itchy/burning sensation at the opening of my uretha and had to pee frequently that lasted 1-2 weeks after sex with this girl).

I have never been so risky, ever, with my sex life, and I'm praying I'll be given the oppurtunity to learn from one mistake, and not have to pay the highest price in terms of STDs. My wonderful girlfriend, after telling her what I did, was inititially disgusted with me, as am I. But we are currently in the process of rebuilding our relationship and shes committed to trying again. I really do not want a virus to destroy the life I could have with her.

Thank you for listening.


Online Andy Velez

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Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #1 on: March 03, 2010, 03:55:20 PM »
Hey 20yr old,

First of all, do yourself a favor and take a good deep and slow breath in an out, right now. I mean it. And do that everytime you find yourself tensing up. It really helps.

Now, you did have a risky incident. OK. You know that. However, it was a single incident. HIV is significantly harder to transmit from female to male than the other way round. So the odds are definitely in your favor that your are going to come out of this ok with a negative test result.

There is absolutely nothing in any way HIV specific about any of the symptoms you are reporting. If any of them continue that's something to discuss with your doctor.

Ultimately I am betting you come out of this ok. Keep us posted and good luck with your test.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline Whathaveidone

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Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #2 on: March 03, 2010, 05:33:05 PM »
Andy Velez,

After searching these forums up and down, I've seen you give the same comforting replies to numerous amounts of anxiety ridden people like myself, yet it feels exponentially better hearing those words to myself in particular, so for that, I am very grateful for your response.

I have done my best to keep my cool thus far, but with those missed phone calls from what I suspect is the sexual health clinic, I've been on a downward spiral of 'what ifs' and 'i must have hiv'.

I'm 20 years old and I should have known better, yet somehow, here I am being a coward facing the reality of my own actions and its pathetic. I just never expected it to be so scary, I suppose.

I guess it is just a reality check, and a lesson to never take life for granted. I've been very fortunate in life and I guess I carried an invincible attitude as an athlete at a very good school with an amazing family and girlfriend. Now I now HIV does not discriminate and that I know to never take risks with my own life.


Regardless, whatever happens, I thank you for the support and I will keep you guys posted on how my test results turn out.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #3 on: March 03, 2010, 05:33:47 PM »
What,

You have a MUCH higher chance of having been infected with something like chlamydia than you do of having been infected with hiv. The fact that your penis was tingling and you were peeing more than usual points to this fact as these are common symptoms of chlamydia. It is also quite common to have NO symptoms of chlamydia - or very mild ones like yours that seemingly clear up on their own.

Grow a set and call the clinic back. If you've got chlamydia you need to be treated sooner rather than later.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Whathaveidone

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Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #4 on: March 03, 2010, 05:38:08 PM »
Ann,

I don't think there is a better way to put it than 'grow a set'. I must admit, I have been cowardly about the whole situation, and its about time I do man up and face whatever is coming.

What amazes me most is the courage some hiv positive people possess to confront and deal with it, while I sit back in a corner and bite my fingernails. They are better people than I will ever be.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #5 on: March 03, 2010, 06:06:34 PM »
What,

Just go call the clinic. Untreated chlamydia can lead to infertility and a type of arthritis. Chlamydia is rife in your age-group and on college campuses, mainly because of the common lack of symptoms or mild ones like yours that go away. When people don't have symptoms, they don't test and spread the infection around even more. Even if there are no symptoms, the infection is still there doing damage and needs to be treated ASAP.

You are far, far, FAR more likely to have pick up chlamydia than hiv, so make that call.

And

Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #6 on: March 03, 2010, 06:07:46 PM »
What,

I agree with Ann about the chlamydia. Your tingling pensu suggests you need a full STD screen (including gonorrhoea) so ask for one.

HIV really should be a minor consideration in your case.

MtD

Online Andy Velez

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Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #7 on: March 03, 2010, 06:57:51 PM »
You are indeed blessed and wise to realize that. So now you just have to follow Ann and Matty's sage suggestion about getting yourself checked out for other STDs. I'm glad you have found these exchanges to be helpful.

Also, you were just susceptible to some peer pressure and did something that doesn't sound like your usual behavior. That happens. In the future, try and stick with what you know is right for you. I'm not talking morality here or anything like that. Just listen to your inner voice and you will know what's ok for you and what isn't. Just because other guys are busy jumping bones and whatever, that's them.

And I still expect you to come out of this ok. A little sadder perhaps, but also a little wiser which is definitely good.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline Whathaveidone

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Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #8 on: March 03, 2010, 07:13:51 PM »
Wiser? Absolutely. Thank you everyone for your input and advice, I will be getting my butt back to the clinic asap, and I will keep you posted.

This is my first unprotected experience ever, and I plan to make it my last. Just sucks that it appears, on my first and only slip up, I may pay some sort of price.
 

Offline Whathaveidone

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  • Posts: 6
Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #9 on: March 03, 2010, 07:18:35 PM »
Just to note:  The screening already performed inclued: chlam, gonn, syhphilis, hep a through c, and hiv/aids. It did not include herpes or hpv. I wouldn't mind grabbing a blood test for herpes as well, but seeing as it is more of a nuisance than anything that will cause major complications, my primary concern, for now, will be my first test.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #10 on: March 03, 2010, 07:23:28 PM »
Eh, a herpes simplex virus blood test won't tell you a great deal. The screen you describe sounds fine.

MtD

Offline Whathaveidone

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Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2010, 02:17:53 PM »
Today has been a difficult day for me. The clinic is not open until Monday, and the anxiety takes over my every thought. Reading and forum searching is probably the opposite of what I should be doing right now, as I've found multiple poz people, who were infected through one encounter, who once posted in the Am I forums just like I have, but have now made the transition to the Living with boards.

By now, I'm sure you're sick of hearing it, but I've nowhere else to turn, or to talk to. Idon't know how to get on with my days because I'm worried about getting the bad news.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: All factors point in one direction
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2010, 02:21:00 PM »
The number of people who've started out here in AMI and graduated to Living With can be counted on one hand.

I very much doubt you'll be one of them.

You're right about obsessively trawling these forums being bad for you. Stop doing it. Get up from the computer and do your ordinary business. Monday isn't that far off.

MtD

 


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