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Poll

should i call it off

yes
6 (19.4%)
yes, immediately
16 (51.6%)
like yesterday
7 (22.6%)
no
1 (3.2%)
think about it longer
1 (3.2%)

Total Members Voted: 22

Voting closed: March 09, 2010, 03:32:15 AM

Author Topic: lets call it off  (Read 13345 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
lets call it off
« on: March 02, 2010, 03:32:15 AM »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQimGPY6Lfo

my mind is clear. the scales have tipped.

philly, queen and mtd will be pleased. so will my therapist and the majority of my friends.

tomorrow i will begin the conversation to end the conversations. afterall is done i will stop feeling guilty.

you've seen the posts. you've known the situation. should i stay or should i go now? i am open but would like to leave. he's a good guy, we're just not good right here and right now. maybe later, but not now. and not because of me, because of him. its been over a  year and he still needs time...

we had sex vday. a week later he told me he was single. that was our one year whatever. apparently i was confused cause after xmas i misheard "we're worth a third time."

thats been playing through my head...along with the subsequent im single remark. and im tired of paying his cell bill and  him not calling me back. talk about adding insult to injury. can you say par for the course? thanks again for all of your support. if i stay or if i leave (cause he already has left and i need to grow a pair and acknowledge ME) i still appreciate your feedback.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #1 on: March 02, 2010, 03:39:51 AM »
also...feel free to ask questions. and yes, i still hold him in kind regard...so try and do the same : )
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Posts: 12,244
  • Ninja Please
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #2 on: March 02, 2010, 03:54:10 AM »
Dump him like a shitty rag.

MtD

Online emeraldize

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,366
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #3 on: March 02, 2010, 06:08:16 AM »
Ditto.

You can start paying attention to yourself instantly and quite literally give him the wake call any adult, or child, can respond to               cancel the cell phone pronto!

That will enable him to learn to pay for it himself, call whomever he wishes, maybe even you---he may learn, he may not.

You don't need to grow a pair so much as you just need to give the pair you have some breathing room and care.

No survey input required, Here's an idea...put the cell phone dough toward a little bit of counseling. That's a connection that will serve you.

Offline bocker3

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,458
  • You gotta enjoy life......
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #4 on: March 02, 2010, 07:41:28 AM »
This poll is just another of your stalling tactics.

You know what you should do -- and you sure as shit know what the majority of folks on these forums think you should do (although, frankly, why you need our input is beyond me).

I have absolutely ZERO faith that you will follow through on your plan.  You seem like a wonderful guy with a big fat blind spot for this idiot (the fact that you expect us to hold him in "high regard" speaks volumes.....)

If you are going to do it -- do it right now -- this second and begin to live again.

Mike
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,052
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #5 on: March 02, 2010, 07:50:15 AM »
Should a relationship really be this difficult?

Offline joemutt

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,042
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #6 on: March 02, 2010, 07:51:16 AM »
 ::)

Offline phildinftlaudy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,975
  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #7 on: March 02, 2010, 07:56:40 AM »
Hi next2u:

I have shared my experience with you before - and I too have gone thru the whole phone deal (well, actually he paid his bill, is was more a matter of me being willing to answer to answer no matter what and him not answering, no matter what - even in the "good times") -- I took him to to the ER and waited with him 19 - 1/2 hours til he was admitted --- when I went to the ER a week later he didn't show.  Then, with him knowing I was at the ER - he wouldn't answer his phone for any updates, etc. -- Anyway, u know the deal and it is difficult. My dad once told me that if two people are into a relationship there is nothing anyone can do to end it -- and if just one person is not into the relatonship, there is nothing the other can do to save it.  Time to bring it to a conclusion -- at least within yourself - if nothing else and accept that it isn't there any more and make the appropriate adjustments that reflect that.  U know --- I think you have a great smile.... U can always do a quick rebound relationship w/ me   ;) ::) :P :-*
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Moffie65

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #8 on: March 02, 2010, 09:25:35 AM »
If you two were meant to be together, you wouldn't have any questions, because it would be crystal clear.  STOP wasting your time, put a period and move on.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Florida69

  • Member
  • Posts: 428
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #9 on: March 02, 2010, 09:29:43 AM »
You know, I have been there done that I have a box full of tshirts from my experience.  I have learned that sometimes for your own sake you have let go of the negative in order to flourish personally.  My cell bill is due soon, and I am single.  kidding.  I do understand what you mean to be emotionally attached to someone, but get nothing in return.  I am sure he will come back around when you end it dysfunction works that way, stick to your guns.  D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,166
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #10 on: March 02, 2010, 09:49:01 AM »
Dont pay for a service not rendered.
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,516
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #11 on: March 02, 2010, 10:20:02 AM »
Quote
"we're worth a third time."

Even I am tired of this Insane Clown Merry-Go-Round.  And as much as this sordid affair speaks unkindly of Mr. Gonorrhea, it should also speak volumes about the OP and... uh... underlying issues that cause one to indulge someone making that comment I just quoted.  And I say that with kind intent.

ps: I refuse to vote in this poll because I am not an Enabler.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline denb45

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,051
  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #12 on: March 02, 2010, 11:06:30 AM »
Next2u   you know what you have to do, so do it, you deserve much better than this, STOP CHEATING yourself, and selling yourself short, it's a waste of time, and too consuming, and THIS TIME, make it so, no more forgiveness, and no more taking him back, it's a vicious-cycle, that will not make you happy in the long run, life is suppose to make you happy, get off the rollercoster ride   ;)
« Last Edit: March 02, 2010, 11:08:34 AM by denb45 »
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,143
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #13 on: March 02, 2010, 11:09:29 AM »
You don't need the poll.  You know where we all stand on this.  You're better off without this loser.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #14 on: March 02, 2010, 11:13:51 AM »
When one door closes, another one opens. Take care of yourself, D.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #15 on: March 02, 2010, 11:22:40 AM »
wow...i woke up this morning feeling all wishy washy and came here for support and boy did i get it. i have my notes for the conversation...

things are still on. my peeps tell me i should at least have a conversation before bouncing. the conversation aspect seems two-sided, i think i should be more concerned with myself then him at this point (afterall, he is more concerned with himself).

part of me just wants to walk and cancel the cell and let him find out that way...but that's mean spirited and i do care. i said a lot of things at one point and im trying to hold true to them seeing as how ...whatever. thanks again...you'll have an update soon.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,707
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #16 on: March 02, 2010, 11:31:22 AM »


  If he owns the motocross bikes I would definitely give him another chance or two.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Oceanbeach

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,565
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #17 on: March 02, 2010, 12:01:55 PM »
Dump him like a shitty rag.

MtD
Ditto   ;D  Have the best day
Michael

Offline Basquo

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,277
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #18 on: March 02, 2010, 12:25:19 PM »
ps: I refuse to vote in this poll because I am not an Enabler.

Sounds to me like D is the enabler--enabling himself to get treated like a doormat. Paying for the cell phone? Disconnect that shit already!

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #19 on: March 02, 2010, 12:27:44 PM »
no skeebo, he does not own the bikes...so i guess thats another no, hehehe.

but the car he does drive i was instrumental in helping him get (not financially). it took forever and a day but after many conversations and much searching he finally chose one. he was about to leave the dealership and i told him to sit his ass down and get the fucking car. he did, he may have anyways. i suggested the dealership as well (in all fairness, it was me and his brother who recommended the dealership).

i guess i just have to silence these nagging doubts. the "you've put so much work into this" and "he just needs more time as do you...wait it out". followed by the "you may not find anyone else anytime soon" and so forth.

hopefully the brain kicks in and responds "yeah, but you've got to know when to cut your losses, ie...damage control", "you have all the time in the world to be happy" and finally "you may not find anyone else but damnit you'll find yourself"...

have a good day.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,516
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #20 on: March 02, 2010, 12:59:48 PM »
I wonder who the lonely soul is that voted for "think about it longer'
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Ann

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  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #21 on: March 02, 2010, 01:15:56 PM »
D, how are you ever going to find someone else with this toe-rag hanging around your neck? Yeah, have a conversation with him. Short and simple. "Dude, I'm disconnecting your cell phone. Bye."
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
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  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #22 on: March 02, 2010, 01:31:41 PM »
I agree with the posts above, you need to end this relationship. It might not feel like the right thing right this minute, but when it does kick in that you have allowed yourself to be treated so poorly, you will be kicking yourself in the ass.  I have been in similar situations and let me tell you it isn't pretty

Keep talking to your therapist about why you are allowing yourself to be treated in such a way.  Get to the root of the problem and work on it.  That will allow you to have more healthy relationships in the future.

Good luck!






Offline Cliff

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #23 on: March 02, 2010, 01:57:50 PM »
I guess it's normal to try and make the best of a bad situation, no matter how self-destructive it might be.  When you're done with him, you'll be done.  Doubt that starts with a poll though...good luck, all the same.

Offline denb45

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  • "1987 Classic Old School POZ+"
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #24 on: March 02, 2010, 02:40:51 PM »
Next2u  you will find someone else, find someone who's more financially independent, responsible, and more like you, (guess what, that's a very fun challenge, isn't it) I think that is what you are seeking, besides who wants to baby-sit someone, it takes a man, to be a man, and another man to find another man........ at least that is the way our Gay-Male-pop-culture go's, right? that always worked for me  ;)
I never wanted to take care of someone, but, I always wanted to take care of each others needs, a relationship can NEVER be one-sided , and you know this  ;D
« Last Edit: March 02, 2010, 02:50:31 PM by denb45 »
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Rev. Moon

  • Member
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  • Smart ass faggot ©
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #25 on: March 02, 2010, 03:36:20 PM »
D, why do you keep doing this to yourself? This man is not worth a cell phone bill (even if it is just a $9.99 family plan) or any emotional expense.

Oh, and when Michelle sees this thread she is gonna give you a virtual kick in the ass. Count on that fact.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline anniebc

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  • Posts: 5,956
  • AM member since 2003
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #26 on: March 02, 2010, 04:10:40 PM »
D you deserve better, someone somewhere is just waiting for you to walk into his life and he will be one very happy man when you do...get shot of this one.

Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline BT65

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  • Member
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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #27 on: March 02, 2010, 05:36:39 PM »
Well, if you're still paying for his cell phone, I don't see this ending anytime soon.  And yeah, D, you do deserve better.  You know how much he really cares (zip).  Now care about you.  Otherwise, soon you may be starting threads about this, and not getting any responses, because people will get tired of it.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline BlueMoon

  • Member
  • Posts: 665
  • Calling from the Fun House
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #28 on: March 02, 2010, 06:40:14 PM »
I wonder who the lonely soul is that voted for "think about it longer'

An 'exquisitely sensitive dickhead' should 'get' it.   ;D
...................VL.....CD4.....%
-----------------------------------------
08/10-- ......<40.....290.....42
05/10-- ......<48.....290.....46
02/10-- ......<48.....481.....44
10/09-- ......<48.....277.....46
07/09-- ......<48.....300.....38
05/09-- ........51.....449.....39
03/09-- Added Isentress
02/09-- ........65.....299.....34
11/08-- ........62.....242.....40
08/08-- ........66.....212.....29
05/08-- ......202.....217.....27
03/08-- ....5210.....187.....21
02/08-- Began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
12/07-- 273,000.....157.....22
11/07-- 229,000.....209.....22
10/07-- Diagnosis

It's a complex world.

Online Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #29 on: March 02, 2010, 08:50:54 PM »
We've had a few requests that I am going to go along with and move this to OFF TOPIC as it is not HIV-specific. Also think it's of a general interest that may get more attention here.
« Last Edit: March 02, 2010, 08:52:37 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,592
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #30 on: March 03, 2010, 05:22:24 AM »
Dear next2u,

I do not know the history but I recognize the situation, yearning for a love had or imagined physically hurts, tolerating that pain , accepting that however strong your love is it is never going to be strong enough to change him into the partner you want or glimpsed in him....... you know the story.I hope you get yourself to a point where you put up with the pain off giving up your hopes for him. Good luck. m
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline karry

  • Member
  • Posts: 271
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #31 on: March 03, 2010, 09:50:43 AM »
Please leave him...love should not be agony.
I know its hard...it took me time to leave a relationship in which I was putting in a lot, always thinking he will change and see me for the wonderful person I was...it was agonising...the writing was on the wall and I refused to read it for a while...when I finally did, and told him it was over, its been one happy ride for me. I am still single but happier than when I was with him...
Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
Re: lets call it off
« Reply #32 on: March 04, 2010, 01:33:56 AM »
thank you karry and theyer...

well, here's a pathetic update. i climbed to the top of a hill overlooking my city tonight. i needed to go for a walk so i could talk to him. prior to the walk i attended a sober living meeting in support of a friend. it was rather enlightening and i decided to take some of the advice (see below).

i called him. he didnt answer. he called me back but i didnt notice. i called him again and we began talking. a knot slowly formed in my stomach as i searched for the words to say. how do i begin? how do i address fears that all of a sudden became very real?

i took the cowards way out. i broached the topic multiple times but did not bring it to fruition. i told him i was scared of losing him...that i needed to talk to him...that i was thinking of my future family and did not know what it would look like. yet i was too cowardly to take it there. and he was too whatever to acknowledge where i was going.

i had to call a coworker back so i ended the 45 minute call and told him i would call him back in 15 minutes cause i had to talk to him. he didnt' answer. he asked me  "about what?"  i told him "when we get there we'll get there" and he said "well good luck with that" and that ended the call.

during the call he dropped some stuff on me about his day and that made me kinda hesitant. but oh well. i just called again now to no avail...as usual.

from the meeting: the addiction cycle:

pain
obsessiveness
ritual
act

not the best,
d
« Last Edit: March 04, 2010, 01:36:48 AM by next2u »
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline PeteNYNJ

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #33 on: March 04, 2010, 03:00:16 AM »
D

Keep going to that meeting!!!   You learned a lot.  I hope BT jumps in with her insight - she helped me a ton with my addiction issues

You are addicted to chaos.  You are codependent.  You need help like a drug addict or an alcoholic needs help.  Read that again D.  You know what I am saying

PM me if you want to chat longer about it.

Pete

Offline BT65

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #34 on: March 04, 2010, 04:35:54 AM »
D, I think Pete's got a good insight there-you're addicted to the situation.  When someone wants to break the addiction cycle, they don't "taper off" drugs or booze-they have to "stop."  Completely.  What is this talking going to accomplish?  You going through more shit and heartache?  I mean, just reading your last post, it doesn't seem he's interested in your needs at all.  You know the saying-"fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me," and all that.  You're responsible for your own emotional well being.  If you keep dragging this out, you're going to keep hurting.  Either end it, or accept it as it is, and stop complaining.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #35 on: March 04, 2010, 07:11:49 AM »
over reacting
« Last Edit: March 05, 2010, 11:14:03 AM by red_Dragon888 »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

ďNeither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline Jeff G

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #36 on: March 04, 2010, 08:30:16 AM »
Hi D . I hope you know in your heart why people react in such a strong way when you reach out for advice on this relationship of yours . Its personal to those who have experienced this kind of relationship before .

Allowing yourself to be treated this way will certainly have profound effects on who you will or can be for many years to come unless you are willing to do the hard work to end this cycle of abuse .

Its been 10 years since I ended my unhealthy relationship and I still have dreams at night . Its my subconscious way of trying to work out what I thought was done years ago . 

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #37 on: March 04, 2010, 08:49:28 AM »
thanks again...

i will try again tonight. i Will do what i can after work cause it's a little bit too much to deal with before a work day. funny how yesterday i thought i was ok and could take this all in stride.

after that brief and unsuccessful convo i got acid in my stomach (which i still have), obsessed about him all night and woke up through out the night. here i am .. up early cause i couldn't sleep wondering where he was last night when i should be wondering how am i gonna walk.

i still don't think he's a bad person...we had a lot of good times. but things have been staying on the wrong side of t he equation for a while now and i find it hard to quit. im scared he wont have an emotional reaction and somehow that will be indicative of how much he cared (of course this is a euphemism).

fuck...the sun is coming up. i hope to have very few days like this over the course of my lifetime.

-d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #38 on: March 04, 2010, 08:54:08 AM »
a sidenote....

going through my situation with my therapist (who loves most of your comments on this) he has stopped me lately and asked me if i ever listen to myself. rereading this thread (and the others) leaves me wondering why i continue.

i dislike how it sounds and characterizes me. if i were on the outside i would give myself much of the same advice you all have given me.

i sound: trite, petty, repetitive, unproductive, wasteful, weak...etc

midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Jeff G

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #39 on: March 04, 2010, 09:08:53 AM »
You sound like a guy who is going through a tough time to me . Don't beat yourself up over this .

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #40 on: March 04, 2010, 10:02:54 AM »
dude...the stomach acid may have been from  the spicy food last night, lol.

btw, just cancelled his phone. he can pay for it himself. it'll be off tomorrow...

gives me enough time to acknowledge the strip down of our whatever and enough time for him to get himself another one...or whatever. i do still like him a lot. .. just acknowledging what he has been saying...he's single...we're friends.

i'll have to pick up the phone and my apt key on a later day. i have a feeling this will end on a cordial note.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #41 on: March 04, 2010, 10:28:55 AM »
dude...the stomach acid may have been from  the spicy food last night, lol.

btw, just cancelled his phone. he can pay for it himself. it'll be off tomorrow...

gives me enough time to acknowledge the strip down of our whatever and enough time for him to get himself another one...or whatever. i do still like him a lot. .. just acknowledging what he has been saying...he's single...we're friends.

i'll have to pick up the phone and my apt key on a later day. i have a feeling this will end on a cordial note.

That's a good first step.  Hope to hear more good news about this situation soon

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #42 on: March 04, 2010, 10:36:24 AM »
btw, just cancelled his phone. he can pay for it himself. it'll be off tomorrow...


Kudos.  Get your bitch on.

Ps./ make yourself a "moving on" CD (First suggestion: M People's "Moving On Up (Roger S. Gospel Revival Mix)")
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #43 on: March 04, 2010, 10:37:58 AM »
a sidenote....

going through my situation with my therapist (who loves most of your comments on this) he has stopped me lately and asked me if i ever listen to myself. rereading this thread (and the others) leaves me wondering why i continue.

i dislike how it sounds and characterizes me. if i were on the outside i would give myself much of the same advice you all have given me.

i sound: trite, petty, repetitive, unproductive, wasteful, weak...etc



It's simple darling.  You have low self-esteem.  This is why I've repeatedly recommended committing yourself to being single (in addition to breaking off this destructive relationship) until you address the underlying issue.

Breaking this relationship off is the easy part -- it's just a symptom if you will.  Addressing the underlying cause will be the hard part.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #44 on: March 04, 2010, 03:33:08 PM »
D,

I think this news warrants an e-card. :)


MtD

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #45 on: March 04, 2010, 03:44:11 PM »
Is it just me or does the woman on that card look like Hillary Clinton?

Offline anniebc

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #46 on: March 04, 2010, 04:08:45 PM »
Don't give in.



Hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Alain

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #47 on: March 04, 2010, 07:14:24 PM »
next time there is help


http://www.idump4u.com/



Offline Dennis

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #48 on: March 04, 2010, 07:20:12 PM »

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #49 on: March 04, 2010, 11:20:56 PM »
the conversation has happened. it is over. he just wants to be friends and he's not backing down.

so i told him how i felt. and then i told him what a one year friendship looks like to me...

-less emotional involvement
-less conversation
-less in person time
-no me paying your cell phone bill

when i told him the cell would be cut tomorrow he kinda got really emotional...more emotional than any other part. he actually said im go get another phone right now ..i have to go...bye. before he hung up i said well be sure to give me your new number....

then he said he would mail me the phone and apt key. i told him no, we should meet in person seeing as how you want to be just friends (and no, the sex doesnt make it confusing, its the fucked up communication). he said no still and i asked him to drop it off at my friend's house near his work.

i waived his debt to me. i guess it's over. damn...this may be shitty in the morning....
i will miss him and allow him his space. thanks again for all your support through this.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #50 on: March 04, 2010, 11:22:43 PM »
the most fucked part? i can't get a hold of any friends right now. if i were an emotiona mess this would be absolutely shitty. it sucks but im gonna put on some soaps and see my way through this.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #51 on: March 04, 2010, 11:50:27 PM »
One other thing, you should send him a link to this thread.

Just so he knows how much we care. :)

MtD

Offline Rev. Moon

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #52 on: March 04, 2010, 11:52:27 PM »
Send it along with this greeting card.  We will sign it with/for you.


"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline alliance

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #53 on: March 04, 2010, 11:56:26 PM »
D
I think you did the right thing. Stick to your guns, dont let him use the key and the phone to start the shit up again. A wise friend once told me "another bus will come by soon". ;)
Best
"The influence of each human being on others in this life is a kind of immortality."
10/10/12   CD4=378  %=32   VL=UD
5/10/12     CD4=426  %=32  VL=UD
11/15/11   CD4=296  %=29  VL=UD(20)
6/15/11     CD4=345  %=29  VL=UD(38)
3/15/11     CD4=317  %=31  VL=UD
12/1/10     CD4=315  %=28  VL=UD
8/11/10     CD4=250  %=25  VL=UD
6/10/10     CD4=380  %=24  VL=UD
3/4/10       CD4=340  %=22   VL=UD
1/11/10     CD4=312  %=22   VL =130
11/30/09   CD4=228  %=19  VL=1726
11/20/09    started atripla
10/15/09   CD4=281  %=18   VL=85,000

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #54 on: March 05, 2010, 12:09:38 AM »
he just called me from the cell phone store. funny how he went out and got another one right away...

he wanted to keep the same number but they needed some info or something.

im not looking forward to the next few days. right now the protective wall is up...when it comes down im gonna be a mess. but i got my people backing me and we did end it on a good note.

best,
d
« Last Edit: March 05, 2010, 12:11:55 AM by next2u »
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline BT65

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #55 on: March 05, 2010, 06:19:22 AM »
D, wonderful is all I can say!  I really didn't think you would do it.  Now, you see how he can afford paying his own cell phone?  So, you paying for it was him using you (again). 

Anyway, I'm happy it's over, and now you can get on with your life.  Things will be rough at first emotionally, but it will pass, just remember that.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #56 on: March 05, 2010, 07:29:31 AM »
yeah...that shit will suck.

i guess a4a meant more to him than i did. his main crux was my so called jealousy. my so called jealousy stemmed from a weird feeling i had to check a website (trust ur instincts right).

till this day i'm sure he didnt cheat on me. so, he had a profile on a sex site called adam4adam. one night i woke up with an eerie feeling that i could not shake. i felt compelled to go to this website. he had a profile on it that i had known about for months. i guess he had changed it to something even more sexual.

it said something to the effect of "good looking latino not into drag queens. i know how to fuck but dont want my business spread around town" and so forth. i called him in the morning and asked him to remove it. he said he only used it to communicate with people...

regardless it was simply inappropriate. the next week (or maybe 2 weeks later) he had put something sexualized on his myspace. in his profile pic he's topless and it says he's a swinger for his status. a lot of people post flirtatious comments on his myspace page. he posted a comment that was visible to his friends that said "how sweet it was, the way i fucked him".

i was upset about this. not angry, didn't attack him. but i reminded him of the incident a week before. at this time i had deleted my poz profile and some others. they were largely inactive but i hated they way that situation made me feel.

so he accused me of being jealous and insecure. i think he was being irrational and unrealistic. one, we meet on the former site. this further legitimized my concern. 2 he lives an hour away from me and the people he was communicating with potentially lived in his city.

to add insult to injury he didn't have internet and he was using the cell i paid for and the cell service i was paying for to get on the internet.

he revealed jealousy had destroyed his last relationship. i asked him what did he do to cause those events to happen. when i woke up this morning (2 1/2 hours early) i realized he chose a sexual profile over me. the fucked part, after we talked about it i decided to back down because of the baggage he brought with him from his last relationship. i still believe he didnt use the profiles to cruise.

but what i dont understand is why he didnt call/text me instead. i don't understand why he didnt reach out to his people instead. i do know he stays up late at night and many of us are sleeping when this goes on. if i hadn't found that profile we might still be together.

but, then again, if he can't realize his role in this or how his former relationship is affecting the one he had with me then something else would have probably happened if not this event. i have a feeling this cycle will not end with me.

and yes, i am miffed that he was able to get a cell phone as soon as i cancelled his. he should have been giving me money instead of assuming i was ok with paying for his phone. defining boundaries in a relationship is important and i didn't do that soon enough and i gave him too much leeway because of his past. yeah, we're still gonna talk but only as friends.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Cliff

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #57 on: March 05, 2010, 07:41:29 AM »
Codependency abounds!  You need to know the importance of boundaries.  Why would you want to remain in contact with him as friends?

Personally the phone thing sounds more like your issue than his.  Yeah, he used you to pay his bill.  But maybe you used it to keep some control over him.  If you're going to give someone something (or pay something), just do it...don't expect anything in return (like phone calls, no usage of internet for sex, and all that).  You've turned it off.  Good. 

Now accept that you gotta move on.  It ain't easy.  But you gotta do it...somehow, someway.

BTW...

Quote
"good looking latino not into drag queens. i know how to fuck but dont want my business spread around town"
That's his profile?!?  Really?

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #58 on: March 05, 2010, 08:43:45 AM »
Personally the phone thing sounds more like your issue than his.  Yeah, he used you to pay his bill.  But maybe you used it to keep some control over him.  If you're going to give someone something (or pay something), just do it and don't expect anything in return.

im going to have to disagree with you on this one. not entirely, but somewhat. first, i've never said that to him or held this phone over his head. it was never quid pro quo. when i was going through shit with him negative thoughts were impacted by the phone situation. like...dude, not only is he flirting with other people but he's using your phone to do it. i think there are limits ... and then i think there are insults that happen when one goes above and beyond the limits. i also knowingly allowed it to continue after we talked about it becuase i trust him.

i would never, ever in a relationship with another person use their resources to plant seeds with another. it is simply wrong in my book. i know this is subjective as well, but to me it is ethically and morally incorrect.

i never checked his phone records. i never used the phone against him. as a matter of fact he went over the allotted time  more than once and i ended up paying huge surcharge amounts and not telling him. so don't give me that. 

furthermore the thing i expected was before i gave him the phone. it was respect. with or without the phone The a4a thing was not respectful. period. i have to say i respectfully disagree with the conclusion you have drawn. .
« Last Edit: March 05, 2010, 08:47:35 AM by next2u »
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Cliff

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #59 on: March 05, 2010, 09:00:03 AM »
Fair enough.  The impotant thing is it's off and you're no longer paying for it.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #60 on: March 05, 2010, 09:05:12 AM »

till this day i'm sure he didnt cheat on me. so, he had a profile on a sex site called adam4adam. one night i woke up with an eerie feeling that i could not shake. i felt compelled to go to this website. he had a profile on it that i had known about for months. i guess he had changed it to something even more sexual.

it said something to the effect of "good looking latino not into drag queens. i know how to fuck but dont want my business spread around town" and so forth. i called him in the morning and asked him to remove it. he said he only used it to communicate with people...

Uh, wait a minute.  You actually still think that this man, Mr. Gonorrhea, never cheated on you?

Quote
i still believe he didnt use the profiles to cruise.

*sigh*... yeah, you're a mess girl
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Dachshund

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #61 on: March 05, 2010, 09:24:26 AM »
Honey, wake up and smell the poppers. Mo's don't go on adam4adam to communicate, and if he did he was using the phone you paid for. He's got your number in more ways than one.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #62 on: March 05, 2010, 09:38:44 AM »
I think he is still seeing the guy with love goggles on , once they come off I bet he will be singing another tune .

Offline BT65

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #63 on: March 05, 2010, 10:22:33 AM »
OK D, explain this to me-if he didn't cheat on you, how'd he get the clap? 
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline denb45

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #64 on: March 05, 2010, 10:28:18 AM »

Next2u..........you got PLAYED honey, it's not a very good feeling to get PLAYED, I know you think you didn't but , you did, I'm glad you see the light-at-end-of-the-tunnel  ::)
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #65 on: March 05, 2010, 10:29:27 AM »
Focus on the forward progression guys.  He dropped the guy.  Now he just needs to make sure not to relapse again.

You need to cut ties with him for a while until you can view him for what he really is man.

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #66 on: March 05, 2010, 12:15:32 PM »
geeze louise my wonderful online comrades..

yeah, i still got my love goggles on but im fucking single. and don't feel terribly bad about it. i thought id wake up today devastated. no, im not. and i plan on talking to him soon.

the truth is i do believe him. but i don't miss him. and i don't intend on seeing him soon. i think he made a huge mistake and i am proud of myself for sticking to my guns. i believe i did the best i could and when i look back through my posts i see myself working very hard at making this right.

more info - he gave me gonorrhea twice. calm down. he isn't having sex with anyone else. he has not been treated and i haven't touched his ass since. he is asymptomatic and i havent been able to talk to him about it. nothing changed in our relationship before or after the bouts of gonorrhea. it came from the same place each time. he got tested again and got the culture finally. it came back negative (his doc most likely gave him a gram stain for an in hospital result) and the test was not supposed to be administered that way (according to the cdc and merck website it's considered unreliable).

i do appreciate the support you've given me but i think i may have painted too much of a negative picture of this man. he made a number of mistakes but so did i. we ended this on an amicable note. i knew going into this he had a lot of baggage from a former relationship. he knew going into this it was my first relationship. he was scared of a lot things i did.

he wanted me to not react to some of the stuff he was doing. this was very wrong on his behalf. i can see why he freaked but i do believe it is wrong. if he were to come back i would not back down and but i wouldn't put up with some of the same shit.

i'm not a completely codependent person nor am i a moron. and i still like him a lot and will continue to do so. we spent a significant amount of time together and we have talked a lot. over the last year he became the person i spoke with most and i was the person he spoke to the most.

and to set the record straight i did fuck up too. please be cognizant of that. i am not an innocent or naive victim or a manipulated bastard. to this day and as of last night he told me if i needed anything i could still count on him. the same is true here.

but now i will start dating again (not anytime soon, nor will i have sex with another anytime soon -- and i wont be doing him anytime soon either). it's still too soon for me to say how i will react to him but i honestly feel relieved at this point in time. i thought id be more fucked...but this has been a long time coming and i may have started disconnecting 2 weeks ago when he told me he was single. also, when we ended the conversation last night he was more flustered than i was.

as mentioned before, thank you for all your support through my bitching. i could not have done this without you and you have been indispensable for most of my current life journey. i look forward to meeting you all in vegas as well.

if he wants to date again in the future i will. he did not use me anymore than i did him. i am content with the resolution (at this time) and will continue to move forward with my life and contribute to my peeps as i have done before.

yeah, and have a good friday and a great weekend.

best,
d
« Last Edit: March 05, 2010, 12:19:38 PM by next2u »
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #67 on: March 05, 2010, 12:50:53 PM »
if he wants to date again in the future i will

Dude....Duuuuuuuuude.... COME ON! Man you better be glad I'm not one of your friends in person because I would be giving you hell over this.

It's time to move ON.

I can't keep responding to this it's making me kinda angry at you.  I hope things work out well, and my advice is to distance yourself from this person for a really long time so you don't have the emotional attachments that are obviously clouding your judgment.

Offline sdguyloveslife

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #68 on: March 05, 2010, 12:52:20 PM »
Codependency abounds!  You need to know the importance of boundaries.  Why would you want to remain in contact with him as friends?


Right on Cliff!  D, based on your responses to others and that you have now reverted to defending him clearly demonstrates that you are still so stuck in your codependency (note that codependency is an addiction or a disease, much like alcoholism or drug addiction, as others have pointed out) and that you're making all the points that show you have not yet "reached rock bottom" in the progression of the disease.  Problem is that I can tell you this until I'm blue in the face - it's going to take you to hit rock bottom and acknowledge it before any change happens.  Just like they say in AA, "You're not done.  So, here's $20, go out and get drunk again and come back when you've had enough."  

Focus on the forward progression guys.  He dropped the guy.  Now he just needs to make sure not to relapse again.


Good point!  But the pitfall is that he doesn't need Mr. Gonorrhea to repeat the pattern.  My crystal ball shows the relapse will happen with a guy who's just like Mr. G, but it will be so subtle at first, nobody including D will even notice.  Eventually it will all fall apart again.  

I'm with Cliff and I just keep wondering why on earth would you want to have any contact with him?  That's "addiction" as well as self-abuse, plain and simple.  While I'm really sad for you, I do wish you the best!   :)

Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.

Offline BT65

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #69 on: March 05, 2010, 01:26:17 PM »
I'm not going to respond after this.  D, you obviously really don't want our true opinions, because when we give them to you, you rush to his defense. 

So, just put up with it; but quit complaining.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #70 on: March 05, 2010, 01:34:36 PM »
hellraiser ... you're hella handsome
sdguy - thanks as well.

okay, im a lil codependent. but i did break it off. and im fine. i dont know if i will get back with him but im not opposed to it. i still care about him and want the picture to be painted fairly. i had a great valentine's day with him. i enjoyed a lot of our conversations. and he did let me in and i let him in.

there is still respect and we did not go down in flames. i believe the way people end relationships speaks highly to their natures. i remember watching him give homeless people money. i remember watching help others in his life when he was in dire straights. i also remember him helping me. he is a good person. he made mistakes as did i. i want his humanity to show through as well.

and i drink a lot. i probably am an alcoholic as well as codependent. but i still handle my business. he hasnt come back yet. and frankly he would have to work at it and he will not. he's still too hurt from his former relationship to come to a point where he would proactively work on a healthy relationship.

we all have problems. im a good person and so is he. he never verbally abused me. he was selfish at best and im not gonna hate him for this. he is still going through a lot of shit in his life. ive taken a step back but im not gonna completely abandon him. he is prideful like most men and will most likely not reach out for help. he is excessively stubborn and will most likely not call me for a few weeks if he calls at all. he needs his space too.

with that said WE BROKE IT OFF. i am single and so is he. imma let that be. and i do feel relieved. im not gonna risk this breath of fresh air to be where i was yesterday and over the last few weeks.

thank you again for everything. and yes, if this shit happens again you can chastize me or not respond. but ill still give you my 50 cents on what ur going through.

with love,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #71 on: March 05, 2010, 01:49:06 PM »
I'm not going to respond after this.  D, you obviously really don't want our true opinions, because when we give them to you, you rush to his defense. 

So, just put up with it; but quit complaining.

quit complaining -- i will do no such thing, lol.

seriously betty, the man fucked up. but he didnt fuck me up too badly. im here about to go to the gym. you all helped me out and i do appreciate that. he's a bit of an ass but he's not a bad person, that's what im saying.

and i completely disagree with you that i dont want your true opinions. i would expect and want nothing but the truth. i may not like it, but i wouldnt want anything else. you better be in vegas...
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Theyer

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #72 on: March 05, 2010, 02:59:04 PM »
Glad to hear your news D. No, relieved to hear your news, take care, t
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #73 on: March 16, 2010, 11:19:16 AM »
still single...

and doing well for the most part.
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Cliff

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #74 on: March 16, 2010, 12:03:03 PM »
Good.  There will be ups and downs.  Just gotta ride out the waves.

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #75 on: March 17, 2010, 12:52:13 AM »
thanks cliff,

yeah, there have been ups and downs. moments of relief and moments of shear desperation.

what i wasn't expecting was how i would take it out on some of the people around me. im gonna have to apologize to some folks after this is done.

like, i snapped on a friend of mine for making me sit through a show i didnt like. he always got on me about not being able to sit through stuff...i vented at the wrong time.

or, the customer that told me it wasn't working and i took it way too personal and let him know the competition was a suitable option...and then left without saying goodbye.

have a good one.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Cliff

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #76 on: March 17, 2010, 02:53:47 AM »
What's the point of a good friend if you can't snap at them every now and then.  I'm sure he understands. 

This ain't easy stuff.  In the past, I found that I overemphasised what he meant to me during these times.  But in truth, he ain't responsible for my happiness, life.  In time, I figured out that I didn't need anyone to make me happy or feel valuable. 

But then again, it took me moving to another country to sort that out.   ;)

Here's to hoping you don't have to travel that far to find out!

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #77 on: March 17, 2010, 12:32:10 PM »
lol, thanks cliff.

if i go to another country hopefully they'll have better health care and i can abandon my debt!!!!

but in alll seriousness i'll take your advice.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline next2u

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #78 on: March 26, 2010, 10:04:49 AM »
still single...still here  8)
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #79 on: March 26, 2010, 12:49:29 PM »
still single...still here  8)

And sometimes being single can be awesome...  kinda limits the drama and frustration to be honest, and of course like always, we are glad you are still here!
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #80 on: March 26, 2010, 06:43:05 PM »
Am I to believe what I am reading? Though I am buzzed about now too....D, you have dropped the scrub? Thank the Goddess!!!!! We all go through a lil seperation withdrawl when a relationship ends. My fave saying, "Time heals all wounds" or something to that effect. You'll get over it and this too shall pass..

Now I will admit that I skimmed over most of this thread but I saw a few comments that made me pause to wonder if you are truly that much of a hopeless romantic, naive, or just plain stuck on stupid. This guy burned you twice and you are still convinced he was not cheating. What am I missing here, he caught the clap before he got with you and went untreated?  And decided to give his lovely gift to you twice..Who in their right mind would not get treated...I can't wrap my head around that and it hurts to try.....At least you dumped the guy, now get rid of all reminders of him....You know you haven't done that yet. Probably spent a few nights looking at his myspace or adam4adam account.

You know what you need, right? A bitch slap from me, from the heart but with love..... ;)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

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Offline denb45

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #81 on: March 26, 2010, 07:00:20 PM »
And sometimes being single can be awesome...  kinda limits the drama and frustration to be honest, and of course like always, we are glad you are still here!

I kinda envy all you young fine single boys, not you skee, I know your married  ;D yeah D were glad your still here  ;)
« Last Edit: March 26, 2010, 07:02:59 PM by denb45 »
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Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #82 on: March 26, 2010, 10:47:52 PM »
I took off my comments before because it was too harsh and I guess I was angry and wanted you to dump the guy.  Sorry if I was not more sympathetic but I have been burnt many times and I guess I was venting my anger in your direction.  However, that guy is a user and you are addicted to him.  Maybe nothing anyone can say will make you change, but it does not matter for only you can change yourself.  It is like the old joke which goes, "How many psychologist does it take to change a light bulb.... Well, it takes one, but the light bulb must want to change."  Something in you wont let you see that he is not only bad for you but dangerous for your mental health.  And guess what, I hate giving advice in this case cause I know the out come.  You will follow your heart even if it is the wrong decision.  Been there and done that.  I just wish you the best and hope everything will turn out alright. 
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Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #83 on: March 26, 2010, 10:50:14 PM »
Am I to believe what I am reading? Though I am buzzed about now too....D, you have dropped the scrub? Thank the Goddess!!!!! We all go through a lil seperation withdrawl when a relationship ends. My fave saying, "Time heals all wounds" or something to that effect. You'll get over it and this too shall pass..

Now I will admit that I skimmed over most of this thread but I saw a few comments that made me pause to wonder if you are truly that much of a hopeless romantic, naive, or just plain stuck on stupid. This guy burned you twice and you are still convinced he was not cheating. What am I missing here, he caught the clap before he got with you and went untreated?  And decided to give his lovely gift to you twice..Who in their right mind would not get treated...I can't wrap my head around that and it hurts to try.....At least you dumped the guy, now get rid of all reminders of him....You know you haven't done that yet. Probably spent a few nights looking at his myspace or adam4adam account.

You know what you need, right? A bitch slap from me, from the heart but with love..... ;)
lol... good point but we all must travel our own path.
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Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #84 on: March 27, 2010, 02:40:40 PM »
Yes, Dragon we do...But some still look at things through rose colored glasses instead of acccepting the reality of it all. We know the world is not full of love, that went out with Woodstock. Though some would like to think we could get those warm fuzzy feelings again...It's not happening, its 2010, it's not about how much I love you but instead, what have you done for me lately or ain't nothing going on but the rent....lol....feel me?

D, snap out of it man.....come into the light so you can embrace the real world..... ;D
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Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #85 on: March 27, 2010, 03:45:45 PM »
what have you done for me lately or ain't nothing going on but the rent....lol....feel me?

Work it out Jody Watley and Gwen Guthrie!
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #86 on: March 28, 2010, 12:40:18 PM »
Yes, Dragon we do...But some still look at things through rose colored glasses instead of acccepting the reality of it all. We know the world is not full of love, that went out with Woodstock. Though some would like to think we could get those warm fuzzy feelings again...It's not happening, its 2010, it's not about how much I love you but instead, what have you done for me lately or ain't nothing going on but the rent....lol....feel me?

D, snap out of it man.....come into the light so you can embrace the real world..... ;D
I guess meant to convey was that people will go in their own direction even if it sucks.  But I agree with you for I just toss my "rose colored glasses" months ago and I gave up on those "warm fuzzy feelings" cause they never lead me to anything good.  Althought, I feel that it always been "what you  have done for me lately." 
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Offline leatherman

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #87 on: March 28, 2010, 01:51:18 PM »
Work it out Jody Watley
wouldn't that be Miss Jackson, if you're nasty? ;)

although you were on the right track
next ought to be following Ms Watley's advice and looking for a new love ;) ;)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


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Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #88 on: March 28, 2010, 04:26:15 PM »
I guess meant to convey was that people will go in their own direction even if it sucks.  But I agree with you for I just toss my "rose colored glasses" months ago and I gave up on those "warm fuzzy feelings" cause they never lead me to anything good.  Althought, I feel that it always been "what you  have done for me lately." 

Yeah, that is true. I hear what you are saying.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
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Offline skeebo1969

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #89 on: March 28, 2010, 04:49:00 PM »



   You know, if you guys think about it I was right in how I originally voted, and I was the lone vote at that.  I voted that he should "think about it longer" and that's exactly what he's done.  It's not that I thought it was the right thing to do, I just knew he wouldn't do it any other way.

   Since I am still the lone vote for "think about it longer" shouldn't I have some sort of symbol by my name or avatar recognizing this?   I'd even accept having my screen name appear in green or something. just as long as it's different than everyone else's here.  There's gotta be something, even a crown or halo would suffice...   
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #90 on: March 28, 2010, 05:56:52 PM »
     Since I am still the lone vote for "think about it longer" shouldn't I have some sort of symbol by my name or avatar recognizing this?   I'd even accept having my screen name appear in green or something. just as long as it's different than everyone else's here.  There's gotta be something, even a crown or halo would suffice...   


MtD

Offline red_Dragon888

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #91 on: March 28, 2010, 08:08:53 PM »
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

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Offline Hellraiser

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #92 on: March 29, 2010, 12:24:48 AM »

MtD

Why is Matty suggesting that Skeebo get a tribal armband tattoo?  Matty those are so passe.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #93 on: March 29, 2010, 12:44:16 AM »
Why is Matty suggesting that Skeebo get a tribal armband tattoo?  Matty those are so passe.

What, even down there in Gudger County Miss., or wherever the hell you are?

MtD

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: lets call it off
« Reply #94 on: March 29, 2010, 12:47:02 AM »
Possum Hollow in Yoknapatawpha county , thankyouverymuch.

 


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