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Author Topic: Receiving oral with bleeding lip... so ashamed of myself  (Read 6316 times)

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Offline writerguy

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Receiving oral with bleeding lip... so ashamed of myself
« on: March 01, 2010, 12:13:54 PM »
hey all. I am a gay male, 23 years old. In my life I've been with about 17 guys. Sounds like a lot, right? I feel so guilty.
Anyways, I am TERRIFIED of anal, for many reasons. Never done it. I have, however, done everything else, like naked body contact, unprotected oral...never swallowed or let a guy ejaculate in mouth, but have def tasted precum. I have also had naked body contact with penis to penis contact and one time a guy ejaculated on my penis. Would I be infected if his semen touched my urethra, or tip of my penis?

A year ago, I was making out with a guy when his NOSE STARTED BLEEDING. Yes, I got blood on my cheeks, by my nose. Was this a risk?

I also once had naked body contact, making out and unprotected oral with a guy who I later found out had HIV. This was last summer, so after the bleeding guy incident. I got tested with a PCR DNA twice, undetected at 1 week and 28 days. I was so terrified, I thought my life was over. it was the worst experience ever, having been lied to and going through that ordeal. I have lost my trust in many people.

Since that incident, I have been with 3 guys, have done unprotected oral and naked in bed with them... haven't been tested though.

Questions:
How reliable was the PCR? Do I need to be tested for doing unprotected oral and naked body contact, including a guy ejaculating by my penis with his semen touching my penis?

I am technically a virgin, having never done anal.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: So scared... please help
« Reply #1 on: March 01, 2010, 12:49:59 PM »
You were never at risk and don't need testing.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: So scared... please help
« Reply #2 on: March 01, 2010, 01:02:20 PM »
You wasted your money having a PCR. Nothing you have reported here has put you at risk for HIV transmission sexually.

The ONLY confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected anal and vaginal intercourse. Everything else including what you worried about is only risky theoretically. In the real world of HIV infection doesn't happen in those other ways.
Andy Velez

Offline writerguy

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So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #3 on: November 03, 2010, 11:36:32 AM »
I am a 23 year old gay male. I enjoy hooking up, but I have never had intercourse because of my intense phobia of HIV. I do have unprotected oral sex.

My question is: is mutual masturbation with exposure to bodily fluids risky?
Is kissing with a healing cold sore risky? I didn't do oral.
I have had 20 partners, I am so ashamed I have HIV! I know I do have HSV1 but I have never had anal sex.

What about kissing a guy whose nose starts to bleed? Sounds weird but it happened one time and I freaked out.

And frottage/rubbing? Risky?

I want to test but cannot bare to wait 12 weeks. I just took a shower and now my skin is red. I am so scared. What should I do? Can I somehow have HIV without having had intercourse?!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2010, 01:02:10 PM »
I am a 23 year old gay male. I enjoy hooking up, but I have never had intercourse because of my intense phobia of HIV. I do have unprotected oral sex.

My question is: is mutual masturbation with exposure to bodily fluids risky?
Is kissing with a healing cold sore risky? I didn't do oral.
I have had 20 partners, I am so ashamed I have HIV! I know I do have HSV1 but I have never had anal sex.

What about kissing a guy whose nose starts to bleed? Sounds weird but it happened one time and I freaked out.

And frottage/rubbing? Risky?

I want to test but cannot bare to wait 12 weeks. I just took a shower and now my skin is red. I am so scared. What should I do? Can I somehow have HIV without having had intercourse?!


Nothing you are presenting as potential causes of transmission are actually risks for HIV. None. So if that is the extent of your sexual activities then you are worrying needlessly. The only confirmed risks for the sexual transmission of HIV are unprotected anal and vaginal intercourse. If you always use condoms for those activities you will be well protected against the sexual transmission of HIV.

Other STDs are much easier to acquire than HIV so we advise anyone who's sexual active to at least once a year have a full STD panel done.

But as far as HIV is concerned there is no need for testing at this point.

« Last Edit: November 03, 2010, 01:03:56 PM by Andy Velez »
Andy Velez

Offline writerguy

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #5 on: November 03, 2010, 09:35:30 PM »
But I keep asking, "What if?"

It seems like HIV is everywhere these days... why? Do people really have unprotected anal and vaginal sex?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #6 on: November 04, 2010, 07:31:50 AM »
But I keep asking, "What if?"

It seems like HIV is everywhere these days... why? Do people really have unprotected anal and vaginal sex?

Focusing on "what ifs" will make you nutz, no kidding. And yes, tragically people do for a variety of bad reasons continue to have unprotected vaginal and anal intercourse. If you make certain that you aren't one of them and always use condoms for those activities you will be well protected against the sexual transmission of HIV.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #7 on: November 04, 2010, 08:44:02 AM »
writer,

I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline writerguy

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #8 on: November 06, 2010, 10:17:25 AM »
What about penis rubbing against anus/frottage? Or, blowing someone when you have chipped lips and taste precum?

How about when you get the other guy's precum or semen on your hands and touch your eyes by accident, or he has his genital secretions on his hand and fingers you in the anus?

Is this risky stuff?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #9 on: November 06, 2010, 01:26:24 PM »
What about penis rubbing against anus/frottage? Or, blowing someone when you have chipped lips and taste precum?

How about when you get the other guy's precum or semen on your hands and touch your eyes by accident, or he has his genital secretions on his hand and fingers you in the anus?

Is this risky stuff?

Rubbing (also known as frottage) is NOT a risk for HIV transmission, nor is having precum or semen on your hands and touching your eyes or elsewhere. HIV is a fragile virus and not easily transmitted. Your saliva which contains over a dozen elements and proteins as a very effective barrier against the transmission of viable HIV if you give someone a blowjob.

The only sexual activities which are confirmed risks for the transmission of HIV are unprotected anal and vaginal intercourse. Use condoms verytime for those and you will be well protected. Everything else is only "theoretically" risky. Use condoms consistently and you'll be well protected.
Andy Velez

Offline writerguy

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #10 on: November 06, 2010, 11:15:44 PM »
Thank you all. I do have an intense phobia of HIV and have OCD.

Is this an irrational fear; having unprotected oral sex, both ways, with a gay male from San Francisco? He said he is totally disease free, and I believe him, as he has a toddler son and a partner (open relationship he said). I feel so guilty because in San Fran, aren't many gay guys infected? I also feel guilty for hooking up with a guy with a partner.

basically, I am being very hard on myself for hooking up with 20 guys the past year. Why can I not get it in my head that I am OK? I never have had unprotected anal and certainly don't do drugs, but I still feel immense guilt whenever I hook up with a guy.

Offline Ann

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #11 on: November 07, 2010, 07:07:52 AM »
Guy,

It sounds like a lot of what you're feeling is rooted in sexuality-based guilt. While we cannot help you through that here, we can recommend that you get into counselling or therapy to get to the bottom of it. We're all sexual beings and there's no reason to feel guilty about it.

And along with feeling guilty comes the feeling that one must be punished. But hiv isn't a punishment, it's nothing more than a virus that does not discriminate.

Unless you've got terrible oral health, you're worrying for no good reason about the oral. If it makes you feel better, get some flavoured condoms to put on anyone you want to blow. This would protect you against the things that you are MUCH more likely to get from oral like oral syphilis or gonorrhea.

We've given you our assessment of your activities and there's nothing more we can do for you here. Please get some counselling so you can conduct your sexual life without all that unnecessary guilt. You deserve better than that.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline writerguy

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #12 on: November 07, 2010, 10:49:39 AM »
By terrible oral health, would chapped lips and a healing cold sore include this? The cold sore was basically completely healed at this point and not open or anything. I am so worried!

Offline Ann

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #13 on: November 07, 2010, 10:59:02 AM »
Guy,

NO. When I say bad oral health, I mean like "meth mouth" where people have nasty, raw, gaping holes where their teeth should be.

And you know what? You shouldn't be giving blowjobs to anyone - or kissing them - when you have a not-quite healed cold sore on your lips. Not because YOU might get hiv, but because YOU will give THEM HERPES!!!  Keep your herpes to yourself. That's what cold sores are - herpes. And yes, you can still be shedding the herpes virus when there is any sign of the blister present, open or not.

If you cannot bring yourself to believe us when we say you haven't been at risk, go get tested and collect your negative result. You won't be permitted to use this forum to wring your hands over your guilty feelings.

If you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.


Please consider yourself warned!

Ann
« Last Edit: November 07, 2010, 11:00:38 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline writerguy

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #14 on: November 07, 2010, 11:16:53 AM »
If I go get tested, how long should I wait? 12 weeks? Is 6-8 weeks a good indicator? I am just in hell right now.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #15 on: November 07, 2010, 11:32:42 AM »
If you get tested it is strictly for your peace of mind. Ordinarily testing is recommended at 13 weeks although in some countries it's 12 weeks.

The problem with you testing at 6-8 weeks is that I can't help wondering if getting the inevitable negative result at that point is going to fully satisfy you, considering how worked up you are over this issue. You have to decide what's going to give you peace about this matter.

And I am going t repeat Ann's warning that you are heading towards getting a Time Out from the site as you don't really have a scientifically based cause for concern about your HIV status.
Andy Velez

Offline writerguy

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #16 on: November 07, 2010, 11:10:09 PM »
so to recap: I don't need testing for hiv besides for peace of mind? Chapped lips and exposure to precum are not risky?

And, I do have genital herpes (HSV1, not 2)... does this mean I have HIV?

Offline writerguy

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #17 on: November 08, 2010, 01:30:09 AM »
Last question- I have gotten a few cold sores this past month. Is recurring cold sores a symptom of HIV?!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #18 on: November 08, 2010, 08:01:52 AM »
Having genital herpes is NOT a symptom of HIV nor an indication that you are HIV+. Recurring cold sores are not an HIV-specific symptom.

And that's right, getting tested is strictly for your peace of mind so that hopefully you can move on and get over your unwarranted fears.

You need to get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #19 on: November 08, 2010, 08:06:30 AM »
Guy,

Herpes and hiv are two totally different viruses - they're not even remotely in the same family of viruses. Herpes1 and herpes2 generally occur on the mouth and genitals respectively, but it is possible to have herpes1 genitally and herpes2 orally. There's not really much difference between the two types otherwise.

Stress is one of the biggest factor in having reoccurring outbreaks and the with the way you've been stressing yourself out lately, it's no big surprise that you've been getting outbreaks. It has nothing to do with hiv. And I hope you're going to start keeping your herpes to yourself and I also hope you let your sexual partners know you have herpes. It's the responsible thing to do.

Ann
« Last Edit: November 08, 2010, 08:08:04 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline writerguy

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Risky? Or not?
« Reply #20 on: November 11, 2010, 03:34:55 AM »
Mutual masturbation- the guy rubs his precum with his finger and then fingered me in the anus with that finger? So, I inadvertently may have gotten precum in my anus! :(

The guy lays on top of me with his penis, might having precum, rubbing against my butt or on top of my but- no penetration but did touch my butt with his penis.

He ejaculates, some drips by my anus and onto my urethra (pee hole).

Again, no intercourse. Was any of this risky?

*the guy told me he was negative, though he had been exposed to hiv once, took pep and tested negative.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Risky? Or not?
« Reply #21 on: November 11, 2010, 04:01:29 AM »
You must keep all your thoughts questions and comments in your original thread. This helps us follow your story and allows us to give you the most accurate advice.

If you cannot find your original thread, please click the red link I have posted above. Alternatively you can use the "Show own posts" link which appears in the uppermost left hand column on any forum page.

Your questions will not be answered unless you return to your original thread

Please take the time to read our Welcome Thread and familiarise yourself with the posting guidelines.

MtD

Offline Ann

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Re: So scared... 20 sex partners past year, no anal/vaginal
« Reply #22 on: November 11, 2010, 06:27:19 AM »
Guy,

Once again, I've merged your new thread into your original thread - where you should post all your additional thoughts or questions. It helps us to help you when you keep all your additional thoughts or questions in one thread. It doesn't matter how long it has been since you last posted in your thread or if the subject matter is different.

If you need help finding your thread when you come here, click on the "Show own posts" link under your name in the left-hand column of any forum page.

Please also read through the Welcome Thread so you can familiarize yourself with our Forum Posting Guidelines. Thank you for your cooperation.





We've already told you what we think of your concerns. You had no risk.

I'm giving you that time out you've been warned about. Do not attempt to create a new account to get around your time out because if you do, you will be permanently banned.

Ann


Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline writerguy

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Receiving oral with bleeding lip... so ashamed of myself
« Reply #23 on: January 06, 2011, 11:11:55 PM »
After testing negative in Dec, I am now so upset with myself and frightened. Today, I had unprotected oral with a man who claims he is negative. What makes me so worried is that while we were making out, I noticed a tiny little cut on his bottom lip from, what he told me, was when he shaved earlier. What worries me is that since there was a little blood at this point, he had already given me a blowjob, and I am worried that the blood from his lip, though tiny, could have gotten into my urethra (pee hole) when performing oral on me. I then proceeded to go down on him and I tasted precum but I didn't want his mouth anywhere near my penis. I also tasted his blood I think.

Is this risky? I am so worried and feel I should be tested. I promised myself I would abstain from oral.

Should I be tested? Please advise, I am terrified.

Offline Ann

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Re: Receiving oral with bleeding lip... so ashamed of myself
« Reply #24 on: January 06, 2011, 11:29:04 PM »
Guy,

For someone who is alleged a lawyer, you sure don't seem to be able to follow rules. I have rejected THREE new accounts from you today. This shit has to stop.

Yet again you have come here with a NO RISK situation. Due to your blatant disregard of our rules and your refusal to learn anything when you come here, I'm giving you that time out you've been  warned about.

This is your SECOND time out. Get that face to face help you need and quit trying for new accounts here.

Never mind. You've been given more than enough chances. You have to know by now that we do not tolerate multiple accounts, yet you've tried for three. You're banned. Go away.

Why on earth you people think we're going to put up with this crap is beyond me. Don't like it? Visit the Body.

Ann
« Last Edit: January 06, 2011, 11:35:03 PM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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