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Author Topic: Any Rape Victims Here?  (Read 6327 times)

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Offline TheRoof

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Any Rape Victims Here?
« on: October 09, 2009, 05:08:28 PM »
I doubt the results I will get here.
I remember before I found out my HIV diagnosis. I thought that the rape itself had impacted my life MORE then when I found out when I had HIV. Has anyone here gotten HIV through rape?

How were you able to deal with this? (Even if you didn't get HIV, are there any rape victims out here?)
« Last Edit: October 09, 2009, 05:44:02 PM by TheRoof »

Online BT65

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Re: Any Rape Victims Here?
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2009, 06:47:42 PM »
Yes, Roof.  And I can talk about this pretty freely now.

When I was 15, I was "in love" with a guy a couple towns North.  A rough town, with slums etc.   I would leave my home regularly to go see him, and my parents would always send a possee to bring me back home.  So, finally, they decided to let me stay, as long as they could keep contact with me.

In a long series of events, I ended up drunk, and on cocaine (people taught me how to shoot between my toes), in the guy's aunt's home.  There were three men there, and I got gang-raped.  Then the guy I was "in love" with showed up, and they all started arguing about who I was going to "work for," (yeah, even the guy I was in love with)  Two of the men were from Chicago, and I'm so thankful I didn't end up with them, for obvious reasons.  One of the men pulled out a gun, picked me up, and carried me out of the aunt's home.  He took me to his main whore's place, which was a 1 br apartment, where her 5 kids stayed.  I have never been in a filthier place, truly.  Even with the lights on, there were roaches crawling all over.  And mice.  And I won't even talk about the bathroom.  I was there for three days, getting raped and beaten every day, and night.  I never slept, for fear of the roaches and mice, and didn't eat, because the roaches had crawled all over the food this lady had.  Finally, state police showed up at the woman's apartment.  My parents couldn't get ahold of me, so called the cops.  The guy had me hid in the kitchen, with the gun to my head, while the lady told them she hadn't seen me.  The cops told her that if she did see me, she should make sure I got to the police station, since I was a minor (15), she could be charged with kidnapping.  So, awhile after they left, the man had her go down and start the car.  He raped me one more time, took me down to the car, put a hood over my head so I couldn't see the location, and had her drop me off a block from the police station.

So, yeah, I've been raped.  I got medical attention right away, and had to go through a whole long treatment of two antibiotics, antifungals, vaginal cream, sitz baths, douching twice a day.  The doctor told me mom, besides the infection, my actual flesh was tore in the vaginal/anal area, front to back.   It took some years for things to quit haunting me.  I got therapy for it when I was 16, but it stopped, because I told my parents it wasn't working.  In truth, the therapist had sex with me.   Of course, I went on a long run of booze/drugs/prostitution etc.    Finally got the help I needed.  Rape is more common than people think.  I don't know why you were asking, but if this happened to you, feel free to pm me anytime, if you like.  People can and do recover from this extreme violation of body and mind.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Any Rape Victims Here?
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2009, 10:46:23 PM »
what a horrible series of events and then to be ended with the all-too-often-told story of an opportunistic therapist, correction   theRAPEist

sorry to know this happened to you BT, it's a wonder you lived to share this story...

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Any Rape Victims Here?
« Reply #3 on: October 11, 2009, 12:45:17 PM »
My story has something in common with yours. That I was a minor when I got raped too (17). Basically for me the drug use with cocaine was similar. My story was longer then this. I am trying to sum it.

I was 17 years old when I finished high school, basically in three years. The thing with me is that I was a little bit naive because of my religious backround. I was raised in a very christian like setting. After I finished high school there was pride in me because I finally accomplished something. I started going to the University, I actually met some of my old friends from middle school so we started hanging out. I always wanted to get into the party scene. As stupid as it may sound, I thought "Cocaine" was cool because hollywood does it.  :-X So I thought I would want to be upscale too. 3 weeks into the semester I went to a Rave Party, way on the edge of town. Previous to this I remember people telling me how fun those things were. The house was somewhere in the desert way far. Granted I did go to a party a week before, but I just drank.

When I arrived at this party there wasn't that many people there. 10pm. By 11:30 a lot of people started showing up, they did not look like they went to the University. I started drinking of course, I remember that I only took 3 shots. To make a long story short. My so called "friend" said that people were shooting up in the Den. And how much I "wanted to try it". This guy is a straight A student yet he still would do recreational drug use. I had given the money to try it out. There was two guys in their mid-20's. I could tell they were heavy drug users just from their look and how thin they were. To sum it. From what I remember. I remember cocaine and for some reason ambien. The guy who brought the drugs was a slim guy in his very late 30's I think. I was completely out of it from that point. I remember I got into a lenghty conversation with him. About "the meaning of life". I kept looking at his face. He had bad teeth. At that point I don't know if it was the drugs or anything in my cup of alcohol I started seeing glitter. To sum it up. I remember being led into a corridor, I remember and being raped. The rape itself didn't really last long because I started crying. I remember him saying "Be quiet, it will be over soon". I also remember he was pressing his hand so hard against my eyes that it felt they were about to pop. After that I remember just having my face digged into the carpet, being myself. I think somewhere around 2:45 I got into my car and rode away. I was still under the influence at that point. It was like an hour drive. I came home, took a shower. Went to bed.

As soon as I woke up the next morning the panic hit me. I rose out of bed and started crying hysterically. This lasted for 1 1/2 months. I started cutting my body just for the fun of it. First my arms, but when I started cutting my legs. The scars did NOT heal properly. So I stopped doing it. Then I remember when my parents were away I tried to commit suicide. I drank a lot and sat in warm bath water and started slitting my wrist. Well they did come home, I remember my father dragging me out of the bathtub. I hit my face against the tile. He left me there, and I remember being drived away into the emergency room by them.

I started seeing a therapist, during that time I got really, really sick. I thought I had horrible strep, my back was in huge pain. I just knew something was wrong with me, when the sickness went away I got tested for all ST D's. Everything came clean, but I remember taking the blot test and it saying "Reactive". When she said I tested positive for HIV, I didn't even think about the rape at that moment. I never called the police.
I guess the worst thing is. Remember how I said that I was christian? (Not very Christian of me to have done drugs) But in our religion we believe in "No Sex before marriage" I was a virgin when this happened to me. To make things worse when I got my blood work done I had resistant virus. This suddenly hit me that the rapist was taking HIV meds he was an older person in their late 30's, and obviously there was no protection involved.

I lost some weight because I couldn't eat. I guess the reason I never reported it is because I was a guy, I was 17. (18 at that point) To me dealing with two things. Rape & HIV. Going to the police would have not given me the peace of mind at this point. I never want to deal with the RAPE issue ever again.
Actually the rape itself ruined my mental/emotional health a lot more then finding out I had HIV.



Online BT65

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Re: Any Rape Victims Here?
« Reply #4 on: October 11, 2009, 07:54:18 PM »
Yeah, I was raised Seventh Day Adventist, so I relate to being raised in a Christian environment.  Shit happens, I guess.  I'm sorry for what you went through.  But, healing can happen at any time in our lives.  It's not time constrained.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline YaKaMein

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Re: Any Rape Victims Here?
« Reply #5 on: October 16, 2009, 04:54:42 PM »
I doubt the results I will get here.
I remember before I found out my HIV diagnosis. I thought that the rape itself had impacted my life MORE then when I found out when I had HIV. Has anyone here gotten HIV through rape?
How were you able to deal with this? (Even if you didn't get HIV, are there any rape victims out here?)

Hey theRoof,
Yes, there are others of us who were infected via the violence of rape!! [see my first posting in 08].
AND, like BT [what a survivor!) and myself, you can survive this too. My rape was the struggle, not HIV.

Unlike BT, whom I admire immensely, my experience with therapy was pivotal in my recovery of dealing with issues [trust, etc] and not more violation by a perpetrator.

Feel free to PM me ... just wanted to reach out and assure you that you're not alone, this was done to you ... AND you can safely survive this. -YaKaMein
09/11 Endocrine Consult
08/11 CD4 328 14.9% VL 0
 Disc'd Bactrim DEXA -3.1 Tscore
03/11 CD4 338 14.7% VL 0
11/10 CD4 300 14.3% VL 0 <20copies
07/10 CD4 336 14.0% VL 0 DEXA -2.7 Tscore
03/10 CD4 308 13.4% VL 0 Vit D normal
01/10 Began FOTO
11/09 CD4 274 13.7% VL 0 Chol 173 Trig 131
07/09 CD4 324 13.5% VL 0 DEXA -3.1 Tscore lumbar
03/09 CD4 207 10.9% VL 0
11/08 CD4 227 10.3% VL 0 Chol 176 Trig 156
04/08 CD4 228 9.5% VL 0
01/08 CD4 194 9.0% VL 0
09/07 CD4 176 8.3% VL 0
03/07 CD4 130 9.5% VL 0 Chol 261  Trig 227
12/06 CD4 109 6.4% VL 0
09/06 CD4  88 5.5% VL und desens'd rtd to Bactrim
08/06  Began Atripla
07/06 CD4  59 5.0% VL 145 Chol 117 Trig 104
06/06  Bactrim rash, X2 Dapsone
 EFV & Truvada Chol 128 Trig 131
05/06 CD4  6 (2.0%) VL 78667 only V179D mutation Dx PC MAC

Offline WhySoUnfair

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Re: Any Rape Victims Here?
« Reply #6 on: May 23, 2010, 12:37:31 AM »

It took some years for things to quit haunting me.  I got therapy for it when I was 16, but it stopped, because I told my parents it wasn't working.  In truth, the therapist had sex with me.   Of course, I went on a long run of booze/drugs/prostitution etc.    Finally got the help I needed.  Rape is more common than people think.  I don't know why you were asking, but if this happened to you, feel free to pm me anytime, if you like.  People can and do recover from this extreme violation of body and mind.

I also think such therapy is not working. I can repeat everything my therapist told me and I feel I'm normal and fine when I talk to her, but once I get back home I start to feel lonely again.

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Any Rape Victims Here?
« Reply #7 on: May 23, 2010, 06:18:25 AM »
You may feel that the therapy is not working, whysounfair, but PLEASE do not stop the therapy, considering that you have said you feel suicidal sometimes as well.  Its always an option to change therapists.  You've really had MAJOR shocks - like being hit by a car, then while staggering off the road, hit by truck.

I was wondering if you have started any SSRI treatment - anti-depressors. You might find this very helpful.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline kelly42

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Re: Any Rape Victims Here?
« Reply #8 on: May 29, 2010, 04:53:25 PM »
 >:(i think rape is the ultimate violation! i contracted the virus due to rape. it caused alot of esteem issues and issues and has affected my sex life in the worst way. to me there could never be enough therapy to heal the scar it left on my life . everytime i take my meds it reminds me and after 19 years i am still angry. i wish i could give some words of comfort but i cant. always be aware of who you let into your life

Offline WhySoUnfair

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Re: Any Rape Victims Here?
« Reply #9 on: June 03, 2010, 08:13:24 AM »
>:(i think rape is the ultimate violation! i contracted the virus due to rape. it caused alot of esteem issues and issues and has affected my sex life in the worst way. to me there could never be enough therapy to heal the scar it left on my life . everytime i take my meds it reminds me and after 19 years i am still angry. i wish i could give some words of comfort but i cant. always be aware of who you let into your life

So sad to know that you still have the mental baggage after 19 years.

Offline mecch

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  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Any Rape Victims Here?
« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2010, 09:07:20 AM »
Maybe its ok to keep anger, about gross crimes and horrible damages such as HIV from rape.
I guess its a matter of degree. If its a fleeting thought ("I have HIV cause I was raped") once a day, so what.

Its how that anger effects or doesn't your life today, right?

I personally don't think HAART should be the moment to think about the crime and the anger.  After all, HAART is a constructive thing that lets your life continue.  I see it as a blessing to be thankful for.  Just a different way of looking at HAART.

Same goes for any bad feeling related to HIV and anger, regrets, shame, whatever.  I don't see the help in calling up these emotions when thinking about HAART.

What I'm saying is that I dont see HAART as the cross I have to bear because I have HIV.  I see it as the antidote, with its good points and bad points but overall a good deal!

In fact, I think its best if we try NOT to invest HIV itself with all these metaphors and symbols and meanings.  Its a virus, its a disease. 

 



“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

 


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