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Author Topic: There is too much negativity in this forum ***UPDATE***  (Read 9734 times)

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Offline Rjane

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There is too much negativity in this forum ***UPDATE***
« on: February 21, 2010, 09:39:32 PM »
 sometimes.

I know most of the people who post here are infected, and there's a lot to be said for living with aids: the mood swings, self-doubt, in some cases self-hatred. Sadly I have noticed more than a few people in this forum like to pounce on others from time to time. Thus, I only pop in intermittently.  Its not nice to see afflicted people pounce on other afflicted people. Afflicted people should UPLIFT oneanother, just something to keep in mind!

Anyway, I hope everyone is and continues to be well. I See you in a few months....

R
« Last Edit: February 22, 2010, 12:52:57 PM by Rjane »

Offline Joe K

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Thanks for stopping by, to tell us that we are too morbid for you to hang out with, but apparently not too morbid, for you to stop in and take a swipe at an entire forum, based on the actions of a few members. And please save the no offense, because offensive is all your post is... period.
« Last Edit: February 21, 2010, 09:48:09 PM by killfoile »

Offline skeebo1969

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  Thanks for throwing a log on the fire before you leave, happy trails amigo!
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Rjane

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Killfoile
« Reply #3 on: February 21, 2010, 09:49:29 PM »
Thanks for stopping by, to tell us that we are too morbid for you to hang out with, but apparently not too morbid, for you to stop in and take a swipe at an entire forum, based on the actions of a few members. And please save the no offense, because offensive is all your post is... period.

that's funny. I just got a private message from someone who complimented me for making the post. oh wellz

Offline leatherman

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Wow. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Thanks for the sweet post, Mr. Negativity.  ::)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline Joe K

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Really, one whole message?  Let's see what kind of posts you get from the rest of the members, who are not related to you.

Offline Rjane

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leatherman
« Reply #6 on: February 21, 2010, 09:54:01 PM »
Wow. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Thanks for the sweet post, Mr. Negativity.  ::)

i was making the point that its in poor taste for people in the same boat to attack each other. If you cant see that point, well I am sorry for you.


Offline Rjane

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Killfoile
« Reply #7 on: February 21, 2010, 09:55:41 PM »
Really, one whole message?  Let's see what kind of posts you get from the rest of the members, who are not related to you.

you just made my point.

anyway, its late, and my lovely wife, (who is with child), is saying its beddie bye time  (and no, neither my wife nor the baby are positive) so i have to run.

Take care.

Offline Joe K

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The only point I made is that you insulted this entire forum and then you try to play the victim.  Maybe, if you had approached the forum, with a real concern, instead of a blatant attack, you may have gotten a better response.

Sorry, the only victims here are those of us who have to watch your post sink to the bottom.

edited to add: FYI everyone who posts in the Living With HIV forum is poz.

Offline Rjane

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Killfoile
« Reply #9 on: February 21, 2010, 09:59:09 PM »
The only point I made is that you insulted this entire forum and then you try to play the victim.  Maybe, if you had approached the forum, with a real concern, instead of a blatant attack, you may have gotten a better response.

Sorry, the only victims here are those of us who have to watch your post sink to the bottom.

nighty-nite!  ;)

Offline leatherman

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Re: leatherman
« Reply #10 on: February 21, 2010, 10:00:03 PM »
i was making the point that its in poor taste for people in the same boat to attack each other. If you cant see that point, well I am sorry for you.
so, by being bitchy to the members in the forum you prove that it's rude to be bitchy to one another? Whatever. That's just freaky, rude, oh and bitchy!  :D perhaps you should see about getting your meds adjusted. I just don't understand how your rudeness was proving any point except that you were rude. but thanks for playing. now run along home.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline skeebo1969

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  Man I can just imagine what he puts his wife through...  poor girl.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Rjane

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Re: leatherman
« Reply #12 on: February 21, 2010, 10:01:51 PM »
so, by being bitchy to the members in the forum you prove that it's rude to be bitchy to one another? Whatever. That's just freaky, rude, oh and bitchy!  :D perhaps you should see about getting your meds adjusted. I just don't understand how your rudeness was proving any point except that you were rude. but thanks for playing. now run along home.

nitey-nite  ;D

Offline Rjane

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skeebo
« Reply #13 on: February 21, 2010, 10:02:51 PM »

  Man I can just imagine what he puts his wife through...  poor girl.

you have a good night too!
 ;)

Offline Joe K

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Nothing like being chastised with a nighty-nite.  I will now slither away and lick my wounds.

Offline leatherman

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  Man I can just imagine what he puts his wife through...  poor girl.
what a weirdo huh? I still don't understand. He's an ass to everyone in general and thinks that is proving something to us. Huh? I looked back at his posts and don't see anything too odd there. Hey Joe! what am I missing? Who dissed this guy and got him acting out like a jerk. Hopefully a good night sleep (if he ever gets off here and goes to bed like he keeps saying ::)) will help him to see that HE was the negative one stirring up trouble with this post.
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline Joe K

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Maybe he likes to troll forums, leave his little treasures and then sit back and watch the excitement.  He claims that we should all be uplifting to each other and then he posts his attack.  Very strange, but he's not my problem.

Offline Rev. Moon

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Rjane, that is simply the wrong approach.  You don't participate much in these forums and yet you claim that people treat you in a negative way.  I did not see any particular negativity to your recent inquiry about having a flat butt. People gave you some tips or comments; others joked lightly.  As far as I recall no one threw any nastiness your way.

Starting what I see as no more than a flame war doesn't make you constructive in any way. You are not endearing yourself much with this tactic.  

It is sad that, as Pete pointed recently in another thread, these sort of topics get a reaction from different members rather quickly.  The time and energy should be spent responding to new members or to those who have legitimate questions, but I'm sure that --as I am not one part of the mean girls or popular cliques around here-- I  will probably be either ignored or criticised for saying this.  Oh well.  
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline Rjane

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livebythemoon
« Reply #18 on: February 21, 2010, 10:22:22 PM »
Rjane, that is simply the wrong approach.  You don't participate much in these forums and yet you claim that people treat you in a negative way.  I did not see any particular negativity to your recent inquiry about having a flat butt. People gave you some tips or comments; others joked lightly.  As far as I recall no one threw any nastiness your way.

Starting what I see as no more than a flame war doesn't make you constructive in any way. You are not endearing yourself much with this tactic.  

It is sad that, as Pete pointed recently in another thread, these sort of topics get a reaction from different members rather quickly.  The time and energy should be spent responding to new members or to those who have legitimate questions, but I'm sure that --as I am not one part of the mean girls or popular cliques around here-- I  will probably be either ignored or criticised for saying this.  Oh well.  

I signed back in just to say this, and after its said, I am really hitting the sack:

I didnt say someone mistreated me, I said I observed people pounce on each other.

The inbox that I received to this post went like this:

"
hi ,and you know i am new ,and i feel the same way this is weird ..the people judge way to much ,and take jabs. my doctor referred this site to me, and when i go back to see her i am going to ask her WHY!! I feel like crap after i am on here ...i am  just glad i wasn't the only one who felt this way  ..anyways best of health to you .."

Offline Miss Philicia

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Why is Rjane still hovering on this thread when he clearly said he was going to bed a full 30 minutes ago?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline komnaes

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Negativity causes insomnia .. it's been scientifically proved..  ;)
Aug 07 Diagnosed
Oct 07 CD4=446(19%) Feb 08 CD4=421(19%)
Jun 08 CD4=325(22%) Jul 08 CD4=301(18%)
Sep 08 CD4=257/VL=75,000 Oct 08 CD4=347(16%)
Dec 08 CD4=270(16%)
Jan 09 CD4=246(13%)/VL=10,000
Feb 09 CD4=233(15%)/VL=13,000
Started meds Sustiva/Epzicom
May 09 CD4=333(24%)/VL=650
Aug 09 CD4=346(24%)/VL=UD
Nov 09 CD4=437(26%)/VL=UD
Feb 10 CD4=471(31%)/VL=UD
June 10 CD4=517 (28%)/VL=UD
Sept 10 CD4=687 (31%)/VL=UD
Jan 11 CD4=557 (30%)/VL=UD
April 11 CD4=569 (32%)/VL=UD
Switched to Epizcom, Reyataz and Norvir
(Interrupted for 2 months with only Epizcom & Reyataz)
July 11 CD=520 (28%)/VL=UD
Oct 11 CD=771 (31%)/VL=UD(<30)
April 12 CD=609 (28%)/VL=UD(<20)
Aug 12 CD=657 (29%)/VL=UD(<20)
Dec 12 CD=532 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
May 13 CD=567 (31%)/VL=UD(<20)
Jan 14 CD=521 (21%)/VL=UD(<50)

Offline leatherman

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The time and energy should be spent responding to new members or to those who have legitimate questions,
I've been posting my ass off (maybe this should have gone in the flat ass thread LOL) to newer members all day, and having a wonderful time. But I still have time to come to threads like this and screw around. :D

Rjane has obviously only been paying attention to one type of thread instead of seeing the totality of what happens in these forums. And he's obviously a bit naive to not think that, just like out in the great big ol' world, these forums are filled with people from everywhere and he's going to see everything. It sure ain't all kumba ya, folks. And if it was, it'd be boring as hell. :D

Love the diversity, Rjane, and ignore the crap that bothers you. YOU may see negativity here; but I have friends and am making more every day thanks to these forums being here. Hopefully, you'll be feeling better next time you come to visit and more like making new friends rather than alienating everyone. ;)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline PeteNYNJ

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LOL  well fuck you too


that is like saying "I am just posting to say I hate you....no offense"

LEAVE THE FORUM THEN!! 

Offline Hellraiser

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Wait, wait.  We have mean girls cliques?  I'm one of the plastics right?  I need this. Just give me the affirmation already.

I AM REGINA GEORGE RIGHT?!

Offline PeteNYNJ

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Hellraiser, you are totally Regina George

Boo, you whore

xo

Offline phildinftlaudy

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  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
I am new here. But, as crazy as this sounds, I hope u keep posting.  You will see people disagree on here == just like you do in real life.  You will also see a lot of love, understanding, compassion and empathy.  Take it all in.  These forums are about being honest, but they are also about telling people why you feel the way you do and then taking in the whole picture. 
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline PeteNYNJ

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  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
good post Phil

Offline phildinftlaudy

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  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Thanks Pete -- I was rehearsing it all night   :)   But, for real, we are all human on here and sometimes emotions get the better of us -- which is okay.  Its all about doing our best to be understanding and welcoming.
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline tednlou2

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I think you could have created the discussion better--taking into account the totality of posts as others said.

I know my feelings were a little hurt when some blamed me for not knowing what meds the hospital was giving me when I was very ill.  Others came to my defense, so I figured that is the nature of these forums.  Some will say things you don't like and others will show more compassion and see things are often more complex and not so black and white.  That is how life is.  And, I need a thicker skin to battle this virus.  So far, I've gotten more compassion and help from these forums than any negativity.  I can see how you'd think some are too negative and I'm sure I'm guilty of it myself.  I just think you could have gone about creating that discussion better.

Offline skeebo1969

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 I just think you could have gone about creating that discussion better.

   He was kind of being pressured by the wife to go to bed though, so time was of the essence.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Rev. Moon

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Wait, wait.  We have mean girls cliques?  I'm one of the plastics right?  I need this. Just give me the affirmation already.

I AM REGINA GEORGE RIGHT?!

Child, you are too new to be Regina George.  We both know well who is the Rachel McAdams of these forums  ;D.   I'd say you are more of a Cady Heron (nice and wholesome, but let us not forget how wicked she turned out to be towards the end).

If I had to be a mean girl type I'd rather be Courtney Alice Shane (Rose McGowan in Jawbreaker) or Heather Chandler (as in "well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Theresa?") in the mother of all queen-bees movies.
"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline Angel-Ronnie

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Lesson one, with negativity comes positivity {no pun intended}, with good comes bad, with happy comes sad, with tears comes joy, with acceptance comes denial, with yin comes yang, it is the laws of nature the universe.

damn then she comes on here like a real drama queen ranting her tits off of how negative people are but do not contribute to anything, then like an obidiant puppy runs as the dominatrix hit him with the wip on the ass to go to bed............

it is how we deal with critisizm that makes the difference, some can and some can't.
 

Bide the Wiccan law ye must,
In perfect love and perfect trust
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill
An' ye harm none, do what ye will.

What ye send forth comes back to thee,
so ever mind the Law of three,
follow this with mind and heart,
Merry ye meet, and merry ye part.

Offline Dennis

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Morbid? Hate? I missed those parts in rjanes post.

However, I did see someone display a simple emotional and expression of feelings on a particular topic. And once again we how words get taken out of context and twisted. Once again, we see how when somebody expresses something against groupthink they're atacked.

I think quite a few of you in your reply to rjane did nothing but prove what she stated in her op.

Offline Hellraiser

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This same sentiment is being expressed in another forum, but with a completely different topic.  You're dealing with a large group of people where the reactions will range from the mild to the harsh.  Are we only here to give you positive reinforcement?  I thought we were just being a community of people linked via disease.  It seems like it comes with the good, the bad, and the ugly.  If that's a problem for anyone in particular you could always just take the opinions being espoused with a grain of salt as these are people on the internet.  I mean we're not as bad as say youtube's users.

The way to gather pretty much all of the users of this site against you however is to accuse the entire group of being "negative" when it's obviously not true.  A lot of the reaction you'll get is how you write your topics.

Offline john33

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Rjane you say you don't like negativity and people taking swipes at each other.

So what are you doing??????????????
« Last Edit: February 22, 2010, 08:24:27 AM by john33 »

Offline skeebo1969

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I think quite a few of you in your reply to rjane did nothing but prove what she stated in her op.

Most guys take exception to being called "her" or "she" especially when a she tells them when to go to bed.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Basquo

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I think quite a few of you in your reply to rjane did nothing but prove what she stated in her op.

I think rjane made the OP knowing that it would get those type of replies. That's why some are calling this stirring.

Offline Dennis

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Most guys take exception to being called "her" or "she" especially when a she tells them when to go to bed.

The fact that a "she" told rjane it was time for bed has very littlle relevance regarding his/her sex. One word...lesbian.

I think a guy who would be "offended" by being called her or she would not choose a name with a female connontation in the first place. But why jump to conclusions, Unless rjane has specifically said to YOU he was offended.

« Last Edit: February 22, 2010, 08:46:58 AM by Dennis »

Offline Dennis

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I think rjane made the OP knowing that it would get those type of replies. That's why some are calling this stirring.

Honestly, anything that goes against groupthink is considered stirring the pot here. Hell, anything I post stirs the pot apparently.

There has to come a  time when people can feel free to post their feelings, throughts, ideas, or anything esle within topic without fear of being told to F*** You, or have their words twisted to mean something they didn't actually say.

Again, take the post at face value and treat it as legitimate concern to that person, whether or not you agree. This could have been a legitimate discussion about the particular dynamic of the forums rjane raised.

« Last Edit: February 22, 2010, 08:48:43 AM by Dennis »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Hell, anything I post stirs the pot apparently.

Well gee... you think?  A normal person would evaluate why that is perhaps instead of cloaking themselves up in Joan of Arc's execution finery.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Hellraiser

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Honestly, anything that goes against groupthink is considered stirring the pot here. Hell, anything I post stirs the pot apparently.

There has to come a  time when people can feel free to post their feelings, throughts, ideas, or anything esle within topic without fear of being told to F*** You, or have their words twisted to mean something they didn't actually say.

Again, take the post at face value and treat it as legitimate concern to that person, whether or not you agree. This could have been a legitimate discussion about the particular dynamic of the forums rjane raised.



If he really wanted to open a dialogue (and reading his post tells me he didn't) or express his concerns about what goes on here he could've phrased it much MUCH better and without the accusatory tone.

"I'd like to express my concerns that I feel there is a lot of negativity here sometimes.  I enjoy posting on these forums but this sort of thing makes me want to come here less often.

Instead we got (Paraphrased) "You guys are all jerks and you're driving away nice people like me.  So I'm just telling you you're being assholes, no offense meant."

Edit: I believe the expression goes you attract more flies with honey than with vinegar?
« Last Edit: February 22, 2010, 09:37:20 AM by Hellraiser »

Offline skeebo1969

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The fact that a "she" told rjane it was time for bed has very littlle relevance regarding his/her sex. One word...lesbian.

I think a guy who would be "offended" by being called her or she would not choose a name with a female connontation in the first place. But why jump to conclusions, Unless rjane has specifically said to YOU he was offended.

Well when she posted that she and her wife conceived naturally, I just assumed she was male, but you are right.

Honestly, anything that goes against groupthink is considered stirring the pot here. Hell, anything I post stirs the pot apparently.

Yeah you may be right, but I've also witnessed you ruffle a feather here from time to time.  It is said that this is a forum for support, and I find this to be very true however, at the same time it is one for discussion and of course "group think".

You can't expect every person to think the same, then of course, you have all the different variables involved with each of us that may cause a person to be, well in a fucked up mood. Let's not make Miss Jane out to be a victim here, you and I both know the motives behind her post and it had absolutely nothing to do with anything any of us ever said to her.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline mecch

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Alvy Singer: [addressing the camera] There's an old joke - um... two elderly women are at a Catskill mountain resort, and one of 'em says, "Boy, the food at this place is really terrible." The other one says, "Yeah, I know; and such small portions."

Well, that's essentially how I feel about life - full of loneliness, and misery, and suffering, and unhappiness, and it's all over much too quickly.

The... the other important joke, for me, is one that's usually attributed to Groucho Marx; but, I think it appears originally in Freud's "Wit and Its Relation to the Unconscious," and it goes like this - I'm paraphrasing - um, "I would never want to belong to any club that would have someone like me for a member." That's the key joke of my adult life, in terms of my relationships with women.
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Joe K

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Morbid? Hate? I missed those parts in rjanes post.

However, I did see someone display a simple emotional and expression of feelings on a particular topic. And once again we how words get taken out of context and twisted. Once again, we see how when somebody expresses something against groupthink they're atacked.

I think quite a few of you in your reply to rjane did nothing but prove what she stated in her op.

Dennis, the reason you missed the morbid part and others is that Rjanes edited her post and removed the comments about us being morbid and that we should not take offense to her insults.  Her original post included those comments and that is why I replied the way I did.  This has nothing to do with "group think", whatever that is and has to do with someone flaming the board intentionally and then not liking that she got caught doing it.

Offline leatherman

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Rjanes edited her post and removed the comments about us being morbid and that we should not take offense to her insults.
I hate it when people edit for anything besides spelling errors.  >:(
changing the post to say things it didn't say before (or removing the comments altogether) is not only "cheating", but it ruins the nearly real-time conversation that's being had here. It also makes later comments seem out-of-place and/or incorrect since the flow of the conversation no longer exists.

last nite rjane wanted to flame and run,
and in so doing became the very sort of person s/he was railing about. Doh! ::)
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


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Offline Miss Philicia

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Dennis, the reason you missed the morbid part and others is that Rjanes edited her post and removed the comments about us being morbid and that we should not take offense to her insults.  Her original post included those comments and that is why I replied the way I did.  This has nothing to do with "group think", whatever that is and has to do with someone flaming the board intentionally and then not liking that she got caught doing it.

Rjane has employed post-hoc editing to mislead people in his threads previously and been repeatedly asked not to do this.  It's one thing to change a spelling error, it's another to wildly edit what you stated.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Ann

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Dennis, the reason you missed the morbid part and others is that Rjanes edited her post and removed the comments about us being morbid and that we should not take offense to her insults.  Her original post included those comments and that is why I replied the way I did.  This has nothing to do with "group think", whatever that is and has to do with someone flaming the board intentionally and then not liking that she got caught doing it.

Thank you for explaining that, Joe. I also wondered what was going on as I didn't see this thread when it was first posted.

It's always a good idea to use the quote function when replying to controversial posts. A person can't edit the quote in your post and will have to face up to what they originally wrote.

Rjane, I surprised you attacked the very people who helped you through the conception of you child. People never cease to amaze me. It's sad.

Ann
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Offline weasel

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       Well as I see it sometimes a person just has to lash out to someone !

      If this helped Rjane get through the night well then better for her/him  !

      I have always thought  people here are way to quick to pounce !

      Yes  we must be polite , BUT this is an OUTLET for EMOTIONS !

      I like  spireted discussions .

      Hope all are well .

                                                 Carl

     P.S.  It was rude .
" Live and let Live "

Offline Dennis

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Dennis, the reason you missed the morbid part and others is that Rjanes edited her post and removed the comments about us being morbid and that we should not take offense to her insults.  Her original post included those comments and that is why I replied the way I did.  This has nothing to do with "group think", whatever that is and has to do with someone flaming the board intentionally and then not liking that she got caught doing it.

I apologige.

The post I read didn't sound like what many were making it out to be. I did not realize the origiinal post had been dramatically edited.

Offline denb45

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I hate it when people edit for anything besides spelling errors.  >:(
changing the post to say things it didn't say before (or removing the comments altogether) is not only "cheating", but it ruins the nearly real-time conversation that's being had here. It also makes later comments seem out-of-place and/or incorrect since the flow of the conversation no longer exists.

last nite rjane wanted to flame and run,
and in so doing became the very sort of person s/he was railing about. Doh! ::)

AMEN  mikie........if you posted it, then you should own it, if you don't want to own what you posted, then don't post it..... it's that simple   :-*
"it's so nice to be insane, cause no-one ask you to explain" Helen Reddy cc 1974

 


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