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Author Topic: Partner HIV+....Anyone know any good books for coping and/or emotional support?  (Read 5580 times)

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Offline thethe1

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Hi....recently joined the forum. My partner is HIV+ and I'm negative. We have chosen to be together no matter what. We love each other and that's what is important to us. I was wondering if anyone knew any good books I could buy like self help books or such that I, myself could read as far as with coping and being supportive. I do anything I can to support him and be there for him. Sometimes I think that's more effective than the meds!  :)   He recently tried Atripla which was horrible for him and Monday the doctors are going to switch his treatment. I have no idea what he deals with mentally from day to day b/c I'm not in that situation, although he knows that anything dealing with him is also dealing with me. At times I try to make  him "feel better" just assuring him that I am there for him but it doesn't always help. I really don't know what I'm asking...I guess just to find something to help me cope with him dealing with this disease because we are going to be together no matter what. Anyone have any suggestions?
~together *forever*~

Offline Inchlingblue

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What has helped me see things in a rational manner and not freak out with fear has been to learn as much as possible about the realities of what it means to have HIV in 2010. It's not the horror show it used to be.

If learning about HIV is something that might also help you, I'd recommend starting with Dr. Joel Gallant's book (in its most updated form):

http://www.amazon.com/100-Questions-Answers-About-AIDS/dp/0763750425

Offline skeebo1969

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   I saw your other thread concerning the difficulties your boyfriend was having with the Atripla, glad to hear the doctor is going to switch them on Monday.  Shortly after I was diagnosed the AIDS Service Organization I was going to gave me The First Year: HIV: An Essential Guide for the Newly Diagnosed which I thought was an excellent book.

  I really hope your boyfriend finds some relief soon.

  Good luck!
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline thethe1

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------>@skeebo1969.....thanks so much! i hope it gets better too. its really hard to watch him go through what he was experiencing with the Atripla. i'll keep ya updated! and thanks for the recommendation on the book! 
~together *forever*~

Offline Inchlingblue

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The First Year: HIV: An Essential Guide for the Newly Diagnosed which I thought was an excellent book.


I have that book and have already read it so if you (or anyone else) wants it, I'm happy to mail it out.

Offline skeebo1969

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  thethe1, Do you know how to use the private message function?  You should message Inchlingblue regarding that book.

 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline thethe1

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no i don't know how to use the private message thing but i might can figure it out lol....i'll try! or if you can tell me that would be great!
~together *forever*~

Offline tplmc1964

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Just love and support him. My partner won't even get tested. I am better now, but I fear that during the time when I did not know I was positive, I infected him. I didn't cheat on him, we had broken up for good, I was promiscuous during that time, then we got back together...nine months later I learned I was POZ. and we don't talk about it. His choice. He still won't get tested because he does not believe he ever experienced seroconversion, although I did and it was dismissed as a virus that would just go away.

My best, either way I've decided, he knew I "dated" and he hates condoms. Don't play the blame game, but make sure you stand where you stand...be supportive it takes two to tango.

Just my experience, I'm in the same boat my friend and because I was honest, I won't except blame.

Offline skeebo1969

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no i don't know how to use the private message thing but i might can figure it out lol....i'll try! or if you can tell me that would be great!

  When you want to private message (PM) someone all you have to do is scroll over their name and click.  This will pull up their profile page, scroll down slightly and near the bottom of their profile you will see : Send this person a message. 

  To check your own just look in the upper left corner of the page where your name and avatar are located.  Under your eye pic you chose you will see: PM.  Click on that to check any private messages you receive.  It will notify you with a number corresponding to the number of PM's you have received.

  Welcome to the forums!
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline thethe1

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thanks! got it!
~together *forever*~

Offline frenchpat

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  • Love your friends, don't eat them.
Hi,

you could also get a copy of thishttp://www.amazon.com/Full-Catastrophe-Living-Wisdom-Illness/dp/0385303122/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266657924&sr=8-1 book. Not specific about hiv, more about dealing with the situation.


hope this helps


Pat
People have the power - Patti Smith

Offline 1228GUY

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Yes, Im with the guys that recommended The First Year with HIV. An Essential Guide for the Newly Diagnosed.

http://www.amazon.com/First-Year-HIV-Essential-Guide-Diagnosed/dp/1569244901/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1266680663&sr=1-1

I'm still reading that book and it's been helpful.  I read a lot of what goes on in this forum as well and some HIV Publications, I've found that educating myself that way is not overwhelming....

You and your guy will be ok and get through this if you continue to love and support each other!

God Bless.
12.28.09 - Rcvd call I should test
12.29.09 - Confirmed
01.19.10 - VL 30015  CD4 172
03.18.10 - VL 1627    CD4 193
04.15.10 - VL 965      CD4 248
07.09.10 - VL 227      CD4 233 (19%)
08.12.10 - VL 99        CD4 280 (18%)
12.03.19 - VL 79        CD4 262 (21%)
02.09.11 - VL 90        CD4 376 (19%)
05.20.11 - VL 106      CD4 196 (25%)
06.23.11 - VL 82        CD4 289
08.05.11 - VL UD       CD4 286
11.04.11 - VL 54        CD4 305
03.02.12 - VL UD       CD4 523
04.30.12 - VL 74
08.12.12 - VL 153      CD4 353
11.15.12 - VL 43        CD4 443
01.11.13 - VL 39       
03.29.12 - VL UD        CD4 640
_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_
Truvada.Norvir.Prezista - Serostim HGH

Offline karry

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The book that got me going was "The Aids Book: Creating a positive approach" by Louise L. Hay. I have read and reread endlessly especially when I am looking for the strength to move on. Though its a book that focuses mainly on HIV/AIDS in the gay community, as a straight woman I have been able to apply the lessons to myself and I can mail it to you if you want. Just PM me.
k
Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!

Offline Inchlingblue

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The book that got me going was "The Aids Book: Creating a positive approach" by Louise L. Hay. I have read and reread endlessly especially when I am looking for the strength to move on. Though its a book that focuses mainly on HIV/AIDS in the gay community, as a straight woman I have been able to apply the lessons to myself and I can mail it to you if you want. Just PM me.
k

I like Louise Hay but wasn't that book written in 1988, from the perspective when having HIV was a death sentence?

Offline karry

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I like Louise Hay but wasn't that book written in 1988, from the perspective when having HIV was a death sentence?

Yes Inchingblue, you're right.
Its an old book....but the message is still that of hope for all people living with HIV. The message I got from it was that of 'loving myself, accepting myself and moving on'...and that is a message that is actual for anyone living with HIV...

k.
Take it a day at a time....and be positive about it too!

Offline Inchlingblue

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Yes Inchingblue, you're right.
Its an old book....but the message is still that of hope for all people living with HIV. The message I got from it was that of 'loving myself, accepting myself and moving on'...and that is a message that is actual for anyone living with HIV...

k.

I'm actually reading one of her books now, called The Times of Our Lives: Extraordinary True Stories of Synchronicity, Destiny, Meaning, and Purpose and I'm enjoying it. I know there's a bit of controversy surrounding her work but I also know that she's helped many people throughout the years.

Offline tommy246

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  • Member
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What has helped me see things in a rational manner and not freak out with fear has been to learn as much as possible about the realities of what it means to have HIV in 2010. It's not the horror show it used to be.

If learning about HIV is something that might also help you, I'd recommend starting with Dr. Joel Gallant's book (in its most updated form):

http://www.amazon.com/100-Questions-Answers-About-AIDS/dp/0763750425

I have read alot on here the last year and feel i have more or less a good grip on things would you reccomend i still read dr gallants book or any other for that fact as im toyin with getting some
jan 06 neg
dec 08 pos cd4 505 ,16%, 1,500vl
april 09 cd4 635 ,16%,60,000
july 09 ,cd4 545,17%,80,000
aug 09,hosptal 18days pneumonia cd190,225,000,15%
1 week later cd4 415 20%
nov 09 cd4 591 ,vl 59,000,14%,started atripla
dec 09  cd4 787, vl 266, 16%
march 2010  cd4 720 vl non detectable -20  20%
june 2010  cd4  680, 21%, ND

Offline Miss Philicia

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Isn't Louise Hay the crackpot who claims she rid herself of cancer with enemas?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Inchlingblue

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Isn't Louise Hay the crackpot who claims she rid herself of cancer with enemas?


Not sure if it was with enemas but she does claim to have rid herself of it by eating better and using colonics and changing her mindset. The book I mentioned I was reading is a collection of stories from people who have had experiences with synchronicity, a subject which interests me (and I was not recommending it to the OP). I have my caveats with her and her message, especially when it comes to her views of disease, but she has helped alot of people cope such as karry, above.

I think she believes people "manifest" their diseases (very controversial stuff). She has said, speaking about herself: "With my background of being raped at five and having been a battered child, it was no wonder I manifested cancer in the vaginal area."  In my opinion it does not exactly work in that overly simplistic way.

Sure, if you smoke all your life and get lung cancer you can argue that you "manifested" the disease but for a child raped at five to manifest her own vaginal or cervical cancer? That's a tough one to swallow. At the end of the day she's talking about her own rape and her own cancer so I guess she has a right to see it that way if it helps her; she's in her 80s and seems to be doing well.

tommy: Hard to say, whether I recommend reading Gallant's book or not. I think the book (and others like it) is probably best for those who are just starting to learn about HIV. It's a great way to get all the basics but the field changes so much so fast. Almost on a weekly basis, sometimes daily, there are new findings and for that kind of pace I think the internet is best as far as keeping up.
« Last Edit: February 21, 2010, 12:44:45 PM by Inchlingblue »

Offline GNYC09

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Not sure if it was with enemas but she does claim to have rid herself of it by eating better and using colonics and changing her mindset. The book I mentioned I was reading is a collection of stories from people who have had experiences with synchronicity, a subject which interests me (and I was not recommending it to the OP). I have my caveats with her and her message, especially when it comes to her views of disease, but she has helped alot of people cope such as karry, above.

I think she believes people "manifest" their diseases (very controversial stuff). She has said, speaking about herself: "With my background of being raped at five and having been a battered child, it was no wonder I manifested cancer in the vaginal area."  In my opinion it does not exactly work in that overly simplistic way.

Sure, if you smoke all your life and get lung cancer you can argue that you "manifested" the disease but for a child raped at five to manifest her own vaginal or cervical cancer? That, like my ex bf's member, is a tough one to swallow. At the end of the day she's talking about her own rape and her own cancer so I guess she has a right to see it that way if it helps her and she seems to have lived a long healthy life, she's in her 80s.

tommy: Hard to say, whether I recommend reading Gallant's book or not. I think the book (and others like it) is probably best for those who are just starting to learn about HIV. It's a great way to get all the basics but the field changes so much so fast. Almost on a weekly basis, sometimes daily, there are new findings and for that kind of pace I think the internet is best as far as keeping up.

I've read Ms. Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life" and it was interesting but I just don't buy all of it.  I remember her saying that AIDS/HIV was a manifestation of the inner shame and guilt many gays felt but, hey, there are   straight people with AIDS/HIV, HIV- gays full of shame, and lots of HIV+ people without a feeling of shame.  I guess I'm just not into broad generalizations about groups of people - especially when it involves implying they basically attracted their illness.

Offline hope4love

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  • Every Problem has a Solution.

Hi Sir, Can you please e mail me this book "
The First Year: HIV: An Essential Guide for the Newly Diagnosed " my e mail id is mario.medrin@gmail.com

thanks you
Jan 2009 - Sero Negative
Jan 2010 - Sero Positive
               CD4 - 275, VL - 18,000
Oct 2010 - CD4 - 241, Started - Vonavir; Oct 2011 - CD4 - 474;Jan 2012 - CD4-620; Aug 2012-CD4-600, VL- UD; Jan 2013 CD4-493, VL-72 IU/ml   (Blip)

Offline Inchlingblue

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Hi Sir, Can you please e mail me this book "
The First Year: HIV: An Essential Guide for the Newly Diagnosed " my e mail id is mario.medrin@gmail.com

thanks you

I don't think this is something that can be emailed. It's available on Amazon for as little as .85Ę

I had a copy but already sent it to someone.

LINK:

http://www.amazon.com/First-Year-Essential-Guide-Diagnosed/dp/1600940137/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1267114853&sr=8-1

 


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