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Author Topic: fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago  (Read 3157 times)

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Offline happysadnscared

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fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago
« on: February 19, 2010, 07:47:49 PM »
i am so new to this site, so new to everything.  few years ago, my best friend was a gay man who was hiv+ and i would love to alter life, change facts to have his input in life again.  apparently i was a bad friend.  all i know, is i can go forward, not go back.  we had a bad falling out.  at any rate, the man i am going to marry, and the man i know is the love of my life, at 36 years old was just told 2 days ago that he is hiv positive.  he is the strongest man i know, both physically, mentally and emotionally, but now is feeling totally weak.  i've been picking apart the website, just to see what i need to know.  i suddenly feel useless when it comes to information.  i feel stupid about everything.  i know that my x best friend was with his spouse for years and his spouse was never infected.  i know my fiance is worried to hell about me.  i know his life is flashing before his eyes.  i don't know the language that everyone on this site speaks.  i feel like i need to learn spanish or russian or some shit and i'm in a foreign country.  i just want to help him.  i will not leave him.  he feels alone and scared and it kills me.  i don't believe i'm at risk, but i'll have to get checked.  he is looking to me to hold him up, whether or not he will admit it.  i'm dying for anything information-wise.  i can't tell a soul which is so hard.  i had to go see a counselor just so i could cry and not cry to him.  he is  not telling a soul, either.  i would appreciate links and information on pretty-much any and all subjects.  i've picked apart every freakin' subject and link i've found on this website that i've found and ...appreciate it all right now.  i really hope that i can learn a few things from you all and i really appreciate it.  thanks.

Offline Hellraiser

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Re: fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2010, 08:03:14 PM »
If you're interested in reading material at the top of this page there is a section marked "All about HIV"  I would read through that.  Then you may want to read the "Prevention" section as well.  I'm sure anyone here would be willing to field some questions, but there really is a LOT of information to take in.

Sorry to hear you and your fiance's news.  It's not the end of the world however.  There is no hourglass attached to him now.

Offline happysadnscared

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Re: fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2010, 09:05:18 PM »
i'm a bit overwhelmed with all the information, but i really appreciate it.  i feel like i'm in sex ed or something. 

Offline happysadnscared

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Re: fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2010, 09:06:36 PM »
i don't mean that in a bad way, but all the stuff i never thought or listened to, i am trying to pick through.  now i'm reading through every single person's posts and reading through every thing i can possibly find.  thanks.  i didn't notice the top links and am reading now

Offline happysadnscared

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Re: fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2010, 11:50:39 PM »
can someone please tell me, with all my reading, i'm still wondering, if my mouth is raw, from flossing and brushing too much since i always brush too much and my mouth always gets abrassed and cut inside, can he not kiss me?  i'm sorry i'm such a dork, but i'm all new to this. is this a terrible thing and do we have to stop kissing altogether?  this fucking sucks.  i'm so fucking out of it when it comes to this shit.  i cut up my jaws when i floss and stuff all the time.  what about that stuff? 

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago
« Reply #5 on: February 20, 2010, 10:38:56 AM »
happy,

Kissing is in absolutely NO WAY a risk for hiv infection. Not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen different proteins and enzymes that damage hiv and render it unable to infect.

There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but no barrier for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one.

The only thing you and your partner need to do to protect your negative status is to use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently. Read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them with confidence.


I suggest you read through some of the threads in the Am I Infected forum to get an idea what is and isn't risky when it comes to having an intimate relationship with a positive person.

You need to know that only a three month negative test result is conclusive. Unless your negative test was three months or more after your last incident of unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse, then you are still in the window period and you need to test again.
 
Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline happysadnscared

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Re: fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2010, 01:36:34 AM »
thank you.  whew.  i'm so relieved.  i've been reading all over the place and yes, i did read a lot of those links, but i've been getting distracted trying to research for him since he is on kaletra and he's been pretty sick.  thanks a lot for the news on the kissing.  i'm so relieved.  i wasn't aware about my side of the testing.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2010, 10:23:29 AM »
Happy,

I would suggest that until you and your bf become more informed, that you stick with the Lessons section of this website. They're written in plain, easy to understand English. If you have any questions about what you've read, feel free to come back into the forums to ask.

I hope that he's on more than just Kaletra. Kaletra is actually two drugs - lopinavir boosted with Norvir - and he should be on two more drugs besides. One of the most common Kaletra combinations is Kaletra plus Truvada. Truvada also contains two drugs - tenofovir and emtricitabine. You can read about the various drugs used to treat hiv in our Treatments section.

I take it he was just diagnosed in this past week. As he's already on treatment, it means that his numbers weren't very good, but take heart, they will improve and so will his health. If he's having a lot of side effects from the meds, they will most likely settle down in the next few weeks. If they don't, he can be changed to another combo. There are many combinations available.

You may be wondering about having children - and this is totally possible. There are many couples where the man is poz and the woman is neg who have had children the usual way when the man has been on meds and has an undetectable viral load for at least six months.

Please do make sure (if you two have been having unprotected intercourse) that you test for hiv in yourself no less than three months after your last incident of unprotected. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks, with the average time to seroconversion being only 22 days. A negative result at six weeks is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point. This means that you can test at six weeks for a good indication of your status.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline happysadnscared

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Re: fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago
« Reply #8 on: February 23, 2010, 01:48:10 AM »
thanks i will

Offline brokensister

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Re: fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago
« Reply #9 on: February 24, 2010, 12:15:26 AM »
Girl I feel the same way that you do. Lost lost I will pray for you cause I know we all need the prayers.. This is gonna be a hard life.

Offline happysadnscared

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Re: fiance just told he is hiv+ 2 days ago
« Reply #10 on: February 24, 2010, 09:43:01 AM »
thanks.  you, too.

 


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