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Author Topic: Confused - why am I negative?  (Read 5721 times)

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Offline JT1975

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Confused - why am I negative?
« on: August 23, 2006, 04:01:23 AM »
Hello.  I admit that what I am about to share is very confusing and to some may be disturbing.  So if you can help shed some light to my situation, I would greatly appreciate it. 

Six months ago, I cheated on my boyfriend of seven years (something I am not proud of) with some anonymous guy in a park.  We had anal sex without a condom (I know it was stupid) and he came inside me.  Soon after, he told me he has gonerrhea and I should get tested.  Before I could ask him any questions, he bolted.

I went to get tested for gonorrhea but it came out negative.  I was relieved.  I then started having sex with my boyfriend again.  A few weeks later, my boyfriend got a very bad flu.  He then started getting pain and mucal discharge when he pees.  He went to get tested for gonorrhea (and everything else including HIV).  The result were positive for gonorrhea and HIV.  He told me about the gonorrhea right away so I can get the antibiotics.  However, he waited for another week until he got result of the 2nd HIV test (which was positive as well) to tell me. 

I went in to get tested for HIV and gonorrhea a couple of days later.  The result were surprisingly negative.  I was confused.  I expected to be positive for both.  I got tested for HIV again to be sure and it was again negative.  Many questions came rushing through my mind.  My boyfriend and I always have sex without a condom so if he had HIV before we met (seven years ago), I should have it also.  (By the way, my boyfriends last HIV test was seven years ago).  I also confronted him whether he was with anybody aside from me and he swears (and crying - and he does not cry at all) that he didn't.  So if he hasn't been with anyone after we met, this means he was infected before we met.  So I should be positive.

Why am I negative?  Is it possible to get two false negatives for Elisa?  Is it possible that I do not have the antibodies? 

It is not logical and it is not fair that my boyfriend is infected - it should be me.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2006, 04:34:06 AM by JT1975 »

Offline Ineedhelp

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Re: Confused - need your help
« Reply #1 on: August 23, 2006, 04:05:04 AM »
hi
I am no expert. It seems that all the expert are asleep.

I am feeling the same pain and anxiety as you are.
 
I am so sorry to hear about your boyfriend.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2006, 04:16:48 AM by Ineedhelp »

Offline JT1975

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Re: Confused - need your help
« Reply #2 on: August 23, 2006, 04:30:26 AM »
Hi.  Thank you.  Appreciate your support. 

Offline Ann

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #3 on: August 23, 2006, 07:42:23 AM »
JT,

You are a perfect example of the fact that exposure to hiv does not automatically equal transmission and infection. My partner and I were together for a year and a half, not using condoms, before we discovered my hiv status. He is still hiv negative seven years later. We do use condoms now, but we didn't for eighteen months. There are other couples too in this position.

The fact that you did not test positive for gonorrhea is more mystifying. Did they swab your anus? because if they only took a penile swab, that will be the problem. From what you have written, you would most likely have anal gonorrhea. Gonorrhea is a MUCH more easily transmitted infection. 

Also, if you tested for gonorrhea too soon after your encounter in the park, the infection might not have been advanced enough to be picked up on the test. (you need to test 10-14 days after for gonorrhea) It would also seem that your second gonorrhea test took place after you had been on antibiotics - and it might have been cleared by the time of the test, or cleared enough to not show up. There is also the chance that if you did have anal swabs done, they did not go deep enough and missed the main location of the infection.

You also need to know that you are not completely out of the hiv woods just yet. You must test 12-13 weeks after your last unprotected incident of intercourse with anyone. A test at six weeks after will be a very good indication of your status, because the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by that time, with the average time to seroconversion being 22 days. A negative result at six weeks MUST be confirmed at the 12-13 week point.

You really need to get with the program and start using condoms for intercourse, every time, no exceptions. You have been playing roulette with your life and so far, you've been extremely lucky.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence. You MUST use condoms with your partner from now on. No ands, iffs or butts about it. If you haven't been infected so far, that is no guarantee that you will never become infected. It could happen the very next time you have unprotected intercourse with him - or ANYONE else.

Please tell your partner about this website. Have him check out the extensive Lessons section and also the Living With forums. We even have a forum just for people who have recently been diagnosed. I know this will be a very trying time for both of you and we are here to support you and help you become more informed. Both of you. Please feel free to keep us updated.

Hang in there...

Ann
« Last Edit: August 23, 2006, 07:45:53 AM by Ann »
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline fred

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #4 on: August 23, 2006, 08:19:34 AM »
Ann,

I think the original poster is implying that he believes that he infected his boyfriend, yet he himself remains negative via ELISA.

Fred.

Offline Ann

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #5 on: August 23, 2006, 08:35:54 AM »
Fred,

Regardless of what you think, JT could not have transmitted what he does not have. If there were any chance he infected his partner, he would have also tested positive.  Please stay in your own thread.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Online Andy Velez

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #6 on: August 23, 2006, 09:07:05 AM »
The facts in this situation aren't really clear to me. One thing is for sure and that is you need to test at 13 weeks after the most recent unprotected incident of intercourse, whomever that was with -- the one time guy or your boyfriend.

I say the facts aren't clear because I don't know if your bf may have had experiences outside of your relationship (despite his protestations to the contrary) or if he may have been infected prior to when your relationship began. I say this not to create a problem between you but simply because I've known so many situations where it took a while for facts to be revealed.

What is very clear is that you need to be practicing safer sex everytime you have intercourse no matter whom it is with. You are putting your life at risk everytime you do otherwise.

You and your bf should read the various lessons about HIV on this site and you and he might also find it worthwhile to check out the LIVING WITH SECTION where he can get useful information as well as support.

Good luck with your test result and keep us posted.

Cheers, 
Andy Velez

Offline JT1975

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2006, 10:49:48 AM »
Hi all -

I greatly appreciate your inputs.

Ann - Thank you.  First, my doctor did not perform both penile and anal swab for gonorrhea.  Instead, they tested gonorrhea (both times for me) through culture media from a urine sample.  However,my bf's doctor took a penile swab.  I already took Cipro (allergic to Penicillin) so I should be in the clear for Gonorrhea.  Right?  Second, my doctor and the counselor (Kaiser), already scheduled my three-month test for mid Oct. based on the last day my bf and I had unprotected sex.  She did mentioned that I am not out of the woods. Also, we have been using condoms now although we do not have sex as frequently as before.

Andy - I trust my bf and we have been together for seven years.  I actually believe him.  However, regardless whether he did or didn't stray, I told him that it does not matter.  This is a new chapter of our life and I will be there for him 100%. 

The only thing that is eating me alive is that I really believe I gave him both gonorrhea and HIV.

By the way, two of my ex-boyfriends have been diagnosed with HIV although this happened after I left.  And yes, I had unprotected sex with them too.

I just do not think I am this lucky.

Again, thank you for your inputs.
« Last Edit: August 23, 2006, 10:53:58 AM by JT1975 »

Offline Ann

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2006, 01:12:46 PM »
JT,

You just might be that lucky. Some people are. Some people have genes that give them an edge and you could be one of them. However, this does not guarantee you will never become infected.  Read this thread.

You need to be tested for anal gonorrhea, not penile. You need an anal swab before you will know if the antibiotics worked or not.

Can you clarify a few points for us please?

You say your park encounter happened six months ago. When did you test for hiv in relation to this event?

If you tested negative six weeks or more past the park, then you most likely were not infected through that encounter. If you tested at 12-13 weeks past the park, you weren't infected at - or from - the park. If this is true, then you are only in a window period from your partner - unless there's been someone else in the past six months you're not telling us about.

Ann

Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline JT1975

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2006, 02:56:11 PM »
Hi Ann -

My park encounter was end of Feb.  I got tested for Gonorrhea a week after. 

My bf had a severe flu on mid of March.  He started getting painful discharges with mucos by mid-April.  He did not go to the doctor until it got worse by early July.  He received his first diagnosis for Gonorrhea and HIV on July 17th, and his second on Aug. 1st.   

I went in for a HIV and Gonorrhea tests on Aug. 4th.  I received my results (negative for both) on Aug. 11th and had the re-test for HIV taken on the same day.  I received my 2nd results on Aug. 21st.

Note that from early March to Aug. 1st, my BF and I practiced unprotected sex.  And I was not with anyone else during that time. 

For last two weeks, my bf and I had many serious discussion.  He is as confused as me to a point that I think he is depressed.  He cannot understand how he got infected.  He swears that he hasn't not been with anyone aside from me in the last seven years.  I know him... I believe him.  I do not think he is lying.  So that is why I think I gave it to him (and perhaps to one of my ex too). 

I am so confused.

JT

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2006, 03:02:26 PM »
You can't give your BF something you don't have. It's impossible.....

Offline Ann

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2006, 03:21:35 PM »
JT,

You were conclusively hiv negative from your encounter in the park. You apparently got gonorrhea from him, but not hiv.

You said you were the bottom at the park. Therefore, there is no point in looking at your penis for gonorrhea infection (unless you were ALSO topping that night) and it's no surprise you tested negative on the urine test. The urine test only looks for gonorrhea in your penis.

You need to have an anal swab done to determine if you have anal gonorrhea. You need to check and see if the antibiotics you took got rid of it. Anal gonorrhea often has no obvious symptoms. Get re-tested and make certain it is the correct test for anal gonorrhea.

If you're worried you transmitted hiv to your partner because of your encounter in the park, forget about it. You did not become infected from that encounter and your (nearly) six month negative test proves that. If you do end up testing positive at your next test, it will have been your partner infecting you sometime since May, because you were hiv negative for certain in early May.

However, as you've been together for seven years and you've managed all that time to remain negative, then I don't expect you to suddenly become infected now that your partner's positive status has been discovered. You've been lucky and it can and does happen.

Keep us posted on your final test result. And don't forget to tell your partner about this site, or at least print the lessons out for him.

Ann


Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Ann

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2006, 03:25:19 PM »
By the way JT,

It is entirely possible that your partner has been positive all this time and had no idea. It happens quite often. This is why we encourage regular testing and we insist that the condoms never come off until you are in a monogamous relationship where you have both tested negative TOGETHER. The ONLY way to know you or your partner's accurate hiv status is through testing.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline JT1975

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2006, 03:38:05 PM »
Hi Ann -

Thank you very much.  You have provided more information than my doctor or the so called counselor in Kaiser Permanente.

After your earlier reply, I already scheduled an Anal Gonorrhea test with my doctor on Friday.  And per your latest reply, I am now definite that I gave me BF gonorrhea since I bottomed with him as well after the park.  

Regarding the next HIV test (3 months), it is in the back of my mind all the time.  I need to control this however since this is now impacting my life.  I will let you know the outcome.

For now, I will focused on my bf.  He is depressed.  He is no longer as active and he does not want to talk about this.  All I can do is wait until he opens up.  I did tell him about this site but he told me I am moving to fast.  He needs time to wrap this matter around his head.  I will not force him to do anything he does not want to do.  So I will have to get information for both of us right now until he is ready.

Again, thank you very much Ann.  It is great to get support without any judgements.  

JT

Offline ACinKC

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2006, 04:04:45 PM »
So THIS thread is why you guys do what you do Andy, Ann, JK, RapidRod. 

In time your BF will get his feet back under him.  When he does, tell him we are here with open arms.

Andrew
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline JT1975

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #15 on: August 23, 2006, 04:37:10 PM »
Hi Andrew -

Thank you.  We greatly appreciate it. 

JT

Offline JT1975

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #16 on: August 24, 2006, 12:20:16 PM »
Hi all -

Per Ann's recommendation, I am further doing research on the delta-32 mutation.  I have the following two questions:

1.  Do anyone know the statistics behind this mutation?  How prevalent is it for mixed background (e.g. asian and white)?

2.  If you have the genes, you would still test positive for Elisa - right?

JT


Offline Ann

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #17 on: August 24, 2006, 01:07:33 PM »
JT,

I don't know the stats you're looking for or if they even exist.

If you have this gene thing but become infected anyway, yes, you would still produce antibodies and test positive.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline JT1975

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #18 on: August 24, 2006, 01:24:32 PM »
Hi Ann -

Thanks for the clarification regarding the Elisa and delta-32 mutation.

In regards to my first question, most if not all the articles I found regarding this genetic mutation indicates that this occurs in 10 to 20% of Caucasians.  WHat about othe races?  What are the numbers if it in fact it is also found in other races?  I am mixed so I may get it (if I have the genes) from my dad but I am wondering if I also got the genes from my mom?

JT

Offline JT1975

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #19 on: August 25, 2006, 07:24:34 PM »
Just an update.  When I went in today for an anal swab for Gonorrhea and a Syphillis test, my primary doctor (not the infectious disease doctor) clarified some stuff about my second HIV test.  Apparently my second HIV test came out indeterminant.  (I am actually annoyed that the ID doctor and the HIV counselor did not mention this).  He also elaborated that although I am still within the window, this does not mean anything.  Is this true?  How likely will I get a positive or negative result for my 13th week test?

Offline Ann

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #20 on: August 25, 2006, 07:37:40 PM »
JT,

Indeterminate results can be caused by many things. You'd have to ask at the clinic why it wasn't mentioned before - it's possible they followed up with a Western Blot which returned negative.

Nothing I have said to you previously changes with the news of an indeterminate result. Chances are good that it's a false alarm - and that's probably why it was not mentioned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline JT1975

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Re: Confused - why am I negative?
« Reply #21 on: August 25, 2006, 08:55:01 PM »
Thanks Ann.  I will wait for my 13th test result.

JT

 


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