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Author Topic: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?  (Read 15299 times)

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Offline Jeton

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  • Posts: 85
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #50 on: February 28, 2010, 06:58:59 PM »
n let me underline that my reply#47 is in specific reference to having sex with someone without telling them u hiv-positive status beforehand.

Offline Phoenius10

  • Member
  • Posts: 29
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #51 on: April 26, 2010, 03:56:12 AM »
If you are newly diagnosed, DON"T TELL ANYONE!   Don't even tell your partners.  HAve safe sex with guys who are negative,  keep you meds hidden or at work and pretend you are negative!   
Nobody NEEDS to know and nobody WANTS to know.   If you DO disclose your status this is what you have to look forward to
1. If you tell, your job will proactively try to get rid of you regardless of your performance.
2. If you tell, you will not be able to have friends over, handle food, babysit, or basically trust anyone.
3. If you tell you will be denied insurance and health care.
4. If you tell, you will be ostracized by EVERYONE except your token POZ friends.

These are the facts.   HIV is treatable now.  Treat it and keep your mouth shut.  If you get into a relationship , have safe sex and  do not tell your partner.   

I could not agree with this poster more.  Unless most of your friends/co-workers are supportive POZ'ers, or you want to become an HIV Advocate in some way, I don't see any benefit in disclosing your status.

First.. lets deal with the work issue.  There's not only the stimaga.  But if you disclosure your status at work, especially if its a small busines, the boss and any smart co-workers will know that their group health insurance rates are going skyrocket because of you.  So the boss could try to force you out as soon as he can especially if you start on meds, knowing everyone is about to take a hit on insurance.

Secondly, to sexual partners.  Very few people except maybe other "undercover" poz'ers will want to get with u. If you disclosure your status to everyone, then meet this hottie, and decide to do it without disclosing, you run a dramatically higher risk of that person finding out later and coming back to sue you for it or being charged criminally if you live in a state with one of these discriminating disclosure laws.  If you don't tell anyone, chances are, they will never find out to begin with... problem solved.

Offline madbrain

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Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #52 on: April 26, 2010, 04:31:27 AM »
I could not agree with this poster more.  Unless most of your friends/co-workers are supportive POZ'ers, or you want to become an HIV Advocate in some way, I don't see any benefit in disclosing your status.

First.. lets deal with the work issue.  There's not only the stimaga.  But if you disclosure your status at work, especially if its a small busines, the boss and any smart co-workers will know that their group health insurance rates are going skyrocket because of you.  So the boss could try to force you out as soon as he can especially if you start on meds, knowing everyone is about to take a hit on insurance.

That's true, but it would be illegal for the boss to fire you for that reason.

Unfortunately the US health insurance system is rather messed up. Anyone with an expensive chronic condition pretty much should avoid small companies. Even if you keep your insurance, the coverage is likely to be much worse than in a large company.

Quote
Secondly, to sexual partners.  Very few people except maybe other "undercover" poz'ers will want to get with u. If you disclosure your status to everyone, then meet this hottie, and decide to do it without disclosing, you run a dramatically higher risk of that person finding out later and coming back to sue you for it or being charged criminally if you live in a state with one of these discriminating disclosure laws.  If you don't tell anyone, chances are, they will never find out to begin with... problem solved.

If you disclose your status to everyone, there is no reason to suddenly decide to have sex without disclosing. It just doesn't make sense. Always disclosing is much simpler, there is no need to keep secrets or keep track of what you have told who ! But it's not something that you can take back once the cat is out of the bag.

Offline tommy246

  • member
  • Member
  • Posts: 435
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #53 on: April 27, 2010, 03:27:43 AM »
I think a lot of it depends on the context of your situation.  I will never disclose to anyone other than my wife.  Just because someone on this site feels strongly that you are adding to the stigma of this virus doesn't make it  so.  That's just their opinion.  Before someone discloses to a lot of people I think they need a few months to figure out exactly what is going on with their body.  I still remeber thinking I would instantly die right after my diagnosis.  Once I figured out that life will go on and these meds work very well then I had a totally different outlook.  Take your time.
[/quote
I agree with you it there is no right and wrong it depends on your situation and personal needs. If you had another type of serious illness would you still feel the need to disclose i wouldnt . I havent felt the need to tell anybody apart from my wife and my brother , and most definately i shouldnt be a decisiopn taken lightly. I am sure many people have disclosed to certain people in haste and then regretted it.
jan 06 neg
dec 08 pos cd4 505 ,16%, 1,500vl
april 09 cd4 635 ,16%,60,000
july 09 ,cd4 545,17%,80,000
aug 09,hosptal 18days pneumonia cd190,225,000,15%
1 week later cd4 415 20%
nov 09 cd4 591 ,vl 59,000,14%,started atripla
dec 09  cd4 787, vl 266, 16%
march 2010  cd4 720 vl non detectable -20  20%
june 2010  cd4  680, 21%, ND

Offline wtfimpoz

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  • Let's make biscuits!
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #54 on: July 04, 2010, 02:31:40 AM »
I think the HIV issue really is dead.  I think it is probably really, really stupid to tell anyone.   It was a dramatic, star studded thing once upon a time, but now it seems that only stigma remains.   I wish I had seen this before I stupidly came out about.   If you are newly diagnosed, DON"T TELL ANYONE!   Don't even tell your partners.  HAve safe sex with guys who are negative,  keep you meds hidden or at work and pretend you are negative!   
Nobody NEEDS to know and nobody WANTS to know.   If you DO disclose your status this is what you have to look forward to
1. If you tell, your job will proactively try to get rid of you regardless of your performance.
2. If you tell, you will not be able to have friends over, handle food, babysit, or basically trust anyone.
3. If you tell you will be denied insurance and health care.
4. If you tell, you will be ostracized by EVERYONE except your token POZ friends.

These are the facts.   HIV is treatable now.  Treat it and keep your mouth shut.  If you get into a relationship , have safe sex and  do not tell your partner.   

Sorry, I got it despite using condoms.  The condoms didn't break, they're just not as foolproof as we like to believe.  Sorry, lying to partners is unacceptable.  Keep it to yourself, as long as you're keeping *it* (glances at crotch) to yourself.  Nondisclosure is playing games with other people's lives, regardless of how small you think your chances may be of infecting them.
09/01/2009-neg
mid april, 2010, "flu like illness".
06/01/2010-weakly reactive ELISA, indeterminant WB
06/06/2010-reactive ELISA, confirmed positive.

DATE       CD4     %     VL
07/15/10  423     33    88k
08/28/10  489     19    189k
09/06/10-Started ATRIPLA
09/15/10  420     38    1400
11/21/10  517     25    51

Offline Hellraiser

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  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #55 on: July 04, 2010, 11:21:04 AM »
Sorry, I got it despite using condoms.  The condoms didn't break, they're just not as foolproof as we like to believe.

Bullshit.

Offline wtfimpoz

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  • Let's make biscuits!
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #56 on: July 04, 2010, 02:27:07 PM »
Bullshit.

Y'know, before I tested positive, I knew several people who swore the same thing, and my reaction was the same as yours.  Turns out I was wrong, just like you are.  I know what I did, and I know that I didn't fail to "wrap it up".  I'm not denying my fault in the issue here.  This was no immaculate infection.  There were potential oral exposures.  There may have been a concurrent infection with syphillis which heightened my risk.  I was a slut.  I slept with men of "unknown or assumed status".  I ignored the side of the debate that tells us condoms aren't entirely effective because, frankly, I wanted to believe that I could live like it was 1972 as long as I wore a rubber.  I am *paying the consequences* of that so to speak.  None of those issues take away from the fact that I absolutely, positively wore a condom every single time I had anal sex.  I was not under the influence of any substances when I was infected, and no, i don't think there is a reasonable chance that the ONE time I really bottomed the other party pulled some undercover stuff and barebacked me, especially since I pulled the condom off him when we were done.  The reality is that the damn things aren't "foolproof".  For those who practice bb before their conversion, this may be difficult to conceptualize as the myth of condom efficacy provides us with the comfortable belief that we can continue to live as we always had.  Unfortunantly, it is a false belief.
09/01/2009-neg
mid april, 2010, "flu like illness".
06/01/2010-weakly reactive ELISA, indeterminant WB
06/06/2010-reactive ELISA, confirmed positive.

DATE       CD4     %     VL
07/15/10  423     33    88k
08/28/10  489     19    189k
09/06/10-Started ATRIPLA
09/15/10  420     38    1400
11/21/10  517     25    51

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,726
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #57 on: July 04, 2010, 03:38:52 PM »
If you are the 1 in 100,000,000 who gets it through anal sex with a condom, does not mean that "safe sex = using condoms" is wrong.
If you are the 1 in 1,000,000 who got it through oral, same deal.

Rather than insisting on railing against condoms, why not just settle for "I'm not sure how I got HIV, I can't identify the risk".   Thats what I think, cause I was using condoms too, and here I am.

You wont get ANY agreement in this forum, or from your HIV doc, that you maybe got HIV through anal sex with comdoms, so best to just move on from that.  Maybe with time the risk will reveal itself, maybe never.
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #58 on: July 04, 2010, 04:57:48 PM »
Y'know, before I tested positive, I knew several people who swore the same thing, and my reaction was the same as yours.  Turns out I was wrong, just like you are.  I know what I did, and I know that I didn't fail to "wrap it up".  I'm not denying my fault in the issue here.  This was no immaculate infection.  There were potential oral exposures.  There may have been a concurrent infection with syphillis which heightened my risk.  I was a slut.  I slept with men of "unknown or assumed status".  I ignored the side of the debate that tells us condoms aren't entirely effective because, frankly, I wanted to believe that I could live like it was 1972 as long as I wore a rubber.  I am *paying the consequences* of that so to speak.  None of those issues take away from the fact that I absolutely, positively wore a condom every single time I had anal sex.  I was not under the influence of any substances when I was infected, and no, i don't think there is a reasonable chance that the ONE time I really bottomed the other party pulled some undercover stuff and barebacked me, especially since I pulled the condom off him when we were done.  The reality is that the damn things aren't "foolproof".  For those who practice bb before their conversion, this may be difficult to conceptualize as the myth of condom efficacy provides us with the comfortable belief that we can continue to live as we always had.  Unfortunantly, it is a false belief.

I concur with Hellraiser. Bullshit.

Also, thread necromancy is bad.

MtD


Offline wtfimpoz

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  • Posts: 418
  • Let's make biscuits!
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #59 on: July 04, 2010, 05:41:35 PM »
If you are the 1 in 100,000,000 who gets it through anal sex with a condom, does not mean that "safe sex = using condoms" is wrong.
If you are the 1 in 1,000,000 who got it through oral, same deal.

Rather than insisting on railing against condoms, why not just settle for "I'm not sure how I got HIV, I can't identify the risk".   Thats what I think, cause I was using condoms too, and here I am.

You wont get ANY agreement in this forum, or from your HIV doc, that you maybe got HIV through anal sex with comdoms, so best to just move on from that.  Maybe with time the risk will reveal itself, maybe never.


(shrugs).  First of all, I don't think the odds are really "1/1,000,000", especially from oral sex with ejaculation.  If we're going to start calling each other for "bullshit", I'd like to ask you to defend that statistic.  My personal experience has been that condoms failed.  I  was in a good state of mind when I had sex, and I can tell you, with all but absolute certainty, that I and my partners wore condoms and that there was not a break.  Trust me, if there were some complicating shame to the issue of my infection, I'd tell people that I was raped, or that I was lied to, or that I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing.  Any of these claims, however, would be a lie.  I knew exactly what I was doing, and the margins for error are extremely...extremely...small here, with any explanation other than "condoms don't work as well as we're told" almost automatically requiring a MORE perverse explanation for my infection, like someone wore a sheepskin condom with plans to spread the virus, or I suffer from some sort of sleep-whoring disorder.

Personally, after witnessing people's reactions to what I've said, I wonder how accurate our understanding of a lot of behavior is.  I've already had my HIV testing counselor say "well, since you don't wear condoms for ORAL sex, we'll say you SOMETIMES have protected sex".  Thats a qualitative, selectively limited behavioral statement which implies my risk was, by conventional standards, much higher than it was.  I've no doubt that barebacking contributes to the majority of sexually transmitted HIV infections, but how strong is that majority?  If the response to people saying "but I wore a condom" is consistently semi-hostile, like eye rolling and claims of "bullshit", the liklihood of people admitting that condoms didn't work is fairly low.  All of this leads me to where I am today, feeling scared and alone, but also unwilling to back down from the truth.  I'd have kept it to myself as there obviously isn't much benefit in belaboring the point on an internet message board where no one will believe me, but the OP recommended lying to sexual partners about his status.  Presumably, this is predicated on the notion that he is not placing them at risk.  He is, and I didn't particularly feel like remaining quiet about it. 
09/01/2009-neg
mid april, 2010, "flu like illness".
06/01/2010-weakly reactive ELISA, indeterminant WB
06/06/2010-reactive ELISA, confirmed positive.

DATE       CD4     %     VL
07/15/10  423     33    88k
08/28/10  489     19    189k
09/06/10-Started ATRIPLA
09/15/10  420     38    1400
11/21/10  517     25    51

Offline wtfimpoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 418
  • Let's make biscuits!
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #60 on: July 04, 2010, 05:44:29 PM »
I concur with Hellraiser. Bullshit.

Also, thread necromancy is bad.

MtD



But necrophilia is good, right ;)
09/01/2009-neg
mid april, 2010, "flu like illness".
06/01/2010-weakly reactive ELISA, indeterminant WB
06/06/2010-reactive ELISA, confirmed positive.

DATE       CD4     %     VL
07/15/10  423     33    88k
08/28/10  489     19    189k
09/06/10-Started ATRIPLA
09/15/10  420     38    1400
11/21/10  517     25    51

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #61 on: July 04, 2010, 05:52:15 PM »
You don't have to remain quiet, but as you have decided that you are in possession of The Truth I don't really see where this can go.

MtD

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,726
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #62 on: July 04, 2010, 07:11:49 PM »
(shrugs).  First of all, I don't think the odds are really "1/1,000,000", especially from oral sex with ejaculation.  If we're going to start calling each other for "bullshit", I'd like to ask you to defend that statistic.  My personal experience has been that condoms failed.  

Hey man, I didnt call you a bullshitter, another member did.
But just advising you that you wont get much empathy here about the whole "I got it from failed condoms" story.
If YOU are so interested in such statistics, you can look for them yourself, for oral transmission or for protected anal transmission.  Doubt you'll find ANYTHING scientific on a "failed condom = transmission" theory, and you yourself claim you took it off the dick. 
So whats your theory, microscopic holes in the condom?  Yeah, maybe the guy had a super high viral load and something bizarre happened that you can't account for rationally.

So if you are the super rare super rare super rare bad luck example, so what. Whats that get you?  That, and 2.25 will get you a ride on the NYC subway.
« Last Edit: July 04, 2010, 07:13:29 PM by mecch »
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline phildinftlaudy

  • Member
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  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #63 on: July 04, 2010, 07:19:00 PM »
and actually, anyone who has read a condom label or seen a condom ad knows that one of the biggest things that is always pointed out is that condoms are effective in helping to prevent pregnancy (not absolutely effective, but highly effective) but they are clear to say that they do not prevent STDs or the transmission of HIV.  It is still unlikely to transmit this way - but as previously noted - this would be a rare incident and I don't know if I would use it as a reason to downplay the importance of using protection if one wants to virtually eliminate the possibility of transmitting HIV or a STD.
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline wtfimpoz

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  • Posts: 418
  • Let's make biscuits!
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #64 on: July 04, 2010, 07:46:08 PM »
and actually, anyone who has read a condom label or seen a condom ad knows that one of the biggest things that is always pointed out is that condoms are effective in helping to prevent pregnancy (not absolutely effective, but highly effective) but they are clear to say that they do not prevent STDs or the transmission of HIV.  It is still unlikely to transmit this way - but as previously noted - this would be a rare incident and I don't know if I would use it as a reason to downplay the importance of using protection if one wants to virtually eliminate the possibility of transmitting HIV or a STD.

To be certain, I am not advocating not using condoms, I am simply stating that they aren't foolproof.
09/01/2009-neg
mid april, 2010, "flu like illness".
06/01/2010-weakly reactive ELISA, indeterminant WB
06/06/2010-reactive ELISA, confirmed positive.

DATE       CD4     %     VL
07/15/10  423     33    88k
08/28/10  489     19    189k
09/06/10-Started ATRIPLA
09/15/10  420     38    1400
11/21/10  517     25    51

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,726
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #65 on: July 04, 2010, 08:22:47 PM »
You are going to earn a fair amount of bad will in these forums if you bring it up in too many topics where it is tangentially at best related.
If you insist, open up a new thread to discuss that, put your cards on the table, and see what you response you get.   
“From each, according to his ability; to each, according to his need” 1875 K Marx

Offline hotpuppy

  • Member
  • Posts: 555
Re: Disclosing HIV Status Publicly?
« Reply #66 on: July 05, 2010, 08:42:01 AM »
(shrugs).  First of all, I don't think the odds are really "1/1,000,000", especially from oral sex with ejaculation.  If we're going to start calling each other for "bullshit", I'd like to ask you to defend that statistic.  My personal experience has been that condoms failed.  I  was in a good state of mind when I had sex, and I can tell you, with all but absolute certainty, that I and my partners wore condoms and that there was not a break.  Trust me, if there were some complicating shame to the issue of my infection, I'd tell people that I was raped, or that I was lied to, or that I was drunk and didn't know what I was doing.  Any of these claims, however, would be a lie.  I knew exactly what I was doing, and the margins for error are extremely...extremely...small here, with any explanation other than "condoms don't work as well as we're told" almost automatically requiring a MORE perverse explanation for my infection, like someone wore a sheepskin condom with plans to spread the virus, or I suffer from some sort of sleep-whoring disorder.

Personally, after witnessing people's reactions to what I've said, I wonder how accurate our understanding of a lot of behavior is.  I've already had my HIV testing counselor say "well, since you don't wear condoms for ORAL sex, we'll say you SOMETIMES have protected sex".  Thats a qualitative, selectively limited behavioral statement which implies my risk was, by conventional standards, much higher than it was.  I've no doubt that barebacking contributes to the majority of sexually transmitted HIV infections, but how strong is that majority?  If the response to people saying "but I wore a condom" is consistently semi-hostile, like eye rolling and claims of "bullshit", the liklihood of people admitting that condoms didn't work is fairly low.  All of this leads me to where I am today, feeling scared and alone, but also unwilling to back down from the truth.  I'd have kept it to myself as there obviously isn't much benefit in belaboring the point on an internet message board where no one will believe me, but the OP recommended lying to sexual partners about his status.  Presumably, this is predicated on the notion that he is not placing them at risk.  He is, and I didn't particularly feel like remaining quiet about it. 

Okay, first off, don't drag up threads that belong to TROLLS.  If you keep bad company you may get a bad reputation that will piss off others who have knowledge to share with you.  I'm going to give you a few feet of slack to untie the knot you've made by salvaging an old thread that wasn't a good one to begin with.    I'll make the assumption that you are new to the forums and didn't realize that dragging up a thread from 6 months ago that was marginally relevant to your situation but which was designed to provoke a fight was bad juju online.  I would suggest that others think about doing the same thing and sidestep the noob mistake.

Now, I love to fight about statistics...... so let's roll.

Oral sex.  Not going to fucking happen.  Period.  Not unless you are getting face raped by a 300 pound musle bound jock who is abrading your throat and causing it to bleed as he shoots his load.  Or if you have herpes sores in your mouth and your buddy shoots his load into them. 

HIV requires an introduction to the body through a cut, open sore, etc.  It must get access to live tissue or blood in the body in order for the infection to take.  It is a fragile virus.  There are enzymes in saliva that damage HIV.

Dr. Sonnabend is a blogger on poz.com who has some interesting things about HIV and co-infection.  Check out his blog, but don't go posting anti-condom comments there or you might get flamed right back.  http://blogs.poz.com/joseph/

So let's talk about anal sex.  First, I'm not going to go dig up the references, I've seen them several times but I can't remember where I last saw them.  If you disagree with me, you go find the references proving me wrong and we'll go from there.

Bareback sex.  An insertive partner has a low risk of infection.  something like 1 in 100.  Dr. Sonnabend's blog mentioned that a Canadian court considered it so low as to be equivalent to protected sex. http://blogs.poz.com/joseph/archives/2010/05/sexual_transmission.html  On the flip side, a receptive partner who takes semen inside (bottom) has a 1 in 8 chance.  So the odds split is 10 to 1 more or less for top vs bottom.

Semen and Blood are the two primary infective fluids.  I'm guessing your sex doesn't involve much blood.  So let's move on to semen and precum, shall we?  If semen (and we'll include precum with semen) goes in your ass you increase your odds of becoming poz.  If you are using a condom, no semen right?  I'll come back to this in a minute.

I just want to point out that the preponderance of evidence is against your assertion that condoms don't work.  The evidence overwhelmingly says that they do work.

So what's left?  Hmm, a few things.

1) dipping.  Dipping is where you start to fuck and there is ass play without condoms and then a condom is introduced.  This puts precum where it shouldn't be.....   so basically if someone's dick starts rubbing against your hole, you are going to get precum there... add a condom and start fucking and guess what, you just ground precum into your ass..... very conducive to HIV transmission.  Is it the condoms' fault?  hardly.

2) inspection.  You mentioned something really interesting in another post.  You have a habit of checking condoms for failure after use.  I suppose a pinhole leak is possible, but when condoms break it's pretty traumatic and normally results in a large tear/failure of the condom.  You've said that this never happened.  But you did take the condoms and fill them with water, etc.  Frankly, this is suspect because condoms aren't designed to be inspected after use..... so you very likely came into contact with cum here..... if you had a fresh cut on your fingers this could be an exposure route.  A fresh cut would have to not be scabbed over..... so it's unlikely..... but stranger things have happened.  There is a definate exposure risk to inspecting used condoms..... they are designed to be used and thrown in the trash.  At a sleazy place like a tricks, bathhouse, or bookstore they should be thrown on the floor...... only if you like to harass the staff.   LOL.

3) Lube.  I can't tell you how many times I've been to a bathhouse or bookstore and had someone insist on using a condom.... without lube.  What the hell.  Why not just wrap your pecker in sandpaper?  This normally stems from not wanting to pay for lube.  So if you used a condom without lube then you can pretty much guarantee it ripped your ass up.  Spit with a condom doesn't qualify as lube in my opinion.

I'm betting on number 1  or 3 here btw.  I'm not saying I'm a slut.... but this isn't my first rodeo.   :D  I just don't know very many guys who start off with a condom from the get go.... usually there is some foreplay and a negotiation to cover it.

So... now let's turn around and look for a root cause.

At the end of the day *you* chose to engage in sex.  Nothing wrong with that.  But it has risk.  You chose to use a condom to *reduce* the risk.  Despite that, you still became poz.  That isn't the condom's fault.  It just means the risk wasn't entirely eliminated.  So who is responsible for you being poz?  Really..... who?  It is not something like your partner lying to you and violating your long term trust........ so ?  Btw, if you went to a bathhouse, the stats there are about 50/50 poz to neg.... and sometimes more poz.  So.... ultimately, who chose to engage in the sexual activity that used a condom to REDUCE the risk of HIV transmission?  That is the person who is responsible for your HIV infection.  And I better not here Santa or the Wicked Witch of the West unless it's Halloween and you're dressed up!
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

 


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