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Author Topic: Disclosure...  (Read 3042 times)

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Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Disclosure...
« on: January 25, 2010, 08:39:45 PM »
So...I've recently decided I'm kinda interested in dating again, but I'm in the middle of nowhere so my options are limited.

I have a profile on gay.com and manhunt, but both of them have my hiv status as negative.  While I don't want people to believe I'm negative, I don't want people to know I'm positive until I'm ready to tell them.  If I change the status or remove the status identifier at all it pretty much makes it a moot point.  Anyone have any advice for this?  I'm just not ready for everyone I know to know I'm positive yet.

Offline phildinftlaudy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,965
  • sweet Ann what you think babe...
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #1 on: January 25, 2010, 08:53:07 PM »
Hi Hellraiser -
I have a profile on one site and I didn't list positive or negative, the same as I didn't list my income or occupation.  That way it leaves it open for discussion.  I contemplated putting negative for a brief moment but didn't want any future issues if i did meet "mr right" --- also, in this crazy world with some of the laws regarding failure to disclose, i didn't want to worry about someone having ammunition that i had provided to come at me --- not putting a status, as I said gives us a good area for discussion in developing a relationship.
September 13, 2008 - diagnosed +
Labs:
Date    CD4    %   VL     Date  CD4  %   VL
10/08  636    35  510   9/09 473  38 2900  12/4/09 Atripla
12/09  540    30    60   
12/10  740    41  <48   
8/11    667    36  <20  
03/12  1,041  42  <20
05/12  1,241  47  <20
08/12   780    37  <20
11/12   549    35  <20
02/12  1,102  42  <20
11/12   549    35  <20

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #2 on: January 25, 2010, 08:59:11 PM »
Hi Hellraiser -
I have a profile on one site and I didn't list positive or negative, the same as I didn't list my income or occupation.  That way it leaves it open for discussion.  I contemplated putting negative for a brief moment but didn't want any future issues if i did meet "mr right" --- also, in this crazy world with some of the laws regarding failure to disclose, i didn't want to worry about someone having ammunition that i had provided to come at me --- not putting a status, as I said gives us a good area for discussion in developing a relationship.

The problem with this is I had these profiles before I was positive, changing them now (for anyone who is observant) is a surefire indicator.

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,020
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #3 on: January 25, 2010, 09:20:23 PM »
What would you do in a bath house?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #4 on: January 25, 2010, 09:28:00 PM »
Talk the night away and avoid the issue? LOL

I've never been to a bathhouse I'm one of those relationship type boys.  I just live in the rural south so I have to get creative with venues for meeting people.  I definitely shouldn't be on manhunt.

If the idea of sex is imminent I would disclose as I would never let someone be ignorant about what they were potentially getting into.

Offline megasept

  • Member
  • Posts: 478
  • Steven here...
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #5 on: January 25, 2010, 09:28:55 PM »
The problem with this is I had these profiles before I was positive, changing them now (for anyone who is observant) is a surefire indicator.

Hellraiser: Tricking someone won't get you anyone or anything of substance. Non-disclosure (silence) on the site is a good step for you today. Later, you might see the genuine advantages of stating your status. Telling the truth will get you a few fans (negative as well as positive).

I wouldn't lie awake at night worrying about the surefire indicator. Wasted energy.

-Steven (aka  8) megasept)

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #6 on: January 25, 2010, 09:32:43 PM »
Hellraiser: Tricking someone won't get you anyone or anything of substance. Non-disclosure (silence) on the site is a good step for you today. Later, you might see the genuine advantages of stating your status. Telling the truth will get you a few fans (negative as well as positive).

I wouldn't lie awake at night worrying about the surefire indicator. Wasted energy.

-Steven (aka  8) megasept)

Y'all are right and I know you are.  By leaving it negative I know I'm advertising falsely and I despise lying.  I guess I just needed a push in the right direction.

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,166
  • your ramblings bore Yamaguchi Kitteh
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #7 on: January 25, 2010, 09:47:23 PM »
If you don't want to come right out and say your poz on these sites I would just leave it blank, but then you will probably get the "whats your status" question in one of the first few PM's. So you need to be prepared to disclose at that point because you don't want to lie to a possible Mr. Right.

Those sites bring up so many tough situations if you don't outwardly declare your status.

So I guess what I'm saying is I don't know. Glad I could help  :D

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,020
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #8 on: January 25, 2010, 09:52:49 PM »
People meet Mr. Right on Manhunt?  All I see are tweakers.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Rev. Moon

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,782
  • Smart ass faggot ©
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #9 on: January 25, 2010, 10:05:55 PM »
People meet Mr. Right on Manhunt?  All I see are tweakers.

Ah-men!  I've yet to learn of anyone who's met their Romeo thanks to that website.  Even the more (supposedly) relationship-inclined adam4adam is no more than a breeding ground for people who simply want to just fuck 'n' run, Liz Phair style.

Hellraiser, it is best to just leave it blank.  The correct assumption for anyone who contacts you should be that you might be poz.  If they ask --and you disclose-- and then they stop responding you just move on to the next candidate.

"I have tried hard--but life is difficult, and I am a very useless person. I can hardly be said to have an independent existence. I was just a screw or a cog in the great machine I called life, and when I dropped out of it I found I was of no use anywhere else."

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #10 on: January 25, 2010, 10:11:14 PM »
Ah-men!  I've yet to learn of anyone who's met their Romeo thanks to that website.  Even the more (supposedly) relationship-inclined adam4adam is no more than a breeding ground for people who simply want to just fuck 'n' run, Liz Phair style.

Hellraiser, it is best to just leave it blank.  The correct assumption for anyone who contacts you should be that you might be poz.  If they ask --and you disclose-- and then they stop responding you just move on to the next candidate.



Yeah I already (within 30 minutes of posting this) changed both profiles.

Offline Angel-Ronnie

  • Member
  • Posts: 434
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #11 on: January 25, 2010, 11:39:51 PM »
Well I think it is how you want to deal with it, i had profiles on manhunt and gaydar and on both i disclosed my status i made more contact with guys than what i did thought would run. I was shocked to see the response i had and guys i thought was negative was actually positive but indicated their status as negative. I never had any issues or related crap as most people on those site's should be seen as being positive. that is what we do is to assume they are negative just because their profiles states that.

Bide the Wiccan law ye must,
In perfect love and perfect trust
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill
An' ye harm none, do what ye will.

What ye send forth comes back to thee,
so ever mind the Law of three,
follow this with mind and heart,
Merry ye meet, and merry ye part.

Offline GNYC09

  • Member
  • Posts: 702
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #12 on: January 26, 2010, 12:07:29 AM »
So...I've recently decided I'm kinda interested in dating again, but I'm in the middle of nowhere so my options are limited.

I have a profile on gay.com and manhunt, but both of them have my hiv status as negative.  While I don't want people to believe I'm negative, I don't want people to know I'm positive until I'm ready to tell them.  If I change the status or remove the status identifier at all it pretty much makes it a moot point.  Anyone have any advice for this?  I'm just not ready for everyone I know to know I'm positive yet.

hmmm, it's hard to give advice without seeing your gay.com and manhunt profiles...
(Im just kidding!)

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #13 on: January 26, 2010, 12:19:53 AM »
They're super secret...

Hellraiser on manhunt
Heiiraiser on gay.com   (i's not L's)

pretty plain really.

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #14 on: January 26, 2010, 12:39:05 AM »
They're super secret...

Hellraiser on manhunt
Heiiraiser on gay.com   (i's not L's)

pretty plain really.

Holey frickin crap dude.  You look like me when I was younger.  Pre-dread of course!  I need to get a scanner and scan some photos to prove it.  Fuck man that shit's scary.... who's your daddy?
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline wow1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 208
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #15 on: January 26, 2010, 12:44:48 AM »
amen ... i have nothing but contempt for MH ... that site has contributed so of the biggest pain i've ever encountered in my life .. it should come with a warning ... "use only if you are desperate, drug induced, suicidal or a pathetic mess, some exceptions may apply" ...


Offline wow1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 208
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #16 on: January 26, 2010, 12:46:30 AM »
hell, rural south? where are you? cause i'm in the south ...

totaly understand about the relationshp boy thing .. everyone i meet assumes that if i have hiv then i have to have gotten it from drugs or sleeping around (never done drugs and yeah, i've slept around) ... so many seem shocked when i say i got it from a monogomous relationship with a liar ... and gasp, i didn't cheat or do drugs ...


Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #17 on: January 26, 2010, 12:55:12 AM »
Mississippi/Louisiana.

Skeebo my dad is from Baton Rouge and he was born in 49.  Maybe you're my brother! :D

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #18 on: January 26, 2010, 03:02:29 AM »
congrats on changing your profile type. and yes, people will find out. and sooner or later you will find that your dont care cause they dont have shit on you.

when i used to have a profile on a4a, manhunt, gay.com and the others it did not show my status once i became positive. then on a4a i posted a body shot and my status. got a lot of hits. i assume that most of the people who dont list their status are positive but you never really know, it's like the bathhouse rule. have you tried the personals here, hivnet or the other one (there are a number of poz dating sites, just google it)?

i met a guy at a bar once (coyly smiles). wait, it wasnt a bar, but thats not the point. we went on like 4 dates and i disclosed. we continued to date...then things went down hill. i still see him around and i have a feeling he tells others at the bars that im poz cause he's a bitter but physically gorgeous and well endowed man. don't know why he's bitter, but that's another story.

anyhow, so i think he told these guys i ended up "hanging out" with one night after the bar. turns out one of them was positive too. hehehe. my status, your status, our status. is our business and we have nothing to be ashamed of. i'm not gonna broadcast it from the mountain top but the person that tries to make me feel less because of it is sure in for a rude awakening.

wow, i guess i lost the moral while teliing the story. happy you changed your profile. it wont come back to bite you. ...cause if they're assholes you dont really want them in ur life.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,509
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #19 on: January 26, 2010, 06:59:00 AM »
Well if you have a face pic on your profile, that anyone surfing can access, the public for instance, then if you put positive you are outing yourself to whoever should be perverted to go snooping - colleagues, friends, enemies.
If the choices are HIV+, HIV-, and nothing, and nothing is assumed to mean HIV+ but not confirmed, then just put nothing.
Also, if someone asks you while chatting why you wrote nothing - you don't have to answer because I'm positive.  You could still answer,"its no stranger's business".  This is all assuming you dont simply want to say HIV+ yeah.
Or, you could say, "I talk about private matters to lovers, but not strangers".  


The one thing that is indefensible (but maybe human) is to advertise you are HIV- on a hookup site, if you are HIV+.
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Nestor

  • Member
  • Posts: 430
  • What we love, we shall grow to resemble.
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #20 on: January 26, 2010, 07:02:30 AM »

For this reason I recommend (and praise and applaud) gaydar.co.uk.  The only site that I know of that does not ask for one's HIV status anywhere in the profile.
Summer 2004--became HIV+
Dec. 2005--found out

Date          CD4    %       VL
Jan. '06    725    25      9,097
Nov. '06    671    34     52,202
Apr. '07    553    30      24,270
Sept. '07  685    27       4,849
Jan. '08    825    29       4,749
Mar. '08    751    30     16,026
Aug. '08    653    30       3,108
Oct. '08     819    28     10,046
Jan '09      547    31     13,000
May '09     645   25        6,478
Aug. '09    688   30      19,571
Nov. '09     641    27       9,598
Feb. '10     638    27       4,480
May '10      687      9    799,000 (CMV)
July '10      600     21      31,000
Nov '10      682     24     15,000
June '11     563    23     210,000 (blasto)
July  '11      530    22      39,000
Aug '11      677     22      21,000
Sept. '12    747     15      14,000

Offline Angel-Ronnie

  • Member
  • Posts: 434
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #21 on: January 26, 2010, 07:38:59 AM »
as far as i know gaydar does have a section for status when registering. how i know is that i also had a profile and had my status on there had many people approach me, even disclosing made  a difference to me and the acceptance of many whom i am still friends with.
Bide the Wiccan law ye must,
In perfect love and perfect trust
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill
An' ye harm none, do what ye will.

What ye send forth comes back to thee,
so ever mind the Law of three,
follow this with mind and heart,
Merry ye meet, and merry ye part.

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #22 on: January 26, 2010, 11:30:19 AM »
fallenangel - are you male?
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Nestor

  • Member
  • Posts: 430
  • What we love, we shall grow to resemble.
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #23 on: January 26, 2010, 02:09:48 PM »
1. No profile I have ever seen on gaydar has ever included HIV status, and as it's obviously an issue in my life I think I would have noticed.  2. I have just looked at the profile settings and I have not seen anything about HIV.  Now, it's certainly possible that it's there somewhere "plain as the nose on one's face" and I happen to have a blind spot and not to have noticed it, but that's a little unlikely.  And just to double check, I've just now looked at the profiles of the first five men in the the New York room--no HIV status. 

Of course there is a space for free information, so somebody could volunteer his status there. 
Summer 2004--became HIV+
Dec. 2005--found out

Date          CD4    %       VL
Jan. '06    725    25      9,097
Nov. '06    671    34     52,202
Apr. '07    553    30      24,270
Sept. '07  685    27       4,849
Jan. '08    825    29       4,749
Mar. '08    751    30     16,026
Aug. '08    653    30       3,108
Oct. '08     819    28     10,046
Jan '09      547    31     13,000
May '09     645   25        6,478
Aug. '09    688   30      19,571
Nov. '09     641    27       9,598
Feb. '10     638    27       4,480
May '10      687      9    799,000 (CMV)
July '10      600     21      31,000
Nov '10      682     24     15,000
June '11     563    23     210,000 (blasto)
July  '11      530    22      39,000
Aug '11      677     22      21,000
Sept. '12    747     15      14,000

Offline tednlou2

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,840
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #24 on: January 26, 2010, 08:10:08 PM »
I like your new pic.  Where are you located again?  Come up for the Derby in May.  There are a lot of hotties here during that time. 

Offline MWCLTonline

  • Member
  • Posts: 33
    • Windows Live Spaces - MWCLTonline
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #25 on: January 26, 2010, 09:24:43 PM »
Hi All!
I came out the 1st time in '78 & my Mom sd I cudn't live in her house & be that way!  I moved, now we are closer than ever and she'll be 80 in December...  The 2nd coming OUT was easy & I haven't regretted or looked back....  My gay.com ad tells all "Gumbalux", come to think of it shows all too!  I had my first trick in years & I was blown away 2 weeks ago!  TODAY!? I'm running for City Commissioner...

Michael

http://feeds.feedburner.com/MWCLTonline
"HIV is something you live with every day for the rest of your life. You may never die of It, but you will always die with it..."

Offline Angel-Ronnie

  • Member
  • Posts: 434
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #26 on: January 26, 2010, 11:43:29 PM »
fallenangel - are you male?

ok i will upload a pic that you can see D please don't run.......LOL
Bide the Wiccan law ye must,
In perfect love and perfect trust
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill
An' ye harm none, do what ye will.

What ye send forth comes back to thee,
so ever mind the Law of three,
follow this with mind and heart,
Merry ye meet, and merry ye part.

Offline Hellraiser

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,136
  • Semi-misanthropic
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #27 on: January 27, 2010, 12:18:54 AM »
You're handsome.  I'd hit it.

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #28 on: January 27, 2010, 12:25:48 AM »
fallen angel...did it hurt when u fell from heaven?

im sucker for the cheese.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline Angel-Ronnie

  • Member
  • Posts: 434
Re: Disclosure...
« Reply #29 on: January 27, 2010, 01:49:05 AM »
Thank you guys *blush*

Bide the Wiccan law ye must,
In perfect love and perfect trust
Eight words the Wiccan Rede fulfill
An' ye harm none, do what ye will.

What ye send forth comes back to thee,
so ever mind the Law of three,
follow this with mind and heart,
Merry ye meet, and merry ye part.

 


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