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Author Topic: I'm worried and need help...  (Read 5665 times)

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Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
I'm worried and need help...
« on: August 21, 2006, 09:55:24 PM »
Hello,

Where do I start. I have been engaging in sex with other guys for about 5 years now. I can probably guess the number to be around 40 - 50 different guys during that 5 years.

The thing is that all of my encounters have either been mutual masturbation or receiving oral (always with a condom on). There was one time I gave oral to another guy (with a condom on) and there was one time I was the inserter for anal sex (also with a condom on).

I have read alot at this site and the information is great to read and I really feel good about the service you provide to other people with their concerns. Especially when it feels like it keep dragging on (I have read alot of other peoples posts).

Well, here is my post and I hope that it may be used for other people to reference if they are in a similar situation as I am.

My concerns are as follows:

1) When I did do oral on the guy, he was rubbing his pre-cum with his finger. Then I proceeded to put a latex condom on his penis. Then he touched the condom with the finger he had pre-cum on. I in turn proceeded to do oral on him. It didn't last long because I couldn't do it and I stopped pretty quick. The rubber didn't taste good so I proceed to spit whatever taste was in my mouth. I then started to freak out about the idea of pre-cum containing HIV virus. Can someone clear me up on this as to my risk.

2) I did insertive anal one time and I put a condom on my penis before penetrating. It was dark and the other guy decided to put some lubricant on my latex condom, I didn't get to see what he put on, and before I knew it I was inserting into his anus. I didn't stay in to long because I ejaculated into the condom and immediately pulled out. I later went back to find the condom the next day (by the way this happen at a park) and I found it. I proceeded to take it to a bathroom and fill it up with water. I found the condom to be intact and the water didn't leak out. I then threw the condom away into the toiler and flush it. My question here is what was my risk on this situation. This too is freaking me out.

3) On one occasion, I was receiving oral from another guy (of course with a latex condom on). He then stop and I looked down and saw blood on the outside of the condom. I then pulled the condom off, ejaculated and left. Was I at risk on this occasion?

You see, whenever I have oral, I put a condom on always because I have no idea whether the person who is going to give it to me is HIV + or - . So therefore, I have to assume they are all positive and I need to be protected. But as I searched the Internet (Damn the Internet), I have come across so many different stories, like condoms aren't likely to prevent HIV and some say they are an effective barrier. Please clear this up for me.

Whenever I receive oral, I would put the condom on before any insertion into the mouth, and before I would come, I would mostly (about 90% of the time) pull out, take the condom off and see if the tip of my penis is dry, then I would ejaculate. Is this strange of me?

Also, if the person doesn't to do oral on me, they would sometimes do masturbation and I would sometimes return the favor. I have had a couple of times when the cum would get on my hands, but I never noticed any open wounds on my hands, maybe a scatch here of there, but nothing big. If the cum was to come in contact with that scatch, would I be at risk?

Lastly (whew!), I was wondering about saliva. During some of my oral sessions, some saliva would come in contact on my shaft underneath the condom, or on my testicles. I know saliva is not that big of deal, but why? If HIV is noticed in saliva, how much would it take for an infection.

I really do appreciate this forum to let me get this off my back. I read Ann's suggestions to be checked every year for STD's and I totally agree. But here I am after 5 years, and I feel that with the amount of guys I have been with, that it's a hopeless cause. I was thinking of getting a test tomorrow. Do you think it's still warranted with what I wrote or am I being just being a overly anxious guy regarding this.

I would like some people to respond to this. I will be checking back later.

By the way Ann, I know your positive and your partner is negative. How long have you guys been that way? I take it you practice safe sex all the time. I hope I'm not being to forward on that.

Thank you all for your time.

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2006, 10:00:07 PM »
I don't see a risk in anything that you have posted.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2006, 05:36:10 AM »
tronix,

Not only is saliva not infectious, but it also contains over a dozen proteins and enzymes that actually destroy the outer covering of the virus and render it unable to infect.

You need to read the Welcome Thread and follow the links to the Transmission Lesson. There you will read about the serodiscordant couples studies.

There have been long-term studies of couples where one is positive and one is negative. In the couples who used condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, but not for oral activities, not one of the negative partners became infected with hiv. Not one. This shows us two things. One, condoms are very effective for the prevention of hiv transmission. Two, oral sex is much lower risk than previously believed. We now have the evidence that oral sex is a very low risk activity where hiv transmission is concerned.

You've been doing all the right things - and the condom use during oral would be said by some to be overkill, but you need to do what makes YOU comfortable.

And by the way, the lube you're worried about - you need to use lube for anal penetration because it helps the condom remain intact. Your bottom in that case was using lube to protect himself, so it's highly unlikely he wasn't using the correct kind. He didn't want the condom to break and possibly be infected by YOU.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence. The stuff you read on the internet about condoms not preventing hiv is a load of rubbish, put out by religious or other groups who don't want people to have sexual relationships outside heterosexual marriage. Don't bother with their scaremongering. Stick with us - you'll only get the scientific facts here, not myths, urban legends or scare-mongering.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

Although there is nothing specific you need to test over, you should be testing as a matter of routine. If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2006, 11:21:59 AM »
Thanks Ann,

I really needed that bit of encouragement from you and the other folks on this website.

Like I said, I always used a condom for anything that requires insertion because I don't want to take the chance of catching anything.

There were times that a person would say, I don't want to use a condom, so I in turn would say, well, then there will be no action and I would walk away.

I hope this helps other people who will check in and visit this forum and they might relate to my story.

Cheers!


Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,873
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2006, 03:50:42 PM »
It's your choice of course regarding having a condom on or not when receiving a blowjob. Just be aware that trillions of blowjobs later in the 25 years of the epidemic there's never been a documented case of transmission via getting one.

But stick with whatever suits your comfort zone.

Cheers,   
Andy Velez

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2006, 04:07:42 PM »
Thanks Andy,

Yeah, I know it must be "overkill", but it's what I felt comfortable with.

Cheers to all!

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2006, 06:17:45 PM »
I have one question.

How long has this website been up? I noticed the forums go back to April of 2006.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #7 on: August 22, 2006, 06:24:49 PM »
tronix,

AIDSmeds.com was founded by Peter Staley in 1999. These forums that you see now are the latest software which came online this past April - but the forums have been going since the inception of the website.

Ann
 
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2006, 02:20:55 PM »
Ok,

Now I am worried.

I just saw a website that said that if a condom is stored in warm place (like a car or wallet) that it can form microscopic holes in it.

Is this true?

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2006, 02:27:26 PM »
Charlie,

No. The microscopic hole thing is a myth.

However, it is true that heat will degrade latex. If your condom had been detrimentally altered by heat, it would have broken outright and you would have noticed. Please read the condom and lube links in my signature line.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #10 on: August 23, 2006, 02:34:41 PM »
Thanks Ann,

Because there were times I had stored the condoms inside my car or in the trunk of my car.

But everytime I used the condom, I never had a condom break or anything.

I was blown away when I saw this one link that said that exposure to heat can create microscopic holes.  Do you think they actually meant to say that it degrades the latex condom?  I just can't understand how the heat could start creating microscopic holes?

You are absolutely sure that this thing is a myth?

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #11 on: August 23, 2006, 02:54:14 PM »
Does this microscopic thing truely a myth?

Why would this website

http://www.fwhc.org/birth-control/condom.htm

put this in there then? What is their reasoning. It looks like it was last updated on January 2006.

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #12 on: August 23, 2006, 03:11:51 PM »
Anyone?

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #13 on: August 23, 2006, 03:13:00 PM »
Write to them and ask. We have no idea why they do what they do.

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #14 on: August 23, 2006, 04:06:33 PM »
I read the site you linked, and was made sad by their perpetuation of that myth. Even something entirely untrue, if quoted often enough, seems to gather a certain weight over time.

The only thing I can imagine is that people have misread studies comparing latex condoms with lambskin condoms. Lambskin condoms are made of the intestines of sheep, and while fairly effective at blocking sperm, they are absolutely riddled with tiny (not microscopic exactly) holes, through which bacteria and viruses can pass. THAT is why they are not recommended for use as an STD preventative.

Lambskin condoms are difficult to find, and rather expensive. You have to go fairly out of your way to pick one up.

Latex condoms are impermeable to electrons, which are FAR smaller than viral particles. And they are double-dipped, which ensures that there are no weak spots consistent from one side to the other. HIV simply cannot pass through that barrier, even if it's left in the car, in the heat.

sources:

http://hivinsite.ucsf.edu/insite?page=ask-01-08-039

http://www.religion-is-bunk.org/condoms.html

When condoms fail, they typically do so dramatically, as one would expect when a balloon is punctured. They do NOT "weaken" and allow viral particles through. That is not only a myth, but one perpetuated by people with distinct agendas who, I fear, are well aware that they are lying.

Never fails to make me sad to see people treated badly, or like idiots. Never fails to baffle me when I read a site where disinformation is treated as truth. I don't have the strength or the heart to go on a crusade against that sort of thing. My time and my energy is best spent here, doing what I can to shine what light there is.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #15 on: August 23, 2006, 04:27:43 PM »
Thanks for the reply...

I know, it makes me wonder how much more disinformation is circulating around the world (which I bet is a lot), and thanks to the Internet I go looking around and bingo, I see this, and now my anxietites are at an all time high.

I called the CDC and they said call the manufacture. I called the manufacture and I get a voicemail (I left a message).

I never heard of this and if other people can chime in on it I would greatly appreciate it. I am wondering if anyone else have ever brought this up or what?

Thanks!

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #16 on: August 23, 2006, 05:47:23 PM »
Any thoughts on this?

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #17 on: August 23, 2006, 09:25:19 PM »
I have another question.

Matty said something about the website The Body and it seemed he wasn't to happy with that website.

Could someone clue me in on why this is?

I thought that the people there were giving good advice...were they not?

Thanks!

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #18 on: August 23, 2006, 09:29:16 PM »
That's a question you'll have to direct to Matty.

Offline jkinatl2

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,007
  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #19 on: August 23, 2006, 10:04:30 PM »
Do not get me started on thebody. I am trying to be nice :)

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline Matty the Damned

  • Member
  • Posts: 12,228
  • Ninja Please
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #20 on: August 23, 2006, 11:29:14 PM »
Charlie,

I do have a problem with thebody.com. How do I put this appropriately? Let's just say that AIDSMEDS is the best source of HIV/AIDS on the internet and thebody.com blows goats.

Don't worry about thebody.com, just stick with us and you'll be OK.

MtD

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #21 on: August 24, 2006, 11:16:23 AM »
Thanks Guys,

I just thought that The Body with their doctors answering questions was doing a service.

Do they give out bad advice? I thought Dr. Bob was being real and sincere with his answers to questions regarding safe sex.

Someone please clue me in?

Cheers!

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #22 on: August 24, 2006, 01:40:49 PM »
I have a question.

I know I haven't been tested for HIV but say I was to get tested tomorrow, what do you think my odds are of getting a negative result from what you read of my story.

Thanks!

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #23 on: August 24, 2006, 03:08:28 PM »
Charlie,

As long as you've never had unprotected intercourse, I fully expect you to test negative.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #24 on: August 24, 2006, 03:39:16 PM »
Thanks Ann,

No matter how many people I may have been with?

I read that the more people I have been with, the greater my exposure. But like I said in my story above, they have all been (except for two times) me receiving oral or mutual masturbation.

Do they mean that the more people you have been which could lead to a time when one might not use protection and hense the greater the chances of exposure?

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #25 on: August 24, 2006, 03:45:21 PM »
That risk is based on unprotected anal or vaginal sex.

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #26 on: August 24, 2006, 03:57:36 PM »
Oh...thanks RapidRod!

Cheers!

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #27 on: August 26, 2006, 06:27:59 PM »
I have another question.

I have genital herpes.

I have heard that it increases the chance of HIV infection which now worries me.

What if I had an outbreak during on of my mutual masturbation episodes (although I don't ever remember having one) but what is the chances of being infected this way by someone else.

Or in another situation, what if I masturbated someone who had a sore and I didn't know about it. What is the chances of being infected this way?

When they said that having herpes increase the chances of catching HIV, do they mean when you have an open sore and it comes in contact with blood, semen or vaginal secretions, that is where the risk comes involve? What if the open sore comes in contact with saliva.

Can someone please answer this question for me?

Thanks!javascript:void(0);
Huh

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #28 on: August 26, 2006, 07:01:11 PM »
Can anyone answer this?

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #29 on: August 26, 2006, 08:02:12 PM »
They mean when you have unprotected anal or vaginal sex.

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #30 on: August 26, 2006, 08:31:43 PM »
Thanks RapidRod,

So I guess since I had mutual masturbation and received oral with a condom, and if there was a slight chance a herpe outbreak was there (which I don't ever remember having one) then it's safe to say that my risk of infection wasn't there?

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #31 on: August 26, 2006, 08:34:21 PM »
Correct...

Offline Charlie565

  • Member
  • Posts: 21
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #32 on: August 26, 2006, 09:00:39 PM »
Thanks RapidRod...

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: I'm worried and need help...
« Reply #33 on: August 26, 2006, 09:02:24 PM »
You're welcome.

 


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