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Author Topic: HiV concern - please help  (Read 4634 times)

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Offline worriedlj

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HiV concern - please help
« on: January 19, 2010, 08:08:00 AM »
Dear all,

Please can you help me with my worries.

Last week I had an exposure which I believe could be risky. I had unprotected oral sex / hand job where she used saliva as lubrication she also fingered me with her finger, and then semi protected vaginal sex. When i mean semi , it was because the condom slipped off during sex either part way through sex or as i was with drawing.
It was a drunkern mistake which I regret deeply as this women was a CSW on a spanish island. The club seemed a good one with lots of women there. They took payment ny card also? which makes me feel like it was half decent place??
I regret this now and am really really worried about my health. On top of this I have a sore throat and blocked nose now which is also adding to my anxiety!

My questions is this - according to my info what kind of risk do i pose to HIV infection? i presume that these girls look after them selves  too as it's there job?

Please can you all advise , i am worried

Thankyou


Offline Ann

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2010, 09:05:55 AM »
worried,

Getting a blowjob isn't a risk for hiv infection. Getting a handjob - even when saliva is used as lube - is not a risk for hiv infection. Being fingered or fingering are also not risks.

If the condom came off as you withdrew - which is most likely what happened - then you had no risk from the intercourse. If the condom came off during the act, then you had a small risk. However, if it came off during the act, it would have been pushed up inside of her and she would have had to "dig" it out. So unless she did that, you're most likely worrying over nothing. You need to remember to hang on to the base of the condom when you withdraw. Please read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence. A correctly used condom has been proven to prevent hiv infection.

If you feel the need to test over this - and I really don't see the need - you can test at six weeks as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this time. A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point where there has actually been a risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2010, 09:59:53 AM »
Hi Ann

Thank you for a prompt response. Does it matter even if she was a Sex Worker, they often get checked in these clubs?

Thank you once more

Offline Ann

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2010, 10:15:11 AM »
worried,

It doesn't matter who you have sex with as long as you're using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse. That goes for non-sex workers too. People are not high or low risk, activities are. Protected intercourse is no risk, getting a blowjob is no risk, and fingering or being fingered are also no risk.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #4 on: January 19, 2010, 10:17:41 AM »
Thanks Ann

I just tought the prevelance of HIV is higher amongst sex workers thats all?


Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #5 on: January 19, 2010, 10:23:51 AM »
worried,

Prevalence doesn't matter, what matters is condom use. You can have intercourse with as many hiv positive people as you like and as long as you're using condoms, you won't become infected with hiv. Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #6 on: January 19, 2010, 10:29:37 AM »
Ann

Your very kind and helpful.

I shall stop worrying and as you say really no need to test for HIV I shall change my behaviour instead.

Thankyou ann

Offline Ann

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #7 on: January 19, 2010, 10:40:41 AM »
worried,

Just keep using condoms when having anal or vaginal intercourse. Read though all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #8 on: January 19, 2010, 10:49:26 AM »
Thankyou

Just to ask, in you ecperience have you ever heard of anyone contracting HIV from a CSW?

Promise last question as you have been a star!

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #9 on: January 19, 2010, 11:43:04 AM »
Hi Ann

I can see your off line but when you return,

Thankyou

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #10 on: January 19, 2010, 03:35:48 PM »
Hi Ann

Glad you are back

I read your blog today, very moving and interesting, you are a good woman.

Did you manage to see my last question?

Just gutted i played like that

really upset about it

I will never do it again

There is no greater risk hey?


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #11 on: January 19, 2010, 05:34:14 PM »
With regard to your question regarding a CSW and risk, it's not whom you are with but what you do. People often think the risk is greater with a CSW when in fact in my experience they often are much more careful about having protected sex than are civilians.

Ann has already told you all of this. I don't see any serious reason to expect other than a negative result.
Andy Velez

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #12 on: January 20, 2010, 07:08:00 AM »
Thanks Andy and all

Best wishes

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #13 on: January 20, 2010, 07:16:38 AM »
Actually before I go which I will after this question..promise!

If the condom did slip DURING Intercourse so half was without..according to the answers my chances are still very low of catching HIV?

Thankyou for this last final question folks

Offline RapidRod

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #14 on: January 20, 2010, 07:28:58 AM »
Not low but NO Risk.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #15 on: January 20, 2010, 08:01:33 AM »
Even if the condom slipped some as long as the head of your penis was covered you were well protected.

You are worrying needlessly.
Andy Velez

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #16 on: January 20, 2010, 08:31:11 AM »
Thanakyou to all

 :)

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #17 on: January 20, 2010, 09:24:53 AM »
You're welcome. Just get on with your life.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #18 on: January 21, 2010, 12:17:28 PM »
Hi Guys,

I am struggling a little. With all of the valuable help you have given me too. I just cant stop thinking about my mistake and the 'what 'if' My intercourse was un protected for half of it???

My odds are still low right? and this place in spain with many girls , a male bar tender, door man and taking credit card as payment? surely they must have to be screened?? or have a license?

What are your thoughts?

Cheers
 :-[

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #19 on: January 21, 2010, 12:28:23 PM »
We're not interested in getting into What Ifs here. Even if the condom slipped some you would still have been protected as long as the head of your penis was covered. All that guessing about the details of the place you were in are totally irrelevant.

You have no cause for concern. Perhaps as is not uncommon the issue here is guilt of some sort about that situation itself, because as far as HIV is concerned you are worrying needlessly.

Give up the drama and get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #20 on: January 21, 2010, 12:42:00 PM »
Thankyou Andy

I guess I am worried about the situation. It's always on my mind I suppose , guilt yes , worry yes....
Just you here so much about making one mistake and thats it. But in fact the virus is more fragile than people think and it is not always that easy to pick up. Also with stigma around the sex trade and hiv and everything..

Anyway as you and  Ann say..no real risk or need to test so I should move on, that I will try and do

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #21 on: January 21, 2010, 02:00:45 PM »
Good. Life at its longest is too short to spend worrying.
Andy Velez

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #22 on: February 15, 2010, 05:14:39 AM »
Hi Guys,

I wrote in around 4 weeks ago as I was concerned about my status. I must say I am still a little worried..may be anxiety.
My situation wa s I had sex with a CSW in Spain and the condom broke slipped and I also had a smaill rash ( about 4 -5 Spots / cluster ) appear on my chest after 2 weeks. Now this could just be circumstance. My main thing that is keeping me more positive is that many people say that CSW have regular checks , especially when they are working in controlled clubs with a bar etc and also that many people say it is much more difficult for a a man to catch hiv from a women? So how can this be? and if so how do hetrosexual men get it if there is a 1/1000 chance? In the Uk where I am they say it is increasing in this category?

Can anyone help me with this question and my situation?

Thanks

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #23 on: February 15, 2010, 08:56:28 AM »
worried,

Men who are the insertive partner in intercourse are much less likely to become infected than men who engage in receptive anal intercourse or woman who engage in receptive intercourse. This is because hiv can only infect a very few, very specific types of cells. These cells are found in the lining of the rectum, the lining of the vaginal, the underside of the foreskin when one is uncut and also in the lining of the urethra. Due to the smaller surface area of the foreskin and urethra, there are fewer opportunities for the virus to infect, particularly when the man is circumcised.

Men who engage in unprotected vaginal intercourse can still become infected and this is often the result of the woman's viral load being very high, as is usually the case in early infection or in a long-standing but untreated infection. Sometimes it's just rotten luck. I know several hiv positive men who only engaged in unprotected vaginal intercourse.

You said in your original post that the condom slipped off. It most likely happened when you withdrew. If it happened earlier, it would have been pushed up inside her and she would have had to "dig" it out. If this happened, you probably would have mentioned it. I still think you had no risk.

If you want to test for peace of mind, go test at the six week point. The vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this time. A six week negative is highly unlikely to change. You should be testing for hiv and ALL the other STIs at least once a year anyway. That's what responsible, sexually active adults do to protect themselves and their sex partners.

Keep using those condoms and if you haven't already, read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence. Use them correctly and consistently and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #24 on: February 15, 2010, 09:22:16 AM »
Thanks Ann

So realistically the chances of me aquiring hiv through this episode is low, given what I have told you even if she was HIV pos?

Thanks

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #25 on: February 15, 2010, 09:26:01 AM »
No, not low risk.

NO RISK. Period.
Andy Velez

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #26 on: February 15, 2010, 12:27:00 PM »
Thanks

So last question..even if the condom did split during this experience ..with everything being said..still no risk or extremely low risk assuming she was positive?

Thank you all for your time and help

Offline Ann

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #27 on: February 15, 2010, 12:52:57 PM »
worried,

If the condom had broken, you would have known about it. A broken condom is very obvious. A broken condom is low risk for the insertive partner. I've yet to see the insertive partner end up positive following a condom break.

We always give answers that assume the other person is hiv positive. You should also consider anyone to be hiv positive when you have sex and protect yourself accordingly. It's not just sex workers who may be positive, so may the woman next door.

I find the first post a person makes here is usually the most accurate. People start to imagine every worst fear as time goes on and start adding things that "maybe" happened. You're starting to do just that. Going by your first post, you had NO RISK.

If you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.


Please consider yourself warned!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #28 on: February 15, 2010, 01:04:32 PM »
Thanks Ann

Appreciated

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #29 on: February 18, 2010, 08:56:17 AM »
Hello Again,

Please dont think I am am posting excessively, Just trying to move on.

My partner wants to have sex with me and I am afraid (always had unprotected together for past few yrs)

from what you all say it is unlikely that I have contracted HIV and it is also unlikely to get it female to male / 1 time exposure so in you opinion I should be fine to forget and move on right?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #30 on: February 18, 2010, 09:36:17 AM »
You ARE posting excessively.

You have been repeatedly been told that you are worrying without any sound basis in HIV science. Yes, you can resume having sex with your  partner.

You are worrying needlessly. If you come back with more ungrounded fears you are going to get a 28 day Time Out. Consider yourself warned.
Andy Velez

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #31 on: March 01, 2010, 04:52:31 AM »
Hi Andy

So this is not classed as an ungrounded fear, in response to your last question...Can I have unprotected sex with my partner? without condoms you mean? taking all to count?

Thanks, this is just a clarification question thats all.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #32 on: March 01, 2010, 04:58:48 AM »
What part of, "You never had a risk" is it you don't understand?

Offline worriedlj

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #33 on: March 01, 2010, 05:54:00 AM »
Hi

I suppose the part wear my condom could have come off during intercourse (with a csw) but because I dont't remember its stressing me out.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: HiV concern - please help
« Reply #34 on: March 01, 2010, 08:24:03 AM »
Fears and doubts are not facts. Based on the facts of the situation you did not have a risk. Period.

If you return again about this you are getting a Time Out.
Andy Velez

 


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