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Author Topic: Stupid Mistake  (Read 3151 times)

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Offline hune23

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  • Posts: 8
Stupid Mistake
« on: August 21, 2006, 11:28:30 AM »
I am a heterosexual female who has always been extremely careful about sex and whom I sleep with. I get tested every year, and use condoms with everyone. However, I have been going through alot emotionally lately and I made the BIGGEST mistake of my life this past Friday. I was extremely drunk, met a reallly nice and cute guy at the bar. We hung out for hours then stupid me went back to his hotel room with him. He has just moved here from Seattle,WA. He says he is in the army and was in the Navy but is now working at the army fort here in town. ANyway, he told me he was tested two weeks ago by the army, and that he was neg. I was tested in March and I am neg.We started off using condoms but I was so drunk I dont remember when we decided not to use them anymore. He never ejaculated in me however I cant forgive myself for sleeping with a TOTAL stranger and I dont where he has been and I really just hate myself for it. We had vaginal intercourse 4 times, twice with a condom and twice without. I am soo scared and upset that I have to wait 13 weeks to get a test. I beleived him when he said he got tested two weeks because he really seemed like a nice guy and I have dated people before that work at the Army Depot and they do have to get their blood tested. I am just scare. What can I do until the 13 weeks are here, can I get tested for other STDS now and if I have a test at 4 weeks will that ease my mind???? Also, what are the chances of me contracting HIV from this act assuming he is positive?? Thanks so much

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #1 on: August 21, 2006, 11:54:09 AM »
hune,

You would be best off waiting ten days to two weeks to test for the other STIs (except syphilis, which shares a three month window with hiv) unless you happen to get an unusual discharge in the meantime. If you do get an unusual discharge, get a full STI panel straightaway.

You have had a risk and you do need to test - but wait until at least six weeks as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by six weeks. Four weeks is a little too early. A negative at six weeks MUST be confirmed at the 12-13 week point - but would be an excellent indication of your true status.

There's no way to put a percentage on your chances of becoming infected if he is indeed positive. Not every receptive exposure results in infection, but many do.

You need to stop being so hard on yourself. We all make mistakes. It sounds as though you are normally very careful and that is to be commended. Beating yourself up over this is only going to make you feel crappy - which in turn might lead you to believe you are becoming physically ill and you don't want or need that right now. Try to stay productively busy while you wait for the appropriate time to test. Do NOT symptom hunt on the internet either. Symptoms that you read and worry about have a way of manifesting themselves, so be warned. Symptoms or the lack of symptoms means nothing when it comes to hiv infection anyway, so don't bother looking for them.

Hang in there.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline hune23

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #2 on: August 21, 2006, 12:08:06 PM »
Thanks Ann. I am trying to accept what I have done, and I have to accept the consequences which may come out of this situation. I am making an appt to test at 6 weeks. I have to go and get the Morning after pill today at 2:30 so I will make the appt then. Thanks for all of your help.

Offline hune23

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #3 on: August 21, 2006, 12:10:09 PM »
OH I wanted to ask you can my doctor give me AZT drugs right now to prevent possible infection. I read somewhere that if you start therapy within 72 hours of possible exposure then you might can stop the spread of the virus in your body. THanks

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #4 on: August 21, 2006, 12:31:25 PM »
hune,

What you are talking about is PEP and I just posted some links to PEP information today in this thread. (Please do not post in that forum yourself, it's only for positive people)

PEP is normally only given after unprotected intercourse with a KNOWN positive person. It lasts for a month and there are serious side-effects associated with this treatment. It's not to be taken lightly. All things considered, I don't think it is warranted in your case. You'll have to speak to a doctor about it - but if your incident happened on Friday, it's getting  bit late for you anyway.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline hune23

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2006, 11:03:58 AM »
ok... I went to the doctor yesterday and told them my incident. I am going to be tested September 21, which will be at 5 weeks. I think the only thing that is letting me sleep is that I am having hope and faith in him that he didnot lie to me about being tested. Do you think he would have lied about being tested?? I believed him like an idiot. Also, if I we had sex twice without a condom and there was no ejaculation inside of me, i know you cant give percentages, but since it was only twice and there was ejaculation in me will this lower my chances of contracting the virus if he even has it??? Also, my friends think I am paranoid, they know how safe I am usually and they are just like , " Oh you will be fine, just go get a test." And I am like you know what if I am NOT FINE and this is complete hell knowing that I have had a risk and have to go get tested. I feel alone.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #6 on: August 22, 2006, 06:07:00 PM »
Hune,

You'd be far better off waiting until six weeks because it is more reliable. A six week negative result rarely changes at the three month conclusive test.

You're correct, we cannot give you percentages and there's no point anyway. We also cannot possibly know if this man lied to you. You need to assume that ANYONE you have intercourse with is positive and protect yourself accordingly. To do otherwise is to engage in very risky behaviour. However, even if he IS positive, it is no guarantee of infection taking place. Time and the test will tell, but the odds are in your favour.

Forget about what iffs. No point in crossing bridges until you come to them. Stay productively busy and the time will go quicker than you imagine.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline hune23

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #7 on: August 26, 2006, 08:00:57 PM »
ok I have finally realized I have got a problem, for the past week since my irresponsible act I have been soooooo depresed. I am usually a VERY outgoing active person. I have not exercised at all this week,all I do is SLEEP and EAT. It is ridiculous and I cant stop thinking ,"Well, you have made your bed now your going to have to lie in it." This is horrible. I cant beleive I am having to go through this shit. I really think I need to see someone to help me through this hell. Even my mother has asked me if I am depressed because I am eating soooo much , staying on the computer, sleeping all the time. I have no interest to go out of the house. I still have twelve or eleven more weeks of this. I just dont know what to do. And what if I do test POSITIVE. I keep thinking about how I cant afford the meds, what my family will think about me. I am just in a huge mess. ANy advice

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #8 on: August 26, 2006, 08:05:53 PM »
Seek out the one on one help of a mental health professional to deal with your depression and anxieties.
« Last Edit: August 26, 2006, 08:32:05 PM by RapidRod »

Offline ChicagoTJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #9 on: August 26, 2006, 08:20:38 PM »
Try to relax.   Everyone makes mistakes, it's important that you learn from them.  Alcohol fueled sex is major reason why HIV has begun to run rampant.........so keep that in mind next time you decide to guzzle down that next drink!   This being said, the odds are all in your favor for not contracting HIV from this one encounter.  Who knows if the guy even HAD hiv!  Even if he did, transmission statistics for a one time exposure are low...and in your favor.  Get tested after the 6 week mark and use this an a learning experience!

Offline RapidRod

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  • Posts: 15,288
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #10 on: August 26, 2006, 08:24:35 PM »
Sorry for the interuption Hune

ChicagoTJ if you haven't read the post from Ann here is a copy of it:

After seeing your little exchange in Wavecast's thread and the incorrect advice you parroted in scaredstraight's thread, I'm giving you a stern warning.

1. Do NOT continue to use the screen name HIVsexpert. In fact, I'm disabling it right now. You will not be able to log on with it, you'll have to use ChicagoTJ. I will not allow you to mislead newer members of this forum.

2. Do NOT continue to give advice on this website.

Please heed this warning if you want to continue to have the privilege of posting in these forums. Yes, it's a privilege, NOT a right.

Ann

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #11 on: August 27, 2006, 08:08:00 AM »
Hune, give yourself a break. Beating up on yourself isn't any good. You just have to learn from this experience. Until such time as you maybe in a securely monogamous relationship in which both partners test negative together you have to make sure a guy is using a latex condom everytime. No exceptions.

During your waiting period you need to find ways to stay productively busy. By doing that you will surprised at how quickly the time can pass. When you tense up do the good deep and slow breathing which I recommend. It really helps. Now, get on to something of interest right now including walking, reading or whatever takes you out of your head.

Good luck with your test result. I do think the odds are in your favor but only a test will give you the real answer.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline hune23

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #12 on: August 27, 2006, 12:22:52 PM »
Thanks,Andy. I am getting better as the days go by. Today is day 9 for me. I have given my outcome to a higher power because I have realized there is nothing I can do at this point. Thanks for the encouraging words, and I hope that I will be back to tell you that I am negative. I have def. learned alot from this experience so much that I really am changing as a person. Take care.

Offline hune23

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #13 on: September 05, 2006, 12:01:23 AM »
Hey guys,
 Ok so I have been ok lately however, within the past two days I have had a cold and I am FREAKING out. I know that we cant diagnose HIV with symptoms however I am truly petrified. I am almost three weeks past possible exposure. I have had a stuffy nose and sinus infection that is really bad. I know that yall cant tell me if this is ARS symptoms but I am just scared. I had a possible exposure 19 days ago. I have not had a fever or rash but I have stuffy nose, sinus pressure, headache. I just need to know it this is something I need to tell my doctor since I had a possible exposure almost three weeks ago.Thanks

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #14 on: September 05, 2006, 06:42:45 PM »
OK, so you already know the drill about symptoms. Neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms will ever tell you anything accurately about your HIV status. Nor should symptoms be read as OH MY GOD, I"VE GOT IT!

If you read these threads you know that many thousands of readers have come here with a range of symptoms, some not unlike yours, and all certain that OH MY GOD, I'VE GOT IT!

I can tell you that in the years we have been online the number of the worried who have come here and ultimately tested positive are less than the fingers on two hands.

Most of the time it's all about being worried and not about HIV science realities.

There is absolutely nothing in the symptoms you are describing which is in anyway HIV suggestive or specific. Nada. Zilch.

Sure you can mention them to your doctor. Nothing wrong with that. You'll probably be told it's a common cold or something like that.

You have some waiting time to get through until you can test. So what you need to be doing is seriously working on re-focusing your attention elsewhere and staying productively busy instead of indulging in screaming that you're FREAKING OUT. All that does is make you freak out even more. Get a friggin' grip. Or as immortally mouthed by Cher in MOONSTRUCK, "Snap out of it!"  No kidding.

Cheers,   
Andy Velez

Offline hune23

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Stupid Mistake
« Reply #15 on: September 05, 2006, 06:46:22 PM »
Ok, thanks Andy.

 


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