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Author Topic: Testing With Partner  (Read 2844 times)

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Offline AtMyWitsEnd

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Testing With Partner
« on: December 25, 2009, 01:19:11 PM »


I am very scared as I have been with someone about 4 or 5 times now sexually (oral with no condom, penetration with condom--once without, which scares the hell out of me). We've gone out together and have gotten to know each other, however it's an open relationship. But, I do not know his status. I have asked about it, but it's hard to trust someone's word.

What is a tactful way to talk him into getting tested? Having him test is really the only way my mind will be put at ease.

I'm very scared about the prospect of testing. I've given blood, as that was just something I did before I even met him and everything came out fine. But, my encounters with someone new like this really have me concerned and worried, as I will not know his status until I see it on paper. And, he has told me that he's been with others and had random encounters prior to me.

Just, how do I with great tact get him tested?

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #1 on: December 25, 2009, 05:56:56 PM »
Start with yourself before worrying about getting your partner to get tested. You've had unprotected intercourse which is the only real risk for transmission which you are reporting. You need to get tested at 13 weeks past the most recent unprotected incident.

The only time you can safely give up using condoms is when both partners have reliably tested negative together AND they agree to be in a committed, monogamous relationship. Otherwise whoever is the insertive partner needs to be wearing a condom everytime you have anal sex.

Everytime you have unprotected intercourse you are putting your health and your life at risk. It's just that simple and important. 
Andy Velez

Offline AtMyWitsEnd

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #2 on: December 25, 2009, 07:10:41 PM »
One night, I penetrated him without a condom, due in large part to my having had too much to drink. It lasted about five minutes, and I did not orgasm or ejaculate from the experience.

Regardless, I know that it is a risk to have any kind of penetration when there is no condom on, whether you cum or not.

Andy, I wish I could've been more straight forward in the start and asked him to go test with me before we did anything. That's clearly the most healthiest way to enjoy a sex life. 

I know you've said for me to test myself, but if he tested negative, I would feel a lot better. Something really makes me think he is hiding something and that he was indeed poz though.

Offline Ann

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #3 on: December 25, 2009, 07:28:04 PM »
At,

Since you're in an open relationship with this guy, it doesn't matter whether or not you tested in the beginning or not. You need to be using condoms with him until such time you've not only decided on being monogamous, but also when you've been together three months in an exclusive relationship, using condoms. The window for hiv testing is three months so any test done before three months has passed after the last incident of unprotected intercourse isn't conclusive.

Having said that, you, as the insertive partner, were at a lower risk for hiv infection. The insertive partner always is. However, that doesn't mean you're automatically in the clear and you do need to test at the appropriate time.

You need to understand that your sexual health is your own responsibility. You need to make sure condoms are being used no matter if you're top or bottom.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline AtMyWitsEnd

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #4 on: December 26, 2009, 06:08:38 PM »
The main reason for most of my concern is that within three weeks after unprotected anal, where I inserted in him, I have very quickly come on with severe gingivitis.

I never had this before my risk. But now, my gums bleed very badly, and the crevices by the molars have a stain and bleed.

I read this can be indicative of the on set of infection. I am very worried right now, I never have had bleeding gums in the past!!!! And I always brushed at least once a day in the past, so it is not from bad hygiene. I am very scared right now.


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #5 on: December 26, 2009, 06:40:26 PM »
And if you keep looking for signs of infection you are sure to find them. Although neither the presence nor the absence of  symptoms will ever tell you anything accurately about your HIV status.

The ONLY way to know that accurately is with an HIV test at the proper time.

The odds are still in your favor that you will test negative.

While waiting to get tested you need to make a real effort to get busily productive with other things in your life. And don't bother saying you're too worried to do that because that response is not going to fly here. Just do it.
Andy Velez

Offline AtMyWitsEnd

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Re: Testing With Partner / Bleeding Gums
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2010, 02:35:10 PM »
Who here has had spontaneous bleeding gums? Since I started brushing better, flossing, and using mouth wash, my gums have stopped bleeding, so there was a lot of bacteria in my mouth causing the gums to bleed! More than likely, since my immune system is compromised the bacteria had a chance to overwhelm my mouth and body!!!

The bleeding gums still have to be a sign of Seroconversion, they happened 3 weeks after my risk. I never had them before in my entire life, only after being with this person.

I read online that it is a sign of seroconversion. And with seroconversion your symptoms come and go rather quickly, that's why most people do not realize they have been infected!

I am very scared right now as I read about how bleeding gums are a sign of the "onset of infection" that's literally what one website said. If you type it in, it always lists HIV in the list of causes for bleeding gums.




Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #7 on: January 04, 2010, 03:05:43 PM »
Just re-read what I said to you previously. There's nothing more to add and bleeding gums are absolutely NOT an HIV specific occurence. Period.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2010, 06:44:03 AM »
At,

The immune system is a very complex thing. Hiv infection does not really affect how the immune system deals with bacterial infections, it affects how the immune system deals with viral and fungal infections. Your decision that a bacterial infection means you have hiv has no basis in science.

Gingivitis is commonly passed through kissing. Keep up with the oral hygiene (hydrogen peroxide is a good mouth wash for gingivitis) and see your dentist. It's nothing to do with hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline AtMyWitsEnd

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #9 on: January 09, 2010, 02:06:03 PM »
Since Thursday, I've had a swollen left lymph node in my neck / throat. It was so swollen that my throat got really dry and it was effecting my ability to swallow, causing pain as I swallowed.

I started drinking lots of orange juice and it's made the node improve and my throat too. I've never had a swollen node like this and it's quite odd that it's happened about four weeks out from my risk. The node has gone down in the past two days that I've noticed it, but is still there.

To make matters worse, I woke up this morning with sweat all over my groin area in bed. I normally do not sweat like this ever.

I am going quite crazy right now, very worried. I can't wait the three months and want to know how accurate a Nucleic Acid Test / PCR test would be?


Offline Ann

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #10 on: January 10, 2010, 05:12:35 AM »
At,

If you feel unwell, see a doctor. It's very unlikely to have anything to do with hiv. We don't discuss symptoms here, so don't bother bringing them up again. See your doctor if you want to discuss symptoms.

Regardless of what result you get on a PCR test, you would still have to confirm those results with an antibody test. So don't waste your money.

The earliest you can test for antibodies is at six weeks, as the vast majority of people who have actually been infected will seroconvert and test positive by this point. A six week negative is highly unlikely to change, but must be confirmed at the three month point.

You may as well wait the two weeks for an antibody test as PCR tests generally take two weeks to return. You won't gain any time by testing with PCR - and you open yourself to a very real possibility of a false positive PCR. Don't bother with it.

If your only exposure was the one brief unprotected insertive incident, then I fully expect you to test negative.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline AtMyWitsEnd

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NAT Test & Partner's Status
« Reply #11 on: January 28, 2010, 05:26:00 PM »
On Dec. 30, had a NAT & ELISA test done, last risk was on Dec. 9th.

NAT and ELISA came back okay. How accurate is the NAT? I heard that it's being used by the LA health department to test people on a regular basis.

I gave my partner an ultimatum, told him I wasn't going to do anything beyond mutual stroking and frottage until he showed me his last test

He claimed he was tested in a bath house. I do not go to these, so I don't know if a health department ever tests there or whether he made the story up.

He got very defensive about getting tested with me, I told him we could both do a quick test, like he claimed he did at the bath house. And we could then both move on and not have to worry.

He flatly refused, got very defensive over it, told me that "testing was only done when him and someone else was in a serious relationship"

Needless to say, I would not let him give me oral like he wanted, nothing beyond mutual jerking off.

He insistently got defensive on this issue, when I tried to rationalize the situation to him and tell him to put himself in my shoes, not knowing your partner's status.

I've shown him evidence of my results, but he refuses to show me anything on paper beyond saying he did an rapid test.

I think he is a nice person and do not mind being around him. But until he can test with me or show me results, I do not want to endanger myself. I am happy with hanging around him, being friends. But, he's so insistent on getting down to action.

It's very frustrating for me, I'm quite worried.

It will be another 40 days before I even know I am fully out of the woods, unless NAT testing is the new gold standard?

Very worried over here, even a bit worried that I jacked off with him last night. His hand had pre-cum on it and he touched my penis with that same hand, stroked me. Then he tried putting my penis in his mouth, i stopped him, and that lasted only 30 seconds.

And I came three to four times last night, clearly opening my urethra to any virus that wanted to travel inside it.






Offline RapidRod

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Re: NAT Test & Partner's Status
« Reply #12 on: January 28, 2010, 06:33:14 PM »
NAT tests are not stand alone tests. They have to be followed up with an antibody test at the proper time. None of the situations you've mentioned are risks of contracting HIV.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #13 on: January 28, 2010, 06:43:03 PM »
First of all, please follow our rule and  keep all of your entries in this same thread. I've merged your threads here.

As you have been told before you were/are essentially worrying needlessly. However, if you want a reliable negative test result you must do a standard HIV test at 13 weeks. You can test initially at 6 weeks. A negative at that point, especially in your situation, is very unlikely to change to positive at 13 weeks.
Andy Velez

Offline AtMyWitsEnd

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HIV Rapid Test
« Reply #14 on: April 03, 2010, 02:06:48 AM »
Exposure on December 9th, unprotected insertive anal with partner of unknown status. Followed in late January by mutual masturbation and he put semen on my cheek, I had recently shaved an hour earlier.

Got NAT test / ELISA Dec 31, 2009 - non-reactive

Rapid Elisa test April 2, 2010 - non-reactive, test did the pin prick blood

How accurate is the rapid blood test where they prick your finger? Is this test conclusive? My HIV counselor told me that I should come back when the six month mark had been passed. 

To show my support for the clinic and how nice the lady was that counseled me and tested me, I whipped out my wallet and threw down a 100 bucks on the table toward the end of the counseling. She treated me very well and I told her to use the money however they could in their clinic. I would've given more, but I'm currently unemployed.

Do I need to re-test at the six month mark?


Offline RapidRod

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Re: HIV Rapid Test
« Reply #15 on: April 03, 2010, 05:30:00 AM »
■Please do not start a new thread every time you have another question or thought - regardless if you think your questions are related to each other or not. It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Additional threads will be merged.



■If you cannot find your thread, click on the "Show own posts" link in the left-hand column of any forum page, under your name.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #16 on: April 03, 2010, 08:39:47 AM »
I've merged your threads. You have been asked before to always use the same thread. Don't start new threads.

You have reliably tested negative for HIV. You ARE HIV negative. Period.

All you have to do to stay negative in terms of sexual risk is to make sure that if you are having anal sex the insertive partner is always wearing a condom. It's just that simple.

There is no need for further testing. Just keep using those condoms everytime.
Andy Velez

Offline AtMyWitsEnd

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #17 on: April 03, 2010, 11:24:28 AM »
Thanks for the quick reply, Andy.

For anyone reading this, it is not worth playing Russian Roulette with a sexual partner. In my instance, due to alcohol I did not wrap it up.

In the future, if I have to duck tape a condom to my penis before I get drunk and make a dumb decision, I damn well will!! Having to play the guessing game, isn't worth it.

The partner I was with, very well may have STDs since we never tested together before fooling around. I'm never gonna be with anyone ever again, unless they test with me beforehand.




Offline Ann

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Re: Testing With Partner
« Reply #18 on: April 03, 2010, 11:51:50 AM »
At,

I hope you realise that 1 - condoms are great protection not only against hiv, but most of the other STIs as well and 2 - the window period for hiv testing is three months. If you're going to bareback with someone, you need to be in a securely monogamous relationship and been together for at least three months before a test for hiv will be reliable. 

Oh, and by the way, you mention getting semen on your cheek an hour after shaving, but this is NOT a risk for hiv infection. The only risky thing you've brought to this thread is the unprotected intercourse.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple! Read through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them correctly and with confidence. And :D at the duct-tape comment.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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