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Author Topic: Extremely depressed  (Read 2094 times)

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Offline aferstilo

  • Member
  • Posts: 46
Extremely depressed
« on: December 22, 2009, 02:09:45 AM »
Hi everyone i have not been on here for a few months but i need some guidance... on the 18th was 1st year since i found out i was positive.. I contracted the virus by my partner who i had been dating for 4 years he had  been cheating on me and wasnt using protection and became infected of course i became infected as well.. recently our relationship fell apart he still kept creeping around as he became infected with sifilis thxnks goodness i was being careful and my tests on that came negative... well here is my biggest issue i came to america when i was 7 years old.. im right now 21 and im not legal i dont have my greencard.. but i been living here a whole life and seems that now that im hiv positive it will be next to impossible to get my things together i feel so depressed i trully feel like there is no point to life anymore no matter what there is no good outcome to anything in my life now... I used to be the most positive person in this world but i feel like life just keep giving me this tests that i can no longer handle... i feel lonely and i have no one what can i do:(?  :( :(
1/13/09 CD4 1129/34.2% - VL 22,000
5/15/09 CD4 1300/33%   -  VL 35,000
11/17/09 CD4 659/ 23%  - VL 150,000
1/18/09  - STarted Atripla
2/18/10 Cd4 774- 30% - Vl 1,600
5/6/10   CD4 866 40% - VL Undetectable

Offline antibody

  • Member
  • Posts: 525
  • "every man thinks his burden is the heaviest"
Re: Extremely depressed
« Reply #1 on: December 22, 2009, 02:25:10 AM »
All I can say is take things one day at a time. you can only take care of whats in front of you so take small steps to take care of whats nessacary to keep you alive. I would look into getting citizenship and healthcare. and most of all take care of myself I mean yourself. watch what you eat get sleep and talk to some one about your issues. I was scared too and still am a little. It's okay to be scared but do something to prevent the scary things from happening. One love
Timbuk      <50/ 794  CD4 10/06 
                 <50/ 1096 CD4 3/07
                 <40/ 1854 CD4 4/09

Started Atripla  7/14/06
Switched to boosted Reyataz Truvada 3/28/07

*Ask me about Medical Marijuana and how it can help you!*

Offline tednlou2

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  • Posts: 4,841
Re: Extremely depressed
« Reply #2 on: December 22, 2009, 03:37:01 AM »
You have all of us here to talk to.  I know that is no substitute for a real live person to be there for ya.  Do you think your boyfriend knew he was positive?  I know we are all human and he may come to regret cheating on ya and exposing you to HIV and possibly other bad stuff.  I know when I was in my early 20's, I didn't think I would get HIV. 

You've been living here since 7, but not citizen?  I don't think you said where you are from originally.  America is your home.  I'm not sure what your situation is about citizenship, but they should make exceptions for people who've lived here so long.  If the country you're from has worse healthcare system, maybe you can make a case that your health would be compromised if you had to leave America. 

I wish you the best.  You are really alone?  I can't imagine having to go through this without at least one person to help.  You are young and have your whole life to look forward to.  That's what the docs keep telling me.  I have to believe that.

So, we are all here for you to talk with about all this.  You can PM me if ya ever need to talk.

Ted

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,497
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: Extremely depressed
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2009, 04:03:32 AM »
Hello
Off course you are scared , in the situation you have with the insecurities set off by your Hiv coupled to your citizen status would scare anyone . I agree with antibody,s advice , start to build up your support group, investagate what is around from support groups for Hiv to help re guarding your citizenship.  One contact hopefully will lead to another and then you can get the advice and contact that can help you look at what can be done.
I do not know if your area has a lot off services, but I do know you got yourself tested and found this site to start with, keep on expanding your Hiv group. You do not say your place off birth,  do you have access to others in your parents homeland who have organized to help on Greencard matters.
Take good care and please keep posting, one thing will lead to another if you continue to seek out support, I cannot believe you are alone with the two problems, hopefully someone with experience will post. In the meantime google your area, ask at the clinic you tested, you have faced up to so much there must be some steel in you to continue and eventually you could be the person using these experiences to help others. Sorry in type that does come over as very Hollywood, and I have wondered about leaving it in , but it is a perfectly possable outcome that very quickly if you start actively investigating your situation you will be the person helping someone Else.
Theyer
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline CapeCodder

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  • Posts: 25
  • CapeCodder on the personals section.
Re: Extremely depressed
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2009, 01:49:12 PM »
Aferstilo,

Thanks for posting. First and foremost remember that you are a person that is cared about by thousands of people that you have never met.

Secondly, being an illegal alien is typically not an issue with regard to health-care. As I understand what you have said, you are more concerned about getting your resident alien (green card) status. As the laws in the USA are changing in January with respect to allowing HIV positive visitors into the USA, it only stands to reason that immigration will not be hindered by this either.

Third, you are not alone. Depending on where you are living in the USA, there may be support groups, organizations, or just social groups that you can join. HIV is a life sentence, not a death sentence! Following your physicians orders will help you to stay healthy until the cure is discovered. Finding a friend is as easy as sending a private message to someone you want to  :)
Find a guy who calls you handsome instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you. He's the guy who turns to his friends and says, 'That's The One!'

Offline rick21007

  • Member
  • Posts: 286
Re: Extremely depressed
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2009, 03:03:18 PM »
Aferstilo---in the small town where I work there are many people who are illegals.  I know it is a huge weight of anxiety for most.  I work with many guys who like yourself have lived here most of their lives and have no ties back to the countries of their birth (most are from Mexico or Central America).  I can only imagine that adding this to the weight of being newly diagnosed with hiv is a huge burden to carry, and too big to carry by yourself.   Do you have access to health care, including mental health care?

I don't know where you live but here I refer illegals to Catholic Services or Lutheran Family Services both of which have workers to help people get their green cards.  We also have an hiv casemanger in our county health department who is a great resource.    Even if you are an illegal you still have certain legal rights.  We hand out a booklet en Espanol to explain to people their legal rights.

PM me if you like.  And like the others on this thread have said you have friends here.

Rick

Offline aferstilo

  • Member
  • Posts: 46
Re: Extremely depressed
« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2009, 05:42:02 PM »
Thxnks so much for your replys everyone, My country of origin is chile, i currently have full health care which makes me feel blessed. Im trying to stay as positive as possible just cant deal with the idea of having to depart from home.. Is currently hard also in the fact that i cant find a job with this economy and all there is deff not a job i can find without having all my documents in order.. i am very blessed in fact that i do have a drivers license so i can drive and own a car.. i tryed to go to counselin and did not help much all they did was try to put me on pills which im not big on considerin that i already have to take a pill everyday for my highblood pressure and eventually i'll have to take hiv medicine altho again im blessed my numbers are 1000 cd4 and my VL is 1,000.. Im trying to take one day at a time i just feel lonely since there is no one i can talk to, I am glad that i have this place and thank you guys so much for being there!

1/13/09 CD4 1129/34.2% - VL 22,000
5/15/09 CD4 1300/33%   -  VL 35,000
11/17/09 CD4 659/ 23%  - VL 150,000
1/18/09  - STarted Atripla
2/18/10 Cd4 774- 30% - Vl 1,600
5/6/10   CD4 866 40% - VL Undetectable

Offline CapeCodder

  • Member
  • Posts: 25
  • CapeCodder on the personals section.
Re: Extremely depressed
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2009, 06:39:53 PM »
Arferstilo,

Your numbers are great and you're correct, you don't need to have pills pushed on you. There are loads of ways to combat your anxiety and depression. One of the best things is yoga. Many times, depending on your city, there are organizations that will offer yoga classes free of charge or at a very reduced rate for people that have few resources. Yoga would also help your high blood pressure. I'm guessing that part of your blood pressure problems are due to your worries over everything that's happening in your life. This is a normal reaction for most of us at one time or another.

You have all these people here to advice and listen to you. I know that its not like having someone to hug you in real life and listen to you, but it seems that everyone here is committed to offering a virtual shoulder to those that need it.

As mentioned in a post in this thread, try the local Catholic Services. I also am aware of several people trying to gain immigrant status and they have been able to help due to their vast array of resources. 

Find a guy who calls you handsome instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you. He's the guy who turns to his friends and says, 'That's The One!'

Offline Tim Horn

  • Member
  • Posts: 799
Re: Extremely depressed
« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2009, 07:17:14 PM »
Arferstilo:

Adding to what CapeCodder wrote above, your HIV status SHOULDN'T stand in the way of your Green Card dreams. As of January 4 -- just a few weeks from now -- the HIV ban will be lifted, meaning that visa applicants will no longer be questioned about their HIV status and lawful permanent resident applicants will no longer be tested for HIV.  Until that date, "green card" applications cannot be granted to HIV-positive individuals unless they qualify for a waiver.  However, the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) recently issued a memo directing its officers who decide “green card” applications to hold applications in abeyance pending the final U.S. Department of Health and Human Services rule. In other words, if someone has submitted a green card application and USCIS would deny it based solely on the fact that the applicant is HIV-positive, it will hold off on a decision until the final regulations come out.

Good news, for certain.

Tim


Offline aferstilo

  • Member
  • Posts: 46
Re: Extremely depressed
« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2009, 07:57:17 PM »
Oh wow i was actually ignorant of this law passin, makes me feel 1000 times better about everything.. thxnks for the support everyone!! This is great news for me!!  :)
1/13/09 CD4 1129/34.2% - VL 22,000
5/15/09 CD4 1300/33%   -  VL 35,000
11/17/09 CD4 659/ 23%  - VL 150,000
1/18/09  - STarted Atripla
2/18/10 Cd4 774- 30% - Vl 1,600
5/6/10   CD4 866 40% - VL Undetectable

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,497
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: Extremely depressed
« Reply #10 on: December 28, 2009, 04:04:33 PM »
And its good to here you so pleased, keep on after look forward to hearing your progress,
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

 


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