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Author Topic: Poz Personals - My Experience  (Read 6688 times)

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Offline buffaloboy

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  • Posts: 159
Poz Personals - My Experience
« on: December 11, 2009, 04:41:30 PM »
I would like to meet some people who are positive, as the only friend I had who was in the same position has recently left the country. Also, I'd like to meet guys with a view of getting into a relationship. So, I created a profile on Poz Personals and uploaded a photo. But so far, I've been quite disappointed. The only messages that I get are along the lines of 'Hey! Seen your profile and you seem interesting. Don't have any pictures on this site but look me up on HIVpassion.com/Positivesdating.com/HIVpoz.net . My name is 'userxxxx'.' Hmmm.....

So, I hate to be cynical but are their any genuine people using Poz Personals? Or is it just admin staff from other HIV meeting websites trying to boost their own membership by getting you to register on their site too?

Also, can anyone recommend a good way to meet other positive guys especially in London? I'm not looking for sex hook-ups, just some new friends and potentially a boyfriend.

Offline dixieman

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2009, 05:00:20 PM »
Tell it! I've actually met a few people from poz-personals... a few nice people but, not a connection. A lot of folks just are not into telling the full truth about themselves... I would say most are wishing for what they think their like? if they state nice guy... generally their not... so you have to read between the lines... Everyone has their faults... I have faults of my own likewise... here in alabama its difficult to meet someone for lack of choices.... but, in larger cities like NYC, LA, San Francisco, etc... its because their full of themselves and or just screwed up... not all but, most. so its like with any other dating site... BEWARE! and go with your intuition... if someone says their a good catch? their probally not! lol

Offline jcelvis

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2009, 06:51:24 PM »
I've used poz personals and received numerous responses, especially for the month I was one of the featured members. Larger cities get more responses, I moved to Louisiana and there are WAY less people to choose from and I get WAY less people sending me messages. There's a since of convenience to the whole online dating experience as well.

Your response rate depends a lot on how you put your profile together, and your picture has disproportional weight. People have a tendency to be more shallow when they are scrolling through as list of people pics. Don't put a picture you don't think is your best, because people assume that's the best representation of yourself. Remember the picture you put up online is what you believe best represents yourself, it's not necessarily how people view you.

It's a visual medium, so people will look at your picture and then compare it to what it says. If the image of you does not match the content your less likely to get a response. AKA don't put a picture of yourself watching tv and in your profile say your and active, outdoorsy person.

People take take context clues from the visuals and they will put you in a specific stereotype. And choosing to leave the photo blank does not mean people will spend anymore time reading what you write in your profile. They actually read less.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2009, 06:59:15 PM by jcelvis »
Change the way you view the world, and the world around you changes.

Offline Nestor

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  • What we love, we shall grow to resemble.
Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2009, 06:58:06 PM »
Buffalo, I've been thinking of posting pretty much the same thing.  In four years I've met three friends, or rather friendly acquaintances, through Poz personals--two here in New York, and one from Toronto.  That's not bad, but one would think there would be a bit more going on.  Also, the kind of messages you are talking about have become quite common and quite irritating--the ones I get always have obviously fake photos attached.
Summer 2004--became HIV+
Dec. 2005--found out

Date          CD4    %       VL
Jan. '06    725    25      9,097
Nov. '06    671    34     52,202
Apr. '07    553    30      24,270
Sept. '07  685    27       4,849
Jan. '08    825    29       4,749
Mar. '08    751    30     16,026
Aug. '08    653    30       3,108
Oct. '08     819    28     10,046
Jan '09      547    31     13,000
May '09     645   25        6,478
Aug. '09    688   30      19,571
Nov. '09     641    27       9,598
Feb. '10     638    27       4,480
May '10      687      9    799,000 (CMV)
July '10      600     21      31,000
Nov '10      682     24     15,000
June '11     563    23     210,000 (blasto)
July  '11      530    22      39,000
Aug '11      677     22      21,000
Sept. '12    747     15      14,000

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2009, 07:17:14 PM »
You could always meet people without the aid of a computer screen.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline buffaloboy

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2009, 07:39:49 PM »
The internet is always going to be a bit hit and miss, when it comes to meeting people, so I wasn't expecting miracles in minutes.  But I feel it's a bit of a shame that I'm getting messages that are so obviously fake. It was actually quite a big step for me to put up my picture on a site for positive people so I can't help but feel a little dejected.

I'm just curious how positive people do meet each other, if not somewhere like Poz Personals. Here in London we have the largest population of people with HIV in the UK, and yet in the 4 and a bit years since I've been diagnosed I only have this one friend that I mentioned in my opening post who no longer lives here. It would just be nice to feel we could share our experiences with each other without worrying about the reaction to our status. 

Long before I was diagnosed I had this vague sense that there was a positive 'community' wherever there were people of any number living with the condition, but I haven't found that to be true at all.

Offline buffaloboy

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2009, 07:50:23 PM »
You could always meet people without the aid of a computer screen.

I've only ever really used the internet to supplement meeting people in real life, rather than relying on it. I'd rather meet people in real life in actual fact. However, I haven't met anyone who's identified as positive in the time since I've been diagnosed. Also, there's the obvious point about feeling more 'protected' when revealing one's status online amongst other positive people, rather than to random people in bars and clubs.

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2009, 08:01:14 PM »
I've only ever really used the internet to supplement meeting people in real life, rather than relying on it. I'd rather meet people in real life in actual fact. However, I haven't met anyone who's identified as positive in the time since I've been diagnosed. Also, there's the obvious point about feeling more 'protected' when revealing one's status online amongst other positive people, rather than to random people in bars and clubs.

You live in a very large city.  There's more than bars and clubs.  Find a support group.  And if it's like any large US city there may be non-support group HIV social organizations that have weekly or semi-monthly outings done as a group.  Actually as I typed this I googled around and London actually has a chapter of SIN (Strenght in Numbers).  You sign up for their email "newsletter" on yahoo groups and they let you know of their social events.  Click here

In both of those scenarios there's less pressure to Husband Shop, and more emphasis on simple camaraderie, which then can lead to something more intimate if a spark is there.

Just like before you were diagnosed, the queen who looks like they're trying to hard to land Mr. Right ends up scaring him away. 

Oh, and try volunteering somewhere with an HIV organization.  That's another opportunity, and you can make friends while actually doing something for the less well off.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline buffaloboy

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #8 on: December 11, 2009, 08:17:40 PM »
You live in a very large city.  There's more than bars and clubs.  Find a support group.  And if it's like any large US city there may be non-support group HIV social organizations that have weekly or semi-monthly outings done as a group.  Actually as I typed this I googled around and London actually has a chapter of SIN (Strenght in Numbers).  You sign up for their email "newsletter" on yahoo groups and they let you know of their social events.  Click here

In both of those scenarios there's less pressure to Husband Shop, and more emphasis on simple camaraderie, which then can lead to something more intimate if a spark is there.

Just like before you were diagnosed, the queen who looks like they're trying to hard to land Mr. Right ends up scaring him away.  

Oh, and try volunteering somewhere with an HIV organization.  That's another opportunity, and you can make friends while actually doing something for the less well off.

I much prefer one-on-one settings to groups which is why I've shyed away from the support group thing. I will have a look into SIN though and see what they are doing although it's curious that I've never heard of them.

Oh, and I'm definitely not the 'husband shopping' type!
« Last Edit: December 11, 2009, 08:19:51 PM by buffaloboy »

Offline newt

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #9 on: December 11, 2009, 08:20:25 PM »
This may be a possible start

http://www.meetup.com/plusfriends

- matt
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline joemutt

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2009, 08:42:34 PM »
Met my boyfriend on poz com so can't complain  :)

Offline hotpuppy

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2009, 10:38:52 PM »
I find that the various dating sites are like different plays in elementary school.  Different scenery with the same cast and directing.

I decided that it was pointless to focus on dating as an objective and instead focus on enjoying life and having good friends.  I believe I have a better chance of finding someone to date this way.  The alternative is to sit at home and hunt for a bf... which isn't very happy or appealing.
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #12 on: December 11, 2009, 10:48:30 PM »
I find that the various dating sites are like different plays in elementary school.  Different scenery with the same cast and directing.

I decided that it was pointless to focus on dating as an objective and instead focus on enjoying life and having good friends.  I believe I have a better chance of finding someone to date this way.  The alternative is to sit at home and hunt for a bf... which isn't very happy or appealing.

Well said.  My thoughts are similar.  Plus it makes for a much more sane, calm mind.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline hotpuppy

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #13 on: December 11, 2009, 11:38:13 PM »
Definately.  I actually enjoy life now that I've shed the illusion that I needed someone to make it go around.

Another tidbit for thought..... "If you don't love yourself, why would anyone else?"

Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #14 on: December 12, 2009, 01:13:07 AM »


  I think patience is the key with poz personals.  Here is my experience:

  I put a profile up, I guess around June of 2006.  I think I went by Whiteboy1969 if memory serves me correctly.  I described myself and my interest, but most importantly I made it clear I was on there to make friends because I didn't think I had much to offer by way of relationship.  Divorced going on two years, out of a recent relationship, just receiving an AIDS diagnosis, worried to death about how I was going to get some medicine, having to sell my house due to near foreclosure, and having child support services relentlessly taking me to court in a city I couldn't afford to get to.... let's just say I was not quite yet relationship material....

  Man I don't know if that stuff turned women on, but I got many replies....

   First there was the 55 year old grand mother who made it clear she was only on there for sex.  She was beautiful, which was apparent from the pic she took on her bed in a nightie for her profile.  Conversation was brutal to say the least...  she reminded me of the old Jewish yenta(sp?) I use to see on Miami Beach back when it was still painted with soft pastels....  She was giving me hell about my situation with meds and all I know is my daddy died back in 2002 and I was not looking for another one.  Never met...

  Second, there was this woman, who all I remember from our conversations over the phone, sounded like she just shot some heroin or something...  She was cool, bless her heart, and I loved how she said she is the last person on earth who anyone would have ever guessed had HIV...  I think she was a Puritan or something who had a need to blow me on the first date... her words not mine.  Never met.

  Third, was this cool girl in Orlando who was from Mozambique...  Super intelligent woman and sexy, but had one problem she was married...  after I finally got her to admit never saw her again.

  4rth woman I met was from Jamaica and being that I grew up in a primarily Jamaican community in Miami-Norland we kind of hit it off, as friends that is.  She wanted more, but she had this thing for material possesions... and well I'm not like that.  She was an Audi girl and I was a Dodge Neon guy....  that's like oil and water.

  So after that I forgot about POZ personals...  I went out and bought me some Diamondback Terrapins, had my then 3 year old with me all the time...  and was trying to maintain my sanity through all the other hardships I had bestowed upon myself.

  Then at the end of November 2006, I got an email notification of some action on POZ.  I went and checked out not expecting much and found a flirt from Butterfly1979.

  She had recently relocated from Tampa to a nearby city to take a position at an engineering firm.   I told her I only wanted to meet someone for friendship and she said she was all for that because she had met some real knuckleheads previously who took her through an emotional ringer...

   Our first meeting I cooked dinner for her...  and well I can cut up in the kitchen!  We would talk for hours and share our experiences, which was very helpful for me because I was new to this and she, while ten years younger than me, has had the virus since she was 18.  She was the first woman I could have fun with.....  doing absolutely nothing!!! 

    Everything was so right is was scary...  several times I had to put myself in check and keep from letting my desires take over.  But here is the thing I admired about her most, and the people here in the forums can remember my posts from the time saying so... she stuck by me when I was at my sickest, both mentally and physically.  I was a much different man then who did not have a lick of confidence and did not try to hide this usual relationship killing trait.

   To tell the truth I really just wanted to get my dealings straight for my little girl's sake and just wanted to leave this hell hole that kept getting deeper.  I couldn't see no end to it either, nor could I muster the energy to even try.  I had no fight left....  or so I thought.

   You know what will boost a spent man's inner fight?  Watching a newborn easily gulping down her AZT medication every 4-6 hours for the first 6 weeks of her life without so much of a whimper..... hmmm.

    I still want to be a simple man, absolutely no vanity or wants other than to be the best husband and father I can be.....

   I guess in some ways I owe POZ a little thank you.....

   Skeebo

   

 
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline poz2008

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  • Posts: 11
Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #15 on: December 13, 2009, 08:17:56 AM »
I have a profile on poz.com and it as worked for me.  I met a wonderful man on here. I had a pic posted but he didn't, we met at a movie theater.  We have been in a relationship going on 9 months now.

5/1/08 - PCP Pneumonia - Started Bactrim
8/1/08 - Started Atripla
11/1/08 - CD4: 200 VL: 30,000
2/8/09 - CD4: 285 VL: Undetectable
5/8/09 - CD4: 327 VL Undetectable - Off Bactrim
8/8/09 - CD4: 404 VL: Undetectable
10/13/09 - CD4: 384 VL: Undetectable

Offline Nestor

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  • What we love, we shall grow to resemble.
Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #16 on: December 13, 2009, 05:36:26 PM »
Quote
people will look at your picture and then compare it to what it says. If the image of you does not match the content your less likely to get a response. AKA don't put a picture of yourself watching tv and in your profile say your and active, outdoorsy person.

My favorite example of inconsistency: guys (there are many of them) whose profiles say "I am not looking for sex.  I already have a boyfriend.  I am only looking for friends"--and then have pictures of themselves naked and erect.  Why have a sexually explicit picture if you are not looking for sex?  

And then, the guy who describes himself as a "total top" and whose picture is a close-up of his rear end, or the other way around--I've seen a lot of that too.  

Or, anyone who describes himself as "confident" and then doesn't show his face....
« Last Edit: December 13, 2009, 05:39:01 PM by Nestor »
Summer 2004--became HIV+
Dec. 2005--found out

Date          CD4    %       VL
Jan. '06    725    25      9,097
Nov. '06    671    34     52,202
Apr. '07    553    30      24,270
Sept. '07  685    27       4,849
Jan. '08    825    29       4,749
Mar. '08    751    30     16,026
Aug. '08    653    30       3,108
Oct. '08     819    28     10,046
Jan '09      547    31     13,000
May '09     645   25        6,478
Aug. '09    688   30      19,571
Nov. '09     641    27       9,598
Feb. '10     638    27       4,480
May '10      687      9    799,000 (CMV)
July '10      600     21      31,000
Nov '10      682     24     15,000
June '11     563    23     210,000 (blasto)
July  '11      530    22      39,000
Aug '11      677     22      21,000
Sept. '12    747     15      14,000

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #17 on: December 13, 2009, 06:56:55 PM »
In general I have a much easier time meeting people in real life than on the internet. People don't believe I'm me then they are shocked when they actually see me in person and I look like my pic. I'm like what did you expect?

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #18 on: December 13, 2009, 06:58:14 PM »
My favorite example of inconsistency: guys (there are many of them) whose profiles say "I am not looking for sex.  I already have a boyfriend.  I am only looking for friends"--and then have pictures of themselves naked and erect.  Why have a sexually explicit picture if you are not looking for sex?  

And then, the guy who describes himself as a "total top" and whose picture is a close-up of his rear end, or the other way around--I've seen a lot of that too.  

Or, anyone who describes himself as "confident" and then doesn't show his face....
So true... LMAO! I just roll right by those "tops" with 8 close ups of his rear end.

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #19 on: December 13, 2009, 07:02:03 PM »
I had a profile on poz personals but deleted it because all I ever got was scam emails .

I thought I would try again . I created a profile 4 days ago . I left out all information , its basically a blank profile without a pic . In 4 days I have had 3 emails telling me how handsome I am and that they liked my profile . Whats up with that LOL .

Offline jm1953

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #20 on: December 13, 2009, 08:06:56 PM »
Might try PozMatch.com but there is a fee.  I have met a number of wonderful people there who are good friends, and have a long distance relationship with a great guy going on 4 years. 

Just another option for you!
Positive 25 years. 7/21/2012 Current CD 4: 780 Viral load: less than 50. 38 to 40%
Current drug regimen, Isentress, , Emtriva, Sustiva Wellbutrin, Klonipin, Allegra, Ambien, Testosterone, Nandrolone, Vicodin, Benedryl, Aspirin, lots of vitamin supplements.

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #21 on: December 13, 2009, 08:54:44 PM »
Did I just see a DSM-IV-TR = 301.81 speed by?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Assurbanipal

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #22 on: December 13, 2009, 09:16:22 PM »
Did I just see a DSM-IV-TR = 301.81 speed by?

Nah -- that was an anemone not a daffodil
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline Florida69

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #23 on: December 14, 2009, 11:55:57 AM »
i have had a profile on poz personals for a minute seeking friendship and have gotten a couple responses.  Met a couple of guys, nothing ever really came of it.  I was in a relationship so was not looking to get into anything more.  Recently, I am newly single, I have heard some good stories from folks meeting decent people on there, so I went in this morning and revamped my profile.  We will see what happens.  Not that I mind my own company, but just looking to meet real people, now that is the stretch sometimes.  Keeping my fingers crossed, but have no real expectations.  D
Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race.
Calvin Coolidge

Offline rachel2008

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #24 on: December 20, 2009, 10:15:17 AM »
I did not have the best experience with poz.com personals.  My responses were mostly scammers and I  didn't feel they were legitimate.  I tried www.hivnet.com - It costs $12 monthly but eliminates a lot of the scammers - I actually found a relationship that didn't last, but was able to meet people who are hiv.  Another site is www.hivaidstribe.com - this site it great for meeting friends I strongly recommend it - You will find there is a caring community of HIVers.

Best of Luck

Rachel

Offline CapeCodder

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Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #25 on: December 22, 2009, 01:02:36 PM »
I've had a profile on Poz Personals for about 6 months now and have had several replies. Unfortunately, many of them are from people on the other side of the globe or nowhere near me. I have started up some conversations with some really nice guys that are not terribly far away. I've also had replies that were directing me to other sites, which I reported and blocked those senders.

I've had profiles on Manhunt and Adam 4 Adam but because I don't post naked pictures of myself or send any by email, the responses are non existent and the Poz thing doesn't help. Actually, I don't even have any naked pictures of myself. The closest thing I have is a shot in underwear, which I don't mind posting. I'm also not a 20 something, so that has a lot to do with those hookup site non responses.

I guess that if something is meant to happen, it will. Otherwise, I'm happy with real life :D I use the same name on Poz Personals as I do here and have plenty of pictures on the site.

Find a guy who calls you handsome instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you. He's the guy who turns to his friends and says, 'That's The One!'

Offline buffaloboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 159
Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #26 on: December 22, 2009, 04:46:26 PM »
Well, I have actually met up with someone off Poz Personals now, although he was half an hour late and there didn't seem to be any connection between the two of us. But then, that can be true of people you meet anywhere.

I've also got chatting to a few people in far flung corners of the globe which is nice, but not practical for meeting up. And I'm still getting messages re-directing me to other sites for positive people which is really starting to grate now.

My name on there is TrojanEye (with pics!) and any guys in London are especially welcome to message me!

Offline dixieman

  • Member
  • Posts: 889
Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #27 on: December 24, 2009, 05:13:31 PM »
I love England... its a Wonderful country... buffaloboy wishing you Great success in your quest... sincerely, John

Offline freaky_dream

  • Member
  • Posts: 132
  • mmm
Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #28 on: December 29, 2009, 02:47:02 AM »
I find it strange that the same guys on poz personals will hit me up on a4a or manhunt but not on poz personals. Guess I am good enough for a lay but not to date ha! Oh well I am mature enough now to be past the whole relationship hunting thing. I don't feel like I need to be in a relationship to feel validated.

Offline CapeCodder

  • Member
  • Posts: 25
  • CapeCodder on the personals section.
Re: Poz Personals - My Experience
« Reply #29 on: December 29, 2009, 12:56:05 PM »
Freaky Dream:

I think that sites like MH and A4A are more for hookups regardless of your status. If you take the time to fill out a personal on a non hookup site like here or maybe Match.Com, chances are you are going to attract guys that want more than 15 minutes of fame, so to speak.

I do know that I see some of the same guys on both the hookup sites and here and they tend to do the same things that you mention and that's the quick release and nothing more. Though, sometimes when I reply to them if emailed on MH or A4A, I will say "hey, saw you on poz.com and I like your profile" and that will inspire a better reaction.
Find a guy who calls you handsome instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat or will stay awake just to watch you sleep. Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you're in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends and is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky he is to have you. He's the guy who turns to his friends and says, 'That's The One!'

 


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