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Author Topic: Nothing more than thoughts shared among friends  (Read 1029 times)

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Offline MarkB

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  • Posts: 292
Nothing more than thoughts shared among friends
« on: December 11, 2009, 09:22:46 PM »
Since I came back on-forum, I have become aware of some pain and conflict among people who have long lived with this virus and its effects, and some for whom that trauma is fresher, and still, perhaps, very raw.

I have no wisdom to offer on that: I am still too new in all of this to say anything of worth - beyond, perhaps, suggesting that where people need to be is where they should be, without intrusion. I for one think that is wholly appropriate.

This experience has changed me, as it has, I am sure, changed us all in different ways. As some of you know, when I was infected back in 2006 I was nursing my mother who was dying of lung cancer. Many whom I told turned away: it was, I think, the loneliest of times. I never wanted to live the rest of my life with HIV, and promised myself that I was not going to live that life on medications which might (or might not) work. My choice, I was certain, would be to end my life. That changed when my father, who had Alzheimer's, himself became terminally ill and therefore my sole responsibility. I realised that when I was small, it was he and my mother who had carried me. In the time of their need it was my turn, and I carried them. I knew that when the time came I would have to go on medication simply in order to continue caring for my father until such point as he died. My bereavement has just recently happened. I am still here.

I think that many of us have been through unspeakable trauma and suffering. And to what each of you have experienced, I join my thoughts of a heterosexual teenage student at the college where I work who was recently gang-raped and is now HIV+. He came to me just the other day to unburden, not knowing my own status, feeling that there was no way forward for him and wanting to end his life.

I think of the community in Africa with whom I have become involved over the past four years and where I spend time annually, of whom at least 30% are HIV+ and for whom there is little or no prospect of any medical intervention. Of the tired, sick small boy who sat on my knee and asked me if I could make him better.

I'm thinking too of Mim and her family and their lives, day in and day out.

Perhaps the lived experience that each and all of us has been through, when offered and listened to with compassion and with humanity, can go out to help those who now are where we ourselves have been. It certainly helped me when first I turned to you. For all the frustrations, for all the occasional frictions, may that well of mutual compassion not run dry.

Thank you.

« Last Edit: December 11, 2009, 09:28:17 PM by MarkB »

Offline hotpuppy

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  • Posts: 555
Re: Nothing more than thoughts shared among friends
« Reply #1 on: December 11, 2009, 10:44:05 PM »
  Sharing your experience, your unique story, and your unique perspective are a valuable contribution.

I would encourage you to view the friction not as a bad thing, but as a by product of the process.  It's sort of like taking a hot shower.  Doing so steams up the bathroom.  The steam invariably fogs the mirror which prevents you from using it right away.  Nevertheless, it does not ruin the mirror or change anything.

Likewise, the minor disagreements and friction that you will see in any community are a way of having heated discussions.  They don't change much and in the end the community still has value greater than it's individual contributors.

I enjoyed reading your post and look forward to seeing more posts.
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.


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