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Author Topic: Blaming myself and saying I deserve this!  (Read 2266 times)

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Offline UK_SL

  • Member
  • Posts: 51
Blaming myself and saying I deserve this!
« on: November 29, 2009, 05:16:35 AM »
I keep blaming myself and thinking that I deserve to have this which I know is utterly stupid. Before my current partner lets just say I lived a father colourful life, have lots of unprotected sex and not getting myself checked over. Thankfully my partner's result came back negative otherwise I don't know how I would have debt with it all.

Another thing I struggling with is the fact that my partner, her family and mine are all being so nice to me, it's like I can't deal with them being nice because I don't feel I deserve it.

What do I do?
05/10/2009 ~ DIAGNOSED, CD4 = 8
22/10/2009 ~ CD4 = 11/VL = 430,000, STARTED ATRIPLA and SEPTRIN
26/11/2009 ~ CD4 = 121/VL = 840
22/12/2009 ~ CD4 = 184 (6%)/VL = 340
11/03/2010 ~ CD4 = 177 (12%)/VL = 72
01/07/2010 ~ CD4 = 247 (12%) VL = 76
20/01/2011 ~ CD4 = 350 / VL = 29

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,427
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Blaming myself and saying I deserve this!
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2009, 08:02:52 AM »
First of all, you were just diagnosed and the "blame thing" is natural for some people.  Of course, it's completely counter-productive to have these thoughts, but you already seem to realize that so hopefully this will help you naturally counteract doing the blame routine and it will slowly fade away.  But, if at some point these feelings do not diminish and seem to go on way too long and/or keep increasing, you should consider some one-on-one professional counseling.  Better to nip it in the bud than let it fester for years.

Let's see how you are handling the blame issue in, oh, say six months.  That's kind of the normal adjustment period to a diagnosis.  If the negative thought process is decreasing then in a year it will probably be mostly gone.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline UK_SL

  • Member
  • Posts: 51
Re: Blaming myself and saying I deserve this!
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2009, 10:48:10 AM »
Cheers, really good advice.
05/10/2009 ~ DIAGNOSED, CD4 = 8
22/10/2009 ~ CD4 = 11/VL = 430,000, STARTED ATRIPLA and SEPTRIN
26/11/2009 ~ CD4 = 121/VL = 840
22/12/2009 ~ CD4 = 184 (6%)/VL = 340
11/03/2010 ~ CD4 = 177 (12%)/VL = 72
01/07/2010 ~ CD4 = 247 (12%) VL = 76
20/01/2011 ~ CD4 = 350 / VL = 29

Offline PeteNYNJ

  • Member
  • Posts: 979
  • When life gives you AIDS...make LemonAIDS!
    • Dance for Me, Puppets
Re: Blaming myself and saying I deserve this!
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2009, 08:09:33 PM »
Would you blame yourself if you caught H1N1?   I mean, you did leave the house and all so it would be your fault :)

Philly is right, we tend to blame ourselves when we first find out about our infection.  The more you read and get comfortable with it, that blame game should go away.  If not, get help or it will manifest itself in some ugly ways (feeling you are not worth living, broken, used goods, etc).

Keep talking about it on here - it helps!!

Pete

Offline blackwingbear

  • Member
  • Posts: 363
  • Hello, all you happy people....
    • THE DARK MIND OF BLACKWINGBEAR
Re: Blaming myself and saying I deserve this!
« Reply #4 on: March 08, 2010, 02:48:26 AM »
I keep blaming myself and thinking that I deserve to have this which I know is utterly stupid. Before my current partner lets just say I lived a father colourful life, have lots of unprotected sex and not getting myself checked over. Thankfully my partner's result came back negative otherwise I don't know how I would have debt with it all.

Another thing I struggling with is the fact that my partner, her family and mine are all being so nice to me, it's like I can't deal with them being nice because I don't feel I deserve it.

I went through that too. I think that it is a normal part of it.

Hang in there and learn to love yourself again.
It's all a sham. Politics is a big game, same as the media - and same as religion. The point is to distract & control. If we're looking at what they tell us is the "big issue", we're not looking at what they are doing. In time, there will be different causes and different minorities to pick-on. All in the name of keeping the system going, and the people distracted.

 


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