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Author Topic: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.  (Read 15500 times)

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Offline TheRoof

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Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« on: November 18, 2009, 08:30:40 PM »
Even though I live in Arizona. I tried to make a post on Craigslist saying "Young Poz Guy Here" And even posted a body pic (Which is very fit actually), the only guys that replied where like 6 old(er), overweight, balding guys in their late 30's-40's.

My question is what are some large HIV poz sites besides HIV poz personals. Personally it is the HARDEST thing to find another fit young guy to just cuddle with who is HIV+. He doesn't even have to be fit, just young (18-30) I would feel comfortable dating people who are on HIV+ because they can walk in my shoes and know how it feels to have this.

I am getting really depressed about this. Sometimes I just want to die, but I can't bring myself to do it. I tried to talk to my psychiatrist about this, but go no where.  Anyone had similar situation to mine. How where U able to deal with this. I feel like I have no will to go on anymore.

« Last Edit: November 18, 2009, 09:25:57 PM by TheRoof »

Offline max123

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #1 on: November 18, 2009, 10:14:42 PM »
hi roof.

it sounds like you're still feeling a little isolated. but despite this minor (but seemingly major) detail in the scope of your life, there's still plenty of reason to "go on."

have you checked with your local health department to see if they have a poz youth support group? i would imagine that you're not the only one in your shoes there in arizona.

it's good that you're now thinking outside your immediate age group, as well. i'd imagine that improves your odds of finding a nice poz or poz friendly guy to cuddle with, or even a fb, if that's your gig. again, maybe an interactive support group will help open you up to meeting new people (not necessarily only the ones at the groups, but their poz friends as well that don't attend support group.). the holidays are coming and it's a good time of year to meet & greet. you've got to start somewhere...

adam4adam & poz.com might be cool things to try as well, but of course, more random. i think craigslist is typically used more by hustlers, which might explain the responses to your ad.

good luck  ;)

max

« Last Edit: November 18, 2009, 10:26:37 PM by max123 »
1/86 - 6/08 (annually): neg elisa
7/09: pos elisa/pos wb
8/09: cd4 560, cd4% 35, vl 13,050
12/09: cd4 568, cd4% 33, vl 2,690
4/10: cd4 557, cd4% 29.3, vl 6,440
7/10: cd4 562, cd4% 29.6, vl 3,780

Offline decayingsinner

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #2 on: November 18, 2009, 10:15:32 PM »
If it's any consolation, I met my partner from manhunt.  The absolute last place I thought I would find love.  But by now (if you read my thread), it seems like we are meant to be.  Love comes when you least expect it. Trust me. I wasn't looking either.   It just happened and then things fell into place.

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #3 on: November 18, 2009, 10:53:34 PM »
Thank You Guys I'll try Manhunt and Adam4Adam.

Are those websites free. Or Do You Have To Subscribe and Pay Monthly. When I see my doctor on December 15th I will talk to her.

Should I actually talk to my Case Manager Regarding Finding People In My Age Range? Should That Person Be Of Any Help? If they were to do a "Search" in the data to find people in my age gap.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #4 on: November 18, 2009, 11:21:37 PM »
Case Managers do not provide dating agency services I'm afraid.  I can't fathom why you would think they would do that with tax payer money.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #5 on: November 18, 2009, 11:24:24 PM »
Case Managers do not provide dating agency services I'm afraid.

This might have been un-ethical about two months ago I was having an evaluation done. The guy who did searched my name in the "Data Base" By Age. I peaked over the shoulder. There was a guy there who was 25 that was the age.  I wish I could have remembered his name :(

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #6 on: November 18, 2009, 11:25:39 PM »
You're right, that was unethical.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline newhorizon80

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #7 on: November 18, 2009, 11:28:25 PM »
I agree with what some have said, when you're not looking for love is when it just shows up, but you have to be patient.

Try.. losangeles.manhunt.net  ..you'll get 2 weeks free.. I'm not from LA, but got it from a friend living out there and it worked.  I'm a Manhunt fan, I don't hook up often from that site, but I enjoy looking at the pics and profiles (window shopping).  I usually will buy a membership when it's on sale ($15 for 3 months, versus $30).  Adam4adam is free.
10/30/08: CD4: 486 VL: 13,000
04/23/09: CD4: 456 VL: 8,890
10/27/09: CD4: 358 VL: 6,260
04/27/10: CD4: 413 VL: 7,800
10/19/10: CD4: 416 VL: 26,400*
11/15/10: CD4: 499 VL: 0*
04/05/11: CD4: 521
09/20/11: CD4: 585
03/06/12: CD4: 634
05/29/12: CD4: 643
08/21/12: CD4: 968

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #8 on: November 18, 2009, 11:30:22 PM »
I agree with what some have said, when you're not looking for love is when it just shows up, but you have to be patient.

Try.. losangeles.manhunt.net  ..you'll get 2 weeks free.. I'm not from LA, but got it from a friend living out there and it worked.  I'm a Manhunt fan, I don't hook up often from that site, but I enjoy looking at the pics and profiles (window shopping).  I usually will buy a membership when it's on sale ($15 for 3 months, versus $30).  Adam4adam is free.

Goes To Register for Adam4Adam to find a Cuddle Buddy.  :) Thank U  :D

Offline max123

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #9 on: November 19, 2009, 07:17:57 AM »
hi again roof.

sounds like you're on the right track.

your case manager won't be able to arranges dates for you, but should be able to tell you if there's an hiv/aids support group they are affiliated with, or can recommend. the rest will be up to you.

happy hunting  ;)

max
1/86 - 6/08 (annually): neg elisa
7/09: pos elisa/pos wb
8/09: cd4 560, cd4% 35, vl 13,050
12/09: cd4 568, cd4% 33, vl 2,690
4/10: cd4 557, cd4% 29.3, vl 6,440
7/10: cd4 562, cd4% 29.6, vl 3,780

Offline Jeff G

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #10 on: November 19, 2009, 08:19:30 AM »
Hi Roof ... You mentioned in your post about being depressed . Finding someone to cuddle with can be a nice diversion but I would urge you to deal with your feelings of depression head on with a councilor or therapist . If you are truly depressed you may find yourself revisiting the issue again and again ... date or no date .

Offline mecch

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #11 on: November 19, 2009, 09:13:24 AM »
Ouch!  Hubris of youth. 1) How can a group of guys be in their late 30's and late 40's at the same time. It's not the same age at all, you realise.  Overweight - are you a body fascist?  Maybe you could have taken a date with one of the 30's guys, at least.  And a 40's guy might be an eye opener even if there's not sexual vibe.
Love comes when you don't look and often from someone you weren't looking for.

I had an affair at 30 with a guy 60, it was a big surprise for me.  Before that, I had always wanted someone similar - age, looks, education, etc.  Then I had the "PERFECT" gorgeous kind lovely fling one summer in Paris and the heartbreak afterwards cured me of the "hunt for beauty" and "hunt for prefection." In fact, suddenly I saw everyone's humanity and interest and the physical didn't seem to matter too much.  In a bar or party, of course I'd still be attracted sexually to bombs, but I recognised that for what it was - not very mature way to base a long term relationship.

2) Try the supermarkets of Manhunt and Adam4Adam, you can search thousands and thousands of guys down to the last detail of age, weight, body type, dick size, seropositive status.  
Remember that on such sites, its rather common that guys will announce on their profile HIV negative or "no information/did not answer) -- but then, if you are announced HIV+, they will contact you and admit pretty quickly they are positive as well.  Try not to judge for lying, they are just playing the game. Judging too early will limit your prospects, and it seems to me that you want a lot of prospects so you can get the gem.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2009, 09:15:43 AM by mecch »
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #12 on: November 19, 2009, 10:49:29 AM »
Ouch!  Hubris of youth. 1) How can a group of guys be in their late 30's and late 40's at the same time. It's not the same age at all, you realise.  Overweight - are you a body fascist?  Maybe you could have taken a date with one of the 30's guys, at least.  And a 40's guy might be an eye opener even if there's not sexual vibe.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with being open and honest about one's sexual preference.  Just because you prefer to date people around you own age who are not overweight does not mean you are hate older people or overweight people, just that you are not sexually attracted to them.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline WildcatCC

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #13 on: November 19, 2009, 01:18:08 PM »
Adam4Adam is probably your best bet. I've/we've met some very cool people from that site. One is a weekly tennis partner now. It can be about sex, friendship, voyerism or whatever you wish it to be.

Just create a unique profile that will drive people to you.

Good luck.
Apr  08 - Diagnosed
Apr  08  cd4 8, vl 150k
Meds: Prezista/Norvir/Truvada
June 08 cd4 250, vl 1600
Aug  08 cd4 275, vl 450
Meds: Atripla
Nov  08  cd4  386, vl 255
Jan   09  cd4  415, vl 2100 (spike?)
Feb   09  cd4 460, vl 212
May   09  cd4 515, vl 1200
Aug   09  cd4 717, vl 1535 % 23
Sept  09  cd4 535  vl 1710 % 18
Oct   09  genotype shows mutation. Discussing w/ ID Doc
Nov  09   cd4 480  vl 650   % 19
Dec  09 genotype slight mutation to Epivir and Retrovir
Jan 10   cd4 508 vl 250 (21%)  low vitamin d - on supplement 2000 iu/day
Mar 15 Change to Isentress and Truvada
May 5 cd4 498 vl 1485
June 16 cd4 550 vl undect!!!! (finally dammit)

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #14 on: November 19, 2009, 01:55:59 PM »
There's absolutely nothing wrong with being open and honest about one's sexual preference.  Just because you prefer to date people around you own age who are not overweight does not mean you are hate older people or overweight people, just that you are not sexually attracted to them.

Exactly. I don't think there is anything wrong with having preferences. I'm just not attracted to them. It's not like my preferences are that far fetched. I don't hate older people, or overweight people. I don't judge by physical when it comes to friendship, but I wouldn't be sexually attracted to them.

Basically a guy who is like 18 to 30 (I'll even go to 33 if he is in shape and good looking). It would be arrogant if I was saying stuff like. "I Want A Fit Caucasian Guy Who Is My Height, Weight, Top Or Bottom who is Hiv+. That is me raising the standard too high. I don't think my standard is that bad. At all actually. Just a guy in my age range.
Plus 2 of the guys who e-mailed me had missing teeth. Why would they smile in the picture? I have no idea. Plus they send me photos Naked pics of themselves, and a picture of their cock.  :-X

 Dating someone twice my age isn't very comfortable. Why would a grown man be interested in teenage boys?
I'm only 19. I'm just a kid.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2009, 05:44:45 PM by TheRoof »

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #15 on: November 19, 2009, 02:10:33 PM »
P.S. is there an inbox for Adam4Adam because I can't find one. Where would it be?

Offline mecch

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #16 on: November 19, 2009, 02:38:46 PM »
(I'll even go to 33 if he is in shape and good looking).
.....
 Dating someone twice my age isn't very comfortable. Why would a grown man be interested in teenage boys?
I'm only 19. I'm just a kid.


First quote kinda more evidence for my observation.

Second, yes of course everyone has a right to his own preferences, lord knows. Also, didn't realise you were 19. 

However, back to my observation - well, as I said, when i was 30 I realised that a relationship can be based on many many things besides sexual attraction, which can build as the connection develops - attraction may not be there right away.  Its human to have attraction be the basis for relations that are explosive at the start.

Now I know a fair amount of attractive guys in their 40s who want relationships and haven't had them for years, if ever, cause of sticking to a 19-year old's criteria and value scheme.  If the toothless deluded ones who contact you are of that ilk, you're smart to avoid them. But also, please avoid turning into a lonely one like them. 
As I said, you won't finally predict who's gonna love you, and who you'll love in return. 
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline WildcatCC

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #17 on: November 19, 2009, 02:49:16 PM »
One more thought. When you reject those old toothless gargoyles, please try to do so in a manner that befits class and tact.

Just because they had the temerity to contact you, offend your senses and tarnish your views of dating, doesn't mean you have to sink to low levels and berate them for acting upon an old queen's proclivities.

I'm sure you will rise above and show a level of maturity that even you can be proud of.
Apr  08 - Diagnosed
Apr  08  cd4 8, vl 150k
Meds: Prezista/Norvir/Truvada
June 08 cd4 250, vl 1600
Aug  08 cd4 275, vl 450
Meds: Atripla
Nov  08  cd4  386, vl 255
Jan   09  cd4  415, vl 2100 (spike?)
Feb   09  cd4 460, vl 212
May   09  cd4 515, vl 1200
Aug   09  cd4 717, vl 1535 % 23
Sept  09  cd4 535  vl 1710 % 18
Oct   09  genotype shows mutation. Discussing w/ ID Doc
Nov  09   cd4 480  vl 650   % 19
Dec  09 genotype slight mutation to Epivir and Retrovir
Jan 10   cd4 508 vl 250 (21%)  low vitamin d - on supplement 2000 iu/day
Mar 15 Change to Isentress and Truvada
May 5 cd4 498 vl 1485
June 16 cd4 550 vl undect!!!! (finally dammit)

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #18 on: November 19, 2009, 03:04:09 PM »

 Dating someone twice my age isn't very comfortable. Why would a grown man be interested in teenage boys?
I'm only 19. I'm just a kid.


Let's not go there darling. :)  Well, actually I could go there and psychoanalyze these sorts but I won't.

Pay absolutely no heed to anyone who criticizes your sexual preferences, though I may note that since your first postings on this subject you have enlarged your age preference slightly, which as I stated previously is probably prudent, but only because of the considerations of your HIV status and your more isolated geographic location.

When I was your age I only dated guys more or less my own age.  It's totally normal.  Ten years from now you'll probably do a +/- 10 years span, but getting to that is a progression.  And frankly, aside from the sexual preference issue, it's also about cultural similarities when you move on to the relationship level.  I think that's even a more important rationale.

My only other advice to you is that if you are honestly depressed, do not depend on the company of another to relieve you of all of that.  If you want a relationship it's better to get a handle on depression issues before locating McDreamy.  Otherwise you don't fall in love for the person, but more for the idea of falling in love, which leads to all sorts of negative co-dependency issues as one ages, and that's just not a very fetching trait.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #19 on: November 19, 2009, 04:54:18 PM »
One more thought. When you reject those old toothless gargoyles, please try to do so in a manner that befits class and tact.

Just because they had the temerity to contact you, offend your senses and tarnish your views of dating, doesn't mean you have to sink to low levels and berate them for acting upon an old queen's proclivities.

I'm sure you will rise above and show a level of maturity that even you can be proud of.


Do you mean cuss them out on email saying things like.. "Why are you blinding my eyes with those gross-ass photos. Go lose some weight and get veneers for your gaped mouth. You pedophile enabler" In other words belittle their looks and make them feel like crap? No, usually if someone emails me who is wayyyy out there. I don't reply at all. I wouldn't do something mean like that to them.

edit: Plus I made an account for Adam4Adam. Saying I was HIV positive. So far 2 guys replied. One was 38, another didn't have his age, but he did say he had HIV since 1992. So I figure he's an older gentlemen too.



I think guys in their 40's and fit are REALLY HOT!!!
Gerard Butler and Hugh Jackman??? HELLO!!! I would love to have a fling with one, but I don't hook-up. I one day want to introduce the guy to my parents. They wouldn't be very accepting of it. If they found out I was dating a guy older then my parents. I have close-knit of college friends. How awkward would it be us hanging out, and this odd one out 40 year old guy being in the group with a bunch of kids who aren't even old enough to drink yet? It's the same as me dating a 40 year old being in HIS group of friends, and me being this "college kid".  Do You Know What I mean?


« Last Edit: November 19, 2009, 05:25:50 PM by TheRoof »

Offline leatherman

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #20 on: November 19, 2009, 05:07:06 PM »
"Why are you blinding my eyes with those gross-ass photos. Go lose some weight and get veneers for your gaped mouth. You pedophile enabler"
ROFLMAO, you rock Roof  :D
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline Ann

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #21 on: November 19, 2009, 05:22:01 PM »

P.S. is there an inbox for Adam4Adam because I can't find one. Where would it be?


You misplaced your inbox? ~giggle~ Really?

Sorry, couldn't resist.

When I was your age, I looked to date people who were under 40. Since I've been in my 40s myself, my preference is for people closer to my own age. These things change over the years. You're entitled to your preferences as long as you're not hurting anyone in the process and it doesn't sound as though you are. Good luck, hope you find a cuddle buddy soon. Just don't settle for second best, there's someone out there who will be a good fit and he'll be worth the wait.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline leatherman

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #22 on: November 19, 2009, 05:41:09 PM »
P.S. is there an inbox for Adam4Adam because I can't find one. Where would it be?
because of this thread (bad, evil thread LOL) last night, I signed up there myself.

so the ComputerTutor (my other, other alter-ego) says:
Log in, look at the top menu bar across the site, it says Home/My Account/My Friend/My Mailbox
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #23 on: November 19, 2009, 05:43:10 PM »
because of this thread (bad, evil thread LOL) last night, I signed up there myself.

so the ComputerTutor (my other, other alter-ego) says:
Log in, look at the top menu bar across the site, it says Home/My Account/My Friend/My Mailbox

I'm technologically illiterate. I felt so stupid when I checked it today. The inbox was RIGHT THERE!!! Lol

Offline leatherman

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #24 on: November 19, 2009, 05:53:32 PM »
The inbox was RIGHT THERE!!! Lol
That'll be $25. Thank you  :D jk! ;D
(the going rate for the ComputerTutor's services is actually a very cheap $35 an hr (compared to that horrendous charge the Geek Squad will lay on ya!), but I gave you a first time client discount LOL)

Oh, and since I've over 40, I promise not to look you up and hit on you! ;D :D

leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline GNYC09

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #25 on: November 19, 2009, 06:41:38 PM »

Offline Ann

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #26 on: November 19, 2009, 07:29:15 PM »

because of this thread (bad, evil thread LOL) last night, I signed up there myself.


Honest, officer, the thread made me do it!!!! :D
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #27 on: November 19, 2009, 07:47:16 PM »
That'll be $25. Thank you  :D jk! ;D
(the going rate for the ComputerTutor's services is actually a very cheap $35 an hr (compared to that horrendous charge the Geek Squad will lay on ya!), but I gave you a first time client discount LOL)

Oh, and since I've over 40, I promise not to look you up and hit on you! ;D :D



Lol I don't mind getting hit  on by older men, as long as they don't send me pictures of their naked bodies and semi-flaccid cocks.   :P

hwy11poz

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #28 on: November 19, 2009, 08:35:25 PM »
Dating someone twice my age isn't very comfortable. Why would a grown man be interested in teenage boys? I'm only 19. I'm just a kid.

You are probably the only 19 year old I've seen who considered himself "just a kid". Most want to be considered adults from 16 years on (got a niece and a nephew in that mode). Most of the men I have dated are in their early to late 20s and I am 45; but we have had many things in common, and both had an attraction to each other. Some people are attracted to someone not close to their own age. I do like younger men, but never date someone looking for a father substitute. I also like men my own age, and if a man I have a lot in common with comes along will not hesitate to date one older.

hwy11poz

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #29 on: November 19, 2009, 08:39:19 PM »
Oh, and two other things -

1) I like that you have standards that are not impossible for anyone to meet, and that you don't set the same standards for friendship that you do for potential partners,

and

2) thanks for mentioning Poz Personals. I hadn't noticed it up there, and it turns out apparently that's where all the cute poz guys from my state have been hiding.  :)

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #30 on: November 19, 2009, 09:29:15 PM »
You are probably the only 19 year old I've seen who considered himself "just a kid". Most want to be considered adults from 16 years on (got a niece and a nephew in that mode). Most of the men I have dated are in their early to late 20s and I am 45; but we have had many things in common, and both had an attraction to each other. Some people are attracted to someone not close to their own age. I do like younger men, but never date someone looking for a father substitute. I also like men my own age, and if a man I have a lot in common with comes along will not hesitate to date one older.


 I was making a comparison (Just being a kid) that both my parents are 39 years old right know
. (So to them I'm their kid) So I guess when I get hit on by a guy who is in his late 30's or older. I think to myself "You're old enough to be my father".  I mean my Grandfather is only 57 years old. So I have very young "Family Members". To me it's basically that my parents are young, so dating anyone in THEIR age range doesn't feel right. If they themselves where older maybe I would be more comfortable.

I mean if there was an older guy who looked like Hugh Jackman, then I'll give in. Not going to lie. Though for those reasons at that point it would be mostly for Superficial reasons.
« Last Edit: November 19, 2009, 09:40:01 PM by TheRoof »

Offline leatherman

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #31 on: November 19, 2009, 09:39:29 PM »
I mean if there was an older guy who looked like Hugh Jackman, then I'll give in. Not going to lie.
Sex with Wolverine? ;)
I think that's something many of us could agree on. ROFL
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #32 on: November 19, 2009, 09:49:07 PM »
MECCH was totally right. Guys are responding, though they are saying they are "Negative".

In my profile I say I am HIV POZ Three Times.


This  hot 24 year old just messaged me. He said "Hey You Looking?"

I replied back saying.

"I Don't Think You Would Be Interested In A Guy Like Me, Read My Profile"

Offline Nestor

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #33 on: November 19, 2009, 09:50:49 PM »

Do you refuse to consider a guy who is negative? 
Summer 2004--became HIV+
Dec. 2005--found out

Date          CD4    %       VL
Jan. '06    725    25      9,097
Nov. '06    671    34     52,202
Apr. '07    553    30      24,270
Sept. '07  685    27       4,849
Jan. '08    825    29       4,749
Mar. '08    751    30     16,026
Aug. '08    653    30       3,108
Oct. '08     819    28     10,046
Jan '09      547    31     13,000
May '09     645   25        6,478
Aug. '09    688   30      19,571
Nov. '09     641    27       9,598
Feb. '10     638    27       4,480
May '10      687      9    799,000 (CMV)
July '10      600     21      31,000
Nov '10      682     24     15,000
June '11     563    23     210,000 (blasto)
July  '11      530    22      39,000
Aug '11      677     22      21,000
Sept. '12    747     15      14,000

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #34 on: November 19, 2009, 10:07:53 PM »
Do you refuse to consider a guy who is negative? 

Why would a negative guy be interested in a positive guy. I mean let's be real here. He probably just looked at my photo and forgot to even read my profile.

Offline jm1953

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #35 on: November 19, 2009, 10:12:26 PM »
Even though I live in Arizona. I tried to make a post on Craigslist saying "Young Poz Guy Here" And even posted a body pic (Which is very fit actually), the only guys that replied where like 6 old(er), overweight, balding guys in their late 30's-40's.

My question is what are some large HIV poz sites besides HIV poz personals. Personally it is the HARDEST thing to find another fit young guy to just cuddle with who is HIV+. He doesn't even have to be fit, just young (18-30) I would feel comfortable dating people who are on HIV+ because they can walk in my shoes and know how it feels to have this.

I am getting really depressed about this. Sometimes I just want to die, but I can't bring myself to do it. I tried to talk to my psychiatrist about this, but go no where.  Anyone had similar situation to mine. How where U able to deal with this. I feel like I have no will to go on anymore.



Hey Guy:

I met my partner on Pozmatch.com.  It is a site you ultimately have to pay into to become a member but I have met many great friends through it, as well as my current boyfriend.  It is a very reliable site.  Might give it a try!!!!!

Good luck,

Jeff
Positive 25 years. 7/21/2012 Current CD 4: 780 Viral load: less than 50. 38 to 40%
Current drug regimen, Isentress, , Emtriva, Sustiva Wellbutrin, Klonipin, Allegra, Ambien, Testosterone, Nandrolone, Vicodin, Benedryl, Aspirin, lots of vitamin supplements.

Offline max123

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #36 on: November 19, 2009, 10:43:21 PM »
lol...this has turned into a great thread!

see roof, it's all about getting out there & doing something for yourself. and the next time a guy your age or anyone else that interests you hits you up on a4a, whether he states he's neg or poz, remember that he's hitting you up because your being poz is okay with him...don't start thinking things like why would a neg guy want a poz guy...just go with it. you might find yourself pleasantly surprised  :o

max
1/86 - 6/08 (annually): neg elisa
7/09: pos elisa/pos wb
8/09: cd4 560, cd4% 35, vl 13,050
12/09: cd4 568, cd4% 33, vl 2,690
4/10: cd4 557, cd4% 29.3, vl 6,440
7/10: cd4 562, cd4% 29.6, vl 3,780

hwy11poz

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #37 on: November 19, 2009, 10:51:51 PM »
the next time a guy your age or anyone else that interests you hits you up on a4a, whether he states he's neg or poz, remember that he's hitting you up because your being poz is okay with him...don't start thinking things like why would a neg guy want a poz guy...just go with it.
max

I have to agree with you, Max - I pointed out that I was poz to a guy who hit me up (even though my profile clearly states poz) thinking he hadn't read it. Turns out he had, and he clearly told me it didn't matter to him. That was my turning point - just being newly diagnosed, I had the idea that only other poz guys might be interested in me. Guess I have lots to learn about being poz!

Offline max123

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #38 on: November 19, 2009, 11:06:30 PM »
Guess I have lots to learn about being poz!
  most of us do, hwy. that's why many of us are here...to learn from and support each other. welcome aboard :)

max
1/86 - 6/08 (annually): neg elisa
7/09: pos elisa/pos wb
8/09: cd4 560, cd4% 35, vl 13,050
12/09: cd4 568, cd4% 33, vl 2,690
4/10: cd4 557, cd4% 29.3, vl 6,440
7/10: cd4 562, cd4% 29.6, vl 3,780

Offline mecch

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #39 on: November 20, 2009, 05:21:08 AM »
MECCH was totally right. Guys are responding, though they are saying they are "Negative".
In my profile I say I am HIV POZ Three Times.
This  hot 24 year old just messaged me. He said "Hey You Looking?"
I replied back saying.
"I Don't Think You Would Be Interested In A Guy Like Me, Read My Profile"

Of course if you are a 19yo bomb your HIV+ status isn't going to discourage all HIV- men!
So no need for the "quotes on "negative" - they might well be.
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline BlueMoon

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #40 on: November 20, 2009, 07:09:59 AM »
Why would a negative guy be interested in a positive guy. I mean let's be real here. He probably just looked at my photo and forgot to even read my profile.

He's probably not negative.

That also is probably not his real age, if he's 'older', and in some cases may not even be his real photo.

There is a lot of bs on hookup sites.  A4A especially has a lot of pos guys claiming to be negative, and 'anything goes'.  They readily admit to pos status if questioned.  I just don't 'get' that.

I also wonder why I get hit on so often by guys considerably younger than me, in their 20s and 30s, and some of them negative and wanting to play safe.   
...................VL.....CD4.....%
-----------------------------------------
08/10-- ......<40.....290.....42
05/10-- ......<48.....290.....46
02/10-- ......<48.....481.....44
10/09-- ......<48.....277.....46
07/09-- ......<48.....300.....38
05/09-- ........51.....449.....39
03/09-- Added Isentress
02/09-- ........65.....299.....34
11/08-- ........62.....242.....40
08/08-- ........66.....212.....29
05/08-- ......202.....217.....27
03/08-- ....5210.....187.....21
02/08-- Began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
12/07-- 273,000.....157.....22
11/07-- 229,000.....209.....22
10/07-- Diagnosis

It's a complex world.

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #41 on: November 20, 2009, 07:52:35 AM »
If you are going to exclude HIV- men from your dating considerations don't get upset if HIV- men exclude you.

Why would a negative guy be interested in a positive guy.

Because people are more than their HIV status.

hwy11poz

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #42 on: November 20, 2009, 09:58:58 AM »
If you are going to exclude HIV- men from your dating considerations don't get upset if HIV- men exclude you.
Because people are more than their HIV status.

I'd never looked at it that way; I realize I had a similar attitude when I was negative (excluding poz guys). Thanks for posting!

I'm hoping we hear back from TheRoof soon - I hope he is having some luck on a4a. I've found few guys in my area on there who say they are positive (but some photos look suspiciously identical to ones on poz personals. I'm not judging them; some guys that I have messaged since putting poz on my profile have not messaged me when they did before I did it.

Offline mattdude

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #43 on: November 20, 2009, 11:01:25 AM »
Hey,

I just met the guy of my dreams on Cam4 - which I think is even more random than Manhunt.

He's hiv- and lives in Italy and we have discovered that we share the same soul.

It just goes to show that love can pop up anywhere.
Live a healthy positive lifestyle and prepare yourself to be the best guy you can, so that when "he" comes along, he'll want to snap you up, hiv+ or not.

Good luck ;)

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #44 on: November 20, 2009, 02:44:48 PM »

Wow... This website is... Something. 10 guys replied. 4-5 where positive. Some of them didn't even say that they are were positive. So now they are messaging me saying "Poz Guy" Here. I can't believe I've never done this website before!!! I thought you had to pay.

The other 3-4 guys where negative. What THOSE guys said was interesting.
One said "Are You Into Barebacking" (Didn't Reply)
Another Said "I Want To Fuck You" I said; I don't think you'd be interested in a Poz Guy, read my profile.



I can't believe a negative guy would want to BAREBACK with someone Positive. WTF?




Because people are more than their HIV status.

Yeah but I'm not talking about dating. It's a hook-up site. If let's say a negative guy has TWO options. Two guys who look similar. One is poz, one is neg. Who would he pick?
I think the answer is obvious.

What I don't get is why do Negative Guys want to have anything to do with me.

« Last Edit: November 20, 2009, 02:49:26 PM by TheRoof »

Offline dixieman

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #45 on: November 20, 2009, 02:46:57 PM »
I've had several contact me on pozpersonals... I plan on meeting one guy who lives in Bham... he seems nice but, I'll see... also a friend is on manhunt and met his partner from this site... he's poz and so isa his partner... so I may give it a try too? Daddyhunt is suppose to be good likewise... I'm the age of a Daddy but, I always wanted one for myself... I'd prefer to date someone my own age though... I'm not into young ones and over 60 is too old for me... oh What to do? lol

Offline dixieman

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #46 on: November 20, 2009, 02:49:08 PM »
The Roof... what web-site and who wants to bareback? they probally have more cooties than one wants to aquire... I'd play safe especially if your just dating...

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #47 on: November 20, 2009, 02:51:48 PM »
The Roof... what web-site and who wants to bareback? they probally have more cooties than one wants to acquire... I'd play safe especially if your just dating...

Exactly!! HIV is enough. I will never bareback (EVER) even if in a monogamous relationship I don't want to get a second strain of HIV. But that's not the worst thing.
I'm worried about Hepetatis C and Syphilis.

I would kill myself if I got Syphilis in my system. I heard it's nasty to deal with.

Offline dixieman

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #48 on: November 20, 2009, 02:56:01 PM »
Your young and you have your whole life in front of you... you may have health challenges but, WHY? add more std's to your list... maintain your health... Wish me luck! on finding a DECENT man...

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #49 on: November 20, 2009, 02:59:30 PM »
Why would a negative guy be interested in a positive guy. I mean let's be real here. He probably just looked at my photo and forgot to even read my profile.
wrong, most likely

My last partner was negative and like my because I was fabulous and had a tight ass.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #50 on: November 20, 2009, 03:00:25 PM »
Exactly!! HIV is enough. I will never bareback (EVER) even if in a monogamous relationship I don't want to get a second strain of HIV. But that's not the worst thing.
I'm worried about Hepetatis C and Syphilis.

I would kill myself if I got Syphilis in my system. I heard it's nasty to deal with.
You need to educate yourself with these issues.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline dixieman

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #51 on: November 20, 2009, 03:03:38 PM »
Miss Phillicia... Please? lol well at least in NYC you have plenty to choose from... Tell it!

hwy11poz

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #52 on: November 20, 2009, 03:10:42 PM »
I would kill myself if I got Syphilis in my system. I heard it's nasty to deal with.

I did get syphilis in my system.....and it was horrible. I've never felt so sick before. But I am grateful for the syphilis (as weird as that sounds). It's what caused me to get another HIV test - because I'd been too trusting with the few men I'd been with.

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #53 on: November 20, 2009, 04:10:30 PM »
You need to educate yourself with these issues.

I won't go in depth about it. All I know is that it's important to wear condoms while having sex, for me personally. I may have HIV, but it is still possible for me to get other STD's. I don't get why guys who become POZ suddenly prefer to do more barebacking. I mean it's not like we are immune to getting any more STD's.

I've been Celibate since September 2008, it only takes one night of barebacking to fuck it up and put myself at huge risk. (Even if the guy is Poz)
« Last Edit: November 20, 2009, 04:12:02 PM by TheRoof »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #54 on: November 20, 2009, 04:14:12 PM »
I won't go in depth about it.

Please do.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline GNYC09

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #55 on: November 20, 2009, 08:13:39 PM »
wrong, most likely

My last partner was negative and like my because I was fabulous and had a tight ass.
...and don't forget what you could do with those ping-pong balls.

Offline max123

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #56 on: November 20, 2009, 08:50:11 PM »
roof, it sounds like you're enjoying yourself. that's good. it sure beats the shit out of feeling so isolated. live it up...just be careful.

max
1/86 - 6/08 (annually): neg elisa
7/09: pos elisa/pos wb
8/09: cd4 560, cd4% 35, vl 13,050
12/09: cd4 568, cd4% 33, vl 2,690
4/10: cd4 557, cd4% 29.3, vl 6,440
7/10: cd4 562, cd4% 29.6, vl 3,780

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #57 on: November 24, 2009, 01:02:56 PM »
roof, it sounds like you're enjoying yourself. that's good. it sure beats the shit out of feeling so isolated. live it up...just be careful.

max

Is there any way to check Adam4adam while in a public place. It's not like POZ Personals where you can freely do it.

Adam4Adam has these Porn Ads ugh

Offline max123

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #58 on: November 24, 2009, 06:18:59 PM »
yeah, from your laptop or phone, if u can connect.
1/86 - 6/08 (annually): neg elisa
7/09: pos elisa/pos wb
8/09: cd4 560, cd4% 35, vl 13,050
12/09: cd4 568, cd4% 33, vl 2,690
4/10: cd4 557, cd4% 29.3, vl 6,440
7/10: cd4 562, cd4% 29.6, vl 3,780

Offline hotpuppy

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #59 on: November 26, 2009, 01:32:58 PM »
It seems like this is a vibrant thread... but I'll throw my few cents in:

1. Don't focus on "finding" a relationship.  Focus on being happy.  Nobody goes out looking for someone who is needy.  People are drawn to others who are fun and happy.  Be realistic about dating.  Most people run if you say Love in the first 2 weeks.  Take your time and have a vision for how you will get into a relationship and stay there.  Be honest about why you want a relationship.

2. Find things to get involved in.  It will keep you busy and you will have fun.  These can be volunteering or activity based.  Pick things you like and you will meet others who like them too. Birds of a feather flock together.

3. My thoughts on online:
- Manhunt (tends to be "a-list" and mostly neg or pretending to be neg guys.)  I don't care for it since they remodeled.  I tend to get rejeted alot on Manhunt.
- bbrts.com (yes it promotes bareback sex)  There are alot of poz guys here who are reasonably well adjusted and there is less game playing.  The site is a good supporter of the community.  There is alot of PNP here which i don't care for... but I've met some hot guys on here too.
- My site (poztexas.org).  I have made quite a few friends by being involved in a social site.
- Craigslist:  (aka flakeslist)... not a productive place for anything beyond a hookup.  Even then lots of issues related to honesty about stds.


4. My thoughts on Offline:
- clubs: Not so much.  People are there to engage in things I don't enjoy (getting drunk/high)
- Baths: Fun, but not for dating.  I have a gym membership at Club Houston and do workout there.  Working out is a great activity and I've met a few folks through there.  I have more social interaction at the baths than I do sexual interaction. 
- Poz Support Groups: This has been good for friends and dates.
- Friends:  Friends are a great source of new connections to others you may click with.
Don't obsess over the wrong things.  Life isn't about your numbers, it isn't about this forum, it isn't about someone's opinion.  It's about getting out there and enjoying it.   I am a person with HIV - not the other way around.

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #60 on: November 27, 2009, 04:19:09 PM »
Yeah. Adam4Adam is nice, but all the guys there that are POZ are whores. I mean it sucks, but Oh Well.

Guys aren't even interested into "Friends With Benefits" They just want One on One Sex. All guys do is comment on how great my body is. Yes, My body is in great condition, very toned.
So to them that isn't a deal breaker? Wtf.

Oh well. I knew it was too good be true just to even find a buddy. hehe.  ;)

Offline sharkdiver

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #61 on: November 27, 2009, 05:26:28 PM »
are you posting shirtless posts are something?

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #62 on: November 27, 2009, 07:09:17 PM »
are you posting shirtless posts are something?

It's just a pic of me of me at the beach, but I do have my face on it. So it's not a "Sexual" Picture like the ones that you would take in a promiscuous form. I posted it as obviously people are going to ask me eventually of how my body looks like. I also just have a pic of my face, and a photo with me just in regular clothes.
No cock pics, or anything sexual. It looks like a regular facebook profile type of thing.


Basically: A friend took a photo of me on the beach, going into the water. A faceshot, and a pic of me going out to a restaurant with friends.





It says "Not Looking To Hookup. Looking for friendship, or friends with benefits type of thing if you want to do that. basically. Idk. I understand it's hard to expect something decent. hehe
« Last Edit: November 27, 2009, 07:13:02 PM by TheRoof »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #63 on: November 27, 2009, 07:14:36 PM »
Barbara please
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #64 on: November 28, 2009, 10:14:24 PM »
So the younger guys kind of don't want "Friends With Benefits" They Want 1 on 1 Sex.  :-\ But it's okay, at least I'm "mingling" With guys my age.  :) There is these few men that keep hitting on me. They are old guys in their late 30's and early 40's. They won't leave me alone!!! Especially this one guy. He's getting mad because he is sending me messages and I don't respond. This is what he wrote me.


"Would it kill you to take two minutes out of your life to write me back? I get it that you're young, but just because I'm 40 doesn't mean I can't keep up with you young guys. I'd like to see you be my age, then maybe you'll get it"



WTF is this shit!? P.s. I still didn't reply to him. Fucking Psycho Bitch.

Barbara please

Say Wha?
« Last Edit: November 28, 2009, 10:17:51 PM by TheRoof »

Offline leatherman

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #65 on: November 28, 2009, 11:50:08 PM »
They are old guys in their late 30's and early 40's.
that should be "guys older than me, in their late 30s and 40s";
not "OLD guys" ;)
(did i mention that I was 47? LOL)

Fucking Psycho Bitch.
ROFLMAO  ;D
maybe he's just "too OLD" to understand that no answer just means no.
Pushy bitch. LOL
leatherman (aka mIkIE)


chart from 1992-2013; updated 2/09/13  Reyataz/Norvir/Truvada

Offline edfu

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #66 on: November 29, 2009, 03:58:36 AM »
They are old guys in their late 30's and early 40's.

Dear Roof,

Please believe me when I say that I understand completely where you're coming from.  I understand why you may not find guys in their 30s and 40s to be sexually attractive.  I understand why you are upset with the 40-year-old who is harassing you; he's a jerk---no doubt about it.  I understand why you're not interested in hooking up with someone who is around the age of your parents.  You are completely entitled to seek sexual adventures with young men your own age. 

HOWEVER, may I suggest that you are a little too "hung up" on the age factor?  I say this not to encourage you to respond sexually to older men, but to help you realize that you seem to have a serious mental block about chronological age.  Most people would never state that men in their 30s and 40s are "old."  As  leatherman has pointed out, they're oldER than you, but they're not, in any common sense of the word, "old."  Most people would consider them to be in the prime of their lives. 

In about 10 years, you yourself will be in the 30 age bracket.  Believe me when I say that those years will pass in a flash.  I know you do not believe this to be true, but it is so.  I tell you this from my own experience, and I think that most oldER men would also affirm this.  You will not, and cannot, remain 19 or 20 forever.  In 10 years' time, do you really think that you will consider yourself "old"?   Do you really think that guys your own age, 30, are "old"?  If so, will you consider yourself "old" in a decade?  I sincerely hope not, because if you do, you will cause yourself completely unnecessary sorrow and grief. 

When I was your age, I thought that 40 would be "over the hill."  When I turned 40, I realized that I was at my physical and sexual peak.  I can only hope that this will be your experience as well.  It is true that beauty is a particular characteristic of the young, but beauty can last much longer than you are currently prepared to acknowledge.  If you are willing to accept the fact that turning 30 does not necessarily mean that one becomes an ugly old fart, you will be able to appreciate and enjoy that sexual attractiveness does not begin and end with ages 20 and 30.  Such an outlook can only lead to depression and despair.

I wish you good luck with finding a partner your own age who will turn you on,  and I hope that you will be able to see that as you grow older, your tastes will likely change as well.  If not, when you're 40, you'll become the jerk who's pestering the hell out of you now. 

I was always fortunate, in some ways, in looking younger than my actual age.  When I was 30, I was still being carded at bars.  When I was 40, everyone thought I was 30.  I had a best friend at the time who always used to say to me:  "Some day you'll wake up, and there'll be 20 years on the pillowcase."  He was right. 

If 30 or 40 is "old," what would you call me?  I'm 67. 

Love or what you will from a pseudo-grandfather....         
     
"No one will ever be free so long as there are pestilences."--Albert Camus, "The Plague"

"Mankind can never be free until the last brick in the last church falls on the head of the last priest."--Voltaire

Offline sensual1973

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #67 on: November 29, 2009, 05:31:42 AM »
to me it seems like many gay ppl need to be educated that having a poz partener is very possible and should not be dramatized.and regarding the dating issue,i have chatted with one for months (he was neg) and he was so interested in a coffee,and since i felt he was patient during those months of chatting,i thought of telling him especially that he was an older guy,and when i did he just vanished,not that i care,BUT,it proves to me that when it comes to meeting someone over then net,dont tell,just play safe coz you dont know what they have or wehter they are honest about their status.
and regarding the poz sites for dating ? ... they have weirder people than gaydar .
God grant me the serenity to accept the things i can not change.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #68 on: November 29, 2009, 07:55:33 AM »

If 30 or 40 is "old," what would you call me?  I'm 67. 
     

A fossil, darling.  Need you ask?
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline max123

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #69 on: November 29, 2009, 01:17:02 PM »
A fossil, darling.  Need you ask?
lmfao...

roof,

what you're on are public websites, just like this one is. the gamut of people that you'll come across is vast. don't take getting hit on by a 30 or 40 year old so to heart. maybe another way to think of it is like this: you insist on only considering hiv + relationships, correct? well just maybe some of those 30-40 year olds (excluding the ones that simply want to fuck you  ;)) feel similarly and are also reaching out to others with the disease, for companionship/friendship. there could potentially be a lot of gain in learning to cope with hiv from someone older than yourself. i'd say that's something worthy of consideration, especially as you have been having issues with that. food for thought....

hang in there,

max
1/86 - 6/08 (annually): neg elisa
7/09: pos elisa/pos wb
8/09: cd4 560, cd4% 35, vl 13,050
12/09: cd4 568, cd4% 33, vl 2,690
4/10: cd4 557, cd4% 29.3, vl 6,440
7/10: cd4 562, cd4% 29.6, vl 3,780

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #70 on: November 29, 2009, 03:53:05 PM »
Dear Roof,

Please believe me when I say that I understand completely where you're coming from.  I understand why you may not find guys in their 30s and 40s to be sexually attractive.  I understand why you are upset with the 40-year-old who is harassing you; he's a jerk---no doubt about it.  I understand why you're not interested in hooking up with someone who is around the age of your parents.  You are completely entitled to seek sexual adventures with young men your own age.  

HOWEVER, may I suggest that you are a little too "hung up" on the age factor?  I say this not to encourage you to respond sexually to older men, but to help you realize that you seem to have a serious mental block about chronological age.  Most people would never state that men in their 30s and 40s are "old."  As  leatherman has pointed out, they're oldER than you, but they're not, in any common sense of the word, "old."  Most people would consider them to be in the prime of their lives.  

In about 10 years, you yourself will be in the 30 age bracket.  Believe me when I say that those years will pass in a flash.  I know you do not believe this to be true, but it is so.  I tell you this from my own experience, and I think that most oldER men would also affirm this.  You will not, and cannot, remain 19 or 20 forever.  In 10 years' time, do you really think that you will consider yourself "old"?   Do you really think that guys your own age, 30, are "old"?  If so, will you consider yourself "old" in a decade?  I sincerely hope not, because if you do, you will cause yourself completely unnecessary sorrow and grief.  

When I was your age, I thought that 40 would be "over the hill."  When I turned 40, I realized that I was at my physical and sexual peak.  I can only hope that this will be your experience as well.  It is true that beauty is a particular characteristic of the young, but beauty can last much longer than you are currently prepared to acknowledge.  If you are willing to accept the fact that turning 30 does not necessarily mean that one becomes an ugly old fart, you will be able to appreciate and enjoy that sexual attractiveness does not begin and end with ages 20 and 30.  Such an outlook can only lead to depression and despair.

I wish you good luck with finding a partner your own age who will turn you on,  and I hope that you will be able to see that as you grow older, your tastes will likely change as well.  If not, when you're 40, you'll become the jerk who's pestering the hell out of you now.  

I was always fortunate, in some ways, in looking younger than my actual age.  When I was 30, I was still being carded at bars.  When I was 40, everyone thought I was 30.  I had a best friend at the time who always used to say to me:  "Some day you'll wake up, and there'll be 20 years on the pillowcase."  He was right.  

If 30 or 40 is "old," what would you call me?  I'm 67.  

Love or what you will from a pseudo-grandfather....        
    

35 Is Old. "What you talking about willis?" Obviously we all get older one day. I get that.

I know when I'm 35 I'm going to embrace my old age and flaunt it. hehe, I'm just not going to be that creep hitting on teenage/early 20's boys. Actually when you DO THAT, it draws attention to your age more when you think about it.  They shouldn't get mad when they get rejected, maybe that's why they're 40 and all alone because they base their emphasis on a near impossible standard.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2009, 04:09:43 PM by TheRoof »

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #71 on: November 29, 2009, 03:54:47 PM »
lmfao...

roof,

what you're on are public websites, just like this one is. the gamut of people that you'll come across is vast. don't take getting hit on by a 30 or 40 year old so to heart. maybe another way to think of it is like this: you insist on only considering hiv + relationships, correct? well just maybe some of those 30-40 year olds (excluding the ones that simply want to fuck you  ;)) feel similarly and are also reaching out to others with the disease, for companionship/friendship. there could potentially be a lot of gain in learning to cope with hiv from someone older than yourself. i'd say that's something worthy of consideration, especially as you have been having issues with that. food for thought....

hang in there,

max


They're not reaching out to me because of my disease. They are reaching out to me because being with a young guy turns them on.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #72 on: November 29, 2009, 05:25:54 PM »
maybe that's why they're 40 and all alone because they base their emphasis on a near impossible standard.

Nonsense.  One can have whatever the heart desires if there's money involved.  The problem isn't that your internet stalker is a creep, it's that he's a cheap queen.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Nestor

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #73 on: November 29, 2009, 05:44:47 PM »
Quote
35 Is Old. "What you talking about willis?" Obviously we all get older one day. I get that.

I know when I'm 35 I'm going to embrace my old age and flaunt it.

Are you serious? 
Summer 2004--became HIV+
Dec. 2005--found out

Date          CD4    %       VL
Jan. '06    725    25      9,097
Nov. '06    671    34     52,202
Apr. '07    553    30      24,270
Sept. '07  685    27       4,849
Jan. '08    825    29       4,749
Mar. '08    751    30     16,026
Aug. '08    653    30       3,108
Oct. '08     819    28     10,046
Jan '09      547    31     13,000
May '09     645   25        6,478
Aug. '09    688   30      19,571
Nov. '09     641    27       9,598
Feb. '10     638    27       4,480
May '10      687      9    799,000 (CMV)
July '10      600     21      31,000
Nov '10      682     24     15,000
June '11     563    23     210,000 (blasto)
July  '11      530    22      39,000
Aug '11      677     22      21,000
Sept. '12    747     15      14,000

Offline max123

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #74 on: November 30, 2009, 08:41:05 AM »
They're not reaching out to me because of my disease. They are reaching out to me because being with a young guy turns them on.

i'm sure that's the case for a certain percentage of your 'admirers' but, that shouldn't be made into an otherwise generalizing blanket statement. you just might find that diamond in the rough if you allow yourself to think and experience things from outside the box. this is especially true if you're not into the 1 on 1 physical only thing which you said is all the dudes your age are all looking for. at the end of the day, whatever works for you is cool. i'm just glad to hear that you're doing better.

take care

max
1/86 - 6/08 (annually): neg elisa
7/09: pos elisa/pos wb
8/09: cd4 560, cd4% 35, vl 13,050
12/09: cd4 568, cd4% 33, vl 2,690
4/10: cd4 557, cd4% 29.3, vl 6,440
7/10: cd4 562, cd4% 29.6, vl 3,780

Offline dixieman

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #75 on: November 30, 2009, 11:38:27 AM »
Its easy to find someone in their 20's or early 30's down here in Alabama but, to find someone around my age its more difficult... young men always hit me up online ... one on pozpersonals wrote from Atlanta he's 36... well I wrote back stating we can be friends but, he was too young for me... When I was younger I did not want to date a man in his 40's... nothing to talk about... nothing really in common...so now I am looking for men in the 40's and 50's but, most are tooooooooo twisted for me and not in a good way! oh well?

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #76 on: December 01, 2009, 12:29:43 PM »
Its easy to find someone in their 20's or early 30's down here in Alabama but, to find someone around my age its more difficult... young men always hit me up online ... one on pozpersonals wrote from Atlanta he's 36... well I wrote back stating we can be friends but, he was too young for me... When I was younger I did not want to date a man in his 40's... nothing to talk about... nothing really in common...so now I am looking for men in the 40's and 50's but, most are tooooooooo twisted for me and not in a good way! oh well?

Yeah that's the thing. If for whatever reason I am 40, I will date men my age. Though at that point they are really "Akward' I don't know why it is. I hope when I'm 40 and if single (For whatever reason my bf and I break up, or other problems) I can find a normal guy MY age at that point, though it would be much more difficult IMO for a  normal guy,

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #77 on: December 01, 2009, 12:31:55 PM »
Nonsense.  One can have whatever the heart desires if there's money involved.  The problem isn't that your internet stalker is a creep, it's that he's a cheap queen.

Oh my !!! Hehe .. This Post Is Simply Amazing. This made my day.

Offline edfu

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #78 on: December 01, 2009, 04:00:05 PM »
If for whatever reason I am 40

Well, that's certainly being optimistic.   ::)

I can find a normal guy MY age

Qu'est-ce que c'est "normal"?   ???
« Last Edit: December 01, 2009, 04:02:18 PM by edfu »
"No one will ever be free so long as there are pestilences."--Albert Camus, "The Plague"

"Mankind can never be free until the last brick in the last church falls on the head of the last priest."--Voltaire

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #79 on: December 01, 2009, 11:45:17 PM »
Well, that's certainly being optimistic.   ::)

Qu'est-ce que c'est "normal"?   ???


Normal.. You know what it is.

A picket fence, 2.5 kids (or cats), and a gay couple living in a suburban dwelling. As normal as one can possible get..

Offline edfu

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #80 on: December 01, 2009, 11:50:40 PM »
Roof, I''m beginning to think you're putting us on....At least I hope so.   
"No one will ever be free so long as there are pestilences."--Albert Camus, "The Plague"

"Mankind can never be free until the last brick in the last church falls on the head of the last priest."--Voltaire

Offline TheRoof

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #81 on: December 02, 2009, 04:20:34 PM »
Roof, I''m beginning to think you're putting us on....At least I hope so.   

Say What?

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #82 on: December 04, 2009, 04:29:17 PM »
I always wonder how do you bring tell a guy that you have HIV after you've been on a few dates. I actually am better at meeting guys in person than online. I'm 30 and I look far and away better than almost anyone I've ever met. To me age is just a number. If I'm attracted to the guy and think he looks good and we have a lot in common he could be 50 years old and I will still be attracted to him and date him.
« Last Edit: December 04, 2009, 04:31:11 PM by AdonisSMU »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #83 on: December 04, 2009, 05:10:10 PM »
I always wonder how do you bring tell a guy that you have HIV after you've been on a few dates.

Uh, it's rather simple.  You just tell them.  They either deal with it or they don't.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline AdonisSMU

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #84 on: December 04, 2009, 05:56:09 PM »
It was much easier to tell my now xbf than to tell a date. Would you believe I stayed with him for as long as I did because I was afraid of being alone... Now I look back and think what a HUGE mistake. So yeah I guess I'll be having "that" conversation coming up here pretty soon assuming a lot.

As far as The Roof and the whole age thing, I can understand wanting to have something in common with someone. However, I wouldn't write someone off simply because of a number. How about the overall person? One would think it'd be much easier to write someone off for having a debilitating disease and one that's transmittable to boot. I would always try to keep an open mind and not let age by itself be the determining factor as to whether or not I date someone. 

Offline GNYC09

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Re: Best HIV Dating Sites? Very Depressed.
« Reply #85 on: December 04, 2009, 07:21:05 PM »
Yeah but I'm not talking about dating. It's a hook-up site. If let's say a negative guy has TWO options. Two guys who look similar. One is poz, one is neg. Who would he pick?
I think the answer is obvious.
the one with the biggest package of course...

 


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