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Author Topic: Help  (Read 7539 times)

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Offline agenteye

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Help
« on: November 15, 2009, 03:49:33 PM »
Need a friend right now.....anybody who is POZ in this section who could chat right now??.....think I'm going to test positive soon and need someone who's gone through it to talk with!

Thanks a lot!!

Mike

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #1 on: November 15, 2009, 04:53:31 PM »
We'd like to help you out but this is not a chat room as such. If you will tell us what risk(s) you're concerned about we can give you some evaluation about the risk level.

Also, have you gone to be tested and if so, at what point in time after the most recent risk?

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #2 on: November 15, 2009, 06:55:02 PM »
Thanks Andy-

I understand this isn't a chat room, and I really appreciate how concerned and supportive everyone is on here.  As much as I think I'm in big trouble......I am hoping upon all hope that I will not be joining the "I Just Tested Poz" secion....but I really have a feeling I will be.  I am so devastated right now, but still understand the ramifications of my actions, and take full responsibility for what I did!

The last 2 weeks of my life has been SO FAR BEYOND F&*KED UP!!  September 25th of this year, I met a guy and decided to experiment with the same sex for the first time.  There was alcohol involved, but I made sure to ask "are you clean".  I was promised that he had just been tested and that everything was perfectly fine!  I was the receptive partner of unprotected anal sex (without ejaculation) and unprotected oral sex (with ejaculation, but didn't swallow).  STUPID ME!  STUPID STUPID STUPID.  32 days later I started feeling pretty ill.....Headaches, Felt feverish without actually running a fever, Chills....just feeling sick...and I don't usually get sick.  Went to the Doctor that afternoon and they took blood work (Ran a Hepatitis panel, all labs (no HIV test), tested for flu and mono).  Everything came back negative and looked great.  That same night, I get a text message from the guy I was with saying:  "I just wanted to let you know that because you weren't feeling good, I went to the Doctor and tested positive for HIV tonight.  I'm sorry Mike, I really hope I didn't give it to you."  I can't believe this is happening right now.  This is the first time in my life that I've been BEYOND SCARED.  I don't know ifhe knew it the whole time, and used me being sick to disclose, or if he really just found out....or if he is playing some cruel joke on me and isn't really infected.  Somehow, I absolutely believe he is being serious.  I found out day 40 from exposure, and I went to an HIV clinic and took an antibody test (Orasure test) day 42.  It came back November 10th as negative, but I also know I am far from the window period.  I have been online for hours upon hours since that day, researching everything about how I am going to deal with this disease, and THANKFULLY found this forum.  I now have Thanksgiving, followed by my 29th birthday, followed by Christmas before I can take the 3 month test to see if by some miracle my 6 week test wasn't a false negative. I am getting better, but still have chills and most recently dry mouth and numbness in my extremities (poor circulation?)  This is definitely all unusual for me (20 days ill).

I guess I just need a friend right now.  I know what I did was beyond stupid...but I am so scared...and am certain that I am seroconverting.  How long does it last....did anyobdy else whose gone through this have the same symptoms for this long....

I have had horrible nightmares every night since the text message, and now have to wait to test again.  My mom knew something was going on with me (I accidentally left a websearch up on HIV, and she asked me for the first time last night if I wanted to talk.  I just broke down and told her everything about what is hapening to me.  She is trying to be optimistic about it and told me that everything is going to be okay.  She gave me a hug and told me that regardless, we are going to get through this, and if it is positive, we'll deal with it one day at a time.  I am so grateful to have such a support system right now...because not being able to talk about it with somebody for the last 10 days has been AWFUL.  Just too much time with myself to think the worse and let my mind think horrible things!  I am hoping that I didn't make the colossal mistake here...but if I did, I am hoping to be welcomed to the POZ group.  Have spent hours on here the last week, and love the fact that everybody is so encouraging. Trying to keep my head up in this very rough time in my life....

I may deserve what I get for being trusting (and I know that I may have made my bed and now have to lie in it...as it takes 2 to tango), but still hoping to talk to people on here who can help be a friend right now.  Please say a prayer for me that it all turns out okay! Was so excited cause I just bought a house...and now I'm dealing with this instead....

Thanks again for listening, and hope everyone is feeling healthy and well!

Much Love!  God Bless!

Mike

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #3 on: November 15, 2009, 07:49:59 PM »
OK. Take a breath, no kidding. That negative at 40 days is excellent news. The average time to seroconversion is 22 days. All but the very, very smallest number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks of risky incident. So you are a major step towards testing negative at 13 weeks.

What you have to work on in the remaining waiting time is focuing on your time productively for other matters in your life. And don't waste any effort in saying you're too upset to do that, because that answer won't fly here. Just do it. And whenever you are tensing up, remember to take good slow and deep breaths. It really works to make things better.   

None of the things you are seeing as symptoms are in any way HIV specific. Which doesn't surprise me because with your 40 day negative I am expecting you're going to come out of this ok.

For future reference you also need to know that using the term "clean" with regard to HIV status is not acceptable and is insulting to those who are living with the virus. Someone is either positive or negative, but clean is not the issue.

Now, get busy with other things. I expect you will come out of this ok. I'm glad you clarified the details.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #4 on: November 15, 2009, 07:51:21 PM »
...And lastly, learn from this experience. You can have intercourse with anyone you want to, whether male or female. But you always need to do it the safer way which means the insertive partner must always wear a condom. No exceptions.

Also, avoid mixing excessive drinking with casual sex. It's a proven dangerous combination.
Andy Velez

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #5 on: November 15, 2009, 08:10:13 PM »
Thanks Andy...I totally needed at least a somewhat assuring response in all of this.  I think one of the only things I keep thinking....is when I was at the clinic getting tested.....I don't remember the guy having me keep the orasure swab in my gums very long...and when I went online later to read about the test....it said to keep the swab in 2-5 minutes.  I don't even remember the test being in for 60 seconds.....but I am trying to tell myself that in that stressful situation of being where I was doing what I was.....I probably wasn't aware of much...except the fact that I'm scared shi*less......and I'm sure the tester made sure it was in for an appropriate amount of time!

Needless to say, whatever happens is done now...and I realize I can't go back!  I am just grateful that my mom is being so supportive and optimistic....and she assured me when it is time to go back next month, she will be there with me to get my results.

Does anybody in this forum really believe you can have unsafe sex and still not necessarily get the virus....even with an infected individual?  I am hoping so in this case, I truly am...and if I come out okay, I AM NEVER HAVING SEX AGAIN except hopefully with a wife.  I know most people think I'm being untruthful in that claim...but it is a promise that I made to God if I get through this okay!

I guess my only other question is.....is there a decent amount of help paying for meds?  I work for one of the biggest Corporations in North America.....and I guess what I'm wondering is if they will help me with meds if I test positive?  What I guess I am wondering is....will the insurance company that our company uses our plan with ever contact my employer and tell them what kind of meds I am accessing?  I don't want anybody at work to know if they don't need too....I don't want to lose my job!

Well, thanks for the info!  I will definitely be reading up on here over the next six weeks and keep everyone posted.  Again, please keep me in your thoughs and prayers during this difficult time....I think sending good energy in to the atmosphere will get me through this...whatever the final outcome is!  I will continue to do the same thing with everyone on here!


Peace and light!

Mike

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #6 on: November 15, 2009, 08:34:01 PM »
Mike, let's not even getting discussing the meds or other related HIV issues. One step at a time and like I said, I expect you to come out of this ok.

As for reading more here or on other sites, I don't recommend that. None of that will give you the one answer you really want. It will only fuel your fears. Get focused on other matters in your life. By doing that the waiting time will go much more quickly than you may imagine is possible.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #7 on: November 15, 2009, 08:46:31 PM »
Thanks again so much Andy!  I feel like my body is going through changes....praying that at this point I have stressed myself out so much that it is all psychological....but just feel so frazzled by the whole thing!! Keeping my fingers crossed for the best!  Very Very upset and scared by this experience....as a college educated individual with a Nutritional Science degree, I feel so embarrassed and anxious that I put myself in this predicament!  Gambling with my life is NOT ACCEPTABLE, and I truly hope I didn't ultimately do myself in with this one!  If it turns out bad, I know that in time I will be able to heal my soul with the help from my family and friends, and my new family on here! 

I wish everyone here the absolute best always!

Very Sincerely,

Mike...Scared in Nevada!!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #8 on: November 16, 2009, 07:23:12 AM »
If you actually have symptoms continuing that is something to discuss with your doctor.

Otherwise Mike, during the waiting time to get tested, get on to other things in your life. When you're worried about something like HIV, the mind can play all kinds of tricks on you.

Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Help
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2009, 08:48:40 AM »
Mike,

I agree with Andy that your negative result is unlikely to change. If it would help you get through the rest of the window period, why not go and have another rapid test done? If that is also negative, you can rest easy until after the holidays.

You really do need to learn from this experience. Somewhere around a third of all people who have hiv do not know they have hiv, so asking a person their hiv status just doesn't work. I understand that you've sworn off sex, but promises like that are very difficult to keep, even with the best intentions.

You need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL sexually transmitted infections together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with an STI. Sex without a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence.

Anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will avoid hiv infection. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #10 on: November 17, 2009, 10:47:44 PM »
Thanks Ann and Andy, both for your responses!  I just can't get it out of my head that I didn't have the swab in my mouth long enough for it to withdraw enough antibodies to make for an accurate test.  I don't think there is anyway that it was in my mouth 2 minutes.  Likewise, my concern is that I am a late seroconverter......and I say this because a lot of what I've read online indicates that people won't develop antibodies til' about 10 days after the symptomatic phase of the acute infection?!!  I was only into my symptoms for 8 days or so before my HIV test....and still into symptoms let alone 10 days OUT of them.  Now I am coming upon 3 weeks here....something that NEVER happens to me...I never get chills/muscle weakness/headache for this long!! 

I just have such a bad feeling about it, and it makes me absolutely disgusted with myself that I did this and that I am in this mess.  I have the support of my mom at least.....but I would never be able to live with myself.....having to tell my friends eventually....my family.  How would I explain how I got it?  God, this is horrible!

With that being said, I am just trying to get through these symptoms I am having.....I think when I'm feeling a little better, I will be in a better emotional state to deal with whatever happens logically....as I know that whatever the outcome, I CANNOT GO BACK AND DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!

Ann, in regards to your response, I would love to take the test again....but I am scared of bad news before the holidays.  I think it will absolutely ruin everyting thats supposed to be happy this time of the year.  I mean, I just bought a house...I have Thanksgiving and my 29th birthday and Christmas to look forward to.  If I did contract thevirus, I think I'd have a better mentaility pretending my problems aren't here during the holiday season (or at least trying to tune it out) and tackling the potentially bad news and taking the bull by the horns as a start to the New Year (and a new life).

Anyway, that's my logic.....and since the DEFINITIVE test has to technically be 3 months out....why get an 8 week test, just to have to test again.....what's done is done...and if it's bad, I want to know after the holidays!

I really do appreciate everyone on here....I can't get over what a loving and extremely informative bunch of people are here in one group!  Hoping everyone here is doing well...and thanks again for all the advice and keeping me grounded right now....I have never been so scared or upset in my entire life.

Some days I am pretty strong with it all (today is a pretty good day for me)....and then other days I just break down and start sobbing hysterically at the thought of what I'm going to do if I test positive next month!

OKAY, DEEP BREATHS MIKE!  I'm going to go get some juice and focus my efforts on something positive!  Have a great night everybody!

M

Offline Ann

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Re: Help
« Reply #11 on: November 18, 2009, 06:38:59 AM »
Mike,

Chances are good that if your theory was correct that you were eight days into experiencing ARS when you tested, that your test would have come back as indeterminate. The seroconversion illness is your body's reaction to the production of antibodies, not the virus itself.

It's up to you whether you leave this hanging over you during the holidays or go and get another negative result.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #12 on: November 18, 2009, 12:04:25 PM »
What does an indeterminate test tell you exactly?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Help
« Reply #13 on: November 18, 2009, 03:38:14 PM »
Nothing. It means it's neither positive nor negative.

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #14 on: November 18, 2009, 04:02:07 PM »
Oh, okay thanks!  So it could happen when there are some antibodies to detect, but not enough to make the test positive yet??

Offline Ann

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Re: Help
« Reply #15 on: November 18, 2009, 08:54:01 PM »
Oh, okay thanks!  So it could happen when there are some antibodies to detect, but not enough to make the test positive yet??

Yes.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #16 on: December 01, 2009, 01:31:06 AM »
Andy or Ann?

I just wanted to let you both know that I finally have the courage up to go test again this Thursday...which will be 9 weeks after exposure. I think Ann's advice on getting retested before the holidays is best.....as I am still really sick (32 days later) and it isn't doing me anymore good worrying about this.  If I am infected, it is best that I start treatment ASAP!  =) 

What I'm wondering is (and I know you try to steer clear of diagnosing symptoms because they are so vague)...but have you ever heard of extreme muscle weakness during seroconversion illness?  I just ask...because of the symptoms that I have experienced throughout this whole ordeal....the only things I have left are daily headaches, blurry vision (eye floaters are quite prominent now-a-days in my field of vision) and mainly a dull chill-like sensation which started in my back 32 days ago...and has since spread to include weakness in both legs...and now arms and back.  Lots of muscle twitching and just weakness all over...never had anything like it.  I have heard of peripheral neuropathy in patients who have had HIV for a while....but would it likely affect somebody new to the disease?  Just curious as to see if either were familiar with these sensations?  Sometimes it feels my hands are so weak that when I clench them into balls...it sends a ticklish sensation up my arm and back (as if your feet were asleep and they are starting to come back to life...but not quite there yet).  Also, I notice when my arms feel like they're asleep and tingling....I get really sweaty hands (whole hand...but only on the soft surface of the hand....the side with your palms up).  These symptoms online indicate the potential of Guillane--Barre Syndrom which can follow a viral infection (such as HIV)...but the websites list this occurrence as rare...like 1 in 100,000?  Well...I guess if my odds are as good as having sex with a guy for the first time ever and then finding out he was really positive the whole time...then we can't completely rule it out?  ::)  Maybe I should start playing the lottery??

I really am not trying to speculate too much....but I get my test Thursday and won't get my results til' Tuesday or later....so just wondering if you had heard of this...as 32 days ill is NOT something that happens to me....and have never experienced this feeling before in my body!  Since I had a REAL RISK EXPOSURE (and sorry to offend other posters on this site who claims that they are scared for their lives because they got a handjob with a condom on by a 12-foot-long expandable artificial limb from a nun across the room)  BUT I AM FREAKING OUT HERE from my unprotected anal exposure from an HIV positive man....and I know you guys can contribute something to my thoughts right now??!!

I will find out the results before my 29th Birthday (15th), Christmas and New Years.  2009 will either be the best year of my life, or the worst....so please say a little prayer for me and throw some good energy into the air!  I appreciate anyone taking the time to read this!

Mike...still scared, but will know soon.....NEVADA

Offline Ann

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Re: Help
« Reply #17 on: December 01, 2009, 07:37:51 AM »
Mike,

You've been ill for over a month, but all I see in your post is evidence of self-diagnosis via the internet but NO evidence whatsoever that you've been to a doctor. Why is that? In your blinkered vision where you can only see hiv, you could very well be missing something important and totally unrelated to hiv. Get yourself to a doctor and quit with the self-diagnosis.

None of your symptoms are hiv specific and I still do not expect your 42 day negative result to change. I fully expect another negative result.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #18 on: December 01, 2009, 11:25:24 PM »
Sorry Ann-

Just very freaked out right now.....On top of it, I was in a car accident tonight.  Nothing better than getting rear-ended at 30 MPH on top of being at the low point in your life physically and emotionally.  This is by no means an invitation to a "pity party" by the way.....just saying how good this year is shaping up to be....when it rains, it pours!

Anyhow, still trying to keep a glimmer of hope alive that my test this week will come back with good news.  Actually, I guess that would be great news wouldn't it??

I'm trying not to self-diagnose...but been to doctors already about 8 days after I started getting sick (and the night I got a text from Mr. Wonderful telling me he wanted to give me an early Christmas Present....and that he would give me a hint....it started with the letter H)  Anyhow, my CDC was done...and most everything was normal (well it was all normal as far as ranges went...but some of my stuff looked low to me...platelets, and a few others?).  I had a hepatitis panel ran along with a test for flu, and mono and all came back negative.  Chem panel came back okay for kidney and thyroid!  And then 2 weeks later, my Mom, who is in medicine.....took me to her office and did a urinalysis cause I thought I may have a kidney infection.  Aside from some acidic urine....nothing abnormal!  So of course with this, I am freaked out!


But, alas...nothing to do now but get tested!  Just mainly wanted to write to update Ann that I decided to take her advice and get tested again before the holidays....so that I can get the appropriate care if need be!  Hope you guys are doing well!  Thanks as always for your valuable imput!

Mikey


Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #19 on: December 02, 2009, 08:01:05 AM »
...and like Ann, I still expect you to test negative when you re-test.

Onward!
Andy Velez

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #20 on: December 03, 2009, 11:49:16 PM »
Thanks you guys.  Test is in the mail!  Although I have a really bad feeling about it, I hope among all hope that I don't join the Poz group next week!  Please keep your thoughts with me...I am a wreck right now!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #21 on: December 04, 2009, 07:40:52 AM »
Well fortunately feelings are not facts. And the facts as you have reported them to us lead me to expect you will test negative.

Good luck. We'll be expecting to hear back when you get your result. 
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: Help
« Reply #22 on: December 04, 2009, 09:35:05 AM »
Agent,

You say "the test is in the mail" and I take that to mean you've tested with a Home Access. You have to know that these tests, while they don't return false negatives, can return false positives. If you get a positive result, you will still not be eligible to post in the positive sections of these forums until your result has been confirmed with a Western Blot. Please keep this in mind.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #23 on: December 04, 2009, 11:57:56 AM »
Good Morning Ann and Andy!

Actually, I did not use the Home Access.  I went to a local ASO (the same clinic I got my first test done) and had another Orasure test done.  They put the sample in a vile of solution and mail it to the lab, and the lab mails the results back to them.  The guy said my results will be back Tuesday, but I'm going back Thursday to get results......If it is bad news....I will only have to get through work Friday and then will have the weekend to start picking up the broken pieces and trying to move on with my life!

Will let everyone know what the results are Thursday......Or if I get bad news....over the weekend when I am in a better frame of mind to write.  And apparently Ann, the clinic says that the lab will do a confirmation test after a reactive, so that if I get a positive result.....it will be a confirmed positive!  Really hoping that I don't join the poz section, and thank you for the information on the Home Access false positives.  I did think about taking one of those tests before I got the courage up to go back and test at the clinic!

M

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #24 on: December 04, 2009, 01:47:16 PM »
OK. Good that you have gone for your test. By the way, a positive result is always as a standard practice confirmed with a western blot.

Fingers crossed here and awaiting your result which I expect will be negative.

Cheers.
Andy Velez

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #25 on: December 04, 2009, 02:21:24 PM »
Thanks Andy.  I have my fingers crossed also!   Will let you know soon!! :'(

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #26 on: December 04, 2009, 02:27:48 PM »
OK.
Andy Velez

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #27 on: December 08, 2009, 06:25:24 PM »
Ann, Andy! 

I don't know how it's possible or if it's right (still won't be convinced til 12 weeks), but I just wanted to let you know I talked to the clinic today and my 2nd Elisa was negative.  This last test was taken 69 days after my exposure....so now just one more big one to get through...the 90 day!!!

I just wanted you guys to know the good news.  Can't wait to tell you that it's GREAT news in a few weeks.  I take my final test December 28th, and should find out the results New Year's Eve....so hopefully I have something to celebrate!

I turn 29 a week from today....so excited that I can try and enjoy my birthday!

Thanks for pulling for me....

Mike

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #28 on: December 09, 2009, 09:15:12 AM »
Your next result is essentially a slam dunk for another negative.

Enjoy and have a happy birthday!
Andy Velez

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #29 on: December 11, 2009, 07:21:37 PM »
Thanks Andy, I CERTAINLY hope you're right about the slam dunk scenario.  I am going to get professional counseling when this is all over....as I seriously think this whole thing has traumatized me.  I can't get it out of my head that I was infected.....and I still feel so gross and ashamed that I put myself in this situation!

I just want to say to anybody else who is reading this!  USE A CONDOM EVERY TIME YOU HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX. DO NOT TAKE SOMEBODY ON THEIR WORD THAT THEY ARE HIV NEGATIVE.  I DID AND LATER FOUND OUT HE WAS POSITIVE. SHAME ON ME!!  This has officially been the most horrific experience I've ever gone through (and if I make it out okay...WILL EVER GO THROUGH).  One night of pleasure is not worth risking your life for.  I know this is hard to convey if you haven't actually gone through the stress that I have been going through...but trust me when I say that HIV is a seriously scary disease, and it is wise to protect yourselves!  As Ann, Andy, and every other amazing person on this forum would tell you.....don't risk it!! 

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #30 on: January 01, 2010, 04:40:54 PM »
Hey there everyone, Happy New Year!!  Just wanted to let you guys know that I went and took my 96 day Orasure test yesterday (the "conclusive" test, and hopefully best day of 2009) and get my results back Thursday 1/7!  Really quite scared about it all...keep fearing that I am going to be one of the few people who sero-converted late....and that's why my first 2 tests at 6 and 10 weeks were still negative.  But I am trying to keep my spirits up, especially when I hear you guys say that "feelings are not facts".  I really am terrified to get my results though, so hoping I have good news to post on Thursday!

Anyhow, just wanted to update everyone who has helped me out on here!  I will let you guys know the verdict just as soon as I find out! 

Hope everybody had a safe and happy Holiday!!

Mike

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #31 on: January 01, 2010, 06:14:21 PM »
Waiting isn't easy of course, but I do expect a happy ending for you on this story.
Andy Velez

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #32 on: January 06, 2010, 10:27:43 PM »
Well now I am sure I'm going to get positive results tomorrow.  The same guy from the same clinic that did my 6 and 10 weeks tests told me to come into the clinic to get my test results tomorrow.  The guy who is in charge of testing and counseling gave me my two negative tests over the phone before!!!!  Why on Earth wouldn't he do the same thing for these results?!   ??? I knew something was going to go wrong between 10 and 14 week tests based on all the symptoms I have been having.  I was hoping that i fell into the "normal range" of people who seroconvert by 6 weeks, but of course I wouldn't be that lucky!  I wonder if it's true that the Orasure tests just don't detect antibodies as accurately/quickly as other tests do?  Since I'm sure I'm going to test positive tomorrow, do I have to change my user name or do anything different to start posting in the POZ section?  I'm so upset right now!   :'( 

Offline Ann

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Re: Help
« Reply #33 on: January 07, 2010, 08:10:53 AM »
agent,

He probably just wants to give you the safer sex talk. I really do not expect your ten week negative to change.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline agenteye

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« Reply #34 on: January 07, 2010, 12:30:21 PM »
Thanks Ann, I really hope so!  I am freaking out now, but then again, I did sleep with someone who turned out to be HIV positive, so what do I expect if I test positive, I did it to myself!  There is a reason HIV continues to be a pandemic...so shame on me for not making a more responsible decision to protect myself and to trust somebody who I shouldn't have trusted!  I really hope there is a possibility that my ill feelings are anxiety related, and that 2 months of being completely and utterly stressed knowing that you were exposed can make your body feel this crummy!   Today has been the longest day of my entire life, and it's only 9:20 in the morning!  God help me get through the work day and safely to the clinic.  At least my mom is driving me there and coming with me for the results because I told her I can't do it alone, and that if she doesn't go, I don't know if I will....really going to be nice having her by my side for this  :-\  I know not showing up won't change the results, but I feel that I'll start driving there, and freak out and turn around...haha, so if I have a chaperone, then I won't have that option! 

Anyhow, I don't have great expectations that this will turn out good, but I will let the people of this forum know one way or another....just may take me some time to gather my thoughts with a positive result.....before I come around to a normal sociable level! 

Thanks for listening, hoping tonight works out okay.....I swear that if it does I will NEVER make a mistake like this again!  NEVER, as God as my witness!

Hoping everyone else is happy and healthy today!



M

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #35 on: January 07, 2010, 10:36:09 PM »
OH MY GOSH!!   ;D  I got my 96 day Orasure test results back and they were negative!!!  I really can't believe it at all....I mean, considering the circumstances of my exposure, I didn't think I stood a chance, even if you guys (the experts) were telling me that my 2 other test results were unlikely to change!  I just wanted to let you know the good news Ann and Andy!  I feel like a tremendous burden has been lifted from my soul, and I WILL NEEEEEVER allow something so stupid to happen...EVER again!!  I really still can't believe that he told me that they were negative, and I hope I can really let go and trust those results!!

Just an update for future plans for me:

 After the good news tonight I am going to schedule another appointment with A DIFFERENT doctor to try and get to the root of why I'm feeling so crummy!  If Anxiety is capable of what my body has gone through the last 2 months....well then excessive stress can really F You Up good and proper!  I think it could be something else, so I seek to get a second opinion!  While I am at the new doctor trying to figure out the neuropathy/headaches, I am going to ask for a referral to a psychiatrist....I really do think this event was traumatic enough to require me to see a professional if I am going to move on, because my head is not in a good place right now and hasn't been for a while now!  I have also decided to volunteer 2 weekends a month at my local Aids Service Organization in town.  They are really nice people there, and I want to have some part in HIV education/awareness in my local community so that NOBODY goes through the torment of what I just did!  Lastly, I have decided to have one final test at 6 months (Well, the beginning of April.....Just to make sure)  The guy from the clinic said it wasn't necessary, but some people need it to move on and that I could test then again if I liked!!!  Anyhow, the next post you'll see from me will be for my 6 month confirmatory results sometime in mid-April, but I just wanted to say THANK YOU to everyone on here who answered questions, and helped me stay positive, and sent me nice PM's along the way!  I really do appreciate these forums, and what is done for the people here!  Thank you Ann and Andy for all your responses to my posts, I'm sure I seem like a complete basket-case.....I can assure you both that under normal circumstances, I am a pretty grounded and reasonable kid....so Thank You both for your patience with me!

Wishing everybody a Safe, Happy and Healthy New Year!  I'll be poking my head in from time to time to say hello, as I've met some really great friends on these forums!  If anybody ever visits Lake Tahoe, Nevada (my home) please don't hesitate to look me up!

Very Sincerely,

Mike

Offline Ann

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Re: Help
« Reply #36 on: January 08, 2010, 07:34:04 AM »
agent,

Just make sure condoms are being used in future and you'll be fine where hiv is concerned. It really is that simple!

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #37 on: January 21, 2010, 05:28:53 PM »
Hello guys....I'm back again!  Sorry you had to see me again, but I am a nervous wreck still and can't shake the bad thoughts!   I am absolutely still convinced that I am infected (I KNOW!!   I fully realize I have OCD stemming  from this traumatic incident.....and I am not here for more reassurance that my 13 week 6 day Orasure test is extremely unlikely to change....and, I am getting a referral from my GP to see a mental health professional, so you don't have to tell me to do so). 

I just had a couple of questions that I had been thinking of as of lately, and I was hoping a moderator or someone with experience where HIV is concerned could help shine some light on the subject.  Please forgive me if these questions have been answered in a previous thread and I have missed them.

1.)  When you speak of seroconversion POSSIBLY being delayed longer than 3 months for those with compromised immune systems and who take IV drugs daily......well, what about other drug use?  I only ask because I experimented with cocaine/ecstasy on several occasions over the course of a year back when I first started college.  While I haven't touched drugs in over 7 years.....I have done the two aformentioned recreationally in the past!  Do you foresee this being a cause for delayed seroconversion?

2.)  You mention that Autoimmune diseases can cause false positives, but GENERALLY shouldn't cause delayed seroconversion?   Hypothetically (and I am unsure if you guys are aware of this condition), if somebody had Guillain-Barre Syndrom as a result of Primary HIV infection, would it be possible for seroconversion to be delayed past 3 months?  There was an article written online saying 5 cases of people who got GB from primary HIV infection had seroconversion delayed as long as 5 months (two at 3-months, two at 4-months and one at 5-months), but this literature was also dated 2002/2003, so I was wondering if those cases were due to HIV tests not being as sensitive as they are now-a-days, or if it is possible for this particular (temporary) autoimmune disorder to interfer with "conclusive" testing windows??

Below is a brief description of the disorder so you don't have to Google anything:  :)

All forms of Guillain–Barré syndrome are due to an immune response to foreign antigens (such as infectious agents) that are mistargeted at host nerve tissues instead. The targets of such immune attack are thought to be gangliosides, compounds naturally present in large quantities in human nerve tissues. The most common antecedent infection is the bacteria Campylobacter jejuni.[13] However, 60% of cases do not have a known cause; one study suggests that some cases are triggered by the influenza virus, or by an immune reaction to the influenza virus.[14]

The end result of such autoimmune attack on the peripheral nerves is damage to the myelin, the fatty insulating layer of the nerve, and a nerve conduction block, leading to a muscle paralysis that may be accompanied by sensory or autonomic disturbances.



Sorry to be a pain, just hoping someone can enlighten me on the above!  As always, I really appreciate the invaluable services you provide to me and the others here!

Have a great day, and thanks again!

Offline Ann

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Re: Help
« Reply #38 on: January 21, 2010, 06:27:21 PM »
agent,

1. Absolutely NOT.

2. Autoimmune problems do not cause delayed seroconversion, they cause false positives.

You've used this site in place seeing mental health professionals for long enough now.
If you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote

Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.


Please consider yourself warned!

Ann
« Last Edit: January 21, 2010, 06:29:24 PM by Ann »
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #39 on: January 21, 2010, 06:46:29 PM »
I was just asking those 2 questions, I have never seen them or asked about them before!?!  I don't feel like I was abusing the forums or posting the same information over and over so I do apologize if I am out of line!!   I just wanted clarification in understanding people who MIGHT seroconvert later.  I am sorry to have offended anyone on here, I was just trying to cover ALL ground!

Thanks for your time anyways!

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #40 on: January 21, 2010, 07:59:29 PM »
...and we're just interested in focusing on the particulars of each person's actual situation. In your case we expect you to continue to test negative.

Stop with the buts and whats and conjectures and get on with your life.
Andy Velez

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #41 on: January 22, 2010, 11:24:23 AM »
Thanks Andy, I appreciate it, I will try my best to get back to normality in my life and won't post updates on my worries/fears!!  If I still test negative at 6 months, I promise you will never see me again!   ;D

Ann, sorry to have upset you!  My intentions really weren't bad, I just wanted clarification on those 2 questions, so Thank You for answering them for me!

I hope you guys have a great rest of the Winter Season!  It's 18 F here and snowing a good deal....so hopefully it is warmer where everybody else is!  Happy Friday to you all!

Mike

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Help
« Reply #42 on: January 22, 2010, 01:13:14 PM »
Ann isn't upset. That's not why she warned you. We are simply not willing to indulge you (or anyone here) in hand holding and repeating the same information everytime you have "just one more question" or another burst of anxiety.

That's not our purpose here. ...which brings us to handing out a Time Out every now and then.
Andy Velez

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #43 on: January 22, 2010, 01:38:47 PM »
I guess upset isn't the word I meant to use....I guess I meant sorry for "annoying" her!  Sorry Ann!   :-* Just hard for us AmI's to listen to and accept the advice from somebody,  however good and logical it may be, when we are as scared as we are; possibly dealing with something as scary as HIV!   Thanks again for your help Andy, it makes perfect sense why the time outs are in place....I really do appreciate the clarification!!

Have a great weekend!

M

Offline agenteye

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Re: Help
« Reply #44 on: April 08, 2010, 09:58:14 PM »
Hey Everybody!

Well, I just wanted to let the moderators and everyone here know that I just went and took my 6 month (193 day) antibody test today (rapid test with blood drop....first three were Orasure swabs) and the results came back negative.  Contrary to what everybody told me, I just didn't believe with as crummy as I have been feeling that it was possible!  I just wanted to say a BIG THANKS to everyone on here who helped me through this most F***ED UP time in my life!!   I have learned so much about myself, who I'm not, and the kind of person I want to be in the future.  This has been the most HORRIBLE 6 months in my entire life, and I promise you will never see me on here again, as I have more than learned my lesson!!

On a side note, I am not completely crazy....and all the symptoms I have been having the last 6 months prompted me to have medical tests done....and those indicate there is something wrong with me.  I have had multiple blood tests with multiple abnormalities......and more and more tests are being run to see what is going on with me....but sufficed to say it's not HIV!

I wish everybody on these forums the best of health, and the best life always!  Hoping we find a cure very soon!

Very Sincerely and Gratefully!

Mike

Offline Ann

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Re: Help
« Reply #45 on: April 09, 2010, 06:53:49 AM »

On a side note, I am not completely crazy....and all the symptoms I have been having the last 6 months prompted me to have medical tests done....and those indicate there is something wrong with me.  I have had multiple blood tests with multiple abnormalities......and more and more tests are being run to see what is going on with me....but sufficed to say it's not HIV!


Agent,

Thank you for admitting that. I wish I had a dollar for every time I've told someone here to see their doctor if they feel unwell. Too many focus exclusively on hiv - even when it could not possibly be hiv - and in doing so are missing something else that is serious.

People, learn from this and SEE YOUR DOCTOR if you feel unwell.

No surprise on your six month negative - you had a conclusive negative result at THREE months.

Keep using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, and you will remain hiv negative. It really is that simple!

Ann
« Last Edit: April 09, 2010, 06:56:48 AM by Ann »
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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