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Author Topic: Becoming positive...  (Read 1495 times)

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Offline ndrew

  • Member
  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Becoming positive...
« on: August 17, 2006, 07:46:19 PM »
How do you keep going?  What inspires you?  How do you keep smiling amidst all the pain- whether physical or psychological?

I have found myself in some challenging emotional times and I am interested in how people manage tough times and what your "spoon full of sugar is that makes the medicine go down"?

I have been so absorbed with interior monologues of rejection, damage, longing and insecurity, that I have forgotten that this painful weather is just that, something that will pass...  I have forgotten the POTENTIAL that we each contain for bringing wonderful actions into the world.

If you are what you eat, then are you also what you think or is it more important what you do?

Offline appleboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 344
  • Just me!
Re: Becoming positive...
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2006, 08:19:39 PM »
Ndrew,
What keeps me going is I know no matter what I can win this battle and the fight makes me push harder.  What makes me smile in midst of total dispair is my knowing I am loved by God, my family and friends.  I have learned one great powerful thing about being rejected and that is if someone rejects me then it was not meant to be.  I use the example of someone wants to have sex with me and I tell them I am poz and they run off never to heard from again what did I miss nothing at all.  I also use my dad as an example who told me he hated me and that he wanted nothing do with me when I came out as gay.  I decided it is his loss not mine.  I love my saying that we are dealt a hand and it is not how bad the hand is but how we play that hand.  I am determined through thick or thin that I will play this hand that has been given to me and damn it I am going to have fun doing it!
Laugh hard laugh lots!
AppleBoy
If you are walking down the street and your pants drop to your ankles bend over pick them up and keep on walking!
My Blog

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: Becoming positive...
« Reply #2 on: August 17, 2006, 09:52:47 PM »
Hello Andrew, How do I keep going? I have a strong support system in place...including AM!!! I am healthy, I can walk, talk, see, breathe, hear, there is so much to be thankful for!

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: Becoming positive...
« Reply #3 on: August 17, 2006, 11:49:48 PM »
I find breathing pretty knifty... :)

Offline Rightbrain

  • Member
  • Posts: 54
Re: Becoming positive...
« Reply #4 on: August 18, 2006, 12:38:16 AM »
Ndrew,

I think in some ways I don't "get it" yet.  It's been just short of 4 years.  My T cells went down to 100 but I've never had anything worse that a normal cold and my meds are easy.  So in many ways it doesn't seem like I have anything serious.  My losses in some ways have been tremendous.  I was a full time minister of music at a Presbyterian church in Roseville CA, and was promptly shown the door.  Don't get me wrong-I was unfaithful to my wife and knew the "door" was comming.  But I never heard from them again-ever.  A "How are you" or "Can we pray with you" or even a fruit basket would have been nice.  That still haunts me terribly.  I know that I need to forgive, but also wonder if I have so much anger that I need something to attach it to.  I find myself easily irritated at small things.  Is it part of the process, is it other feelings I'm afraid to feel, low testosterone, or is it just Sustiva. 

I work in another church now in West Sacramento in which I have disclosed to many people.  They love me and accept me.  I gave up starting Doctoral work for them because they've been so kind.  I'm honestly not sure how to say I make it.  I have tremendous hope and look forward to so many things.  I'm working on being an organist and just bought a cello.  I've also added oil pastels to my available art media.  On the other hand I'm so angry but not sure why.  I'm not very good at expressing anger so I tailgate slow drivers until I'm sure they hate me.

Thank you for asking.

brother joe
If there's a cure I hope I can have all the leftover Sustiva.

Offline otherplaces

  • Member
  • Posts: 398
  • Mutant Super Hero
Re: Becoming positive...
« Reply #5 on: August 18, 2006, 01:32:36 AM »

Ndrew,

There's no simple answer. And there is no sugar.  There is love.  There is hope. 

A good many of my friends have distanced themselves from me.  Their initial niceties of proper support turned into, 'good luck, see you around'.  Times can be hard.  But I stand up every day because I believe in myself, because I have love, and I have hope.

Since my diagnosis I have had my failures.  I have struggled.  But I have also found a strength that most will never find in their lives.  I woke up everyday to a nightmare, but still pushed through the day.  I have confronted my greatest fears.  And while it is almost impossible to express how difficult it was to go through these trials.  The fact is I went through them and survived....as will you.  I continue to struggle.  But some days I have to wonder...what can't I do!!!!?

A few weeks ago an old friend came back into my life after finding out my status.  This was unexpected.  But the love and support she's given me has touched me deeply and far surpassed others.  It's hard to know what will come.  But the days go on, and people surprize you, and they make life worth living.  This gives me so much hope.

Be strong.  You will push through.  I assure you.

love,
brian




Offline angels4kelly

  • Member
  • Posts: 305
  • IT JUST IS!!.....OKAY!
Re: Becoming positive...
« Reply #6 on: August 18, 2006, 09:24:30 AM »
Hi Ndrew,
I have a very strong support system. This helps tremendously!

I also have one very simple thing that gets me through my emotionally challenging and physically challenging times, it's the simple fact that....

       I KNOW THAT THINGS COULD BE MUCH, MUCH WORSE! NO DOUBT ABOUT IT!

Take care ;D

Peace,
Kelly
POSITIVE SINCE-10/1990
CD4-610
CD4%-29.3
VL-UNDETECTABLE
VIREAD,VIRACEPT, EPZICOM

MOST RECENT...
10/9/2006
CD4's-714
CD4%-30%
VL-Undetectable
DIAGNOSES POSITIVE 10/90
SAME MEDS, VIREAD, VIRAMUNE, EPZICOM.

SHOOT FOR THE MOON! YOU MAY MISS,
BUT YOU'LL LAND IN THE STARS :)

Knowing others is intelligence;
knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength;
mastering yourself is true power.
 
Failure is not in falling down,
but the staying down

Offline gemini20

  • Member
  • Posts: 261
Re: Becoming positive...
« Reply #7 on: August 18, 2006, 01:43:47 PM »
Ndrew,

I believe we all have an inner strength that we don't know exists until we have to find it. Mine has certainly pulled me through 15 years of living with HIV. In the beginning I chose to throw myself into the 'HIV world' - joined support groups, went into counselling and for the first few years it was a tremendous help to know that I wasn't going through this alone.

However for the last decade the HIV world has to a great extent disappeared from my life (except via these forums). I am very lucky to have supportive friends who have stuck by me when most of my immediate family did not but most of them do not live near me to provide that daily contact and support.

On the odd occasion that I may get down I have a couple of contingency plans to pull me through - the extreme one is buying a plane ticket to Sydney, Australia where three very special friends live (done that 5 times in 15 years!); less extreme is going to hear live music which for me is always uplifting. I also make sure that my diary has events to look forward to in the future so that I can see a reason to keep on going if times ever get tough again - at the moment that's 3 Bruce Springsteen gigs in the UK in November!!

And like someone else has said, I recognise that while living with HIV is not an easy ride, I am much better off than a lot of other people.

Best wishes,

Emma

Diagnosed 11th September 1991
Current CD4 count 484 (26%); viral load undetectable (December 2011).
Restarting boosted Prezista 08/04/11

Offline ndrew

  • Member
  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: Becoming positive...
« Reply #8 on: August 18, 2006, 04:08:59 PM »
Thanks for your replies, here is a summary of what I have gathered from them-

A support system, such as this forum, family and friends who stay by your side through the tough stuff.

How we manage or deal with the challenges of life constructively.

Being thankful for what we have.

Breathing (Eric, I am not sure if this is meditation, breathing exercises or being thankful for life as well?)

Learning something new or being creative.

Utilizing the great strength we have as humans to overcome adversity and to find hope.

Getting out-of-town.

Listening to music/performance.

Scheduling exciting things to look forward to.

These are all wonderful, I could add some as well- going to the gym, focussing on work/routine to get through the worst stress.  This is very helpful for me, I need this now.  Does anyone else have anything to add?  What about growth?  If I am always avoiding stress or negative experiences for health concerns, how will I ever grow?

Thanks!
Andrew

 


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