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Author Topic: So scared  (Read 3399 times)

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Offline justthinking82

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So scared
« on: October 18, 2009, 04:29:25 PM »
Hi guys,

Just want to say reading some of these posts really helps. I can sum up by saying that I had a very high risk exposure in west africa. The exposure didn't last long but the bottom line was that it was unprotected vaginal. As so many my poor judgement was alcohol induced. Now I risk losing everything that is most important to me in this world. By no means am I saying my life is over, it will just be a life that I will have to build new dreams with. All I keep hoping is that, I am lucky she was clean, and that odds are in my favor. But all it takes is that once.

It has been nearly 2.5 weeks from my exposure, and am going to go and get a rapid test done in 4 weeks as that is the soonest I can get to a clinic. Can you comment on something i have read? I read that HIV-2 which is present more in Africa becomes more and more infectious, does this mean it is easier to transmit from person to person? As well does this mean that it is also harder to control with medication?As well if you have a head cold, does that weaken your immune system meaning it is easier to be infected with the virus.

It is difficult to be thinking about having HIV, but worse to think I will be infected with an HIV that is less understood and more difficult to maintain. I do plan on going for more tests at the 6 week and 3 month period. I have not had relations with my partner since this possible exposure, and will not until I have been confirmed neg. My anxiety is so high that I am even breaking out in a sun burn body rash (at least I hope that is what it is from)

I am very scared about getting tested in 2 weeks and how it will hurt those I care most about. Thank you so much for your insight.

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2009, 05:35:53 PM »
sorry forgot to also ask, is HIV-2 more difficult to detect than HIV-1 as in will not show up for 3months versus 6 weeks.

thanks

Online Andy Velez

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Re: So scared
« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2009, 06:32:58 PM »
Your worrying level is way out of proportion to the actual risk. Yes, having unprotected intercourse is definitely risky. However, transmitting HIV significantly harder to accomplish from female to male than the other way around.

The odds are in your favor that from a single exposure such as you have described you will test negative.

If you have intercourse again outside of a monogamous relationship you should always without exception use a condom. It is true that until you test negative you need to be using condoms if you have intercourse with your partner. If you test negative at 6 weeks the likelihood is very strong that you will continue to test negative.

Good luck and keep us posted.
Andy Velez

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #3 on: October 19, 2009, 05:50:30 PM »
Andy,

I really do hope your right and that the odds are in my favor. Something that I should add to explain my level of anxiety is that prior to this unprotected exposure I really new little or understood anything about HIV and its stats. About two months before this recent exposure, I was with another SW in west africa and she gave me oral and we had anal sex. She was very proactive about using a condom and I saw that it was a new condom but never what kind. The condom never tore or ripped, and i didn't cum inside her. About 1 week later I developed a small red rash with three small pimple like bumps below my chest and then about a week to two weeks after I started to experience sore muscles joints, extreme difficulty swallowing, loss of apetite, headache and had a night of bad chills, this all only lasted maybe 24hrs. At the time I never worried about it, but after reading all of the symptoms of ARS as I was worried about my recent exposure, I can not help but think this protected exposure was compromised by a bad condom or something else.  I am normally a very healthy person that very very rarely gets sick.

I am hoping that some how I just caught a bug, and that because I had been active and working out that is why my joints hurt as they did. I know that ARS is a horrible way to asses risk for HIV, but with my level of stress I can not help but wonder.

I can't believe what I may have destroyed in my life and worse yet if i was infected from my first encounter that I could have infected my life. I can tell you + or - this has been a huge eye opener for the way that I live my life and conduct myself. Yes like another poster I am a cart before the horse kinda person.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: So scared
« Reply #4 on: October 19, 2009, 07:49:16 PM »
The earlier incident was not risky. You used a condom. It didn't break and those so-called symptoms about which you are getting into a twist are in no way HIV specific.

And ultimately I still expect you to test negative.
Andy Velez

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #5 on: October 19, 2009, 11:24:59 PM »
As always thanks. After your last post I have made up my mind that I am going to stop looking at it on the internet all time. It is consuming me + my partner (love of my life) which I had contact with after the experience is was recently tummy sick and vomitting. This stress and anxiety is driving me up the wall. I then read some of the stories of others prior to be diagnosised + and I went through the roof. My skin has a constant burning sensation, and looks like it is slightly sunburn but only noticiable when touched, but the degree of it varies from day to day (have had it for a 6 days now). I really have no one I can talk to about this, which is why I express my worries here.

So until I test no more internet searches on ARS and HIV.

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #6 on: October 20, 2009, 03:49:50 AM »
Well there is little doubt in my mind now that I managed to get HIV from my protected anal exposure (must of been bad condom, as I won't blame oral) cause the love of my life is sick. She is throwing up, no apetite, fatigue and has diaherria.

We are half a world apart right now, but don't want to tell her that she needs to go get check over the phone, i wanted to do this in person.....such a shitty day.

Offline Ann

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Re: So scared
« Reply #7 on: October 20, 2009, 04:00:47 AM »
just,

The ONLY risk you've had is unprotected vaginal. And just because your partner is ill does NOT mean you've been infected. It's cold and flu season in most of the world right now.

You've had a risk that's very much on the low end of the scale and like Andy I fully expect you to test negative.

Please know that you won't be permitted to use this forum to go on and on about symptoms - yours or your partner's. Symptoms - or even the LACK of symptoms - means nothing when it comes to hiv infection. ONLY testing at the appropriate time will reliably reveal your hiv status.

If either you or your partner feel unwell, go see a doctor. It's not likely to have anything to do with hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #8 on: October 21, 2009, 01:21:23 AM »
Ann,

Sorry I was not meaning to express my symptoms or hers over and over again. I was merely expressing my fear. Heartbreaking to think you have hurt someone else (sad that this was the wake up call it took). As I said before I have stopped looking at symptoms to get away from the what ifs. If i could go for testing I would go right now, but i have to wait a few more weeks until I am somewhere I can do it.

I am trying to stop thinking about the what ifs and keep myself busy. I am getting a rapid blood test done in 3 weeks along with the STI suite.

Thanks,

Online Andy Velez

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Re: So scared
« Reply #9 on: October 21, 2009, 09:59:20 AM »
Fortunately feelings aren't facts. And I do still expect you to test negative.
Andy Velez

Offline Ann

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Re: So scared
« Reply #10 on: October 21, 2009, 04:14:30 PM »
Just,

You need to read the posting guidelines found in our Welcome thread. Earlier today I removed a post you left in someone else's thread and just now I removed a post you left in a forum you are not supposed to post in.

If you read the Welcome Thread before posting like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guidelines:

Quote


With the exception of the “Am I Infected?” and “Off Topic” Forums, the AIDSmeds.com Forums are intended for people who have been diagnosed with HIV (or their loved ones/caregivers).  If you are questioning or unaware of your HIV status, please refrain from posting messages or questions in the Forums intended for HIV-positive people.


Quote

Only those Moderators and members who are authorized to answer questions in the Am I Infected? forum are permitted do so. Unauthorized responses may be deleted without permission of the poster. Repeatedly posting replies of this nature may result in a Time Out or permanent ban, at the discretion of the Moderator Team.


Please consider yourself warned.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #11 on: October 21, 2009, 04:32:12 PM »
I apologize. You can consider this my last post for awhile until tested. I didn't realize that posting such an innocent question would be as big of a deal. Again sorry.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: So scared
« Reply #12 on: October 21, 2009, 05:01:20 PM »
Posting in threads and Forums where you are not supposed to be IS a big deal.

Maybe not to you,  but we have good reasons for the rules here.

Andy Velez

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #13 on: October 21, 2009, 05:21:08 PM »
I am apologetic. perhaps my statement of "I didn't realize that posting such an innocent question would be as big of a deal." was written in bad context (should have been written i was just looking for information from the post), thats not how i wanted it to sound. again i am truely sorry it will never happen again. I was not try to be disrespectful.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: So scared
« Reply #14 on: October 21, 2009, 06:07:21 PM »
OK.

Good luck when you test.
Andy Velez

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #15 on: October 24, 2009, 12:12:21 AM »
I would just like to confirm something. Most instant tests pick up HIV 1 and 2 correct? An ELISA test will pick up HIV 1 and 2, but there is no western blot test to confirm for HIV 2 correct?

Thanks

Offline Ann

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Re: So scared
« Reply #16 on: October 24, 2009, 06:31:52 AM »
just,

Yes, most rapid tests pick up both hiv 1 and 2. There has been a WB that will detect hiv2 since the early '90s.

You're even less likely to end up with hiv2 out of this experience than you are hiv1. Hiv2 is even more difficult to transmit than hiv1 is - that's why hiv2 is so much less prevalent world-wide.  I'm fully expecting you to test negative following this one-time vaginal incident.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #17 on: October 24, 2009, 02:28:22 PM »
Ann,

Thanks for the reply. Other sites have stated that HIV-2 is 5 to 8 times harder to transmit than HIV-1. I was thinking that this would increase the odds in my favor as everything I was reading for HIV in west africa was describing HIV-2. Only after I started to dig deeper (nothing but time and anxiety on my hands with internet access), did i realize that HIV-1 is still a big issues in certain places in west africa. Damn. I am not looking for a response from anyone on this.

T-7 days until testing......

Hope everyone is having a great day.

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #18 on: October 27, 2009, 11:00:26 PM »
Well clean or not I have lost my partner as she knows the story now. I do deserve this. It makes it harder as she is so much less informed than me. i have spent 12hrs a day reading things on this site, which have gained comfort in if i am positive. life sucks.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: So scared
« Reply #19 on: October 28, 2009, 08:05:56 AM »
Well one thing your reading hasn't taught you is about how offensive using the term "clean" is in relation to HIV status. It's offensive because it implies anyone with the virus is dirty.

The appropriate terms to use regarding HIV status are positive and negative. 
Andy Velez

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #20 on: October 28, 2009, 01:47:15 PM »
Your 100% right. Sorry about this. There are many wonderful people on here.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: So scared
« Reply #21 on: October 28, 2009, 02:01:08 PM »
OK.
Andy Velez

Offline justthinking82

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Re: So scared
« Reply #22 on: November 16, 2009, 01:12:17 PM »
Well after 5 weeks I went and had a ELISA test done here in Canada. Negative! I realize that I still have to wait until the 3 month mark, but this in itself is a huge relief as I believe I read that 90% sero in the first 3-4 weeks.

I look forward to writing back again in 5 weeks to post another negative result I hope. Stress can do amazing things to the body. I have been online researching and learning almost everyday since my exposure, and I have to stay it has really opened my eyes to this condition. There are many wonderful people that have HIV and there is stigma that needs to be overcome. I know that this is something I would like to help change through volunteering.

Again thank Ann and Andy for your support. Hopefully I write back in 5 weeks with the same news.

Online Andy Velez

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Re: So scared
« Reply #23 on: November 16, 2009, 01:59:50 PM »
All but a very, very small number of those who are going to seroconvert will do so within 4-6 weeks.

We expect you to continue to test negative.
Andy Velez

 


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