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Author Topic: Not sure how to feel  (Read 1650 times)

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Offline a75

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Not sure how to feel
« on: November 06, 2009, 01:21:18 PM »
I was last tested in November of 2007 and have been engaging in some very risky behavior and i'm pretty sure its caught up to me....

I have a history of self destructive behavior, however, it usually resulted in me cutting myself or suicide attempts.  Since I was last tested its almost like I was tryng to get sick.  I've been with scores of sexworkers and have had unprotected vaginal sex about 12 times with them.   It was usually a few quick seconds, just to be dumb.  Id say I had about 30 mins of unprotected sex total with all of them.

I've been coming to this forum since I had my first scare about 3 yrs ago, but never posted...just looked over the information. I used to think I could contract HIV through oral sex,but you guys set me straight here with your info.  I guess I started having unprotected intercourse b/c oral wasnt risky enough..

So....today I went and had my first HIV test in almost 2 years.  I have developed a rash on my shoulder/arm that is pretty textbook as far as the ARS rash goes.  Little clusters of bumps that are slightly raised, however, these are very itchy and I havent seen too many places where its mentioned that it itches.  I havent had a sore throat or any enlarged glands, but right now I have a pretty sharp pain in my lower back. 

I actually had the idea to get tested not b/c of my rash...but b/c a prostitute that I had seen a couple of days ago was almost forcing me to have unprotected sex with her.  I had unprotected sex with her in the beginning of july and hadn't seen her since.  When I asked her to come to my place she agreed, however, once i asked her to bring protection she got kinda angry and said she couldnt stop and assured me she was clean.  I asked her when she got tested and she said a couple of months ago....I told her I wouldnt see her without using protection so she bought some.  When she got here I kinda slipped in the testing question again and she said she was tested sept 30th (which i know is BS).  I called her on her inconsistencies and she goes on to tell me that she has a boyfriend and she's pregnant with his child and she wouldn't endanger her baby (which makes no sense b/c i didnt lie to her about the last time i was tested...2yrs is a long stretch for you to be comfy with having sex w/someone).   The more lies she made up the more I thought she might be sick.  So here I am, I just got tested and I have to wait a couple of weeks for my results....

I honestly dont know why I posted this, i'm not sure anyone can offer me any advice other than to go to the loony bin.  I just reread my post and to be honest, its pretty disturbing.  I'm not sure what to do...I dont have insurance and cant see a psychiatrist which is probably what i need to do....

Offline Ann

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Re: Not sure how to feel
« Reply #1 on: November 06, 2009, 01:52:55 PM »
a75,

Good luck with the test. As hiv is more difficult to transmit from a woman to a man, you have a decent chance of testing negative, but you need to wise up and stop having unprotected intercourse.

And by the way, your rash is nowhere near "textbook" for the rash that people sometimes get during ARS. It's not raised at all and it doesn't itch. It's more like a flushing/reddening just under the skin.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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