Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 01, 2014, 05:49:27 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 640650
  • Total Topics: 48665
  • Online Today: 181
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 1
Guests: 134
Total: 135

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Young and having HIV  (Read 4099 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline TheRoof

  • Member
  • Posts: 188
Young and having HIV
« on: October 03, 2009, 08:56:53 PM »
I am going to be 20 soon, I feel that dating is the worst. I've pretty much have said to myself that I would only feel comfortable dating someone who is also +.
I would not feel comfortable dating someone who is negative even with protection. (It's just the guilt to me personally) So I try to find someone who is Positive. There is just more. In common of understanding this. Does it make sense a little bit.

My problem is. I am young. There is no virtually NO people my age who are positive in Southern Arizona. I've requested a statistic at the hospital I go to. It is mostly men in their 30-50's. But 0% of people in 18-26 age bracket. That really depressed me.

I would only feel comfortable dating someone in my age range, because of common interests. College. etc. but at this point it is virtually impossible.

Anyone have suggestions in anyway possible. No age required to respond either.
I've tried a poz dating site no luck. 0 results.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2009, 09:03:48 PM by TheRoof »

Offline Assurbanipal

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,173
  • Taking a forums break, still see PM's
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2009, 09:10:11 PM »
Are there any near by ASO's based near local colleges?  Might be worth checking in personally with the staff to see if there are support groups or anything of that sort
5/06 VL 1M+, CD4 22, 5% , pneumonia, thrush -- O2 support 2 months, 6/06 +Kaletra/Truvada
9/06 VL 3959 CD4 297 13.5% 12/06 VL <400 CD4 350 15.2% +Pravachol
2007 VL<400, 70, 50 CD4 408-729 16.0% -19.7%
2008 VL UD CD4 468 - 538 16.7% - 24.6% Osteoporosis 11/08 doubled Pravachol, +Calcium/D
02/09 VL 100 CD4 616 23.7% 03/09 VL 130 5/09 VL 100 CD4 540 28.4% +Actonel (osteoporosis) 7/09 VL 130
8/09  new regimen Isentress/Epzicom 9/09 VL UD CD4 621 32.7% 11/09 VL UD CD4 607 26.4% swap Isentress for Prezista/Norvir 12/09 (liver and muscle issues) VL 50
2010 VL UD CD4 573-680 26.1% - 30.9% 12/10 VL 20
2011 VL UD-20 CD4 568-673 24.7%-30.6%
2012 VL UD swap Prezista/Norvir for Reyataz drop statin CD4 768-828 26.7%-30.7%

Offline TheRoof

  • Member
  • Posts: 188
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2009, 09:14:44 PM »
I mean it's to the point where I've tried support groups


I'm still years away from completing my Bachelor Finance Degree. I would only be 23 when I'm done with college. Only then could I think about moving to a large city like L.A or NYC. (I'm sure then I would have more luck, but that is years away) I'm from a decently "large' city. Over a mil (aka. Tucson) Huge University too.

I went to a support group. My psychiatrist was talking about a "Younger" support group last year. I was actually thrilled. Though I forgot to ask him what was the actual ages. When he said "Young Support Group" I assumed it would be people in their mid-20's. Because I thought he would correlate MY age as I'm a teen.

Though when I showed up. It was mostly people in their mid-30's. (To give a point of how much of an age gap that is. Both of my parents are 39 years old right know.)  I think the youngest person was a woman in her late 20's. That is when I was 18.

Would there be any "successful" stories. I mean I'm not going to go on a rant where I feel very depressed that I can't find anyone, I just force myself to focus on school. But in the end it f'ing sucks not having anyone my age in real life to relate to.

Ugh sorry. Trying not to rant.
« Last Edit: October 03, 2009, 09:23:16 PM by TheRoof »

Offline sdguyloveslife

  • Member
  • Posts: 134
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2009, 09:52:03 PM »
I am going to be 20 soon, I feel that dating is the worst. I've pretty much have said to myself that I would only feel comfortable dating someone who is also +.
I would not feel comfortable dating someone who is negative even with protection. (It's just the guilt to me personally) So I try to find someone who is Positive. There is just more. In common of understanding this. Does it make sense a little bit.


I'm almost twice your age and I think this is a hard one for me too, because I go back and forth about whether it makes a difference to date someone who is positive or negative - and what does that mean to me?  Do I think I could date someone who is HIV-negative?  Sure!  I know there's more to me than just my HIV.  Besides, I see other +/- couples doing it, and doing it rather successfully. 

Questions for you that come up for me are:  Why do you think that it's impossible to date an HIV negative person?  What guilt?  I don't believe you would actually intentionally try to infect your partner.  Guilt implies you did something wrong.  Do you still feel guilty yourself for acquiring the virus?  (I, myself still have some of that guilt stirring in me -- even though I know there is no reason for it!)

There are so many ways to minimize risk in a +/- relationship and many are doing this today.  When I was first diagnosed, I had just started seeing someone (he was neg) and my first thought was to get on meds so that I could minimize his exposure.  (Then, I got my numbers and had to go on meds anyway; while he also quietly exited the picture, but that's a whole other story...)

It sounds like you are making your positive HIV status your "defining trait" so significantly that it cuts you off from the rest of the HIV negative world out there.  HIV is not part of your character or who you are - it's just a virus that we happen to be carrying.  Just keep an open mind when it comes to dating...I just know that people are going to love you for who YOU are and your HIV status is not going to make a bit of difference. 

Hang in there...and good luck! 



 
Do not condemn the judgment of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong.

Offline TheRoof

  • Member
  • Posts: 188
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2009, 10:06:54 PM »
It gets a little bit tricky here. I have a psychological problem where I think having sex with a + person leaves me guilt free because I wouldn't be worried about it.

Plus taking meds with someone else who is POZ makes it much easier. Because I feel that person will understand me a lot better.

That is the majority of reason.


sdguyloveslife  -- your post was inspiring though.

Offline Dale Parker

  • Member
  • Posts: 266
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2009, 10:35:52 PM »
I feel the same way at the moment.  I'm only 6 months knowingly positive and would not feel comfortable with a negative. I think in time that feeling may pass. One of my best friends (negative) has a BF who is positive. Another acquaintance is positive and his bf is negative.  Both of these relationships are at least 10 years old. The negatives are still negative. It is possible to be positive and not infect your partner you just have to be careful.
Apr 09  CD4 21, CD4/CD8 ratio 0 VL 500,000+
July 09 CD4 158, CD4/CD812% VL 750
Oct 09 CD4 157 CD4/CD8 14% VL UD
Feb 10 CD4 197, CD4/CD8 11% VL UD
May 10  CD4 252 CD4/CD8 12% VL UD
Aug 10 CD4 211 VL UD
Nov 10 CD4 272 CD4/CD8 0.138 VL UD

Offline mdgjustlikeme

  • Member
  • Posts: 15
  • M.D.G. JUST LIKE ME LIVING WITH HIV
    • www.hivwomenjustlikeme.com
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2009, 11:31:36 PM »
hello everyone, i just wanted to tell bit about myself , maybe it will help some, i have  been living with hiv for 12 years, i was infected by a man after only being with him for 2 months, by this time i had feelings for him, and thought well i will stay with him because i will have hiv before long,well after 2 months i was hiv positive, we married after 2 years 3 years later it ended, life went on and i am now with a wonderful man who is not hiv, i to at one time thought it would be best to be with someone hiv positive, i now believe love can be found for everyone hiv or not, they say you find love when you are not looking for it, but i also understand  how you can feel more comfortable with a partner who was also hiv, so good luck to you all and i hope everyone finds love and friendship,and happiness,  you are young you have a life time to live and love and be loved, follow the Dr's orders and talk to someone my Dr has become one of my dearest friends well tired spent the day with my 3 wonderful grandchildren,they are sleeping so i better get some sleep myself
love Theresa
M.D.G. JUST LIKE ME LIVING WITH HIV

Offline mdgjustlikeme

  • Member
  • Posts: 15
  • M.D.G. JUST LIKE ME LIVING WITH HIV
    • www.hivwomenjustlikeme.com
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #7 on: October 03, 2009, 11:39:58 PM »
sorry,  one more thing  i need to add, i know i am not young but i thought you might want to hear a little of  my story, good night love Theresa
M.D.G. JUST LIKE ME LIVING WITH HIV

Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #8 on: October 04, 2009, 12:33:08 AM »

 hi roof.

I can't help you.  In fact, I probably could be your friggin' grandfather.

But can't you find someone at ASU? One thing about a university town is that it's usually liberal.  Even if there aren't many HIV+ students, I would imagine there is a fair contingent of gay students who would be more than understanding and open about dating someone who is positive. (I can only  guess that maybe being positive for you is what it was like for me being gay in college 40 years ago. (For me to 'date' I had to go behind the bushes for a little tete a tete with a cadet from the Air Force Academy.) Don't let being positive keep you in the closet.)  Open up more to the gay unions and students on campus (or the local community colleges).  I imagine there are quite a few young, gay people/students, negative and positive, in your community.  They're there.  Just keep looking.

Good luck.

robert
..........

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,768
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #9 on: October 04, 2009, 10:22:22 AM »
Wow it must suck to feel so unique.
I think you should talk to a therapist about the fear of dating HIV-.
If you could get over that fear, the pool of likely dating partners will open up.
Something has got to give - either your rule to date your age, your rule to only date HIV++, or your location.

Good luck
« Last Edit: October 04, 2009, 03:45:27 PM by mecch »
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline max123

  • Member
  • Posts: 377
  • Carpe Diem
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #10 on: October 04, 2009, 10:39:48 AM »
hi roof. while i'm not 18, i was recently diagnosed & kind of know where you're coming from...i have asked myself the same questions about poz vs neg partners. when were you diagnosed? for me, i've been taking life day by day & just 'doing me' for now. trying to get comfortable in my new skin & educate myself about the disease, staying healthy  & all that. dating is on the back burner for me, for now. i guess you can say it's the least of my priorities..for me survival is at the top of the list. definitely make sure your priorities are in check...that may make things easier in the long run. you have a long life ahead of you so don't worry man, there's plenty of time for everything. peace out...max
1/86 - 6/08 (annually): neg elisa
7/09: pos elisa/pos wb
8/09: cd4 560, cd4% 35, vl 13,050
12/09: cd4 568, cd4% 33, vl 2,690
4/10: cd4 557, cd4% 29.3, vl 6,440
7/10: cd4 562, cd4% 29.6, vl 3,780

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,141
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #11 on: October 04, 2009, 10:48:21 AM »
OK hun, I'm gonna lay it on the one for you.

I do empathize with the plight of someone so young, living in the area you do, and being in the position you find yourself as described.  But after we get over that weeping, let's recognize a couple of things:  you have placed certain limitations on yourself, and these limitations are your responsibility.  If you can't adjust the limitations, then you get to sit and stew in your own juices for a bunch of years and just become more miserable.  What to do?  Yes, dating another poz boy your age is the ideal, and would be somewhat more easy to accomplish living in NYC or LA, but you don't live there nor are you considering relocating.  I'd probably relocate if this was all so important, but whatever.  Next up is you refuse to even consider dating someone negative, for some vague reason that you label as "guilt" -- not sure what there is to be guilty about, so this sounds like fertile grounds for discussion with a one-on-one therapist possibly.  But you're right, it's going to be harder to find a negative 19 year old in Southern Arizona that wants to date, and that's just how it is.  Again, this would be less of an issue if you relocated elsewhere.  I was quite young when infected almost 20 years ago and I dated plenty of negative guys in NYC.  So let's move on to the last issue -- the age thing.  I totally get it, and personally have always rigorously dated my own age group as I've aged, in a +/- 5 year span due to similar cultural experiences as you described.  But because of your HIV diagnosis, and your geographical limitation, your insistence on this issue is self-defeating and inflexible.  So maybe it means extending the range a further bit to +10 years.  Now really, a 28 year old is not some nasty old troll by any means, and you won't find yourself being preyed upon by a lecher looking to relive their faded beauty, etc.  Like I said, I get that part, and personally shake my head at the 45 year old chasing after teenagers.  But we need not really indulge these men simply by being slightly more flexible with the age issue than you are currently expressing.

So, I guess the bottom line is that if you're not willing to apply to another college in a more accommodating location, then you're going to need to be more open to what I described.  Or conversely you can just be celibate for the next five years and watch a lot of porn, and focus on studying.  That's a valid option, as long as you're honest with it and don't let it depress you.  The bottom line is not to be depressed, so if the celibacy thing is not going to do it for you then you need to locate the 28 year old pozzie.

« Last Edit: October 04, 2009, 10:51:02 AM by Miss Philicia »
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Theyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,519
  • Current ambition. Walk the Dog .
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #12 on: October 04, 2009, 11:35:28 AM »
Hello
Miss p. is very wise, you have reached out by posting your situation on this site and I hope you can continue to do so.Reach out make contact with whoever interrests you, travel if you can, but if a same age bloke wants to whatever with you are you going to reject him because off this guilt thing? hope not at least hear what they have to say.If not you will not be the the first person to hit the big city at 23 horny as hell.
Take care
Theyer
"If we can find the money to kill people, we can find the money to help people ."  Tony Benn

Offline next2u

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,762
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #13 on: October 04, 2009, 12:03:35 PM »
hello roof,

miss p definitely hit the head on the nail. if i were you i'd consider dating a few negative men. or date an older man who is poz. the last option would be to form a long distance relationship with another younger individual. personally, i'd go for the first 2. as aaliyah said, age is only a number.

until you are more comfortable with your status the second option might be more to your liking. you would meet the majority of your criteria and not have to deal with the guilt factor. unfortunately love isn't this rational so you may have to bite the bullet on this one.

until this is resolved i see porn & therapy in your immediate future. and yes, this will be resolved. you are young and have a number of dating years ahead of you. dating may suck now, but it will get better. keep on looking. oh, and whoever you end up with, your age or not, poz or not, do not compromise your basic emotional  needs. if you find the one, don't let him be an ass because he meets the criteria. also, don't let a good one slip away because he doesn't meet the criteria. best of luck to you and keep us posted.

best,
d
midapr07 - seroconversion
sept07 - tested poz
oct07 cd4 1013; vl 13,900; cd4% 41
feb08 cd4  694;  vl 16,160; cd4% 50.1
may08 cd4 546; vl 91,480; cd4% 32
aug08 cd4 576; vl 48,190; cd4% 40.7
dec08 cd4 559; vl 63,020; cd4% 29.4
feb09 cd4 464; vl 11,000; cd4% 26
may09 cd4 544; vl 29,710; cd4% 27.2
oct09 cd4 ...; vl 23,350; cd4% 31.6
mar10 cd4 408; vl 59,050; cd4% 31.4
aug10 cd4 328; vl 80,000; cd4% 19.3 STARTED ATRIPLA
oct10 cd4 423; vl 410 ;); cd4% 30.2
jun11 cd4 439; vl <20 ;); cd4% 33.8 <-Undetectable!
mar12 cd4 695; vl ud; cd4% 38.6
jan13 cd4 738; vl ud; cd4% 36.8
aug13 cd4 930; vl ud; cd4% 44.3
jan14 cd4 813; vl ud; cd4% 42.8
may14 cd4 783; vl *; cd4%43.5

Offline madbrain

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,208
  • No longer an active member
    • My personal site
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #14 on: October 04, 2009, 04:04:04 PM »
I am going to be 20 soon, I feel that dating is the worst. I've pretty much have said to myself that I would only feel comfortable dating someone who is also +.
I would not feel comfortable dating someone who is negative even with protection. (It's just the guilt to me personally) So I try to find someone who is Positive. There is just more. In common of understanding this. Does it make sense a little bit.

My problem is. I am young. There is no virtually NO people my age who are positive in Southern Arizona. I've requested a statistic at the hospital I go to. It is mostly men in their 30-50's. But 0% of people in 18-26 age bracket. That really depressed me.

I would only feel comfortable dating someone in my age range, because of common interests. College. etc. but at this point it is virtually impossible.

Anyone have suggestions in anyway possible. No age required to respond either.
I've tried a poz dating site no luck. 0 results.


I think you need to change your thinking a little bit. First, restricting your dating pool to positive men is not helping. Even if you were a little older and in another location, it would be very difficult.

One reason is that there is still a very strong stigma around HIV, unfortunately. Many poz men do not self-identify as such until after you have met them. So that makes it much harder to seek them out.

Also, about one quarter of the poz men do not even know they carry the virus, and thus won't be in the statistics. I'm sure it's more than 0% of your age group in Arizona, but they are just not reported because they don't get tested.

There is nothing wrong with meeting and having a relationship with negative men. Just be honest with them when you meet them and make sure to disclose before you have sex, and of course have safe sex.

The disclosure is of course the most difficult time, but don't be ashamed, and be prepared to offer information, since most negative people don't know about the specifics of the disease. All they see is a positive person that scares them, but that's not an accurate perception. If you are on medication and have low or undetectable viral load, risks of transmission are reduced. And you can also use PEP if a condom accident occurs. This is the kind of thing to discuss before having sex. It's certainly not easy and be prepared for some rejections, but there are some rational individual out there. Being in an open relationship, I meet new guys regularly (for sex, not dating), even negative guys in your age group. I have had many rejections, but also much success. It just takes a lot more work than it used to when I was negative.

If you are looking for someone to date and not just have sex like I am, this may be an opportunity to know them better, and delay your first sexual contact a bit, until after your disclosure if you don't do so at your first meeting.

Offline TheRoof

  • Member
  • Posts: 188
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #15 on: October 04, 2009, 05:49:38 PM »
Miss Philicia -- you're right.
One shouldn't have to feel sorry for themselves. Because in the end it's my responsibility to look out for myself. Definitely on point.

I'm 19. I thought about opening my age gap. I still think 27 years old is young. No doubt. Though  dating "older" men in their 30's isn't a comfortable situation to me be, because my parents themselves are still in their 30's, But I'm sure as I get older in my 20's the age gap will open, because there would be much more in common after college.

I guess what I am getting at is. Not even the dating thing is what is a worry to me per-se. Even finding a poz friend and not even a guy. A girl is not possible.


If one is to date a negative person. Anyone have any tips on how for that negative person to be more "responsive" about accepting the situation. I assume there would be rejection and success in both categories. Of course.


It definitely is one of those where you should not feel sorry for yourself, You have to try to make a change. Because whining about it is never going to do anything. Def. agree
« Last Edit: October 04, 2009, 06:02:04 PM by TheRoof »

Offline TheRoof

  • Member
  • Posts: 188
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #16 on: October 04, 2009, 05:52:49 PM »
I think you need to change your thinking a little bit. First, restricting your dating pool to positive men is not helping. Even if you were a little older and in another location, it would be very difficult.

One reason is that there is still a very strong stigma around HIV, unfortunately. Many poz men do not self-identify as such until after you have met them. So that makes it much harder to seek them out.

Also, about one quarter of the poz men do not even know they carry the virus, and thus won't be in the statistics. I'm sure it's more than 0% of your age group in Arizona, but they are just not reported because they don't get tested.

There is nothing wrong with meeting and having a relationship with negative men. Just be honest with them when you meet them and make sure to disclose before you have sex, and of course have safe sex.

The disclosure is of course the most difficult time, but don't be ashamed, and be prepared to offer information, since most negative people don't know about the specifics of the disease. All they see is a positive person that scares them, but that's not an accurate perception. If you are on medication and have low or undetectable viral load, risks of transmission are reduced. And you can also use PEP if a condom accident occurs. This is the kind of thing to discuss before having sex. It's certainly not easy and be prepared for some rejections, but there are some rational individual out there. Being in an open relationship, I meet new guys regularly (for sex, not dating), even negative guys in your age group. I have had many rejections, but also much success. It just takes a lot more work than it used to when I was negative.

If you are looking for someone to date and not just have sex like I am, this may be an opportunity to know them better, and delay your first sexual contact a bit, until after your disclosure if you don't do so at your first meeting.


hello roof,

miss p definitely hit the head on the nail. if i were you i'd consider dating a few negative men. or date an older man who is poz. the last option would be to form a long distance relationship with another younger individual. personally, i'd go for the first 2. as aaliyah said, age is only a number.

until you are more comfortable with your status the second option might be more to your liking. you would meet the majority of your criteria and not have to deal with the guilt factor. unfortunately love isn't this rational so you may have to bite the bullet on this one.

until this is resolved i see porn & therapy in your immediate future. and yes, this will be resolved. you are young and have a number of dating years ahead of you. dating may suck now, but it will get better. keep on looking. oh, and whoever you end up with, your age or not, poz or not, do not compromise your basic emotional  needs. if you find the one, don't let him be an ass because he meets the criteria. also, don't let a good one slip away because he doesn't meet the criteria. best of luck to you and keep us posted.

best,
d


Very Supportive. I truly appreciate this.
Everyone else too.
« Last Edit: October 04, 2009, 05:58:42 PM by TheRoof »

Offline c78

  • Member
  • Posts: 16
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #17 on: October 06, 2009, 05:09:46 PM »
I am going to be 20 soon, I feel that dating is the worst. I've pretty much have said to myself that I would only feel comfortable dating someone who is also +.
I would not feel comfortable dating someone who is negative even with protection. (It's just the guilt to me personally) So I try to find someone who is Positive. There is just more. In common of understanding this. Does it make sense a little bit.

It does make sense, and I can totally sympathize with you. I'm a bit older than you, at 30, but my partner is younger than me (24). He's negative, and we were together when I tested positive.

When I found out, I expected the worst, that he'd be terrified and leave me. I couldn't have been more wrong. Almost a year later, we're still together and doing well. He's been very supportive, and in fact has taken it all better than I have.

Two of my friends that are a couple have been together 14 years now, and one of the two found out he was positive (and likely had been for a very long time) about 3 years ago, and they continue to have a strong relationship.

So I guess all that is to say, don't feel hopeless. It may be a little more challenging finding the right person, but there are good people out there, and honestly, being in a relationship with someone who is negative makes me feel even better that they appreciate me for me, and are willing to be strong through whatever may come.

Offline mecch

  • Member
  • Posts: 11,768
  • red pill? or blue pill?
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #18 on: October 06, 2009, 05:46:28 PM »
I'm 19. I thought about opening my age gap. I still think 27 years old is young. No doubt. Though  dating "older" men in their 30's isn't a comfortable situation to me be, because my parents themselves are still in their 30's,

Wow, I feel so OLD!

now that I got that out of the way.

You know, I never said no to someone who was HIV+ if my heart said yes.  I think this is fairly common experience.  You might get some rejection if guys your age are just looking for something casual. Then again, you might not. Its also a good chance you'll stumble upon another young person who is HIV+ eventually, if you are open to dating or even just screwing around or having fun with people, and not "HIV STATUS".   You can't date HIV.   I would asumme there might be a few HIV+ around your campus and nobody is saying anything.

Just check out your state laws about sleeping with people with or without disclosing, by the way.
ďFrom each, according to his ability; to each, according to his needĒ 1875 K Marx

Offline TheRoof

  • Member
  • Posts: 188
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #19 on: October 07, 2009, 11:17:22 AM »
Yeah. I've practiced Celibacy for 13 months now. I mean at first it was difficult. Over time your mind gets used to the idea of it.
That isn't to say I will stay celibate forever. Just when the right person comes along.

Offline elf

  • Member
  • Posts: 612
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #20 on: October 08, 2009, 12:04:31 AM »
I am 28. I've practiced celibacy for 20 months now.
I've been positive for a year.

I don't know if I was infected 7 years ago (when the condom broke) or last year...
I had been scared for 6 years so I didn't get tested.

This is a quote from the movie White Oleander:
Quote
Loneliness is the human condition. No one is ever going to fill that space. The best you can do is know yourself...

This is how I reflected when I was healthy:
1. I could be with someone HIV+, I would love him and take care of him
2. I don't expect anyone to disclose me his HIV status on a date

Life is weird, all you have to do right now is be tough.

Hugs and kisses.
« Last Edit: October 08, 2009, 12:06:53 AM by elf »

Offline andysdaddy

  • Member
  • Posts: 15
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #21 on: October 08, 2009, 11:50:56 PM »
I have to say I agree with what many of the other people have already posted.  You're too young to let this one issue in your life "define" you & limit your choices so much.  Yes, it's a huge issue and dating someone that's also poz & close to your age might seem "ideal", but sometimes when you open yourself up to other options you might not have considered you're often pleasantly surprised by what you find.

I've just started dating a guy that's positive and I'm negative (he's 24 & I'm 37).  He tested positive when he was about your age now...just a week or so before his 21st birthday.  We're a bit of an "odd couple" and it surprises everyone that we're together, but I honestly think our differences bring out the best in each of us. 

Do you have many gay friends or are there any clubs in your area?  Obviously going out isn't the best place to look for a boyfriend, but if you start "getting out" and if you're open & honest about your status, you'll soon see that you're far from the only 20yo living with this in your area.  Everyone might not disclose it right away, but there are way more (unfortunately) than you might be immediately aware of.

Good luck...I hope you find what you're looking for...or at least something close to it.   ;)
- Joey

Offline TheRoof

  • Member
  • Posts: 188
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #22 on: October 09, 2009, 10:25:27 PM »
I have to say I agree with what many of the other people have already posted.  You're too young to let this one issue in your life "define" you & limit your choices so much.  Yes, it's a huge issue and dating someone that's also poz & close to your age might seem "ideal", but sometimes when you open yourself up to other options you might not have considered you're often pleasantly surprised by what you find.

I've just started dating a guy that's positive and I'm negative (he's 24 & I'm 37).  He tested positive when he was about your age now...just a week or so before his 21st birthday.  We're a bit of an "odd couple" and it surprises everyone that we're together, but I honestly think our differences bring out the best in each of us. 



 I never liked the whole "Older/Younger" thing. At least it would never work for me. Just because I am very authoritarian and I want to "Support" my significant other because I have a very steady income at the company that I work for. 
I mean I would date up to 27. Even 29 if they look great. But dating someone in their 30's isn't very comfortable to me. I find it very creepy. I mean, I'm just a kid.

Plus the fact that my parents are 39. It would feel like I would be dating my father.


Offline BlueMoon

  • Member
  • Posts: 665
  • Calling from the Fun House
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #23 on: October 09, 2009, 10:48:18 PM »
The pejorative terms I see in this thread, such as 'nasty old troll' and 'creepy', are uncalled for.

It's not that hard to state your preferences without making disparaging remarks about those who don't fit your profile.
...................VL.....CD4.....%
-----------------------------------------
08/10-- ......<40.....290.....42
05/10-- ......<48.....290.....46
02/10-- ......<48.....481.....44
10/09-- ......<48.....277.....46
07/09-- ......<48.....300.....38
05/09-- ........51.....449.....39
03/09-- Added Isentress
02/09-- ........65.....299.....34
11/08-- ........62.....242.....40
08/08-- ........66.....212.....29
05/08-- ......202.....217.....27
03/08-- ....5210.....187.....21
02/08-- Began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
12/07-- 273,000.....157.....22
11/07-- 229,000.....209.....22
10/07-- Diagnosis

It's a complex world.

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,141
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #24 on: October 09, 2009, 10:53:49 PM »
The pejorative terms I see in this thread, such as 'nasty old troll' and 'creepy', are uncalled for.

It's not that hard to state your preferences without making disparaging remarks about those who don't fit your profile.

As a 45 year old I was attempting to be self-deprecating with my troll comment.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline TheRoof

  • Member
  • Posts: 188
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #25 on: October 10, 2009, 01:11:32 PM »
The best bet is to find someone who is negative. To me it's more about the fear out of infecting someone even with a condom.

I know that the right sex-practices makes it hard to do. But if I ever was to infect someone, I don't know what I would do. (Saying I'm sorry, would never be enough to me personally)
Ugh I wish they would create a med where HIV could be killed off in the semen/pre-cum. lol That would be an accomplishment and would really lower transmissions to an ever bigger degree.  



« Last Edit: October 10, 2009, 01:40:14 PM by TheRoof »

Offline wow1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 208
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #26 on: October 10, 2009, 09:05:15 PM »
you know i totally get what you are saying ... i don't think you are wrong ... but i would like to give you something to think about ...

my dad and step mom (my good parents) have been married for 35 years ... they got married when she was 20 and he was 45 ... they are still married and have the best relationship in the world ... we are all jealous of it

i was diagnosed about 18 months ago and am in my late 30's ... my ex and i were the same age .. he lied to me and infected me with HIV ... after we broke up a guy in his mid 20's started asking me out ( we are 11 years apart) ... i felt like you do and wouldn't date him ... i had never seriously dated someone that much younger than me ... finally, he broke down my resistance and we went out .... it was a great first date and we are in our third year now ... he was there when i went in for my annual physical and came out in shock cause i had no clue i had HIV... my family adores him and his family adores me  ... he's negative and i'm positive and that is the smallest issue in our relationship ...

like all couples, our issues are who pays what bills; which family to spend the holidays with; cleaning the house, etc... but we have NEVER had an issue regarding HIV ...

again, i totally get where you are coming from and understand it ... the age thing can be an issue ... so go with what you believe is right, listen to your heart and don't put too much pressure on yourself ... you are only 20 ... you have a bright future i think :-)

Offline andysdaddy

  • Member
  • Posts: 15
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #27 on: October 10, 2009, 09:30:50 PM »
The best bet is to find someone who is negative. To me it's more about the fear out of infecting someone even with a condom.

I know that the right sex-practices makes it hard to do. But if I ever was to infect someone, I don't know what I would do. (Saying I'm sorry, would never be enough to me personally)
Ugh I wish they would create a med where HIV could be killed off in the semen/pre-cum. lol That would be an accomplishment and would really lower transmissions to an ever bigger degree.  


If the person that's negative knows up front about your status & you two are safe, if on the slight chance you were to infect him, it's nothing to be "sorry" about.  You know the risks & he knows the risks.  My bf & I are having some "issues" right now with being intimate, but if I were to get it I'd probably be mad at myself for slipping up, but I don't think I could ever be angry or blame him.  I know what I'm getting myself into & I'm prepared to deal with whatever the consequences might be if something were to happen one day (which, hopefully they won't!).
- Joey

Offline TheRoof

  • Member
  • Posts: 188
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #28 on: October 11, 2009, 12:22:35 AM »
Wow the last two posts are very insightful. Thank You So Much. The real life experiences mean so much to me. I really do appreciate you sharing.

This really made me feel a lot more at peace.

Offline dhivpol

  • Member
  • Posts: 61
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #29 on: October 11, 2009, 12:53:20 AM »
Hello,

I myself am 20 years old (was 19 when diagnosed) living in Florida (that should say it all). I just want to say, slow it down, I do not remember reading how long you have been "poz" but in due time, you will start meeting people (+ and -) who will accept you, well, for you. Basically I just focused on school, and poof I started meeting new friends who were poz, even people who were - who still wanted to talk with me. Life doesnt change much in the long run, except maybe a little meds.

I hope this helped a lil,

Email me ANYTIME if you need/want to talk.

:-D Talk to you later.
Live, Love, and be Happy.

Offline TheRoof

  • Member
  • Posts: 188
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #30 on: October 11, 2009, 12:00:56 PM »
Hello,

I myself am 20 years old (was 19 when diagnosed) living in Florida (that should say it all). I just want to say, slow it down, I do not remember reading how long you have been "poz" but in due time, you will start meeting people (+ and -) who will accept you, well, for you. Basically I just focused on school, and poof I started meeting new friends who were poz, even people who were - who still wanted to talk with me. Life doesnt change much in the long run, except maybe a little meds.

I hope this helped a lil,

Email me ANYTIME if you need/want to talk.

:-D Talk to you later.

I was basically 18 years old when diagnosed. I do agree the fact that life doesn't really change in the long run.

I'm on the same page as you at the moment. Just focusing on school. That type of stuff.  :)
« Last Edit: October 11, 2009, 12:07:59 PM by TheRoof »

Offline WildcatCC

  • Member
  • Posts: 91
Re: Young and having HIV
« Reply #31 on: October 13, 2009, 12:16:02 PM »
TheRoof, from what you have posted you sound like a mature 19 year old. I admire your courage in reaching out to get perspectives from people who may have been there/done that.

That being said, let me share something with you. My partner is neg. I'm poz. We've been together for 16 years. Yes, everytime we have sex, I internally worry that he might sero-convert. I always have and always will. That doesn't go away for me.

My partner is my soul mate, my best friend, my lover, my confident and my sounding board. He would be all these things no matter what the age difference is.

My point? By limiting yourself, you may end up not finding "the" right guy for you. It will be through trial and error, casting a wide net and finding that one fish who "gets" you. It very well may not be someone within your parameters. Keep an open mind. Lean into your discomfort. Cast that net a bit wider.
Apr  08 - Diagnosed
Apr  08  cd4 8, vl 150k
Meds: Prezista/Norvir/Truvada
June 08 cd4 250, vl 1600
Aug  08 cd4 275, vl 450
Meds: Atripla
Nov  08  cd4  386, vl 255
Jan   09  cd4  415, vl 2100 (spike?)
Feb   09  cd4 460, vl 212
May   09  cd4 515, vl 1200
Aug   09  cd4 717, vl 1535 % 23
Sept  09  cd4 535  vl 1710 % 18
Oct   09  genotype shows mutation. Discussing w/ ID Doc
Nov  09   cd4 480  vl 650   % 19
Dec  09 genotype slight mutation to Epivir and Retrovir
Jan 10   cd4 508 vl 250 (21%)  low vitamin d - on supplement 2000 iu/day
Mar 15 Change to Isentress and Truvada
May 5 cd4 498 vl 1485
June 16 cd4 550 vl undect!!!! (finally dammit)

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.