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Author Topic: What should i do?  (Read 1990 times)

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Offline Spirit

  • New Member
  • Posts: 2
What should i do?
« on: September 16, 2009, 10:59:41 PM »
Hello in a 25 yrs old. I've been poz for 7 yrs now and when i  first found out i was broken into pieces!! I couldn't believe cause i didn't think it would happen too me!! I got hiv from n EX BF..anyway i took my meds lived a healthy life..enjoyed life and had fun, Until 3 yrs ago i stopped taking my meds and if i was i would start and stop (which we all know its a bad thing)! well i just had my daughter who i 2yrs and i thank god that she doesn't have the disease!! I'm so lost because i don't take my pills anymore, I'm looking like I'm just wasting away. I just let my self go! I do want to live and be a mother to my daughter, but i can't i make excuses on why i can't take my pills. They r too big, i can't swallow, i get sick real bad!! I think it a mental thing!! So I'm asking everyone on here if they ever felt the same way i do now, and what should i do to get through this please!!
Spirit

Offline HollyStar

  • Member
  • Posts: 344
Re: What should i do?
« Reply #1 on: September 17, 2009, 01:22:31 AM »
Hello Spirit,

Well, I'm also a 25 year old female and I was diagnosed when I was 18. I was also infected by my BF, though he didn't know he was infected. We found out together. First of all, I just want to say how great it is that your daughter is negative, that must be a relief. I started meds several months ago. I was terrified to start. I just knew that I was going to get all of the worst side effects. I did have to change the meds eventually as they made me a bit loopy but I did find something that worked for me. We are all afraid of something and the medication was a big deal to me, until I got it through my head that these pills are what allows me to still be here. These pills allow me to keep singing, loving, crying, enjoy the sunshine and the smell of rain, all of the beautiful and darkest parts of life. With the good, must come the bad.

There is a way through this and you have come to the right place. Ya this disease sucks the big one! Every single person in this forum has felt like you, you are not alone. I'm not sure where you live but I would suggest contacting an ASO. They can connect you with all sorts of resources. It sounds like to me you could benefit from talking to a counselor, to let all of this out and get some tools to move forward and find ways of coping with the medication. I know it's rough. Just remember your daughter, she needs you.

Again, welcome to the forums and I hope to see you on here more often (((((((((HUGS)))))))))
Diagnosed  July 28th 2003

'I don't want to get to the end of my life and find that I just lived the length of it. I want to have lived the width of it as well.' -Diande Ackerman

'Why not go out on a limb? Isn't that where the fruit is?' -Frank Scully

'If your ship doesn't come, swim out to it.' - Jonathan Winters

Offline weasel

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,699
Re: What should i do?
« Reply #2 on: September 17, 2009, 05:31:25 AM »
Hi Spirit !
               HollyStar  is so right !

          Find a good councilor  to talk to !

         I have had  HIV  longer than  you have been alive !

           IT GETS BETTER !

        The new  drugs  WORK ! 

       It takes  some of us a LONG  time to deal  with  the HIV meds !

       START TAKING THEM !   

      You have a child !  What a great  gift from GOD !

       You must stay healthy for that child !

      No more excuses for NOT taking pills !   Just  swallow them !  they work !

   Life will soon  be good for you  again !

   Please do NOT give up on life because  of this awful  BUG ! 

    You rule  HIV  , It  does NOT   rule you !

                         Wishing You and you baby a wonderful  life !
" Live and let Live "

Offline BT65

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 10,050
Re: What should i do?
« Reply #3 on: September 17, 2009, 08:01:31 AM »
Spirit, I agree that you should talk with a therapist to work out your issues.  It's going to come down to you taking the meds, or start thinking about who you want to raise your daughter.  Sorry, but that's reality.  Good luck.
I've never killed anyone, but I frequently get satisfaction reading the obituary notices.-Clarence Darrow

Offline WillyWump

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,235
Re: What should i do?
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2009, 11:02:42 AM »
You need to get back on meds if not for yourself then for your daughter. You cant be greedy now you ahve to do it for her...please. She needs you.
Ive had a tough go with the meds also, but I have stuck with it and things are much better now. yes sometimes its hell but after being on anti nausea meds for 2 weeks now I am feeling great and looking at dropping the nausea meds. Talk to your Doctor about all the concerns/issues, I am sure they can help with getting you on a good regimin that will work for you.

-Will
POZ since '08

Last Labs-
11-6-14 CD4- 871, UD
6/3/14 CD4- 736, UD 34%
6/25/13 CD4- 1036, UD,
2/4/13, CD4 - 489, UD, 28%

Current Meds: Prezista/Epzicom/ Norvir
.

Offline mpositive

  • Member
  • Posts: 298
Re: What should i do?
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2009, 11:18:11 AM »
Spirit,

Go get those meds.  I am 42 and have this for a year now.  I am single and have no kids.  Not sure I ever will now.  You have your daughter and that is the biggest gift in the world!  Run to the doctor, get those meds that will keep you around a long long time!  Get those meds that will give your daughter her mother for a long time!  Get those meds so later on in life, you will be there to see her grow up and be as strong a woman as you are.
I hope I meet the right woman and have the opportunity that you do to raise a child. GO FOR IT!
Good luck and congrats on your motherhood.

:)
M

Offline BlueMoon

  • Member
  • Posts: 665
  • Calling from the Fun House
Re: What should i do?
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2009, 03:25:53 PM »
Spirit, how is your health?  Have you been seeing a doctor?

If not, then you should do that right away, and see where you stand with your health and your HIV.  And then yes, you should get back on meds, and yes you should do it for your daughter if not yourself.

I've always liked the following lines, from "Crown of Creation" --

New worlds to gain
My life is to survive
And be alive
For you
...................VL.....CD4.....%
-----------------------------------------
08/10-- ......<40.....290.....42
05/10-- ......<48.....290.....46
02/10-- ......<48.....481.....44
10/09-- ......<48.....277.....46
07/09-- ......<48.....300.....38
05/09-- ........51.....449.....39
03/09-- Added Isentress
02/09-- ........65.....299.....34
11/08-- ........62.....242.....40
08/08-- ........66.....212.....29
05/08-- ......202.....217.....27
03/08-- ....5210.....187.....21
02/08-- Began Truvada/Reyataz/Norvir
12/07-- 273,000.....157.....22
11/07-- 229,000.....209.....22
10/07-- Diagnosis

It's a complex world.

Offline johnk57

  • New Member
  • Posts: 2
Re: What should i do?
« Reply #7 on: September 17, 2009, 05:29:18 PM »
Hello in a 25 yrs old. I've been poz for 7 yrs now and when i  first found out i was broken into pieces!! I couldn't believe cause i didn't think it would happen too me!! I got hiv from n EX BF..anyway i took my meds lived a healthy life..enjoyed life and had fun, Until 3 yrs ago i stopped taking my meds and if i was i would start and stop (which we all know its a bad thing)! well i just had my daughter who i 2yrs and i thank god that she doesn't have the disease!! I'm so lost because i don't take my pills anymore, I'm looking like I'm just wasting away. I just let my self go! I do want to live and be a mother to my daughter, but i can't i make excuses on why i can't take my pills. They r too big, i can't swallow, i get sick real bad!! I think it a mental thing!! So I'm asking everyone on here if they ever felt the same way i do now, and what should i do to get through this please!!
there are new pills out that are smaller and no side efficks ask your DR. if he doe'nt know look for an other DR.

Offline Inchlingblue

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,119
  • Chad Ochocinco PETA Ad
Re: What should i do?
« Reply #8 on: September 17, 2009, 05:54:19 PM »
as johnk57 and others have said, there are some very good meds available these days that have virtually no side effects. I am on Isentress/Truvada and I am not experiencing any side effects at all, I feel totally healthy and fine.

What were you on before that you were not able to tolerate?

The important thing is that you have a good experienced HIV doctor to guide you. You owe it to yourself and to your daughter to get back on meds, don't be scared, it's very manageable as long as you don't allow your immune system to deteriorate too much and that means taking the meds.

Keep us posted.

Offline newt

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,886
  • the one and original newt
Re: What should i do?
« Reply #9 on: September 17, 2009, 07:37:16 PM »
Well the nub of this problem (if it is one) is..

do you wanna live? do you wanna see you daughter graduate? get married? have kids? ride a motor bike down the Big Sur and post the video diary on YouTube? enjoy a sunset by yourself? etc

You are a valid person. Meds are a tool, like glasses for driving, reading etc, you are a worthwhile person. Yes you are.

If you can eat a burger you can swallow meds, you can even put the meds in a burger and knock em back with a (root) beer. You can even give half the burger (without meds) to your daughter and share a joke or give her a hug.

What's it gonna be?

Meds are a choice, you don't have to do them, but there are good reasons for living, not least yourself and your family in yours owns rights.

The past is the past, right? We all fuck up and make mistakes. But (as a rich man sed*) every life is equal.

And yes I have felt the same way, often.

- matt


* Bill Gates

edited for extra "r"
« Last Edit: September 17, 2009, 07:47:15 PM by newt »
"The object is to be a well patient, not a good patient"

Offline Spirit

  • New Member
  • Posts: 2
Re: What should i do?
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2009, 05:21:18 PM »
I want to thank everyone for the support!!! Yes i do want to live n see my daughter grow up and see her graduate high school and have kids of her own! Yes maybe i do need someone to talk to, everyone made great points(facts) on here and I'm just overwhelmed with all the support on here, that i am in tears ;) I met new friends that's going through what I'm going through with HIV! I was on epizcom and reyataz..i became resistant and i was taking 3 pills once a day.. Now I'm taking epizcom, lexiva ad isentress n 4 pills in the morn and 3 pills at night! My health is down hill, but I'm not going to give up now!! Like i said it's a mental thing..that i have to get through this especially my daughter, in which I'm going to fight to do what have to do in order for my daughter to have mother!!!!!!
Spirit

Offline Dale Parker

  • Member
  • Posts: 266
Re: What should i do?
« Reply #11 on: September 19, 2009, 04:47:05 PM »
Hey Sprit glad that you are feeling better. Besides talking to a counselor may be you could talk to your doctor about getting your meds changed so you don't have to take so many pills a day. Although it's important to do it for your kid it's even more important that you do it for yourself.  You will feel a lot better.
It doesn't matter how old your kid is be it 5 or 65 they still need their mother.
take care
Dale
Apr 09  CD4 21, CD4/CD8 ratio 0 VL 500,000+
July 09 CD4 158, CD4/CD812% VL 750
Oct 09 CD4 157 CD4/CD8 14% VL UD
Feb 10 CD4 197, CD4/CD8 11% VL UD
May 10  CD4 252 CD4/CD8 12% VL UD
Aug 10 CD4 211 VL UD
Nov 10 CD4 272 CD4/CD8 0.138 VL UD

 


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